“But—”
He closed his lips over hers before she could utter another word. A pointless denial. Because what he said was soul-deep true. It might have been too hard to see when they first crossed paths in New Hampshire, but it was crystal clear now.
When her lips softened beneath his, he deepened the kiss, wishing he could scoop her off the horse and show her just how much she meant to him. To caress and worship her body until his love was imprinted in her skin, her every pore, down to the deepest part of her. But he couldn’t with her so newly taken, so he ended the kiss before it went too far.
“I’m okay,” she whispered, following his thoughts. “I’m not sore...maybe because of my magic.”
Even so, he wouldn’t take her out in the middle of nowhere on a blustery day.
“Why, when I’m fairly certain you wanted to take me in Ireland against our tree.” She searched his eyes, remembering, seeking understanding. “Your Fianna warrior, you, wanted to take the druidess's, my virginity, but I feared...not the act itself but what it might mean.”
“We were torn,” he murmured. “You were torn.”
“Why, though?” She shook her head. “Obviously, I would’ve lost power, but why did I want to hold onto it beyond being there for woodland creatures? While, yeah, that’s a good reason, obviously there’s more to it because you said I could still communicate with and protect them. So losing my virginity shouldn’t have been that catastrophic. Especially not if it kept me safe and with you.”
“Aye,” he agreed. “From the sounds of it, though, it had more to do with you distrusting my Fianna brother.” He frowned, trying to understand as well. Or maybe, he realized, simply overthinking it. For why else, knowing how much she loved him, would she struggle to hold onto it? The answer was simple. “I was being threatened. That’s why you wouldnae risk it. ‘Tis the only thing that makes sense.”
“Threatened by who?” She met his frown. “Your Fianna brother? The Brotherhood? Which would mean we lived during their time.”
“You did anyway,” he murmured, thinking about it. “I was immortal.”
“So, I did.” She sighed, searching for a memory. Some sort of confirmation. Yet, like him, she came to the only conclusion she could based on what they knew to be true right now. “So the Brotherhood wanted me for my rare Woodland Druidess virgin blood. In turn, I pleaded with the only man I’d ever loved not to take my virginity. It definitely points back to what you surmised. The only thing that makes sense. Your life was on the line, so I wanted to remain at my fullest power.”
“Aye, then going with the theory that you were so precious to the Brotherhood,” he said, “would I not have been relentless in my pursuit to take you if it meant keeping you safe?”
“Relentless,” she agreed, shaking her head. “But no rapist in any life, even if for some twisted greater good.”
He sighed, in full agreement with her there. If she had said no, he never would have forced her.
“There they are.” She pointed through the woods. “There’s the tail end of King David’s retinue.”
“Aye.” He narrowed his eyes when he saw something else trailing after them. “Do you see that, lass? Do you see her following them?”
“I do,” she whispered, shocked. “I see exactly what you do.”
Chapter Nineteen
MAREK SCOWLED AT them and shook his head. “For at least the tenth time since you two rejoined us, nay, I didnae see the unicorn trailing behind me earlier. Nor, I can assure you, did anyone else.”
“Definitely not.” Madison shook her head. “No unicorn, and we didn’t see you guys for a while. After Marek stomped off earlier, you two did the same. Off, we assumed, to...well,” she grinned at Cray, “do what Brouns and those with MacLomain blood do best.”
“Sex?” Ciara frowned at her. “Right there in the middle of a crisis with Marek sick from being sucked along a cursed-line?” She looked at Madison with disbelief. “Really?”
When Madison glanced at Cray, unsure what the correct answer was supposed to be, he replied simply, “Aye, ‘twould have been relieving.” He winked at Madison. “Trust me.”
Madison met his smile then grinned at Ciara and Ethyn. “It really does relax you.”
