by Kip Nelson
But to see a dead body in such stark circumstances like that, knowing there was nobody he could call to get it taken away, knowing that the family never would know what had happened to him filled Darren’s heart with sorrow. It so easily could have been Darren.
He thought about the mugger who held a gun to his head, the crossbow bolt that had whizzed past his ear, and the fire that could have gotten out of control and engulfed him. There already had been numerous instances where he could have lost his life. So far he had been blessed, but he wasn’t sure how long his luck was going to hold out.
The more he thought of the outside world, the more he was paralyzed with fear. Anything could snuff out the flame of life in an instant. That was true for the world that came before this, but somehow it seemed more of a clear and present danger.
Ever since Brent had been born, Darren had been focused on leaving behind a good life for his kids. He looked around the cave and his heart sank. He couldn’t leave them like this. He needed to make it better, make this bunker a home for them. It was all there in his mind, perfectly planned out, all it needed was hard work and time, but there was no telling how much time he had.
Every moment was fraught with tension, for he was sure someone was lurking outside, merely waiting for the opportunity to strike.
Darren wasn’t going to give it to them.
He gave up on sleep, knowing that even if it did come to him, it would not be restful. Hours passed with him waiting for someone to appear, but nobody did.
When Brent and Michelle awoke, Darren had dark bags hanging under his eyes. He nodded to them, ignoring the fatigue clawing at his mind. They shared some breakfast, although Darren wished that he had brought some games. Hard work was one thing, but the kids were used to relaxing, and there were so many hours in the day that they were bound to get bored. He should have shoved a deck of cards into one of the bags, or some dice, something to distract them from the suffocating feeling that they were trapped here.
Darren served them breakfast quietly.
“Today is going to be much the same as yesterday. I want to work hard on this place and make it into something we can be proud of. We’ll take a trip to the stream first, though, so that we can bathe. I think we’ll all feel better with a splash of water on our face,” he said. Brent and Michelle nodded mutely. There was a different mood to them today, something more somber. Darren wasn’t sure he’d be able to lift it because he felt awful too. Perhaps they just were feeding off him, reflecting his emotions.
Although Darren didn’t know the specific time, it was before dawn. Night had settled over the forest, cloaking it in darkness once again. He estimated they had a few hours left before daylight surged over the horizon and bathed the world in its shimmering light. He picked up the lantern and stepped out of the cave, looking out carefully for anyone who may have been watching. Brent was standing behind him holding the towels with Michelle at his side. .
The glow from the lantern spread out around them, and easily would give away their position. However, it was impossible for them to find the stream safely without any source of light. Darren ignored the paranoia in his mind and told himself there was nothing to fear. The evidence spoke for itself. There were no footprints, and there had been no other noises since the cough.
There is no one out there, Darren repeated over and over again in his mind. But no matter how many times the thought rolled around, he couldn’t convince himself of the fact, and his eyes peered into the darkness, searching for movement.
Michelle was muttering to herself. Neither Brent nor Darren paid much attention to her childish ramblings. They walked in silence, close together, their footsteps crunching the leaves and branches underfoot. So far, Darren’s plan seemed to be working. Most people would hate the night and still would be tied to their daily rhythms, waking up at about seven in the morning, ready to slog at work. This time was the safest time, even though there seemed to be a chill in the forest.
“Daddy, I’m scared,” Michelle said. It took Darren a couple of minutes to realize she had stopped rambling to Applejack and now was talking to him earnestly.
“It’s okay, Sweetie. I know this place is dark and it’s difficult to see, but you know that nothing is scary when me and Brent are here,” he replied.
“I know, but I don’t like it. There are monsters out there.”
“Just like there were monsters in your closet?” Darren said, looking down at her. She nodded vehemently, and sidled a little closer to Darren.
“Well, I never found any monsters in your closet, or under the bed, and I promise you there aren’t any monsters out here,” Darren said. Not monsters that she meant anyway.
“Just stay close to the light and nothing can happen to you. It’s just us out here, okay? We’ll bathe, and then we’ll head back to the cave and stay there until daylight. It’s going to take us a bit of time to get used to this new rhythm, but I promise you that one day you won’t find this darkness scary at all.”
Michelle didn’t disagree with him, but he could tell that she didn’t entirely understand, or even could conceive of a time where she wouldn’t be afraid of the dark.
“How about you, Brent? Are you okay with the dark?” Darren asked.
“Yeah,” Brent said curtly. “I just can’t stop thinking about the animal that cornered me.”
“We won’t be here long,” Darren reassured him.
They reached the stream. The babbling of the water was a relaxing sound. The water looked inky black. Trees stretched over them, creating a leafy ceiling that was difficult for the moonlight to break through. Darren set the lantern down. Its light spilled over a section of the water. He began to undress Michelle. She was young enough that she didn’t suffer from embarrassment at being naked, but Brent definitely did.
“You go ahead, I’ll get Michelle ready first,” Darren said.
