Hannah lifted Jason out of the bouncy seat then took the bottle from Emily and made her way up the stairs to her room. Once free of the tense air in the kitchen, she let out a long sigh. Inexplicably, she was feeling a bit hurt at the knowledge that Ryan still resented his being kidnapped. Not that she blamed him, of course, but it was a clear reminder that if things had gone the way he’d wanted them to, he never would have been kidnapped, and she and Jason would still be over there, facing an uncertain future.
She put the bottle in the warmer and stood with Jason cradled close to her face, swaying gently as she waited. The pain she was feeling made no sense, and she didn’t want it. She hadn’t wanted anyone to have enough importance in her life that they could hurt her, but somehow, Ryan had become that person. Whether it was because of the time they’d spent together in that darkened cell or something else, he was now the one person who could hurt her more than any other.
Swallowing hard against the emotions that rose within her, Hannah plucked the bottle from the warmer and shook it as she walked to the comfortable rocker recliner in the corner of her room. The dark curtains were still pulled tight over the windows, and she didn’t bother to turn on any lights, so there was only the soft glow from the nightlight.
It wasn’t until she was settled with Jason taking the bottle that Hannah realized she should probably have changed his diaper in case he fell asleep. She took the bottle away, murmuring softly to him when he protested with a squawk.
After he had a dry diaper on, she sat back down and let him finish his bottle uninterrupted. Once he was done, she put him on her shoulder to burp him, singing as she rocked him, changing the words of the familiar child’s song a bit.
Jesus loves you, this we know,
For the Bible tells us so,
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak, but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves Jason.
Yes, Jesus loves Jason.
Yes, Jesus loves you!
The Bible tells us so.
He squirmed around for a bit as she sang until he let out a good burp, then he settled, his small body a solid weight against her.
Hannah got up and put him in the small playpen next to her bed then decided that she wanted to sleep as well. Maybe a nap would help to calm the turbulent emotions within her.
The silence that filled the room once Hannah had left with Jason was heavy. As he sat with his head bent, Ryan could feel the weight of his parents’ gaze on him. He had no doubt that if he looked up at them, he’d see matching expressions of concerns.
“Seriously, son, you have to let go of the anger about what happened. None of us are happy about you having been kidnapped, but being angry about it will only taint the joy we’re feeling at being reunited with you,” his dad said.
“Also, one of the things we prayed for—aside from your safety and release—was that God would use you wherever you were,” his mom said. “You haven’t had a chance to share yet about what all you went through, but clearly we can see that one way He used you was to get Hannah released. After seeing her and her little one, I can’t help but think that was a very, very good thing.”
“The kidnapping isn’t the part I’m struggling with the most, Mom. You’re right about Hannah, and I’m grateful that I ended up in a position to help her.” Ryan ran his fingers up and down the smooth edges of his coffee mug.
“Then what are you so angry about?” his dad asked.
Ryan sighed as he looked up at his parents. “They didn’t let me do my job. I told Alex and Marcus that I had serious concerns about the people we were working with. I told them we needed to rethink the mission. I tried to do my job, and they just brushed me aside.” He huffed out a breath. “I understand that the kidnapping still might have happened even if they had given my concerns some attention, but they barely even listened. I was hired to do exactly what I did with that situation, but they wouldn’t let me do my job. That is what has me so angry.”
“I’m sure they understand that now,” his mom said.
“I’m sure they do,” Ryan agreed. “But at what cost? Even accepting that the end result for my situation was positive because of Hannah, what about Tyler? Than mentioned that he’d been injured. Like he hadn’t already faced enough with his previous leg injury. Someone else lost his life. And I don’t even know what all happened to the rest of the team.”
“So what are you saying?” His dad leaned forward, his brows drawn tightly together over his piercing blue eyes. “You don’t want to work at BlackThorpe anymore?”
Ryan wasn’t sure what he wanted, so he just shrugged. “All I know is that it’s something that will need to be addressed before I can consider going back. I mean, I can’t work with people who have no respect for what I do. Who brush me aside when I try to do the job they hired me for.”
“That’s understandable,” his dad said. “When I was about your age, maybe a little younger, I worked for a man who had hired me on the recommendation of a friend of his. But even with that high recommendation, he constantly looked over my shoulder and questioned a lot of what I did. At the time, it wasn’t worth me trying to deal with him. I quit and moved on.” He paused then said, “But you have relationships with these people. I think it would be worth you trying to come to an understanding with them. If it’s an understanding to go your separate ways, then so be it, but at least you need to know you addressed the situation.”
Ryan knew his dad was right, but right then, the pit he felt in his stomach whenever he thought about going back to his job made him not want to return. It was only his friendships with the other people at BlackThorpe that stopped him from turning in his notice.
Though this mission had proven his skills correct, he wondered if there was a reason they hadn’t trusted him. Had there been something that had happened before that meeting that had made them not trust his judgment and his skills?