Though tempted to say, ‘heck yeah it could,’ after the night she’d spent in Ethyn’s arms, she wasn’t the type to kiss-and-tell. Not by a long shot. Rather, she continued to suffer bouts of shyness with Ethyn she knew was just falling in love all over again in this form. Something, quite honestly, she was grateful for. She liked that she got to experience this with him.
More so, that he felt the same in return.
“So you dinnae remember fighting me?” Ethyn asked Marek. “Or running your blade through Phelan?” He scowled. Not for the first time, his eyes flashed with anger. “Killing her? Or at least trying?”
“Yet again, nay,” his cousin groused, offering no apologies because he remained convinced he wasn't there. Nor, he made quite clear, would he ever kill Phelan.
If possible, Marek’s mood was fouler than before, which was completely out of character. The only time she ever saw the MacLeod chieftain grumpy was around her wolf, and that was more recently. As a whole, he ran even-tempered. It was what made him such a good leader.
“I remember longing to fight Ethyn,” Marek said, “but never acting on it.”
“Why long to fight him?” she wondered yet again. “When he had done nothing to you?”
“Because,” he complained, shaking his head, “he wouldnae grant me the favor of trusting me.”
Marek seemed as surprised as they did by the slight tweak to his earlier revelation. Particularly, that he wanted to battle his cousin for not trusting him.
“So now we just need to figure out why you wanted Ethyn’s Fianna, or former self, to trust you, Marek,” Ciara said. “What were you up to? More so, why was my druidess so adamantly against it in that life?” She sighed. “Why was I likely the reason Ethyn didn’t trust you in the end?”
Having no answers, clearly frustrated by the whole thing, Marek shook his head, spurred his horse, and trotted ahead, no doubt off to silently brood.
“My brother becomes less and less like himself,” Cray grumbled. “And I dinnae like it.”
“Nay,” Tiernan agreed. Concern pulled his brows together as he watched Marek vanish from sight. “’Tis clear his human half isnae right. What of his inner dragon?”
“’Tis growing both alarmed and angry from what I can sense of it,” Cray replied. “Which, though it sounds bad, is at least something when it comes to how repressed I know his dragon is.”
“Just as repressed as yours was at the beginning,” Madison reminded. “So there’s a good chance whatever’s going on is starting to pull Marek’s inner beast to the surface.”
Cray nodded, and everyone fell silent for a stretch, mulling things over.
Naturally, Ciara’s mind remained firmly locked on Ethyn.
“So you went from feeling favored at the Irish Stonehenge,” she finally said aloud, trying to put the pieces together. “To not granting the favor of your trust to a fellow warrior...a fellow Fianna.”
“Which might verra well be unrelated,” Tiernan kicked in. “Ethyn could have initially felt favored because he used to be Fianna, and the location was blessed. Or because he met you there, Ciara. Then there's always the simple honor of standing where our clan first took root.” He shook his head. “Not granting a favor to a fellow warrior in another life may simply be coincidental.”
“True,” she conceded, sensing a bit more to it, though. “I think you're on to something about him having been a Fianna.” She cocked her head, wondering. “Maybe it's got to do with the bond he shared with his fellow Fianna? Or perhaps even his kinship with the unicorn?”
“Of all those possibilities,” Ethyn said, offering his two cents, “meeting you would have been the best reason for me feeling so favored, Ciara.”
She smiled, warmed by the look in h
is eyes. Moreover, that he really truly felt that way.
“I think any of those explanations rings truer than him feeling favored because of a rogue Fianna brother,” Tiernan replied.
“Maybe,” she murmured, still not ruling it out. “Either way, it all feels connected somehow. Ethyn and Marek battling, the curse, the Fiannas’ strange behavior, even Ethyn feeling favored. Then, of course, the Brotherhood. The evil at the root of all this.” She narrowed her eyes, seeking truth just beyond her grasp. “If I could just remember, just fit the pieces together, it would all make sense...it's so close to making sense.”
“If certain knowledge feels just out of reach,” Julie looked at her with reassurance, “then it probably is, and it’s only a matter of time before the truth reveals itself.”
