Some people ask, “Are we ‘sending’ this feeling outward to the Friend?” No, we are not sending anything. We are just seeing our Friend in the center of our heart and wishing for him or her to be happy. We are not sending, telegraphing, or “overnighting” any sort of feeling. When a candle radiates warmth and light, is it actively sending that feeling out? No, it radiates out because that is the nature of warmth and light. In the same way, we surround and immerse our Friend with this feeling, wishing it for them, and seeing them smiling and happy.
This process is a combination of three things arising: the radiating feeling in your heart, the mental phrase, and your image of yourself or your spiritual friend. About 75 percent of your attention should be on the radiating of the feeling, 20 percent on feeling the wish, and just a little, say 5 percent, on visualizing your spiritual friend.
Some people think they should make the visualization a bigger part of their practice. Then they complain about having tightness in their head. This is because they are pushing the idea of seeing their Spiritual Friend too much. The teacher will tell them to stop trying so hard because the most important part of Mettā is feeling the radiating—making a sincere wish for their Spiritual Friend’s happiness and then feeling that happiness—not visualizing their friend.
If you are getting a headache or feeling pressure, you are trying too hard. Smile again and back off a little.
When you picture your spiritual friend, see them smiling and happy. Remember to keep a little smile on your lips for the entire meditation session. If you find yourself not smiling, then this will be a reminder to smile once again. Bring up another wish and send a kind feeling to your friend. Your face isn’t used to smiling, so please be patient! Your cheeks might even hurt a little, but you will get used to it, and that uneasiness will pass.
Please don’t criticize yourself for forgetting to smile. Critical thoughts about anything are unwholesome and lead to more suffering. If you see that you are coming down on yourself for forgetting to smile, then laugh at yourself for having such a crazy mind!
Understand that everyone has a crazy mind, and that it is okay to have this craziness. Laugh with yourself about it. This meditation is supposed to be fun, remember? Smile and laugh at getting caught again, then start all over with your object of meditation.
Life is a game to play, so keep everything light and have fun all of the time. It does take practice, but this is why you are doing this practice. Play with things and don’t take them too seriously.
This is a serious meditation, but we do not want you to be serious! Your mind should not be too serious; rather, it should be light and uplifted. Smile, and if that does not work, then laughing a little bit should help you get back into that happier, alert state of mind.
You will use the same Spiritual Friend the entire time until the teacher says you can change. This may be a few days or weeks. If practicing on your own, get in touch with us via the website and let us help you; become part of our Yahoo discussion group). The more you can stay in the present—happy and content, feeling happiness with your Spiritual Friend—the sooner you will be able to move on to the next step of the meditation. You can always contact us through our website for guidance.
Once you have settled on a good Spiritual Friend, stay with that person. If you switch from one person to another, the practice won’t be able to ripen or deepen. Sometimes meditators want to send Mettā to other people, or to all beings. This is just a subtle way your mind distracts you. You want to stay with the same friend in the beginning so that you can build your collectedness.
We replace the word “concentration” with the word collectedness to help clarify that we are not forcing our minds to stay on only one object of meditation in a forceful, fixed way. Rather, we want our mind to rest lightly on the object. If your mind wanders, use the 6Rs.
When there are no distractions, there is no need to exert any effort to keep your mind on its object. It just stays there by itself. That is really an amazing process to see.
Again, there may be times that some random thoughts and sensations arise while you are with your object of meditation but which are not strong enough to pull your attention away completely from it. When this happens, ignore those and stay with your meditation object. These thoughts and distractions will go away by themselves; there is no need to 6R them.
So let’s review:
Sit for a minimum of thirty minutes (why is explained later).
Begin by radiating kind and happy thoughts and wishes to yourself for about ten minutes.
Switch to your one chosen Spiritual Friend for the remainder of your sitting—at least twenty minutes—and radiate kind and happy thoughts to them for the rest of the session. Stay with just the same Friend and do not switch to anything or anyone else, even if you think they “deserve” your attention. Such desires are just more distractions. The mind can be very sneaky!
Use the 6Rs to overcome distractions.
When the feeling of Mettā starts to become stronger, notice it and sink into it. Smile into it and let it develop by itself. If you find that you are subtly verbalizing the phrases and the verbalizing starts to cause some tightness, let go of the verbalization and just feel the wish. This will allow the feeling to grow even stronger. Stay with the feeling and just be in the moment without pushing or “leaning into” it.
This practice will take time to master. In a sense this is a kind of “not-doing”—you are not controlling or pushing the feeling, you are just gently directing it. If there is tension in your body from trying to send it out, then you are putting in too much effort. There should just be the wish for happiness, in the same way, you wish someone good luck on a journey. You stand and wave as they go—you don’t stand and try to push a feeling out to them! Similarly, with Mettā meditation, you simply smile and wish this feeling of gentle Lovingkindness.
