She sighed. “Your Father worries, that is all.”
“About his dynasty? About allowing an invalid to take his place?”
She stared at him in shock. “He does not think that, and neither must you.”
“Forgive me,” he murmured. “I, too, am rather weary.”
Unsettled, Louisa turned her gaze out of doors, where the governess was playing in the gardens with the three youngest. They had taken to the young woman like ducks to water, and it cheered Louisa, to see them so happily engaged, despite the slight hint of envy that Miss Dowels could entertain them in a way that she could not. Thomas was not prone to smiling, but around the governess, he seemed content to laugh.
I pray that you grow to be wiser than your older brothers. Her heart felt heavy in her chest. And I pray that you grow to be wiser than me.
* * *
In the fortnight that followed, Teresa continued with her nursing duties. The Duchess had remained firm in her resolution to have Teresa tend Luke, though Teresa herself felt uncomfortable with the situation. It was not proper for a young lady to be so close with a young man so often, especially one that was not her husband, though a maid or Lord Luke’s valet was often there to return a level of propriety. However, she had to obey whatever the household decreed, regardless of her discomfort.
In truth, it was not an entirely unpleasant experience, which worried her all the more. Being his nurse had given her the opportunity to touch him in a way that would have otherwise been impossible. Refreshing his poultice every few days meant she got a sense of the bare skin beneath his clothes. And, although she forced the feeling down, she could not deny that it made her curious.
Once or twice, she’d caught herself staring into his eyes or staring down at his lips and prayed he had not noticed. She had quickly scolded herself, of course, for such thoughts were unbecoming of her.
Whilst it was true that she had aided her father in some of his medical procedures, she had never been so close to a young gentleman of such superior physique. The soapy scent of his skin drifted across her, filling her senses, whenever they were pushed into that proximity. It was entirely overwhelming, and made her cheeks warm with embarrassment.
The only trouble was, he seemed intent on discovering more about her. Every time she visited with him, he had more questions, which took the shine off her excitement somewhat. For some reason, he was trying to peel back the layers to discover the secrets within. Well, he may try, but he will never find anything of merit. There is naught but sadness in my history.
Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the familiar door of Lord Luke’s chambers and knocked softly.
“Come in,” Lord Luke replied.
As she stepped into the room, she was surprised to find him sitting by the fire. He had a book open on his lap, his elegant fingers turning the pages whilst his eyes darted from left-to-right across the paper.
“I did not expect you to be up, My Lord,” she said, unable to keep a small smile from her face. She was under the sneaking suspicion that Lord Luke was pretending to still be unwell, for the physician had already told the family that he was almost fully-mended. However, he continued to complain of aches and pains that required Teresa’s attention.
In truth, in the two weeks that they had spent in one another’s company, Teresa had come to appreciate Lord Luke in a different light. Her frostiness had thawed, leaving a tentatively flourishing friendship. Indeed, she found herself looking forward to these visits in a way she had never expected, and not only because it gave her the opportunity to touch his bare skin. He was an interesting gentleman, adept in the art of conversation. If she had been allowed, she could wile away entire days at his bedside.
“I thought it best not to linger in bed too long, for it is so very tedious,” he explained. “I feel as if my limbs have turned to aspic, and my mind is following closely behind. Staying in one room for all this time has a way of bringing a man to the edge of insanity.”
She chuckled softly. “I believe the only affliction upon your mind is that of melodrama, My Lord.”
“Perhaps,” he retorted, with a grin. “After all, you are the physician. You ought to know.”
“A humble governess with some experience in medicine, that is all,” she corrected. “You would be placed in an asylum, regardless of a genuine mental affliction, if anyone were to hear you call a woman a doctor.”
“My savior, then?”
She smiled at him kindly. “You saved me first, remember?”
“Ah, so I am my own savior, in a roundabout sort of way?”
“Indeed, it would seem so,” she replied, tickled by his good humor. She liked him when he was in this mood, all silliness and witty repartee. Indeed, it made him all the more handsome, prompting her cheeks to flush with sudden warmth. Handsome, kind, and amusing… What more could she have asked for in a gentleman?
“Your cheeks look a little pink this morning, Miss Dowels. Are you well?”
She stared out of the window, worried her expression would give her away. “Quite well, My Lord. It is likely the heat from the fire.”
“Ah… yes, of course. That must be it.” He eyed her suspiciously, an amused glimmer in his eyes.
I pray he does not know that I have been admiring him. But, my goodness, how perceptive he is. I wish he were not.
“Do you require my assistance this morning?” Teresa asked, feeling awkward. “If not, I will retreat to the nursery. The children will be awake soon, and they are only just regaining their schedule in their learning. Your tumble has quite thrown the household into disarray.”
