* * *
I am old enough to buy alcohol,
Enlist in the army,
Buy a car.
But it feels as if I’m just two seconds old.
That cord wrapping around my neck when I turn on the TV
And I see it.
I see white people painting their faces black
I see cops killing innocent men because their skin is black
I see racial slurs at basketball players when the sport is dominated by men who are black
I see people who look like me being treated as
Entertainment
Slaves
A Statistic.
* * *
I claw at that cord that’s wrapped around my neck.
I’m screaming for it to become loose.
I’m crying for it to become loose.
I’m dying for it to become loose.
Before my chance at life is over and
I lose.
I was a believer in having your life changed in a matter of seconds. It happened to me before. Once when I lost my mother and once when Hector hijacked his way into my life. And now, it was happening again. With Maya and Aliyah’s words, with poetry.
Long after Aliyah left the stage, I sat there on the bench, my eyes glued to the center stage, my heart hurting, my mind inspired, and my jaw still dropped in awe. I was mesmerized. It wasn’t until the bartender nudged me that I tore my eyes away and shut my mouth. “You want another one,” he asked, motioning to my almost full bottle.
I shook my head and paid my bill and somehow made my feet move me outside and then toward Hector’s car. For the first time, I didn’t seek him out as I got in and buckled up. I collapsed against my seat, closing my eyes, completely spent.
I didn’t know what I expected from tonight but it wasn’t this. I felt like my mind was swept of all knowledge and the only thing I now knew was the prose of poetry. About the written word transferring to spoken word in such a powerful way, it’s almost as if I dreamt it. I didn’t feel real in this moment. It was too beautiful to be real. It was too inspiring to be real. It was too real to be real.
It was a few minutes before I felt the car move, almost hesitantly.
“Did you have a good time?” Hector asked softly when we made it outside of the city. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. I hadn’t felt like this before. Like I found something that was so vital to me as a human that I didn’t know how I lived without it before.
“Let’s not talk,” I said, my voice hard and unrecognizable even to my own ears. He didn’t say another word and I was grateful.
I blinked my eyes open, turning my head to face the window. Flashes of green greeted me, calming my wild heart. I couldn’t stop the tears welling up in my eyes. And I didn’t fight them as they fell past my eyelids, staining my cheeks.
Tonight changed me. Something altered inside of me that, if I’m being honest, had been settling in over the past two months.
It had been the morning I woke up in a strange bed thinking it was heaven. It was when I ate a pound of hot hot sauce and he made it all better. It was how his anger became all-consuming when I told him who Cameron Wade was to me. It was how he made a deal with me so I could have a life after taking one.
I twisted my head, seeking him out. He was beautiful, growing sweeter on my eyes every time my eyes landed on him. His eyes focused on the road, an elbow propped up on the door, his fist holding his head upright. His other hand didn’t strum against the steering wheel to the beat of the music. Probably because there was no music. He must have turned it off and I hadn’t even noticed.
I reached out for him, trailing my fingers across his forearm. The dust of dark hair rose against his skin. He shot me a questioning glance, grabbing the steering wheel with his other hand. I peeled his hand from the steering wheel, bringing it down between us.
I stared at our hands. His big to my small. His brown to my white. Yet, somehow, in spite of how it looked, it felt so right. It was him who separated my fingers with his and curled his palm around mine.
I was a planner, and by default, a thinker. It hit me tonight as Aliyah was sharing her story through prose that somewhere along the way, I had stopped feeling a long time ago. Tonight changed that. If I was being honest, he changed that.
I held Hector’s hand the entire way home. Once we were out of his car, I recaptured his hand and followed him into the house and into the room we shared. We laid down in silence. I had a confession to make to him. Several. But not tonight. Tonight, I wanted to look at him. To study his face until I had every blemish and crevice memorized.
He didn’t offer up any confessions of his own, knowing exactly what I needed in the moment. I fell asleep in his soft grip, the smallest of smiles curving his lips, and the knowledge that this man who had seemed like the biggest curse of my life a few months ago was masked as the biggest blessing of my life.
When I woke the next morning, my hand gripped where his hand should’ve been but I only grasped the sheet beneath my body. He always woke up before me. There were days I was grateful for it. Sometimes after one of our long talks, I needed to be alone. To face that fact that I confided him in a way I’d never imagined I could to another person.
But this morning was different. I wanted to look at him like I did each night in the light of day. I wanted to see his cheek twitching because he felt my gaze on him. I wanted his hand to still be cradling mine. I wanted him.
I threw the blankets off of me and trudged downstairs to find him. I followed the sounds of a soft Latin melody and the sizzling of grease. He stood over the stove, a spatula in one hand, his glass of eggs in his other.
I stopped in my tracks when our eyes clashed. His eyes focused on me, a question swirling in them. This wasn’t the same Hector that I woke up to the day before. His face and body were still the same. He wore his usual getup of basketball shorts and a naked chest. But the way he looked today, felt different.
“Annie,” he whispered, his eyebrow raising with concern.