Brent walked away and began to strip off his clothes, using the darkness to hide his teenage body. Darren remembered how he had felt as a teenager with all the hormones and uncertainty raging around his mind. It was quite the unpleasant cocktail, all the time wondering if your body was normal, afraid that revealing yourself would invite ridicule and shame.
Darren undressed Michelle and placed her clothes carefully away from the stream so there was no chance of them getting wet. He set Applejack onto the pile of clothes, explaining that it wasn’t time for the pony’s bath. Michelle scrunched up her face in disappointment, but quickly amused herself by splashing around, especially when she realized that the cold water could reach Brent if she splashed hard enough.
Surprisingly, Michelle hadn’t exclaimed when she stepped into the cold, shallow water. Darren dipped his toe in and winced. It wasn’t his perfect temperature, and perhaps he should have waited until daytime when the sun had a chance to warm up the water. Still, the feeling of water on his skin was refreshing. He cupped his hands in the water and brought some to his face, gasping as it trickled down his neck and torso.
Brent was done first, jumping out of the water quickly to dry himself off. Darren was done next. Michelle looked as though she could stay and play in the stream for a while longer. Darren enjoyed watching her have fun. It was good to see that joy still could have a place in their family despite the circumstances. But eventually he had to drag her out and dry her off. She giggled, for the towel tickled, and then she was dressed again.
“We should get out of here,” Brent said anxiously while Darren was drying Michelle.
“Don’t worry, Brent, we’re almost done,” Darren said.
“Dad, come on,” he urged, looking this way and that, almost hopping on the spot. Darren almost snapped at him, just barely managing to keep control of his tongue. He was tired, irritable, but he had to keep it together.
Once Michelle was dry, Darren handed Applejack to her. She lifted up the pony and spun herself around. Darren picked up the lantern, and handed Brent the wet towels.
“Do I have to carry these?” he
whined. Darren sighed and shook his head, grabbed the towels from him, and handed the lantern to his son. He stomped off at a quick pace, not wanting to begin an argument. The towels were wet and heavy in his hands.
Brent was walking even more quickly, and Michelle was caught skipping, trying to keep up. Darren couldn’t spare a hand to guide her along.
“Brent, slow down,” he said.
“I can’t. That beast is out here. We have to get back to the cave,” Brent said. With each step he got farther away.
“Brent,” Darren hissed. Michelle started to wail. She called out for Darren to pick her up and give her a hug.
“Not right now, Sweetie,” Darren said, but she kept asking, again and again, incessantly, taking no heed of Darren’s plight with the towels.
Brent still was walking forcefully, ignoring Darren’s request to slow down. He took the light with him, teasing it away from Darren and Michelle. Michelle scampered forward, not wanting to be swallowed by darkness, but she tripped and fell. Applejack flew from her hands, and Michelle landed with a thud.
She instantly cried.
This time Brent did stop.
“Look what you did,” Darren said as he thrust the towels into Brent’s free arm, picked up Applejack, then scooped up the crying Michelle. Darren gave her a quick look over and it was clear that she wasn’t really harmed, just shaken by the fall.
“I…I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to get away from the animal,” Brent said.
“Just do as you’re told next time,” Darren spat, tending to Michelle’s knees and palms, giving them magic kisses to make them all feel better. Michelle clung onto Applejack tightly, while Darren glanced at Brent and shook his head. Brent scowled, and the three of them marched back to the cave under a dark cloud.
Chapter 17
Darren carried Michelle inside the cave and placed her on the ground, showing her she didn’t have anything more than a couple of scrapes. Brent set the towels down in a heap and placed the lantern beside them. Darren watched him and sighed.
“You never listen do you? How many times have I told you to lay your wet towels out neatly? We may not be at home right now, but that doesn’t mean you should forget about your chores,” Darren said.
“What does it matter?” Brent asked.
Darren sighed heavily and picked up the towels, then took them to the jagged wall. There were sections of the cave where the wall was split almost into levels, and the rock recessed enough for hanging up the towels.
“It matters because we can’t just shove them on the radiator to dry, and we can’t just wash them either. I don’t think you quite comprehend what we have to do here,” Darren said.
“I know what we have to do alright. We have to survive. I only was trying to make sure we didn’t get attacked by a wild animal.”
“There was no wild animal out there, and because of you Michelle hurt herself.”
“Well, she shouldn’t have been running. She can barely walk without falling over.”
“She’s five, Brent. Cut her some slack. She doesn’t fully understand what’s going on.”
“Do any of us? We’ve come out here to this place all because the world has gone dark, but we don’t know that it hasn’t been fixed. What if things have gone back to normal out there? There might not even be a reason why we have to stay here. We could be at home right now--”
“And what, you’d go back to playing on your games? Ignoring me and Michelle?”
“No more than you would be going out to work again, leaving us alone.”
“I do that because I want to give you a good life. I want to make sure there’s food on the table and that I can give you nice things.”
“Sometimes we don’t want nice things. Sometimes we just want you,” Brent said, his voice rising. Fatigue had taken hold of Darren, twisted his mind, and he was saying things he knew he shouldn’t be saying, but he couldn’t help himself.
