I wasn’t good with words; they’d been cut out of me at a young age, replaced with poison and unwavering anger. That was all I’d known until that day in the library when I saw Maddy. Finally, after all these years of loneliness and contempt, replaced by hope. Until I ruined it. Every night I would close my eyes and see the pain and shame replacing the warmth and kindness in hers.
“Nice to see things never change.” Tammy’s voice barged into my space, clearing me from the fog taking over in my mind.
“So they sprung you from the nut house?” I asked, walking to her to give her a hug. It’d been ninety days since I’d last seen my sister. After the alcohol and Rohypnol poisoning, my parents had sent her to this fancy Beverly Hills detox center. Apparently, Tammy had been on a cocktail of pain meds and booze for almost six months. Something that everyone had been too busy to see until that night.
“It was a rehabilitation center. Thank you very much.” Tammy walked over to my fridge, helping herself to a bottle of water. “You gonna come to the house for dinner tonight?”
“Monica told me about her little get together.”
“I need you there, Ky, please.” She pouted while batting her eyelashes.
“That shit won’t work on me. But I’ll be there for you.”
“Thanks, Ky. Hey, have you seen Maddy around?” At the sound of Maddy’s name, my heart started thundering in my chest.
“Not since the night you were taken to the hospital,” I lied, not wanting my sister to know that all I had been doing was stalking Maddy like a fuckin lunatic.
“What’s going on between you two, anyway?”
“Nothing. She’s Monica’s pet project kid.”
My sister stared at me, her eyes ice cold and calculating. “Kyler, why are you lying?” She walked over to me, resting her hand on my arm. “It’s ok to be happy. I miss your smile. I miss you. I haven’t seen that kid in a long time. The fun, easygoing guy who was fun and funny. I see a glimpse of him when she’s around. She makes you better.” She whacked me on the arm when she felt like things might have been getting a little too intense. “Don’t be an idiot.”
She leaned in and for a moment the panic ran through me before she stopped and walked out, leaving me alone with all these feelings. I needed to see Madison. My sister was right; she was the only thing that made it all bearable.
Nothing had been bearable for eight years.
17
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
Madison
“Don’t forget dinner at the main house. Please be there at six and don’t be late,” Mom yelled as she was heading out the door.
“That’s in thirty minutes. Ever heard about giving a girl a warning?” I hollered back, jumping off the couch to run to the closet. I really didn’t want to be forced in the same room as Kyler, but I also didn’t want to not be there for Tammy. This was her first dinner with everyone since she had come back from the treatment center. I felt bad that I didn’t attempt to stay in better contact with her, but then again I really didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I stared at my boring clothing, trying to figure out what would be appropriate for a dinner at the Sinclair manor. I was sure they would all be dressed to the nines and my mother and I would just stand out as we always did here.
I finally settled on wearing what I always did, jeans and a warm winter sweater. Walking over to the main house, I passed Kyler’s pool house and was tempted to knock on the door. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to see him after the way he treated me, but that song list he sent made me feel like maybe he needed to explain his behavior. He owed me at least that. But my own pride wouldn’t allow me to make the first move. Those three songs weren’t good enough; I deserved more. Pulling my coat tighter against me, I walked on, ignoring the tiny twinge in my heart.
When I got to the house, my mom and Monica were already placing plates and food on the table. I wondered why the serve staff wasn’t there: usually, Monica just came down once everything was already in place. I was shocked that she even knew how to set a table. Mom smiled when she saw me.
“Come on in and help us, Maddy. Don’t just stand there like a bump on a log.”
I walked over and started to place the cutlery where it belonged, folding napkins beside each plate. Monica walked up to the intercom and called upstairs to Tamlin.
“Tammy is on her way down. Edward won’t be joining us, unfortunately. He has an important meeting in the city.” I’d noticed that Monica and Edward didn’t act like my parents had. My dad was constantly rubbing up against my mom and kissing her every single chance he got, they acted like a couple of teenagers. Monica and Edward were cold and distant, more polite than anything else. Monica actually seemed more alive when her husband wasn’t around than when he was.
“Maddy!” Tammy called, rushing towards me, her arms open wide. I hugged her, so happy to see how well she looked. The last time I saw her she was lifeless and limp and now she was vibrant, the color back in her cheeks. She looked really good, she looked healthy and happy. “It’s so good to see you,” she said, giving me a final squeeze before letting go.
“You too. Are you starting classes soon?”
Something must have been wrong with my question; maybe it was my timing, because both my mom and Monica stopped what they were doing and stared at us nervously. My mom was ringing her hands, twirling her fingers continuously while Monica was fidgeting with a knife and fork, almost as if she didn’t know what they were used for.
“I sure am. I’ve managed to keep up while at rehab.” She then glanced at her mom and quickly added, “There is no need to worry. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Let’s just go on like normal. Okay?” Monica nodded her head and smiled sweetly. Before anyone could say anything, Kyler appeared, looking cool and unaffected just like always. I cast my eyes down, scared of looking at him after our last interaction.
