Griffin kept talking to them, demanding information. They kept refusing, intent on watching me. I was the target – the only one they were trying to infiltrate.
I caught glimpses of images. I rejected the intrusions, tried hard to stay focused, keep the walls up, but I still saw the broken snapshots, pictures sliding past my eyes in a fast-motion blur. But they were definitely there.
First I saw him. The only that always seemed to feature at the moments. Even now – with all I have faced, feared, conquered – he still haunts me, accessing that place in the pit of my stomach, which can send terror flooding through my body. The teacher who attacked me, threw me on a wooden desk and ripped at my clothes while pushing his hard calloused fingers into my arms as he forced me down.
I hated that this - that he – was somehow a part of my internal structure now, something I could not tear from my being or my history. I saw his face flash by – just a glimpse. But a glimpse was enough.
My hands went to the side of my head as I tried to physically hold myself together. But then … the vision settled on one scene.
It wasn"t him I was seeing as much as me.
Oh no.
I knew where this was going.
I was back in the desert, reliving the moment when I had put his face to the silhouette my dark angel had told me I must kill. I watched now, as the events once again unfolded, separate to me somehow, in another place. I could see myself crying, begging not to be there. I held the dagger in my hand and pulled it back, ready to make my strike and then watched as the figure morphed into a new shape – me – just as I drove the dagger up into the heart.
There were three of me: the now me, watching this vision; the killer me, holding the dagger; and the dead me, dropping to the ground in a pool of blood, lifeless and … gone.
I vaguely felt something burning in my legs but I couldn"t concentrate. I needed to not be here – to not see this. I couldn"t go through this again. I drew within and worked furiously, trying to put up my defences. It started to work and then, all of a sudden, as my barriers sprung up, shutting down the images of my past self and the desert, something smashed me across the face.
I opened my eyes, and I was once again in the clearing outside the little farmhouse. I was kneeling on rocks, jagged metal scraps and shattered glass, in the midst of a pool of blood.
Nyla was standing above me, a scary combat-ready look on her face. Griffin was crouched at my side, looking more concerned.
He stood and put a hand out. „You okay?"
„Yeah," I said, tasting blood in my mouth. I must have bitten down on my tongue at some point. „They … they were both – I"m sorry, I just wasn"t ready," I said, embarrassed that I had not been able to stop them.
„They were strong Violet. Very strong – two of them together would have been nearly impossible for any of us to hold back. They weren"t going after us – just you," Rudyard said, as Griffin pulled me up.
„What happened?" I asked, looking around. The two fear exiles were gone.
„Returned. We had no option – fear can kil ," Griffin said.
Oh.
„What about the other one?" I asked, looking over to where Nyla now towered over the less powerful exile.
„That"s why I slapped you – sorry. I need your help with this one," Griffin said, leading me over to where Nyla had repositioned herself to tower over the less-powerful exile.
She gave me a nod. „Alright?" She sounded so different from normal, in complete battle mode.
If it doesn"t need to be said right now – don"t say it.
„Yep."
Griffin crouched down beside the exile whose leg was now healed. „Can you see her?" he asked him, pointing up to me. „Can you feel her power?"
The exile looked at me and then down to the ground.
„Have you heard about what she can do?" Griffin continued, taunting. „I bet you have. She can strip you – make you only human; rotting, rancid flesh with no power – not matter what your choice."
My mouth dropped open as I listened to Griffin verbally torture this exile, but Nyla gave me a look that stopped me interrupting. I knew she was right but still – Christ.
„Where is the Grigori Scripture? We know you know. Tell me now or I"l tell her," he looked up at me again, „to go ahead and get a little retribution. Get me?"
The exile didn"t lift his head, but nodded.
Mother of God.
„Where?" Griffin pressed.
„I can"t tell you a specific location – just … how to find it, that"s all. But you have to let me go," the exile said.
„Tell us what you know – everything you know – and I will let you go for tonight," Griffin said and as he did I could feel him inject truth into his words so the exile would feel assured, but also so that he understood he had to tell us all that he knew.
„Okay," the exile said, standing up.
We all moved back a step, keeping the right striking distance.
„The Scriptures are where all the Rules were first placed," he said, a small smile creeping into his sour expression.
„What?" I responded, starting to realise what it was that kept making me feel uneasy.
„Where are all the Rules went. In the beginning. The Rules – for the three that existed on Earth, welcome or not – there were rules and other … instructions, as needed. Find the place of the Rules, find the lost Scriptures."
I moved forward. Griffin put a hand out to stop me, but I pushed it away. I was closer to the exile than was wise, but I figured he had been sufficiently petrified about what I could do to him and so wouldn"t be overly stupid now.
„I"m going to ask you to one more question. Griffin over there is going to know if you tell the truth. If you do, you can go. If you don"t …"
The exile"s eyes darted between us all. I didn"t need to turn around to know the threatening looks he would be getting right now – they had my back.
„What?" he growled.
I spoke slowly. I knew what I was about to say was potentially major. I needed to keep my voice steady even though the very idea of what I might be suggesting was horrific. „You said there were rules for the three who existed. You said Scriptures not Scripture. What else is with the Grigori Scripture?"
His smiled broadened. „He"s been waiting for you to figure that out."
„Who?" I snapped.
„You said one question – which one?"
I swallowed hard. „The first."
„Humans found their rules, close to three and a half thousand years ago. The others, one for the Grigori and one for the Exiled, remain in their original place of belonging," he sighed,
„though not for much longer." He bowed his head at me, then looked at Griffin.
„That"s all he knows, Violet," Griffin confirmed.
„I"l be on my way then," he said as he took off running, super-fast. We all just watched, a little dumbstruck.