“I wish things could be different, but that’s just the way the world is. It’s changed, Brent. We have to change with it. This place can be our new home, it will just take a little bit of work. But eventually it will turn into something special.”
“What do you mean our new home? Aren’t we going back?”
Darren paused for a moment. Brent had a shocked look on his face. Michelle was clinging to Darren, upset that the two of them were arguing. Darren pressed his lips together and inhaled deeply, trying to collect himself.
“We can’t go back, Brent. It’s not safe. I thought I explained all this to you when we left.”
“You said we would just have to leave for a little while, but that we’d go back. Do you really mean we have to stay in here forever?”
“Not forever, but for a long time, yes. This place is safer than home, and it might not seem like much at the moment, but we can make it into something special.”
“There’s nothing here, just rocks!” Brent said, kicking out at the ground. “There’s no bed, nothing to do, it’s just empty.”
“It has us,” Darren said.
“Anywhere we go has that! I’m tired of this place already, Dad. I can’t stay here, not for a long time. We need to go back home. That’s where we belong. That’s where we need to be.”
“Why Brent?” Darren challenged.
Brent seemed to be so steadfast in this opinion, and Darren couldn’t understand what was going through his mind. He seemed adamant that they needed to return. Brent turned away from Darren, refusing to answer. Darren had to cajole and urge him to speak. Eventually, Brent turned around, his eyes blazing with pain.
“Because that’s where Mom will go if she tries to find us,” Brent said in a small voice.
Darren had been about to explode with frustration, but the tone in Brent’s voice engendered sympathy, and his words were like a spear in Darren’s heart. For a long time after Stacie had left, Darren had convinced himself that she would come back. He’d looked longingly out of the window, almost expecting her to walk up the driveway. Whenever a car went by, he glanced toward the sound, hoping it would be her.
It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be coming back, and it seemed as though Brent still had yet to learn that lesson.
“She’s not coming back, Brent,” Darren said softly.
“You don’t know that,” Brent replied, his voice cracking with emotion. “With everything that’s happened she might realize she’s made a mistake. She might come back home and we can be a family again.”
“We are a family,” Darren said.
“It’s not the same without her, and you know it,” Brent said.
“No, it’s not, but I didn’t make your mother leave. I wanted her to stay. God, I tried to get her to see that what she had was wonderful, and I tried to take care of her, you and Michelle as best I could. And now that the world has ended, I’m just trying to give you the best chance at life. You think I like being here? You think I like having to trudge through the forest in a storm then try to sleep on this hard ground? You think I like having to leave everything we know behind? I would love right now to go back home and get everything we needed, but it’s too dangerous. I don’t want to risk our lives when we can be safe here. I’m trying to keep us all safe because anything can happen, and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ve lost so much already. I can’t lose any more.”
Darren hung his head and sniffed, wiping his eyes. Brent’s entire demeanor changed. Darren had tried to teach Brent that showing emotion wasn’t weakness, but there only had been few occasions when Darren had displayed such emotion in front of Brent.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said, standing in front of Darren awkwardly.
“I know, Son,” Darren said, taking a deep breath.
“It’s not easy living like this. It’s all well and good saying that we’re going to work together to survive, it’s another thing living it. Our minds are just as vulnerable as our bodies are. This is a
stressful situation. We’re tired, hungry, angry, and it’s easy to lash out at each other because we’re the only people around. I’m sorry for snapping at you when we got back. I haven’t got much sleep so I’m more irritable than usual.”
“I’m sorry for what I said. I don’t…I know that you’ve done a lot for us. I guess I’m just scared as well…scared if something happens to you.”
“Believe me, I’m scared of that as well, but I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. Let’s just promise to look out for each other and we’ll take it day by day. I didn’t mean to be so stern about going home either. I’m sure that eventually we will be able to head back there, even if it’s just to get a few things. But we don’t know what it’s going to be like, what people are capable of. I’d rather stay here and live alone, without having to worry about other people.”
“At some point, though, aren’t we going to have to trust other people? We can’t do everything ourselves…and they’re not all going to be like Mom,” Brent added.
“I know. There are a lot of things that we’re going to have to do, too; it’s just a matter of dealing with them one at a time. I don’t know when we’re going to start thinking of this place as home, or this way of life as normal, but at some point it will happen. Change is never easy, but we can’t control the things that happen to us, only the way we react to them. The world is more different than it ever has been before. I don’t quite know what the future holds for us, but I know that I want a future. Every decision I make is to bring us to a point where we can be safe and actually have a stable foundation to build on.
“That’s why these first days and weeks are going to seem chaotic and crazy. And yes, maybe the world outside is getting back to normal, but I wouldn’t want to bet on it. Not from what I’ve seen. And even if it is, I’d rather spend my days preparing for the worst, than just hoping everything works out for the best. How many people do you think are out there right now just waiting to be told that it’s safe to leave their homes? Instead of making plans for the future they’re sitting there with their heads in their hands, praying that something is going to save them.