“Kyler, it’s lovely that you could join us,” Monica said. “Please, everyone sit down. Tonight will be self-serve, I’m afraid.” We all sat down at the extensive table, Kyler just standing there until everyone was seated. “Kyler, please sit.” Monica gestured to the seat closest to Kyler. He ignored her suggestion and went around the table, taking the seat beside mine. Everyone traded looks with their eyebrows raised and their lips turned up into a sly smile. Kyler ignored them, just as he tended to ignore most things around him.
“So, Madison, how are you finding my alma mater, Black Mountain Academy? It’s a lovely campus, isn’t it? We earmarked an endowment a while back specifically for landscaping--I find it impossible to learn anything new if I’m not inspired by my surroundings,” Monica bubbled as she passed me the mashed potatoes.
“I’m really enjoying my classes,” I said, keeping the content light. “And I never imagined a high school could be so pretty.”
“The kids chosen to attend Black Mountain Academy aren’t just high-schoolers, Madison; they’re the future leaders of America. Every one of them was hand-selected for their potential, and the academy does its best to live up to that standard of limitless potential we see in its students.” Monica took a pristine bite of her food.
“Or their rich parents buy them in,” Kyler said.
The table fell silent, no one speaking or saying anything. Growing up, during dinner I was used to music blaring from my father’s record player and jokes and conversation flowing constantly between the three of us. Dinner in the manor felt foreign and forced. I felt uncomfortable and completely out of place. I looked up from my plate and noticed Kyler leaning back in his chair, gazing at me. His blue eyes completely captivating and inviting, yet harboring an undefined edge.
“So, Tammy, are you excited to get back in the swing of things?” I asked, my nerves getting the better of me. I needed something to break both his intense stare and the still silence taking over the room.
“I can’t wait, actually. I’m switching academic focus to charitable g
iving in order to prepare for a gap year after graduation. Then university abroad after that.” Tammy said, her eyes fixated on her mother. Probably trying to gauge her thoughts based on a reaction.
Monica was cool, unaffected, and incredibly collected. She dabbed the napkin on her lips and smiled sweetly. “Well, we can certainly talk about that, dear. Maybe when we don’t have guests.”
“Sure, Mom. Whatever you say,” Tammy said, her fingertips dancing back and forth around the rim of her glass.
By the time dinner ended, silence still suffocating me--or maybe it was Kyler’s intense sideways looks in my direction--I eagerly shot up to help Tammy clear the table, thankful for something to do.
“Maddy, can I talk to you for a minute?” Kyler said, leaning casually against the wall.
“Um, I’m helping Tammy right now.” I refused to look at him, even though every part of me compelled me to.
“I’m fine, Maddy, go ahead.” Tammy shot me a sympathetic smile.
“She can do the dishes alone, better yet, save it for the staff--”
“I’m not letting her do the dishes alone. If it’s really that important, I’m sure you have the patience to wait.” I started the hot water, thankful when it drowned out his reply. I couldn’t take the chance of glancing over my shoulder. If I saw him standing there glaring at me one more time, I couldn’t be held accountable for the harm I might do him.
“He’s such an asshole sometimes,” Tammy breathed at my shoulder.
“Sometimes?” I sighed, slipping my hands in the soapy warm water, thankful for the relief the familiar chore brought me.
“He’s right though, you know, we could just leave the dishes for the staff.” I could hear the tired edge in Tammy’s voice.
“You should go lay down, you’ve had a long day. I’ve got this, Tammy.”
“Really? I mean...I don’t mind--”
“I insist, get some rest. I like doing the dishes.” That wasn't a lie; I’d been doing them at my mom’s hip since the time I was old enough to balance on a stepstool. That’s when we usually did our best talking--over a sink of soapy water.
“You’re amazing, Maddy. I missed you so much.” She hugged me quickly, before stifling a yawn and sneaking out of the back hallway to the stairs that led to her bedroom.
As my hands cleaned the soapy dishes one by one, my mind wandered off into the future, what life would look like at the manor for me and my mom. Was this really our new home? Could I stand to live in such close proximity to the grouchiest person I’d ever met? A shiver shuddered down my spine when I thought of future holidays with Kyler staring daggers into me.
“You could have just used the dishwasher, dear. It’s top of the line, it’ll have those dishes washed and sanitized quicker than any human alive.” Monica placed a hand on my shoulder.
“I don’t mind, it warms my hands up in winter,” I offered.
“It has been chilly lately, hasn’t it?” Monica’s eyes drifted out the window.
“I wish I knew what to do about Kyler. We have tried everything, and yet he is so intent on making everyone near him completely miserable. I’m sorry he’s made all this hard on you. I was at a loss when we got the call from his boarding school that he was no longer welcome--the reason he was there to begin with was for...extra attention.” She twisted a lock of hair with one finger, disappointment watering her eyes. “He’s my first born, I love him more than anything, but I can hardly stand to be around him most days.”
I frowned, heart aching as I felt her own pain for her brooding son.
“I wanted to fight them when they insisted he repeat most of his senior year--he’s too damn smart for them to begin with. I’m convinced he's just bored, making trouble for his own amusement, but the system just wasn’t built for boys like him.”