She nodded, knowing her friend was right. It was only a matter of time, and she should be grateful. Yet a small part of her felt disquieted. Things were becoming clearer, but in a weird way, she felt like she drew further and further away from her own truth. She mentioned as much to Ethyn, too, as they foraged for herbs later that day to put in Chloe’s stew.
“I went from being so sure I understood things at the start,” she said, “to realizing a lot of it was either kept from me via a curse or a flat-out lie. And just look at how I’m starting to change.” She gestured at their surroundings. “I’m picking plants where normally I’d much prefer shifting and hunting.”
“Does that make you angry?” he asked softly, touching on an interesting point. “Do you feel as though you’re losing your inner wolf somehow?”
“Yes, and no.” She shook her head, then nodded. “More yes than no, to be honest. I’m not sure if that’s because I want to be closer to you as a human or if I just prefer this form altogether.” She sighed. “Which, in its own way, makes me feel conflicted. Like I’m betraying the beast that’s kept me company for so long if that makes any sense.”
“Aye, because I have kin who are half-dragon, it does.” He held her hand as they walked. “Phelan is part of you, Ciara. ‘Tis safe to say she’s more a part of you than your human half considering you’ve been wolf far longer than you’ve been human.”
“True,” she replied. “So I guess there’s a little guilt in there too. Because in the long run, this is the form I would choose. Not just for you but for me.”
“’Tis important, that.” He stopped and picked a plant. “For if you only did this for me, no good could ultimately come from it.”
She nodded, understanding. Embracing her wolf less had to be something she did for herself, or she could end up resenting him. Not that she envisioned any reality in which he wouldn’t want her to embrace Phelan whenever she wished.
“Nay, I would never hold you back like that.” He stopped and took her other hand, as always, so kindhearted. “Even if I didnae love Phelan as much as I do, I would never ask you not to embrace all of who you are. And Phelan is part of that. Part of you.”
“She is,” she murmured. “But then my human half is too, and that’s becoming more important as things progress. As I see the woman I once was...feel who she was...what I was.”
As his eyes lingered on hers, he saw to the heart of her and understood.
“So ‘tis more guilt than anything that you might disappoint your wolf if you decide to fully embrace your human,” he said softly. “If you choose not to shift again after all of this is over.”
“That’s exactly right,” she whispered, emotional. “Because there are things I want that I wouldn’t risk by shifting...a life I want.”
While she sensed his excitement at her words, he kept it from his face. Rather, he remained compassionate. “You fear shifting could harm our future bairns.”
“I do,” she murmured. “When I’m pregnant, of course. Not otherwise.” She sighed. “Or so I thought up until what happened with King David.”
“What happened was the Brotherhood trying to influence you somehow.” He shook his head. “Nothing more.” He cupped her cheek, his words soft. Tender. “I ken your fear of shifting while pregnant, but if I know nothing else, ‘tis that Phelan would cherish our children every bit as much as we would. ‘Twas clear in what she did for wee David.”
“I did enjoy spending time with him,” she confessed. “He was so sad, especially at the beginning. He often cried when no one was around, so I did all I could to cheer him up. Which honestly wasn’t a whole lot because most of the time, I had to remain hidden.”
“Even so, based on what I saw of his reaction to you, you did a great deal, Ciara.” He pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms. “You did a great deal for me too. A constant friend when I needed you.”
She was glad to hear it. That she made a difference even from within a curse. Yet, he had made a difference too. In every lifetime.
“You did the same for me.” She rested her hands on his chest, instantly lost in his pale green eyes, made more glorious by the woodland around them. But then that made sense, didn’t it? How did she not see it sooner? “They’re the exact shade of the magic in the Fianna warriors’ eyes.”
“Aye, ‘tis curious, is it not?” His mind was clearly elsewhere as his gaze fell to her lips. “Mayhap a connection to my Fianna brothers that dribbled over into this life.”
