by Alex Grayson
Digging her heels against my back, she lifts her hips, silently seeking what we both desperately want.
I lace our fingers together, placing them by her head, and reach down with the other hand to grip my cock, lining it up with her opening. Our eyes stay locked together as I slowly sink inside.
“Fuck,” I hiss. “I’ve missed this, Ellie. So tight and hot.”
She leans up and kisses my lips delicately before laying her head back against the blanket. The expression in her eyes is fragile.
“It’s only ever been you,” she whispers so softly, I barely hear her.
I frown, scared I heard her wrong, but so damn hopeful I didn’t.
“You’ve never….”
She’s shaking her head before I can finish.
I crush my lips to her and flex my hips, sliding in another couple of inches. She was a virgin the first time we slept together. To think that she’s never let another man touch her makes me so fucking delirious. She blessed me with the gift of her virginity twelve years ago, and she just gave me another: the knowledge that no other man has or will ever touch her.
I pull back, wanting to see the pleasure wash over her face. Hitching her leg higher over my hip, I keep my thrusts long and slow, not wanting to rush this. I grit my teeth, feeling the stirrings of my own release approaching.
Her mouth parts, her breaths coming in short pants as tiny moans slip past her lips. Leaning down, I nip at her bottom lip, pulling it away from her own teeth. Her inner walls clamp around my sensitive cock, thrusting me closer to the edge of the abyss. She tips her head back, and I bask in the sensuous look that comes across her face as she lets out a low cry.
I pick up my speed, pumping harder into her warm depths, wanting to ride the wave of pleasure with her. My cock thickens, my balls drawing up, and my abs tighten as the first jets of my release fill her.
She lowers her head slowly, her eyes blinking open and focusing on mine, the silver mercury mixing with stormy gray.
“So beautiful,” I murmur gruffly, overcome with the emotion of witnessing her pleasure after so long.
Her smile is shy and so fucking adorable.
I slide out of her, groaning low when the sensation of her still quivering walls assaults my semi-hard shaft, and roll to my side to face her. Her head rests on one of my biceps; my other arm tucks around her waist, pulling our lower torsos flush against each other. Our legs tangle together.
“It’s too late now, but we didn’t use a condom,” I disclose. I give not one fuck, but I’m not sure how she feels about it. Hell, I’d love to see her swollen with my baby.
“I’m on birth control, and, well… you know I haven’t been with anyone.”
I’m still elated about that. I wish I could give her the same answer; that I haven’t been with anyone else.
“I’ve always used protection,” I inform her. Her eyes drop from mine, but I see the sadness in them before she does.
“Hey,” I call, and she lifts her eyes back up. “You don’t know how much I wish I could give you what you’ve given me, but I never thought I’d have you in my life again.”
“I know.” Her lips tip up in a fake grin. “It’s dumb to even think about.”
“You can’t help how you feel, Ellie. Don’t belittle your feelings. Just know that, since you came back into my life, I haven’t been with anyone else, and you’ll be the only person I’m with for the rest of it.”
Some of the sadness eases from her eyes and my stomach unknots itself. I know she still has reservations about us, but over time, she’ll understand she doesn’t have to fear me hurting her again.
A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER, I’m half reclining against the headboard and half lying down. Ellie is between my legs, partially turned on her side and pressed against my stomach. One of my legs is bent and trapped between hers with my foot wedged against her ass. I can feel the heat of her pussy against my lower calf.
We just finished with our third round of lovemaking. I’ve never used that term before. I’ve had rough sex, dirty sex, gentle sex, and everything in between, but I’ve never made love before—except with Ellie. Only ever with Ellie. Of course, Ellie and I have had the rough and dirty variety as well.
I swipe my finger over the scar beneath her jaw. “Tell me about this.” My voice is low in the quiet room.
She sucks in a soft breath and releases it slowly. It takes her several seconds to begin talking.