After doing the 6Rs and getting the hang of it, there will be a hindrance that arises. Finally, you 6R the last little bit of tension from it, and it disappears completely! Craving is eliminated for the first time. A small amount of craving is gone, never to arise again.
As a result of the hindrance disappearing Joy arises and, for the first time, you are experiencing the first Tranquil Aware Jhāna. There will be more to go as you progress along this path. As your practice advances, you will find that the joy is there. It can be goose bumps, thrills, or just excitement arising. A pleasant, tranquil feeling will follow it.
As you go deeper, your confidence gets stronger, and you understand that what you are doing is right. Also, you will notice there is a much deeper state of quiet in your mind than you have ever experienced before. It is like someone turned off the refrigerator you never even realized was on.
You might notice that you are not aware of parts of your body unless you direct your attention to them. This is a normal development as your body starts to lose tension and tightness, and this indicates progress.
Finally, as you get deeper, the feeling of Lovingkindness may rise into your head. Never try to control the feeling—if it wants to move there, then let it move.
Now you have become an advanced meditator.
When this happens, you will be ready for the next step of the meditation practice. Contact us through our website. We will not cover that here, as this is now advanced practice and requires more instructions. You are now on your way through the Tranquil Aware Jhānas to the experience of awakening.
Forgiveness Meditation
There may be some of you who have difficulty bringing up and sustaining the feeling of loving-kindness — even after following all the instructions and guidance here. You may bring up a phrase, “May I be happy, may I be content” and this causes self-aversion or hatred to arise. “I don’t deserve it, I am not a nice person,” may arise in your mind. You try the 6R’s, and it doesn’t really work. There is no loving-kindness there, your heart just has no feeling and is dry and maybe hard.
You may find the practice of Forgiv
eness Meditation will help with this. We find now a not so small percentage of students benefit tremendously from switching to Forgiveness in which you radiate forgiveness to yourself and forgiving everything that comes up and as people come up, you forgive them until they forgive you.
You can find out more about this practice at the Dhamma Sukha website and in a book called Forgiveness Meditationby Bhante Vimalaraṁsi.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the past and softening our minds. Everyone can benefit from practicing forgiveness.
**In fact, the Forgiveness book is now included in this book at the back!
Walking Meditation
An important part of the Mettā practice is Walking Meditation. Please do not ignore it. You need to walk to keep your energy up, especially after longer sittings.
You can use Walking Meditation to build energy or uplift your mind before sitting if you feel sleepy or have low energy.
Sometimes, when your mind is distracted, walking will make it easier to calm a restless mind so that you can go back to sitting. Walking Meditation, on the other hand, can add energy to your sitting by getting your blood flowing.
Walking Meditation is a powerful meditation on its own but, in conjunction with Mettā Meditation, it helps you to incorporate Mettā into your everyday life and activities. Please do remember that this is an all-the-time practice.
Find a place to walk that is at least thirty paces and is straight and level. Walk at a normal pace as if you are taking a stroll in the park on a Sunday afternoon; not slowly like a turtle, but at a speed that is neither too fast nor too slow. Your eyes should be directed down in front of you six to ten feet ahead.
Do not put your attention on your feet. Instead, stay with your Spiritual Friend. Please do not look around, as that will distract you from your meditation. This is not a nature walk, but part of the actual practice where you are radiating kind and happy thoughts to your Spiritual Friend. As much as possible, stay with that practice the entire time you are walking. It is just like when you are sitting, with the only difference being that you are walking instead of sitting.
You may do this inside or outside as the weather permits. It is best done outside in the open air, but try to avoid the heat of direct sunlight. You can also walk inside, in a circular path around a room or down a hallway.
Some meditators make a lot of progress while walking — it can go quite deep. Do not take this instruction lightly as it is an important part of the practice. It also helps us learn how to practice Mettā in our everyday life where we are more active out in the world.
Walk for about fifteen to thirty minutes and never more than an hour, as this much walking will tire your body out. However, do walk at a good pace so that by the end of it, you will feel your heart pumping and you may be slightly out of breath. Then you can sit and be fully alert. Walking can bring calmness, clarity, or energy, depending on what you need at the time.
Keep it Going
Thirty minutes of meditation a day is the minimum to start. From our experience, it takes fifteen to twenty minutes to get the mind to settle down. Then you are giving yourself another ten productive minutes where you can truly watch and observe. Forty-five minutes is better.
Just the fact you are sitting and not moving permits the mind to calm down. The longer you sit, the more your mind will calm on its own, without you doing anything else. So sitting longer and not moving is vital to progress to deeper states.
On retreat, you will at first sit at least thirty minutes, walk fifteen minutes, then sit again, alternating like this for the whole day. Your sittings will naturally get longer and longer throughout the retreat and may eventually last as long as two to three hours.
In your daily life, sitting twice a day is very helpful. Once you’re comfortable, try to stay completely still throughout the sitting period. If the mind insists on moving, 6R the desire to move. The 6Rs are very helpful in dissolving tension and finding deeper ease.
