This…this was how things should be, all the time. This was how my life should be: me, my mate, nothing else. Just us, lost in each other.
We stayed like that for a long while, neither one of us moving to take off any clothes. Unlike Jonas, I was a man of my word. But when she brought up kissing, how the hell was I supposed to say no?
Holly had me wrapped around her finger, and she hadn’t even shifted yet. I could only imagine the lengths I would go to keep her happy once she was shifted and she was mine.
Chapter Sixteen – Holly
Tonight was the night. I’d steered clear of Jonas the days following the incident, and Aster and Nikolas had taken off time to be with me. I was either with one or the other, which was more than fine. It got my mind off the impending race, and what would happen after.
What really got me, though, was that no matter how much time I spent with Aster, he would not kiss me. He’d look at me, sure. Send me hard, lustful looks of wanting, but he never tried to kiss me, even though I said it was okay, even though I was sure Nikolas had told him what happened.
Aster, I guess, was trying to be a gentleman. Which was fine. Gentlemen were nice, but here it felt almost out of place, like he was trying to be something he wasn’t. Once I was shifted, once I lay before him, ready for him to claim me, surely his inner animal would come out.
It was just a few hours before nightfall, when the race would start, and I was at Nikolas and Aster’s house. They had a TV, but it didn’t have many channels. They claimed they were usually at work, so having a nice cable subscription wasn’t high on their list of priorities. I understood, but still. Something was going to have to change around here. I needed TV like I needed air. I blamed that pesky human upbringing.
Nikolas was in the shower, rinsing himself clean from the day’s work—they worked at a bar, so I could only imagine the grease and alcohol that got on them—while Aster and I sat in the living room. I liked being in their house. It was bigger, more of a house than a cabin in the wilderness. Real furnishings that didn’t look hand-carved. I did make them turn the heat up, though.
The cold. I honestly didn’t ever think I’d get used to the freezing-cold chill of this place.
A whole cushion separated Aster and me, and I kept tossing him looks. I couldn’t find anything good to watch on the TV, and my nerves were as good as shot. I couldn’t stop thinking about tonight, about what would happen.
I’d shift, be claimed, and then, after our animals got it on, taken back to whoever’s house and mated with.
Of course I was nervous. Who wouldn’t be? This was basically my whole reason for existing, why I was here, what I had to do in order to help Lumi. This was what I was bred for, in other words. Humans liked to think there were other reasons for existing, but when you got down to it, there was just one: procreation. The survival of the species. The furthering of your race. There wasn’t anything more important, more instinctual, than mating and raising children.
Even if, you know, some humans were bad at it, or if some humans didn’t want to. As a whole, it was how a species worked, even if every member of the species didn’t follow that path. Nature would win out.
I’d be lying if I said this was all about Lumi, though. At first, it definitely was. I had no connection to these guys, and I honestly didn’t know whether there would even be one. But now? Now there was one, as strange and inexplicable as it was. I liked Nikolas and Aster. Jonas…I was still a bit wary when it came to that one, but the attraction was there.
Oh, yeah. I was attracted to them all. Attraction wasn’t the issue. My nerves were mostly concerned about who would win and have the right to claim me.
The right. Ugh. I hated using words like that, as if I was some prize to be won. It sucked, but that’s what being a female shifter in this world meant. Some females, I knew, weren’t so lucky. Some females were stuck with males who kept them as brood mothers, not caring about their welfare at all, save for the cubs or pups they could pump into them. I’d gotten lucky. Very, very lucky.
Aster let out a cough, and I turned to look at him. “Nervous?” he asked, already knowing the answer. Or he should, given how fidgety I was, how I couldn’t sit still. Also how I looked like I wanted to throw up.
Or at least I assumed I looked like that, because I sure as shit felt like upchucking.
I nodded. “Are you?”
He gave me a dimpled grin, but I could tell it was a bit strained. “Not at all. Me, nervous? That’s just…that’s…” Aster couldn’t figure out what to say next, so he just quieted, and I watched him with a budding feeling in my heart.