“My jaw was broken in two different places, and my right cheekbone was shattered. The gravel I fell on did some pretty good damage as well. It left deep grooves in my cheek. The surgeons believe the one who kicked my jaw must have been wearing steel-toe boots, because the force was so strong, part of my jaw bone sliced open the underside of my jaw.”
Feral rage builds in my system, and my hand curls into a fist. Ellie notices and picks up my hand, kissing the top of my knuckles.
“My clavicle was also broken.” She runs a finger along the scar just past where her collarbone meets the humerus bone. “I needed surgery to repair the damage. My arm broke in three different places, but no surgery for that one. Just a cast.”
She speaks with no emotion in her voice, and I wonder if she’s distancing herself to keep from breaking down. Her ordeal was gruesome and hideous, not to mention extremely painful. She mentioned seeing a psychiatrist; I have no doubt she’s dealt with PTSD.
“I had three broken ribs, and they were concerned I may develop pneumonia because I couldn’t breathe properly with the pain. Thankfully, I didn’t. I did have to have surgery to repair the ligaments in my other arm though, along with my ankle bone. I still have trouble with my ankle at times. It becomes achy, so if you see me limping, especially in the winter, that’s why.”
She just obliterated my fucking heart. This woman has been through hell and back, is still suffering from it, and it’s partially my fault.
She curls a strand of hair behind her ear, staring off in the distance. I only have a profile view of her face, and I want to force her eyes on me, but I let her be for the time being. I worry if I move too much or make a sound, I’ll break the spell that’s keeping her going. She’s killing me slowly with her words, but the least I can do is suffer through them.
“There was a lot of pain involved with all of my injuries because I was limited on the medication I could take. I refused anything that could potentially harm the baby.”
I’m surprised when she moves suddenly. She flips around onto her stomach, her breasts smashed against my dick. She lays her palms, one on top of the other, on my stomach and rests her chin on the back of her hands. Her eyes meet mine, and the remembered pain of her attack shining in the gray orbs cripples the fuck out of me.
“I was left with a lot of grotesque scars on my face. There was also a lot of nerve damage. The best course of action was plastic surgery. They wanted to take flesh from my thighs for my face. However, the doctors felt it was best I wait until after I had Maisy. I had already had two surgeries, one for my ankle and one for the ligaments and clavicle. The scarring and nerve damage weren’t as dire. I had no idea how I was going to have the surgery because I had no one that I trusted enough to care for Maisy during my recovery. My uncle Declan’s been a blessing in so many ways. He showed up two months after I had Maisy. A month later, I had the surgery.” She blows out a tired breath, her eyes tearing up. “Through everything, it was Maisy that kept me strong. If not for her, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have just given up. She’s a miracle in more ways than one.”
A lump forms in my throat, and my skin feels tight over my sinew, muscles, and bones.
I’m conflicted, because my mind roars at me to seek justice against those who hurt her, my blood running ice cold in my veins at the pure wrath waiting to break free and destroy. But the pain of what she went through, not being there for her and not protecting her, leaves my heart feeling likes it’s been through a meat grinder. I’ll never be able to make up for my par
t in all this, but I’ll damn sure make sure it never happens again.
I swipe my thumbs beneath her eyes, wiping away the few tears that have escaped. “Why didn’t you tell me all this when you told me about the attack?”
Lifting her head, she rubs her lips against the back of her hand, then rests her chin back down.
“Because I knew you already felt guilt for what happened. Giving you the details would have made that guilt grow.”
“I am fuckin’ guilty, Ellie,” I say vehemently. “It was me who pushed you away. It was me who should have protected you. You were there because I put you there. It wasn’t my fists or boots that did the damage, but those bastards got to you because of what I did. You almost lost our daughter because of me.”
I’m nearly shouting by the time I’m done. My heart pumps rapidly and my throat feels like I’m breathing in razor blades. How in the hell can she look at me and not hate me?