“I’d say,” she murmured, determined to explore this further, talk about it, but suddenly unable to think when he brushed his lips against hers once, twice, then deepened the exchange.
“I think we’re on to something,” was all she could manage within the mind as he walked her backward until her back hit a tree. “Maybe your magic...”
Her thoughts scattered when he braced his hand against the trunk, cupped the back of her neck and wrapped his tongue around hers. Would he take her again? Was he over his concern about the pain she might've suffered from her virginity being taken? She hoped so. Forever eager to touch him, she ran her fingers up under his tunic, relishing the feel of his muscular abdomen and broad chest. Then she ran her hands around his back and over the firm globes of his ass.
He groaned, wedged her thighs apart, and ground against her. Naturally, that sparked all sorts of delicious sensations. Foolishly, she’d opted for pants that morning rather than a dress, which would be so much easier right now. More discreet. Just hike it up a little and let him have his way.
Something, she realized, through her haze of lust, that was still a possibility.
So she chanted herself into a dress...only to realize she’d chanted herself right into another time and place.
Chapter Twenty
WHILE ETHYN KNEW he and Ciara had shifted back to Ireland and became their former selves—the Fianna warrior and druidess—he couldn’t stop kissing her if he tried. Feeling her. Wanting her with such fierceness. He had craved being inside her again in Scotland, but now, a part of him, his former self, lacked the sensational feeling of already having felt her once.
So he was desperate.
As was she.
For they were living the moment they had watched before.
They’d just been discussing his Fianna brother. She had urged him not to trust his fellow warrior. They’d also been talking about how much they wanted to lay together, but she feared it. What it would mean. As she groaned and pulled him closer still, he realized her future self had been right. She feared the inability to protect him if she lost her full powers.
Yet it was his ability to protect her that weighed on his mind, wasn’t it?
And this, having her, would do that.
So he rubbed his cock against her clothed center more enticingly, drawing another ragged groan from her. She was close to peaking, and it was almost more than he could bear. He wanted to be deep inside her. To pour his seed into her and keep her with him always. Safe from the monsters that sought her.
“Nay.” She dragged her lips away, possessing a great deal of willpower. But then she thought his life was at stake. She rested her forehead against his again, closed her eyes, and struggled to catch her brea
th. “I cannot allow ye to risk yerself for but a moment of carnal pleasure.”
“’Twill be more than a mere moment,” he assured, but knew even as he contemplated seducing her until she gave in, he could not. She would never forgive him in the end, and that was not how this should be. How her first time should feel. He stayed close while she gained her footing. “I will not make ye do something ye are not ready for, my love. I will wait and do things as ye see fit.”
Meanwhile, he would take action of another sort.
It seemed based on her response to his words, which, in truth, could have been interpreted a variety of ways, she too had plans.
“Ye will let me confront them then?” Hope lit her eyes. “Ye will, at last, have faith in the demigod to do as promised rather than trust your Fianna brother?”
Demigod? What demigod? But his former self’s thoughts were veiled from him even as his words were not. “I will.”
Yet he wouldn’t, would he? He had another plan. To confront what threatened them on his own with the power of his Fianna behind him. She need never be part of this. Never put her fate in the hands of a demigod that he distrusted.
“Then I will go,” she said. “’Twill be sunset soon. I will go and...”
Her gaze drifted over his shoulder, and her eyes rounded with horror.
He turned to look only to find himself turning away from her in another time and place.
They were back in Scotland and their current life.
“He was there,” Ciara gasped, trembling. “He was coming for...me.”
“Who?” He pulled her into his arms and tried to comfort her. “Who did you see?”
“Marek.” Ciara shivered against him. “He didn’t exactly look like your cousin, but I know it was him. He was Fianna and ferocious. He had the same eyes and all the tats...the words.” Her mental wheels were clearly spinning. “They meant something. I just know it.”
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