There was no way he could walk away from BlackThorpe without knowing for sure, but that would have to wait. For now, he was going to focus on spending time with his family and trying to regain the strength and health he’d lost over the past few months. Soon he would make contact with Tyler to see how he was doing and to get the details of what had gone down after they were separated.
That would be his initial foray back into the BlackThorpe Security world, but even that would have to wait for a bit. Though he had people who felt like family there, he needed to focus on his actual family first.
“Whatever you decide,” his mom said as she got up from the table, “we’ll be praying for you, and we’ll support you.”
Ryan appreciated that since he knew that it wasn’t just a passing comment. He had no doubt that they would pray for him on a daily basis about this situation.
“Did you want to take a ride out to the family land?” his dad asked. “See Makayla and Ethan’s home?”
“Where are Mitch and Belle staying?” It was still odd to think about how both of the twins were now married and moving forward with their lives.
“Mitch moved into Belle’s for the time being. We’ll be breaking ground on their home in the spring.”
“Just keeping it all in the family, eh?” Ryan asked. “What’s going to happen to the apartment building if all the family is moving out?”
His dad handed him a jacket as they reached the front door. “Well, we still have Tristan who might move into one of the apartments now that a few are vacant. Also, Danica, Dalton, and Sierra are growing up. We’ll see how it goes. If they prefer to live here at the house, we may look at selling the apartment block or who knows. Maybe we’ll become landlords.”
The cold air hit Ryan hard as they walked out of the house. Though it had been cold in Afghanistan while they were there, it hadn’t been as cold as it was in Winnipeg. He shoved his hands into the pockets of the heavy jacket his dad had given him. Feeling gloves there, he pulled them on then followed his dad to where his SUV was parked.
“Maybe that would be
someplace Hannah could live with Jason if she decides to stay in Winnipeg.” Ryan hoped that she would since he knew she didn’t have family anywhere else to help her out. The idea that she would be close to his own family if any needs should arise gave him a sense of peace.
His dad shot him a quick look as he started up the truck. “Definitely. If she needs a place to stay, she’s welcome to move into one of them.”
They weren’t on the highway long before his dad turned onto a road that had a large sign to the side of it.
“C&M Village?” Ryan asked with a laugh.
His dad chuckled. “That was Gabe’s idea. We showed up one day, and there it was. He finally confessed to having ordered it.”
“Well, I suppose, from the sound of things, it’s not wrong.”
“No, it’s not, which is why we’ve left it up for the time being.”
As they cleared the cluster of trees that hid the land from the highway, Ryan spotted the one finished house and the rest of the vacant land, just waiting for ground to be broken on more homes. He smiled as he thought of his nieces living so close together and how much they’d enjoy growing up next door to each other.
“Is Makayla expecting us?” Ryan asked as his dad pulled into the driveway of a large two-story home.
It was somewhat reminiscent of their family home with a wide veranda that ran around the front and side, but though it was a large home, it was still smaller than the one they’d grown up in. He doubted that Ethan and Makayla had a need for as many bedrooms as his dad had built in their family home.
“Yes. Your mom texted her that we were going to stop by. She said she would be home.”
They had just reached the front door when it was flung open to reveal Makayla with Stephanie on her hip and a smile on her face. “C’mon in.”
Mindful of the cold, they didn’t linger on the front porch but quickly stepped inside, stomping their boots on the rug in front of the door. His dad took off his jacket and then handed it to Makayla in exchange for the little girl.
“How’s Grandpa’s little sweetheart?” he asked as he nuzzled her cheek. The little girl clapped her hands on his cheeks as she giggled. With her dark hair and eyes, she looked a lot like Makayla.
Makayla took Ryan’s jacket and hung it up in the closet before turning to give him a tight hug. “I know I said it last night, but I’m so glad you’re back safe and sound. I love you.”
“Love you too, Kayla,” Ryan murmured.
She stepped back and stared at him for a moment, reaching up to pat his cheek. “Look at the beard you have going. You planning to grow it out?”
Ryan scratched at it. “No. I’m going to trim it down. I just haven’t had a chance yet.”
“It kind of suits you,” she said with a smile as she turned toward their dad. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I was just getting ready to give Steph a snack.”
Once in the kitchen, his dad sat down at the island counter with Stephanie on his knee. Ryan took the stool next to him and accepted Makayla’s offer of a cup of coffee. He could feel tiredness overtaking him again, so he needed all the caffeine he could get right then.
“Here you go.” Makayla slid a mug across to him then got one for their dad. “Would you like something to eat? Cookies, maybe?”
“Not if you made them,” Ryan said with a laugh.
“Very funny. I’ll have you know that I’ve figured out how to make cookies that aren’t substitutes for hockey pucks. But besides that, Sierra made these, and she always makes good ones.”
At the mention of Ethan’s little sister, Ryan asked, “Have there been any other issues with her parents?”
Makayla shook her head. “Their dad ended up in jail for the attack, and while her mom contacts her every once in a while, there’s been no attempt to regain custody.”
“She’s a great kid. Very well adjusted considering what she’s gone through,” their dad said. “And that’s a reflection on you and Ethan, and how well you’ve loved her.”