“Only when my life is in danger do they bother to show that they care,” he said, a veiled bitterness in his words. “Not Philomena or Elspeth or Thomas, of course. They care for me regardless, but this injury has truly shown a few shades of my family’s true colors.”
“They are very concerned for you still, My Lord,” she assured.
He tutted. “Aside from Edmund, you mean?”
“Lord Harpington continues to ask after your wellbeing.”
“And is no doubt regaling everyone who asks about the unfortunate incident, making the story more absurd each time. Tell me, is he still proclaiming himself to be the victor of our race?”
Teresa glanced at Lord Luke. “I heard him mention so to His Grace, My Lord.”
“Ridiculous! Had his horse not veered off, he would have suffered the same fate as I.” He sighed in exasperation. “Although, I suppose I should be glad. At least neither of our horses hit you, Miss Dowels, or Thomas for that matter. I will always be grateful for that. In truth, these injuries seem almost worth the trouble.”
She frowned. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Well, had it not been for my condition, I would never have seen you smile.”
“You flatter me, My Lord,” she murmured, her throat constricting.
“No, I tell the truth.”
Heat flushed her cheeks as his words sunk in. He was looking at her with such warmth and affection that she did not quite know what to do with herself. Indeed, she almost ran from the room and headed to the nursery before another word could pass between them.
There is no use in your joy, Teresa. He may look at you with affection now, but what more can you expect from a man such as he? Do not be foolish. Do not allow yourself to feel what you should not and cannot.
Had circumstances been different, and her station been better, she knew there might have been hope of something more. Then, she might have entertained the happiness that his presence brought to her life. But, in truth, no man such as he would wish to wed a woman of so little means.
And there was nothing she could do about that.
Chapter 8
“Darling?”
The Duchess’ voice echoed through the hallway, distracting Luke’s attention. He was sitting by the window in the library, watching Miss Dowels with the children. It had become a favored pastime of his. A sweet way to while away the hours. Whenever h
e waved now, she waved back, and had a secret smile that belonged only to him. He had not seen her smile that way for anyone else.
“In here, Mother,” he called out, grabbing a book from the nearby shelf. He did not wish his mother to see him staring at the governess, more for Miss Dowels’ sake than his.
“Goodness me, you spend so much time in here,” she tutted, as she entered the room. Her eyes lingered on the four figures beyond the window, a strange frown furrowing her otherwise-smooth brow.
Look away, Mother. Do not blame her for my appreciative gaze.
“I enjoy the peace, and Father keeps his best books in here,” he explained, drawing her attention away from Miss Dowels.
“Hmm… if you say so,” she remarked suspiciously.
“Did you need me for something?” he prompted.
“Ah, yes,” she said, remembering. “I know there has been a great many distractions of late, with your injuries and such. However, it has been another week since Doctor Partridge last visited, and he informed us that you were quite well. As such, we must resume our former endeavors as if this hiccup had never happened.”
He looked at her, puzzled. “Our former endeavors, Mother? And what, pray tell, are those?”
“You know very well what I am talking about, Luke. Do not play the fool,” she chided sternly. “You must attend on your Father, and learn about the estate, so you may aid your brother in the future. I have already discussed the matter with him.” A strange note tinged his mother’s voice, but she had been acting rather strange of late, so he thought little of it.
“And what did he have to say about that?” Luke replied.
“He will do his duty, as must you,” she said simply. “He understands what is expected of him. I pray that you do, too.”
Luke laughed bitterly. “So, I am to traipse around after the pair of them?”
“Precisely.”
“But I am content where I am. Surely, you would not ask an invalid to do such a thing?”
The Duchess’ eyes narrowed. “Do not be obtuse, Luke. It does not suit you. You are not an invalid, you are perfectly well. And I would rather you did not sit here all day, staring at the governess. It undoubtedly makes her uncomfortable, as it does the rest of us.”
“I have been watching the children, Mother. Nothing more.” His throat constricted, his eyes longing to turn and look at Miss Dowels. In truth, although they were enjoying a pleasant acquaintanceship, he often found himself glancing at her in a more romantic manner. Her intelligence, humor, and captivating smile were never far from his mind.
Though he sensed such a matter was not far off, he did not want to enter into a marriage of convenience, as his own mother and father had. Nor did he want to make some poor young lady endure the same. He wanted to marry for love, as idealistic as that might sound to others.
It was why he had persisted in putting the matter off, though he had always known that he could not avoid it forever. He knew his family; love was not even a factor in his finding a wife. One day, he would be asked to obey, and he would have no choice but to agree. But Edmund would likely come first. At least, that was Luke’s hope.
“If you say so,” the Duchess replied.
“I do.”