I watch with frantic eyes as she gets to her knees, bringing the blanket with her over her shoulders. She straddles my lap and sits back on my lower stomach. She grips the sides of my head and leans down until our noses almost touch. Her lips are tight as she scowls right there in my face.
“You listen to me, Judge, and you listen good. Do you honestly believe that you would have ever let anything happen to me if you thought for a second that I was in danger?” She shakes my head when I keep quiet. “Answer me, dammit,” she demands, her eyes fierce.
“No!” I growl. “Nothing would have stopped me from protecting you! I would have taken every fuckin’ blow you took if I could!”
Her expression softens, her fingers leaving the back of my head and running through the strands of my hair. Her head tilts to the side.
“I know you would have, and it pains me so much to think about you being hurt the same way I was. I was bitter, resentful, and I blamed you for a long time. But I know”—she grabs my hand and places it over her chest where I feel the rhythmic beat—“I know in here, you would have never let me leave that apartment if you knew what I was walking into. I was stupid for leaving my car the way I did. I should have sucked up my self-pity and come back to you and asked for help. The only people to blame are the ones who caused the damage.”
I know what she’s saying is logical. Had the situation been reversed, I would have demanded she not take the blame for something she couldn’t control, but no matter what she says, how true her words may be, there will be no eradicating the blame I feel. Regardless of the fact that I would have done anything to have prevented her attack had I known about it, in the end, it was my actions that put her there. Any man with a conscience would feel that way.
I pull my hand from hers and tug her down until her head is against my shoulder. Her arms go around my waist and she hugs me tight. I close my eyes and thank God she’s here with me. She came so close to death. A few more hits could have taken her from this earth, and the kicker is, I probably wouldn’t have known about it.
When we had dinner with Mae the day after they arrived, I asked JW for an update on the guy who got away. He had nothing so far. However, the two guys that were in prison are now in graves in the Eddyville State Penitentiary Cemetery in Lyon County, Kentucky.
Although that was satisfying to hear, what I really want is the third guy. I fucking need to slaughter that bastard with my bare hands.
Only then will I be able to move past the guilt that eats at me for not protecting Ellie when she needed me the most.
Chapter Nineteen
ELLIE
I’M MAKING MY WAY back to the front of the store to check out when something catches my attention. Just as I get to the end of the aisle, I stop and cock my head. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but I justify my actions with the fact they’re talking about the father of my child and the man I’m sleeping with. Anyone in my position would be curious and do the same thing. And if they say otherwise, I’d call them a liar.
Even so, I grab my phone from my pocket and pretend to be looking at something. You know, just in case someone catches me snooping.
“I just miss him so much,” the feminine voice sighs. She sounds familiar. “I’ve only ever been with Judge and Simon. Obviously, there’s no comparison between the two. It’s not really the sex, you know? Although that was phenomenal. I miss the companionship. I miss simply talking to him.”
“We all miss him,” another familiar voice says. “It’s going to take some time, but everything is going to be okay.”
One of them sniffs. My heart starts racing, and my palms turn sweaty against the cart I’m pushing. What are they talking about? Was he having sex with both of these women? The thought sours my stomach.
“I just wish he’d let us get to know them. Judge has been so good to us. I’d love to be able to get to know his daughter.”
“You know why that can’t happen yet, Layla. He wants to make sure they’re comfortable here before he dumps that on Ellie.”
Layla? How do I know that name? It only takes me a moment to remember her from the restaurant that first day. The pretty blonde. Is the other woman who’s talking one of the others who was with her?
My elbow knocks into the shelf and something falls on the floor. Loudly. I wince. The voices stop, and I slowly lift my head. Layla and the woman who was introduced as Jamie come around the corner. When they see me standing there, my face drained of color, their complexions pale to match my own.
When Jamie takes a step toward me, I hold my hand up. “Stop,” I say hoarsely. “Just stop.”
“It’s not what you think, Ellie,” she pleads, her hands twisting in front of her.