The sound of my name on his lips tore a small gasp out of me. “Do you have a pen and paper?”
His eyebrows scrunched together but he turned around searching for the items I asked for. He slid them across the bar to me and I put pen to paper, scribbling furiously as words assaulted my brain.
I’ve heard people say
a girl with a gun is a powerful thing.
So why, when I held one in my hands,
did your kiss still bring me to my knees?
I read what I wrote once. And then once more. I read it again until I memorized the four lines. My head snapped up to Hector who studied me from across the small space.
“Are you okay, bonita?”
I nodded because I didn’t want to lie to him. The truth is I was the farthest thing from okay. Poetry invaded my life in the same way that Hector did. One I fell in love with instantly and the other, it wasn’t instant and it wasn’t easy, but I was still halfway there.
We ate in silence and the drive into the city passed the same way. He didn’t press me and I didn’t offer anything up. The moment the car parked I was grabbing the handle and lurching out of the car, barely hearing his yell. “Call me if you need anything.”
I walked into Philly Range with my head down and quickly slipped into my office. I sat down and got started on the cleaning of guns.
I didn’t get lost in the mechanics of tearing the gun apart and putting it back together again. I couldn’t get lost because I already was. Lost in a man. Lost in a man who supported me, who encouraged me. Who wanted nothing more out of me than for me to be who I am.
A knock at the door snapped me out of my thoughts. Matt stood there, his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie, a sheepish look on his face.
I set the gun down and hitched an eyebrow in his direction. “You know where I’ve been.” It wasn’t a question. How else could he have known about Hector when I hadn’t once spoken his name inside of these walls? As much as I hated Hector’s ru
le of being seen in public with him, I respected it.
He shuffled inside and sat down on the edge of the desk. “He saved you, right? You were in trouble and he saved you.”
A couple of months ago, I would have argued that he didn’t save me. He stopped me. He stalled me. But the Annie I was slowly discovering didn’t want to argue because she agreed. “Something like that.”
“What would have happened if he didn’t save you? What would have happened if I saved you?”
“I would be settling into my new life in Mexico.”
He flinched at my words but I couldn’t find it in me to feel bad. He wanted the truth and he got it.
“Matt, there’s a reason I never let you in on any of my secrets. You were never going to be a part of my escape plan. That’s why I resisted our friendship for so long. The plan was always to leave you behind. I would miss you. I would think about you often. But you were always going to be a part of my past. Hector is different. Hector is everything. I can’t imagine a future without him and I can’t remember how I ever lived without him.”
Matt sighed and stood tall, reaching his hand out for me. I accepted it warily, unsure of how he would accept my words. He pulled me into a hug and I let him. There was a time before Hector where Matt was all I had.
I could let him have this moment. I didn’t wrap my arms around him; I just stood there as he took what he needed from me. He pulled back after a long moment and held me at a close distance. “We would have been great together,” he murmured. I didn’t say anything. It didn’t help either of us to bruise his ego any more than I already had.
I stepped back, hoping he’d relinquish his hold on me. His hands gripped tighter around my biceps and before I knew it, his lips smashed against mine. I opened my mouth to protest and his tongue dipped inside of my mouth. I used my feet to kick his shin as hard as I could. He cursed, tearing his mouth away from mine. The disgust from his forceful kiss soaked every inch of my body. I no longer cared about his feelings. I only cared about mine.
I took advantage of his lessened height as he rubbed his shin and drew my hand back before landing an uppercut to his jaw. I didn’t pull my punch, too much anger coursing through me. He fell backward as he howled in pain. His skin cracked at the contact, blood dripping on the floor.
“Annie, what the fuck?”
I leaned down until our eyes met. “That’s the difference between you and him, Matt. You take what you want, fuck the consequences. He takes what I give him, nothing more and nothing less.”
At my words, reality washed over him and regret flashed across his face. He opened his mouth to say something but he grimaced in pain. I hopped up and fished for my phone, calling for an ambulance.
I returned back to Matt’s side and held his hand until the EMTs showed up. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry but I couldn’t find it in me to voice the words. Friends or not, what he did was a dick move.
I backed away as soon as the paramedics swarmed in the room and started to assess him. I looked in the doorway just as a flash of white skin and raven black hair came running in, wild eyes searching for something, searching for me.
“Nolan?” I questioned.
He ran up to me and placed his hands on me warily. His eyes traced over my head, down to my arms, looking for any sign of harm. “I’m okay,” I promised him.
His eyes left me, narrowing in Matt’s direction, somehow putting the puzzle pieces together. I grabbed his hand to distract him. “Do you know anything about bank accounts?”
As soon as he nodded, I started to steer us out of my office. “Good. I need one and we could have lunch while we’re out.” My eyes flicked to the EMTs transferring Matt’s body onto a stretcher. “Unless I need to make a statement once the cops arrive.”
“The cops aren’t coming, Annie.”
“Isn’t that what usually happens?” I didn’t know. It’s not like I went around assaulting people.