He was cute. Only a few years older than me, the closest one to my age. Aster wasn’t like his brother or like Jonas. He was…God, the only word that I could think of was cute. Felt a little high school, but there it was. If I would’ve seen Aster walking the halls of my high school, I definitely would’ve crushed—and I didn’t crush on anyone. Humans, you know. Not my thing.
“You’re nervous,” I said, leaning over the cushion between us to give him a nudge. I couldn’t stop the giggle from rising in my throat, nor could I stifle it before it came out. Aster shot me a shocked look, as if he couldn’t believe I had the audacity to laugh at him.
Yeah, like I said, he was cute.
“Don’t be nervous,” I said, still leaning closer to him. God, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to…well, be with him. Aster was the fastest of the three, so we all couldn’t help but assume he’d win. He’d win, have the right to claim me. If he couldn’t even kiss me now, how the hell was he going to claim me?
“I should be the one reassuring you,” Aster muttered, clearly unhappy with the situation.
I laughed again. I couldn’t help it. I was nervous, yes, but focusing on Aster and how he looked like he wanted to be sick was a good distraction from the night’s future events. I wasn’t going to think about how much my life was going to change after today. Nope. I would zero in on Aster and try to butter him up, especially since he was the quickest leopard in the group.
“You don’t have to reassure me,” I told him.
He eyed me up, probably because I’d scooted closer to him, now sitting on the cushion directly beside him.
“I’m comfortable with you,” I told him, not lying in the slightest. “If you win, I don’t want you to feel awkward about what you’ll have to do.” Setting a hand on his arm, I watched him tense a bit.
Aster was nervous, wasn’t he? Hopefully he wouldn’t be so nervous that he’d freeze like a deer in headlights. Hopefully this nervousness wouldn’t affect the race’s outcome. This man had to believe in himself, and he had to know that I was okay with him winning—not only okay, but actually looking forward to it.
If I had to choose who my first time was with, I’d choose Aster. He seemed like he’d take good care of me, make sure it didn’t hurt, be attentive in all the ways that counted. You couldn’t blame a girl for wanting that, could you?
“I know,” he said, clearly sounding like he didn’t know that. “I’ve just…I’ve never done this before.”
Smiling, I asked, “A race, or a claiming?”
“Both,” he said. Tossing a quick look at me, he added, “I mean, I’ve raced before, but not in a race that mattered so much. And as for the claiming part…I, uh…” Aster scratched the back of his head, his light amber eyes dancing with worry. “I’ve never done anything like that, either.”
“Of course you haven’t.”
Aster closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling a deep breath before turning towards me. The hand I had on his arm fell to my lap, and he was slow to take it, running a thumb over my knuckle. “That’s…not exactly what I mean.”
I blinked. “Then what do you mean?”
It was at that moment when the bathroom door opened. Though he was about thirty feet away, he must’ve heard the conversation, for Nikolas shouted, “He means he’s never had sex before.” He poked his head out of the bathroom, and as the steam drifted out,
he and Aster shared a look.
Nikolas’s look read: smug and amused. Aster’s read: shocked, disgruntled, and slightly annoyed.
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ve never done it, either.” Having a virgin as a mate…it was kind of calming, in a way, knowing one of the guys was in the same boat as I was. Or at least, partially the same boat.
As Nikolas disappeared back in the bathroom, Aster lowered his voice, “Yeah, but I feel like…I don’t know. There’s a double standard for guys, you know, to be the experienced one. I’m…not.” His shoulders shrugged. He was the leanest out of my mates, but his body was defined in all the ways that counted. “I don’t want to disappoint you, or do it wrong, or badly—”
I had the feeling that if I let him keep talking, he would talk until the sun went down and the race began. Aster would get so lost in his head that he’d sabotage himself, and that was something I couldn’t let happen.
If Aster sabotaged himself, he’d never forgive himself. He’d hate himself for not giving the race his all.