I barely contained a half-smile when she referred to Kyler as a boy. He was nineteen, towered over all of the other seniors and the way he dominated a room with just one look made him all man. At least from where I was standing.
“Well,” I rinsed the last serving platter under the warm stream of water and then dried it with a towel, “that’s it for the dishes. I think I’m going to turn in early tonight. I’ve just started this new book I can’t put down.”
By the time my eyes found Monica’s, they’d already drifted across the kitchen, her hands working at a bottle of amber cognac.
“I’ll be in my room if you need anything, Mom.” I kissed her cheek softly before moving silently out of the kitchen and towards the grand entrance. My eyes searched the shadows for Kyler’s lurking form, heart pummeling my chest at the thought of bumping into him again. Or not bumping into him.
It was true, I’d been trying to avoid him for months now, but that didn’t mean he’d escaped my mind. Even when I wasn’t in his presence, I could often feel his eyes on me in a crowd, tremors of awareness so earth shaking he might as well have been there.
I opened the entryway doors, the chilly blast of winter air meeting my skin as a sigh of relief hummed through me. I’d dodged Kyler. So far, so good. I hopped down the steps, a smile on my face and feet light beneath me, when around a heavy column a figure appeared.
The edge of my foot hit the step wrong, surprise throwing me off balance and straight into the arms of my worst nightmare.
“Whoa, falling for me so soon?” The graveled edge of his voice sent stubborn arousal coursing through me.
“Not over my dead body,” I hissed, pushing out of his arms and righting myself on a gnarly patch of ice. I slipped on my second step, hand thrusting out to grab the only steady object--Kyler’s shoulder. “Shit.”
“Easy, little mouse, why the rush?”
To escape the company.
“No rush,” I lied and continued to walk, determined to put distance between us.
“Well.” He caught up to me easily, snatching my hand in his and threading our fingers for a brief moment. A brief moment that halted me in my tracks. “I waited to talk to you.”
“So…” I looked up at the popcorn clouds filling the gray sky. “You should get an award?”
He huffed, shifting on his feet a moment before clearing his throat. “I just thought there were some things that needed saying between us.”
“Oh,” I finally leveled him with my eyes, “you did?”
Anger was simmering through me then, the need to tell him off or punch his teeth out for being so damn angry all the time sending me into my own rage.
I hated that he had such control over my emotions.
“Well, you’ve been avoiding me for months, I figure that must mean something is on your mind.”
“I’ve been avoiding you?” I squared on him, planting my feet under me so a rogue patch of ice didn’t take me out just when I was getting heated. “How about you were an epic jerk to me, so I finally wised up and found some new friends?”
“Friends? Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy don’t count.” His grin twisted as he rattled the names of the characters from Little Women.
I crammed down on my jaw, realizing he must have been watching me at some point--he was right--most of my new friends were in books the last few months, but only because I was crap at meeting new people outside of class and the library. “What’s it to you?”
“Because I want to be your friend,” he stated, matter-of-factly, as if I should have known by the way he’d been treating me lately.
I shook my head, a wry laugh escaping my lips as I began the walk back to the guesthouse. “You’re certifiable, Sinclair.”
“As you keep saying.” Kyler fell in step at my side. Silence shrouded us, my mind humming with the reasons he could really be here.
“Look.” I finally reached the stoop of the guesthouse. He followed me, but paused just inside the threshold. “Just because you sent me three songs, doesn't make us best friends. It just doesn't. Life doesn't work that way. Hearts don’t work that way. Sometimes, I see something sweet in you, and it gets me. It gets me every time. But then you sa
y something awful and I’m reminded how truly miserable you make me feel on a regular basis. I don’t need friends like that.”
It was Kyler’s turn to stand silently, eyes heavy with emotion as he took me in. I swallowed, feeling his gaze on me as if I was standing in range of a wildfire.
“Mad--” He stepped closer, eyes darting down to my lips, something behind his eyes looking like he was warring with himself. “I--” He thrust a hand through his hair. “I know I don’t deserve anyone’s friendship, really. I get that.” His gaze shot to his feet, his teeth nibbling on the ring in his lower lip and making me feel all sorts of ways I shouldn't for him.
I was supposed to be mad. Angry. Irate, even.
“But it took being without you the last few months to realize I’m better when you’re around.”
I arched an eyebrow, shock showing on my face. “Are you shitting me with this?”
He shook his head, eyes finally landing on mine. “Not for a minute. I like the person I am around you.”
I sucked in an annoyed breath, turning to break his gaze. I stomped off down the small hallway, unable to process my thoughts any longer in regards to Kyler Sinclair.
I turned into my room, flopping face first on my bed without a second thought.
“So this is where you’ve been spending all your time?”
I was surprised to hear his rich voice behind me.
“I thought etiquette implied when I stomped away, you should let yourself out quietly.” Sarcasm bled through the pillow covering my face.
“I don’t do etiquette.” His voice moved closer, sending twinges of awareness through my body. “Plus, you’re living under my roof, technically speaking.” I felt the bed move as it took his weight.
Ruthless: Black Mountain Academy Page 7