Nolan quirked a shoulder up. “Usually.”
* * *
“Are you planning on eating dinner in here, bonita?”
I had been standing in this spot for the past ten minutes staring at Annie. Her silence from this morning had transferred into the evening. She’s barely said ten words to me all day and we’d been home for over an hour. On her way in, she brushed past me, heading straight into my study. I didn’t use this room for anything. Mostly, I used it to file receipts and other documentation from my various businesses. But Annie found my computer, the various blank notebooks and pens, and made herself comfortable.
Her head snapped up, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of pink.
I tilted my head suspiciously. She dropped the pencil she’d been writing with on top of the desk, slamming the cover to her notebook shut.
I had to bite my lip to hold back the hundreds of questions I wanted to ask. She would come to me in her own time. I knew she would.
“Is it ready?”
I hummed my answer, my eyes glued on that notebook, her hands still curled around the closed notebook. My eyes only left the bundle of paper when she stood, moving around the desk. She ducked her head, avoiding my eyes, brushing past me. I turned to walk in step with her. I reached out, my fingers grabbing her neck softly, my fingers splayed across her warm skin. She froze at my touch. “Are you okay?” I whispered.
She tilted her head back and I let go of her neck, trailing my hands down her back. “I’m okay, Hector,” she assured me just as quietly. She turned against me, resting her palm in the center of my chest. Before I knew what was happening, she curled up against me, wrapping her arms around my back.
I tensed for a few seconds until my mind caught up with the rest of my body and enveloped the woman in my arms. I palmed her head against my chest, running my hands over her hair in deep, slow strokes.
“A while ago, you thanked me.” She spoke into my chest, her voice muffled. “You thanked me for letting you know me.” She cleared her throat, bunching my shirt up in two fistfuls. “The thing is, when we met, I didn’t know who I was. So, it’s really me who should be thanking you.”
I tugged on her hair until those eyes raised to meet mine. Her hands loosened against my back. “Thank you, Hector. Thank you for seeing me when I was too afraid to look in a mirror. No matter what your intentions were when we first met, you changed my life.”
I dropped my forehead to hers. “I didn’t do anything.”
Her hands snuck up and cradled my face. I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. Her lips were right there. All I’d have to do is lean in, barely an inch, and the lips I felt like I’d been craving my whole life would be mine again. “I know you’re dying to ask me about what’s happened last night and then this morning and I want to tell you.” Her thumb swept across my cheeks. “But I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
I nodded, moving both of our heads in the process. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes, placing my hands over hers and lifting them from my face. I closed the space between us, ghosting my lips across her cheek. “Tell me when you’re ready. I’m not going anywhere.”
She nodded, curling back into me as we walked into the kitchen.
We started eating the moment we sat down. Annie stuffing her face like she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Neither of us made it through one serving before my phone went off, flashing Nolan’s name.
I walked into the living room before picking it up, turning on the TV to the basketball pre-show. “Yes?”
“Matt’s in the hospital.”
I frowned. Since when did I give a fuck what happened to Matt Panini? “Nolan, there better be a good reason behind this phone call,” I grumbled.
“His jaw is fractured. It was touch and go for a while but the doctors said a wiring wasn’t necessary for him to recover.”
“Why do I care, Nolan? He probably deserved it.”
Nolan’s voice dropped to a whisper as he dropped a bombshell on me. “He tried to kiss Annie.”
“What?” I roared.
My blood boiled at the thought of him touching her. I collapsed onto the couch, shoving my hands into my hair. “Did she kiss him back?” I whispered.
“No, Hector. She pushed him off and then decked him. And Hector, she didn’t pull her punches.” Nolan chuckled, admiration evident in his voice.
“Is he still there now?”
“Room 204.”
I ended the call, sliding into my sneakers and grabbing my keys from the kitchen. Annie was long gone, tucked back into the study. I left without telling her and raced down to New Hazle Medical.
I didn’t know exactly what I planned to do. Annie took care of the situation and herself. There wasn’t really anything for me to do. But I warned him. I fucking warned him not to get between me and Annie.
I arrived, taking the elevators to the second floor. I hopped off of the elevator, my eyes seeking out his room. “Can I help you?” A woman stepped into my path, a bright smile lighting up her face.
“I need room 204.”
She narrowed her eyes up at me and I didn’t know why but I wanted to knock my knuckles against her nose. She was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen. A short woman with short brown hair and delicate features. “Are you family?”
“Would I be here if I wasn’t?”
Her lips puckered. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“You didn’t answer mine.”
“Lacey.” Lily’s voice snapped our banter, both of our eyes turning to my favorite doctor.
She shot daggers at me as she wrapped her hands protectively around the woman’s shoulders. I received the message clearly as if she’d spoken the words aloud. Don’t fuck with her.
“Mr. Collins is calling for you again.” Lacey sighed halfheartedly. “And you, go ahead back. It’s the last room on the left. I have to get going before I miss tip-off.”
Hijacked Page 19