If pain arises, please watch how it arises. You can tell if the pain is genuine by noticing what happens when you get up from sitting. If the pain goes away very quickly, it is a “meditation pain,” which is, in fact, a mental pain and is not caused by anything harmful. It is just a distraction. If it returns when you sit, try to remain still and 6R. If, when you get up, the pain lingers and stays with you, it is best not to sit that way in the future, because this would be actual physical pain manifesting.
If we try to get rid of painful or unpleasant feelings forcefully, whether mental or physical, we just add more greed and aversion to the mind. This fuels the vicious cycle of Saṃsāra. However, if we approach an unpleasant feeling openly and without taking it personally, we view these unwholesome qualities with wholesome awareness. This pure, clear awareness gradually melts that disturbing feeling. Moreover, you might notice the feeling linger, but your attitude toward it has changed.
If you get sleepy sitting inside, try sitting outside but not in the direct sun. The outdoors tends to wake you up. You can even try doing the walking practice backward after you walk forward thirty paces. Instead of turning around, just walk backward to the starting point.
Meditation and its benefits increase if you can continue to cultivate awareness throughout the day. Smile and send Mettā whenever you think of it. When you notice difficult feelings coming up, 6R them. Do this with a sense of fun and humor at just how crazy mind can be. If you get serious and try to control the mind, that is just more Craving. You may wear yourself out and become frustrated. So, do this lightly, but with as much continuity as possible.
Add Mettā to Everything
You can bring Lovingkindness into everything that you do. Generally, you will do your sitting at home, but you can also smile and radiate well-being and happiness to all beings when you are out and about. If you are just going out walking or shopping, you do not have to stay with a Spiritual Friend. Stay with a general feeling of Mettā.
Smile more. Notice and 6R emotional upsets that arise. When unwholesome states of mind arise, see them as opportunities. Let them be and bring up wholesome ones. This is the meaning of Right Effort in the Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path.
Progress and Jhāna
As you make progress with the meditation, you will see all kinds of new phenomena. Joy and other pleasant experiences will arise. Some of them will be really worth the price of admission!
The first time you truly and completely let go of a hindrance, you will have your first experience of the jhānic state and be on your way to going even deeper. You will start to be friends with fun stuff like Joy, Contentment, Equanimity, and more. Good times are on the way!
Brahmavihāras and Nibbāna
The Buddha talked about four divine qualities of mind that are particularly wholesome. They are called the Brahmavihāras and consist of Lovingkindness (Mettā), Compassion (karuṇā), Sympathetic Joy (muditā)—we actually prefer just Joy—and Equanimity (upekkhā). This is the practice you are starting now. You will gradually go through all these states very naturally as Mettā becomes quieter and turns to compassion and so on through joy to equanimity. You do not need to change the practice as you go—the states themselves will develop and arise on their own.
Once you become an advanced meditator, you just have to keep the meditation going. The Brahmavihāras develop naturally, one by one, without you having to bring up each of these states as its own separate meditation object. When the next state arises, then you take that state, whether it be compassion or joy as the feeling, to be the object of meditation and continue radiating that out now.
This is another important difference from how other practices have you develop Mettā. The Buddha taught that when the meditation is properly practiced, all four divine states arise on their own one after the other.[16] You will learn how to radiate any of these four states to all of the six directions and then to all directions at the same time.
As this happens, the jhānas will arise naturally on their own as well. The word jhā
na is a loaded word. It has been translated in many different ways, but we refer to the jhānas as levels of understanding. We do not want to confuse them with their one-pointed absorption jhāna cousins. They are related, but these are ones in which the meditator keeps awareness of their body, whereas the others do not. The Buddha taught that the key to understanding Craving and distractions is to realize that mind and body are one process that cannot be separated. Tension and tightness are bodily processes, while thought and images are mental processes. We not only want to pay attention to the mind but also be aware of what is happening in the body and not ignore or repress this awareness through one-pointed focused concentration.
We call the jhānic states that we experience with this meditation the Tranquil Aware Jhānas. There are eight of them (four rūpa or “material” jhānas, and four arūpa or “immaterial” jhānas). Beyond the highest immaterial jhāna lies the experience of Nibbāna itself. Your mind will become so quiet that it just stops. When the mind comes back from that cessation experience, it will be incredibly bright and clear, with no disturbance—like a blackboard with nothing on it.
At that point, when the next mental process arises, you will see with astonishing clarity every link and part of this process that we call life as it arises and passes away. This process is what the Buddha called Dependent Origination. There are twelve links in each moment of experience, and you will see how all of these arise and pass away. You will see how all of these dependently arise one upon the other.
When you see very deeply into this process, you will understand, at a profound personal level, that all of the “aggregates” that make up “you,” or the “I,” are actually impersonal and without any sort of enduring self or soul. This experience is so profound that Nibbāna will arise, and you will understand the true nature of all existence. You will have attained awakening in this very life. There will be so much relief!
The Path to Nibbana Page 19