Besides, being claimed by a virgin…it was kind of fitting, in a way. It would make me feel more at ease, knowing we were both fumbling along, doing our best.
“Aster,” I whispered his name, stopping him from going on and on, “everything will be fine. Stop worrying.”
Nikolas emerged from the hall, having changed into clean clothes—jeans and a sweater. “Yeah, Aster. Everything will be fine,” he repeated my words. “If you suck, you can just keep practicing until you get better.” He said it so matter-of-factly, so confidently.
I couldn’t help but stare at Aster, feeling my cheeks redden. I wasn’t the only one embarrassed by what Nikolas said, for Aster’s cheeks grew flushed, too.
“Do you guys want something to eat?” Nikolas asked.
“I’m not really hungry,” Aster muttered, moving his hand off mine.
I simply shook my head, knowing nothing I’d try to eat would stay down. I was too anxious, more anxious than I was when I had to fly out here all by myself. I’d learned my lesson about eating when something momentous was about to happen. No more getting sick for me if I could help it.
Nikolas opted for an energy bar. It looked like cardboard, and I wondered if it tasted like cardboard, too. He had been slowly chipping away at his time, shaving off a few seconds here and there. It was clear he wanted to try to win, but he was also more than happy to secede to his brother. Jonas, I knew, was the one he wouldn’t be happy to lose to, but I didn’t think we had to worry much about that. I didn’t think Jonas had been practicing at all.
Time seemed to crawl slowly, but time refused to stop for anyone. The sun descended in the sky, and it was as twilight crept along the earth that Nikolas grabbed his coat. He stood near the front door, shrugging it on. “I’ll go heat up the car for you,” he said, grabbing his keys and heading out.
Aster and I were much slower in getting to our feet. We’d held hands the whole time, and when his hand finally released mine, I couldn’t help but feel its loss. Touching him was comforting, made me feel…more at ease, like I could face what this night would bring me.
I had to. There was no other choice.
I got my big, puffy coat on, wondering if I’d need it after I shifted, and I watched Aster slip on his boots and do the same. When he noticed I watched him, he gave me a soft smile. Dimple-less, a serious smile. There was a lot riding on tonight. I just hoped he knew that I didn’t think less of him just because he was a virgin. If anything, it made me like him even more. I didn’t want to think about my mates with any other woman, anyway. After tonight, they were mine.
And if I ever got wind that they were with another woman after tonight…
Well, I had the feeling I wouldn’t be a meek little mate anymore. If they chose to disrespect me, I wouldn’t sit idly by. No. That was the one thing I wouldn’t allow. They could dominate me, make me do whatever they wanted, but they would not crawl from another woman’s arms into mine.
Aster and I went outside, and I climbed into the backseat of the black SUV. Nikolas shot me a look, his blue eyes clouding over with something I couldn’t name. Anticipation? Excitement? A strange mix of both?
Tonight was the night everything was set to change.
Nikolas drove to Jonas’s place, and I peered out of the window, gazing up at the sky. Clouds had arrived to block out the moon and the stars, to make the twilight seem darker. It was as Nikolas parked in front of the garage at Jonas’s that snow started to fall.
The weather was certainly ominous, wasn’t it?
I was slow to get out, and Aster responded by leaping from the car to open my door for me. We met stares as I climbed out, and I felt my heart do a flip. Or two. Or maybe even three. I couldn’t control that thing in my chest any more than I could control the way I longed for these guys.
Aster glanced to the front door on the cabin, asking, “Should we—” He needn’t have said anything more, for it was at that exact moment that Jonas emerged, wearing nothing but a t-shirt, boots and jeans. No jacket, because he was better than that.
And he was.
I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t long for that one, too. I hadn’t seen him in a few days, and when his tall, gruff self made an appearance, I couldn’t help but stop breathing. His intense stare fell on me instantly, and I warmed in places that should’ve been cold due to the weather outside. Jonas’s normally gruff face was clean-shaven, his square jaw out in the open, ready to kill.