She sighed. “Now, to the subject at hand. I understand that you young men must have your bout of recklessness, but it is time that you settled,” she went on. “You cannot always be riding wherever you please, injuring yourself as you have done. It is past time you matured, Luke. Aiding your brother will provide that for you—a reason to own your responsibilities.”
A joyful ripple of laughter found its way through the window, causing him to turn on instinct. Miss Dowels was chasing the children around the garden, pretending to be a monster of some kind. The sight brought a smile to his lips, though a second ago he had felt no cause for happiness.
“You may turn from the window, Darling,” the Duchess said with quiet menace. “I did not ask her to be your nurse so that you might make doe-eyes at her. Indeed, she has performed her duties with the utmost professionalism. I suggest you do the same, or I shall be forced to cast her out of this house.”
He whirled around. “You would not. She is blameless.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could prevent them. “And besides, I have not been making doe-eyes. I merely admire the way that the children adore her. She is excellent with them, and it brings me joy to see them smile.”
She arched a knowing eyebrow. “I very much hope that is the case, my dear, for I should hate to lose such excellent help. I, too, am delighted by the change in my youngest. Under her tutelage, they will become fair and intelligent; the kind of young gentleman and ladies that will make all of England fawn over them, in pursuit of a marriage union.”
“Because that is all you can think about,” Luke shot back. “They are children, Mother. How can you even think that for them at this moment in their lives?”
“A mother must always think ahead. Now, if I am forced to find another governess, I shall be extraordinarily cross. Miss Dowels is a delight, and I would have her remain here. It is another splendid reason as to why you must distract yourself with more important matters. Then, I shall know for certain that you are not bluffing, and you are not making doe-eyes at the poor girl.”
“I am not,” he protested.
“Then you will have no qualms about going to your brother and father now.”
Oh, you are very clever, Mother. Somehow, she had boxed him in with his own affections. If he admitted the truth and told his mother that he admired Miss Dowels very much, then she would lose her post. If he remained quiet and did as he was told, then everything would stay the same. Only, he would be forced to spend more time with his brother.
“I see there is no way that I can evade it,” he replied curtly.
“Excellent, then I shall continue to make arrangements.” She clapped her hands together in satisfied delight, before striding out of the room without so much as a cursory farewell.
With his heart sinking like a stone, Luke turned over his shoulder to glance once more at Miss Dowels.
Look at me… look at me and I will continue to hope that my life will not be without joy.
Slowly, with a subtle turn of her head, she looked back at the window. A smile lifted her features, lighting her up from within. He raised his hand in a wave, and she waved back.
Who am I trying to fool? All is already lost. I cannot have her cast out because of me.
* * *
Edmund tried to maintain an air of dignity as he sat with Luke in the Duke’s study, attempting to focus on what was being said. They were going through exceedingly dull estate matters, which had turned Edmund’s mood sour. He did not understand why Luke had been sent here, and it irked him.
Perhaps you no longer deem me worthy of my inheritance. Perhaps you are training Luke to usurp me. It was a constant paranoia in Edmund’s mind, borne of his persistent ailments. For who would want to give so much to a gentleman who could not walk without a limp and suffered haunting memories that were forever burned in his mind? His father had been the only one to encounter the night terrors that plagued Edmund from time to time, and he knew it perturbed the Duke.
Nevertheless, Luke will only prove himself useless… and yet, you will likely congratulate him at every turn, Father. He kept quiet, not wanting to stir the pot. He wrestled with his paranoia, trying to conjure a different line of thought. One that perplexed him less. He settled on one as his breathing slowed, resolving to believe that this was his mother’s doing, as a means of bringing the brothers closer together. Nothing more. I fear it will not work, Mother.
After all, Luke had nothing to worry about. He had always drifted where he pleased, whenever he pleased, caring little for the estate. Meanwhile, Edmund was left with the future of the household on his shoulders, as well as his own Marquessate to contend with. What aid could Luke possibly be, when he cared so little for this kind of thing?
I must endure, he
told himself. I must continue to build my reputation, so that they see how inferior Luke is. Indeed, he wondered if this might be the perfect opportunity. Even if he had to watch Luke fumble through matters of the household, he would do so, if only to keep the peace and bolster his own aptitude for these matters. But Luke was so very immature and reckless. How could he possibly undertake the enormity of helping to run an estate without wrecking everything?
As long as he does not threaten what I am creating, I will allow it.
“Father, I was hoping we might gather some of the local militia and send them out onto the roads, to look for the highwaymen who attacked Miss Dowels,” Luke said suddenly, surprising everyone. “It will not do, to have such criminals roaming close to our estate. I would not see the same thing happen to another unfortunate young lady.”
An Untamed Governess For The Rogue (Steamy Historical Regency) Page 6