“Gives me hope that we won’t mess up with Stephanie too much.” Makayla leaned across the counter to hand her daughter a small cookie. “Right, sweetie? But don’t worry, we’re putting money aside every month to cover therapy costs just in case we do.”
Even as Ryan laughed along with Makayla and their dad, he realized that therapy was something he should be talking with Hannah about. Or maybe Max could address it with her. Ryan wasn’t sure that he was the right person to bring it up.
They didn’t stay too long, but before heading back to the house, his dad drove him around to the other sites to see the progress that was being made there. Seeing how his family was growing and settling, putting down roots, made Ryan think about his life far away from this. Even though eight hours drive wasn’t that far, it was still far enough away that he wasn’t part of some of the smaller family celebrations like birthdays.
The kidnapping was already making him reconsider being so far from his family, but now his uncertainty about returning to BlackThorpe was in the mix as well. Being held captive had certainly made him rethink his priorities. The one thing that was holding him back from making the definite jump was not knowing what he could do for work in Winnipeg. He had no interest in joining the family business, so he’d need to find something else if he did decide to move back.
But those were thoughts for another day. He didn’t need to make a decision when his emotions were still running pretty high as a result of everything that had happened.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When they got back to the house, Ryan was surprised to find that Hannah was still up in her room. Even though he knew that she was likely still able to sleep for hours at a time, he imagined that Jason wouldn’t.
“Has Hannah been down since we left?” Ryan asked when he joined his mom in the family room.
She was curled up in an armchair near the fireplace, a tablet in her lap. A glance showed him that the laptop and phones were still spread out on the coffee table where he and Hannah had left them earlier.
“Nope. Haven’t heard anything from her since she went upstairs just before you left.” She tilted her head back as his dad bent to give her a kiss. “How were Makayla and Stephanie?”
“Doing good,” his dad said as he sat down on the ottoman next to his wife. “Cute as ever.”
“What did you think of the houses and the land?” his mom asked, turning her gaze to Ryan.
“All of it looks really nice. Growing up, I figured Makayla would do her best to distance herself from all of us. Instead, she’s making it so that she’s neighbors with at least two of us so far.”
“Yeah.” His dad chuckled. “Times have changed. And she’s not the only one changing. It looks like Kenton will be retiring and moving back home at the end of this hockey season. I never would have believed he’d retire unless he was forced to.”
Ryan thought back ten years to when he’d made his decision to join the US military. He’d wanted to follow in the footsteps of the father he barely remembered. He hadn’t been interested in the family business at the time—and still wasn’t—but from early on, he’d planned to be a career military man. Like Kenton, he’d planned to retire from his chosen career.
At least Kenton was quitting on his own terms. And by all accounts, he would be going out on a high note. The same couldn’t be said for how Ryan’s military plans had been derailed.
A few brief sentences had been all it had taken to send his dream crashing to the ground.
McFadden? You related to Jonathan McFadden?
He’d been all too happy to claim the connection until he heard the next words out of the colonel’s mouth. Well, try not to rape or murder anyone like your old man did. The family money and connections will not work as well for you.
The shock of the words had robbed him of a response, and later…of the future he’d dreamed of. There was no way he wanted to stay in the military where the family legacy was something quite different from what he’d thought it was. He’d
wanted to ask his mom about what the colonel had said, but if she didn’t know what had happened, Ryan didn’t want to be responsible for telling her.
But if she had known, why hadn’t she said anything to them? At least she should have stopped trying to make it seem like their dad had been an honorable man when apparently he’d been anything but that. Even knowing that he carried the genes of a man like that was enough to turn Ryan’s stomach if he thought about it too long.
No one in his family knew the real reason he had bailed after four years. He hadn’t been completely free of the military for a few years beyond that, but he was now. It was just too bad he wasn’t as free from the knowledge of what his father had done.
“Should I go check on her?” Ryan asked.
“Hannah?” When he nodded, his mom shook her head. “She’ll come down when she’s ready. You’ve got to give her a little space to adjust. As nice as being free is for her, she still has to adjust to it all. Plus, from what she’s said, she isn’t used to caring for Jason, which means they haven’t really bonded yet. They need time for that.”
Though he hadn’t been able to do anything for Hannah while they’d been in captivity, and he hadn’t even known about Jason, Ryan still felt responsible for them both. Like he needed to constantly make sure that they were okay. He wanted to go upstairs to check on them, but he heeded his mom’s words.
Instead, he sat back down on the carpet, stretching his legs underneath the coffee table while he checked out the laptop. As he worked on it, he listened to his parents talk about business stuff, then family stuff and then a short time later, after a phone call, they greeted Max and his wife Yuka when they arrived a short time later.
Ryan got to his feet and held out his hand as the man approached him. “Nice to see you again.” He gestured to the things on the table. “I want to thank you for giving us the electronics. We really appreciate it.”
The man rested his hands on his hips and smiled. “I figured you had enough other things to deal with. Having a phone available might help make some of them easier.”
A Little Ray of Sunshine: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 7) Page 14