Somehow, I had the feeling his shaven appearance wasn’t a good one. Somehow, deep down, I just knew. I knew what that clean jaw meant, and my stomach twisted into a thousand knots when I realized it.
Jonas was actually going to try. This race just might be anyone’s game.
Chapter Seventeen – Aster
The four of us walked to the lake, a world of night around us. I had my hands in my jacket’s pockets, feeling the need to fiddle with them. I didn’t want to be nervous, but I was. How could I not be, when the winner of this race would get to claim Holly and make her theirs first? I wanted…well, I wanted a lot of things, but Holly was number one. If I only had her for the rest of my life, I’d be fine.
No, more than fine. I’d be great. I’d have the best mate any leopard could’ve ever asked for.
Damn it. I wanted to win this. I wanted to be the victor, to prove that I was at least somewhat capable. I might not be the most intimidating male specimen out there, but I wanted—no, I craved to win for Holly.
I tossed a look at my brother. Nik was quiet, pensive, his jaw clamped shut. His eyes were straight ahead, on the lake just fifty feet in front of us. We were so out in the wilderness that we weren’t worried about anyone stumbling across us. No one trespassed on Jonas’s property; everyone in town knew to stay away from him unless approached by the man himself.
Nik was…a good guy. He cared a lot about me, and I could tell Holly was worming her way into his heart, too. If we were like wolves, he’d be the alpha, the one in charge. The one who put the pack’s welfare above his own. Alas, we were not wolves, we were leopards, and our hierarchy was…much more complicated.
Take the Pride, for example. The Pride was, simply, the Pride. I didn’t think they were made up of just snow leopards, either. All cat shifters were rare, and sticking together seemed as good of an idea as any. We might not have alphas, but we had an organization that told us what to do, where to live, who to mate with.
If I lost this race, I wanted Nik to win. Nik was the only one I’d be okay with losing to. I knew I would take care of her as best as I could, but I also knew Nik would, too. Jonas…he would be far too rough with her. Holly deserved a nice first time, not complete domination.
Holly let out a soft sigh as we came upon the lake, and all three of us stopped and looked at her. Each of us wore a different expression. Jonas’s was definitely the most animalistic, the most primal. Mine, I hoped, was one of caring, while Nik’s was an expression of eagerness. We were all ready for this ra
ce to begin, and to have it end. No more uncertainty. After tonight, she would be ours in body and soul.
“Holly will be the starting line,” Nik spoke, breaking the silence of the air. The cool wind lapped at our faces. “And the finish line. Is everyone okay with that?” He knew I’d be; the question was mainly meant for Jonas.
Jonas nodded, as did Holly.
Nik’s eyes lingered on Holly before he said, “Then let’s shift.” He started to shrug off his jacket, then his boots, setting them in a pile. After taking off his shirt, he shifted as he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, stepping out of the clothes with a shake of his back legs.
I did the same, shaking out my fur coat once I was shifted. Feeling the snow beneath my paws was something indescribable. Holly wouldn’t know what being attuned to nature felt like, but it was amazing. Like the skin we wore as humans wasn’t how we were supposed to be. This was what we were supposed to be—animals, wild and free.
My head hung low to the ground, though I met eyes with Holly. She’d watched both Nik and I shift with a curious expression on her face. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn’t. I was too busy darting my eyes to Jonas, who stood there, motionless, gazing at Holly as if he’d already partaken in the race and won.
His eyes ate her up, threatening to drown her. I did not particularly like the way he stared at her, so I let out a puff of a growl, my chest constricting with the noise.
Jonas’s gaze moved to me, and he scowled. He kicked off his boots, barefoot in the snow. With one hand, he tugged off his shirt, revealing his bare chest, and all the scars lining it. I glared at him as much as I could, given my shifted state, watching as he was ungodly slow in pulling down his pants.
The bastard was dragging this out, and the longer he dragged it out, the more I felt…antsy. Unnerved. Like my body was on fire with anticipation.
Promised to the Pride: A Shifter Romance Page 11