“I think it’s exactly how it sounded.” I drop my phone back in my purse, the ruse no longer needed, and turn to leave, but spin back to them. “You both are sleeping with him?” I ask, needing to know.
“No!” they both shout at the same time. They look around to see if anyone heard.
I laugh bitterly. “I heard her.” I point my finger at Layla. “She said she missed sex with him. Phenomenal sex.”
“That was before,” she answers quietly.
“Before what?”
“Before he knew about you. Before you came here with Maisy that first time.”
I nod and turn my eyes to Jamie. “And you? Were you sleeping with him too?” She doesn’t need to say anything. The answer is on her face. “What about the other girl who was with you the other day? Her name was Gillian, right?”
Jamie closes her eyes and nods slowly.
My laugh is harsh. I drag my fingers through my hair, gripping the strands and giving a slight tug. My chest feels tight and it’s hard to draw in breath.
“That’s perfect,” I say sharply. “The man I’m living with, the father of my child, the one who I’m sleeping with is a man whore.”
Layla’s expression darkens with anger and animosity.
“You’ve got no right to judge him,” she says heatedly. “You weren’t in the picture until recently. You’ve had no hold over him. He was a grown man and could make his own decisions.”
“You’re right.” I jerk my chin up, narrowing my eyes. “I didn’t have a hold over him. I still don’t. And he could sleep with whomever he wanted. But it would have been nice to have known he was in a polyamorous relationship from him instead of overhearing it from his women.”
She flinches and drops her gaze to the floor.
“I’ve heard enough.”
I spin on my heel, leaving my shopping cart behind.
“Ellie!” Jamie calls, but I ignore her.
I leave through the sliding glass doors, get in Judge’s car he let me use, and head back to his house. The whole way there, anger heats my blood and pain lances my chest.
How could he do this to me? How could he throw me to the wolves like that? Layla was right, he’s a grown man and could make his own decisions. If he wanted to sleep with all of the female population in Malus, he has the right to make that choice, bu
t he had to have known I would find out and it would hurt me. Why didn’t he tell me himself?
I pull into the driveway, my hands shaking and my head pounding. I take several deep breaths, trying to get my nerves under control, before I shut the car off and climb out. I’m walking up the steps when the door is pulled open. Judge stands there wearing an unreadable expression.
I storm past him and head to the hallway to check on Maisy. She’s at the desk Judge had delivered for her.
“Hey, kiddo, whatcha doin’?” I ask, keeping my voice calm.
“Writing Nina a letter. Daddy said he’ll make sure it gets mailed out.”
Nina is one of her best friends back in Kentucky.
“I’m sure she’ll love getting a letter from you.”
She turns and smiles up at me. “Yeah.”
I run my hand down the back of her head. “Me and your dad are going to be out back for a little while. If you need anything, come get us.”
“Okay.” She flips the pencil over and erases something, then swipes away the tiny eraser pieces once she’s finished.
I leave her and find Judge leaning against the wall in the hallway. I glower at him as I pass by. My steps are purposeful as I walk to the back door and go outside to the patio. I stop at the edge of the cement, crossing my arms over my chest, and stare out into the backyard.
I don’t know what emotion dominates more. Anger, hurt, or betrayal. I just know I don’t like the feelings.
The door clicks behind me and I feel him getting close. Thankfully, he stops before he reaches me, and keeps quiet. I’m sure Layla or Jamie called and told him what happened in the store.
After several tense moments, I turn and face him. His expression is still closed off, but I sense wariness surrounding him. He appears relaxed, but appearances can be very deceiving.
“Who exactly are Layla, Jamie, and Gillian to you?” I start, my body stiff as I glare at him.
“My ex-lovers,” he answers bluntly.
His answer shouldn’t come as a surprise. I’ve gathered as much from my eavesdropping and conversation with Layla and Jamie. It still hurts to have it confirmed.