„God help us," Griffin spoke quietly. „We need to find those Scriptures before they do.
Now, more than ever."
„Let"s start by getting Violet cleaned up," Nyla said, putting an arm around me as we started the walk back to where we had left the car.
I hadn"t taken much notice until that point, but the cuts on my legs were deep and my knees were starting to swell.
The drive back was quiet. There was a lot to talk about, but right now I couldn"t do it and I knew everyone else respected that.
I gave Steph a call to let her know I was on my way home.
„No worries," she said. „We caught up with Spence and Zoe after the rant ended they fil ed us in. I came back to your placed just in case your Dad. He hasn"t yet, but if he does, I"l just say you"re in the shower or something."
„Thanks. Be back there in about half an hour," I said.
„Are you okay? You sound wasted," Steph said, concern growing in her voice.
„Yeah. I"m just exhausted. I"l fil you in when I get home."
After I hung
up, Griffin turned to me. „Don"t you want to go back to Lincoln"s? Get those knees healed?"
„Oh …" I looked at my knees. The bleeding had mostly stopped. They"d hurt like hel tomorrow, but it would be the weekend and I just couldn"t cope with any more tonight. „No.
it"s just a few scratches. They"l heal on their own."
„If you say so," he said, bot buying it, but not pressing.
As we neared my street, Nyla inched a little closer and spoke quietly. „Violet, do you want to talk about it?"
I knew what she was asking but even acknowledging the fear the exiles had reawakened was more than I could handle.
„No," I said, working hard to remain focused on nothing. I"d taken enough visits down memory lane today.
„Okay," she said, realising I wasn"t a share-share kind of girl but giving my hand a pat anyway.
Just one more block and then I"m out!
Getting into my building took a while since I had to loiter outside, waiting for the security guy to go for a wander down the halls, so I could slip unnoticed.
When I finally made it inside my apartment, I closed the door and locked the deadbolt, just like any other day. I held myself together and opened the door to my bedroom. There, sound asleep in my bed, lay Steph.
I whispered, „Steph!" checking she was asleep, hoping she wouldn"t wake up.
She didn"t.
I moved on autopilot back out to the living room, turned on the TV softly to mask what was coming and slid down to the floor matching the speed of the tears that poured from my eyes. I tucked my knees, sore and swollen, close to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
For too many hours, I cried silently, and screamed inside.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
„ The terrible thing about the quest for truth is that you find it."
Remy de Gourmont
I woke in the morning, stiff, tender and swollen, curled up in the corner of the couch, to a serious glare from Steph.
„I left you for as long as I could, but Vi – you need a shower," she handed me a coffee,
„and this."
I took the mug gratefully. The situation must have been bad for Steph to have tackled the coffee machine. I sat up and took a sip.
„Rough night. What time is it?" I didn"t know how much sleep I"d had. The only way I knew there had actually been a period of real sleep was the dream.
It had been vivid, almost real. When I"d first opened my eyes I could still almost reach out and touch it, almost bring it back to me, but with every waking moment it drifted further away.
I couldn"t remember the dream at all now, not one detail, other than that I was sure I needed to and that I had an odd feeling of … loss.
„Ten. I would"ve left you to sleep but we"re supposed to be taking that stuff to Onyx and I figured we should get that done before you"re due at class."
I gave a tired sigh, remembering that I"d agreed to do classes with Nyla and Rudyard on the weekends from midday.
„What happened, anyway?" Steph asked, taking in the state of my stil dirty and bloodied legs.
„I fell over."
She half laughed. „Am I supposed to believe that?"
„It"s true. I was being tormented by two exiles who specialise in the fear department when it happened, but I did fall."
„Bad?" Steph added, unsure how much to ask.
I stood up and quickly grabbed the end of the couch for support as I handed her the mug with my other hand. „Bad. I"l go have that shower."
-
When I came back into the living room, Steph had tidied up a bit. I didn"t say anything, didn"t thank her. I knew she wouldn"t want that. Instead, I found myself standing at the door to the balcony in the softest, baggiest sweats I could dig up. The ones I usually save for veg-out days. I parted the curtains and slid the door open. Unlocked. Again.
I let a morning breeze filter in through the open door and closed my eyes, letting the breeze glide over my face lifting loose strands of hair. I soaked in the promise of a new day and let it deceive me for a selfish moment, before I closed the door and accepted that it was unlikely today would be any different.
We took a taxi to Hades. I had insisted on walking, even though my legs were hurting more than I would admit. After the first block Steph had made a ridiculous huffing noise and hailed a taxi.
During the day, Hades is pretty low-key. A much older clientele in the restaurant having business lunches. Dapper must have been a good businessman to be able to attract such a range of customers. Surprisingly, it also didn"t look too seedy, the way lots of night-time hang-outs do during the day when the lights are up. The scarlet velvet curtains were pulled back, which helped to brighten the place and give a golden glow to the chandeliers that twinkled in the light. Combined with the whitest of white table cloths and crisp shirts of the waiters, the overall effect was very fresh.
Steph and I looked around of Dapper and were directed to the cellar. We went through the staff-only door and down the stairs.
„Get out!" Dapper called as we approached.
„Okay," I said, suddenly nervous we had done the wrong thing. We quickly turned and started heading back up.
„Hang on, hang on. That you, Violet?" Dapper, asked sounding closer.
I stopped halfway up the stairs, my legs on fire, and called back. „Yes. Sorry, the bar guy told us we could come down."
„Yeah, yeah, come back. I thought you were Onyx. He"s always trying to slip down here and pilfer stock."
„Sounds like something he"d do," Steph said to me, making her way back down the stairs.
I didn"t follow.
„What are you two here, anyway?" Dapper asked, as he opened a case of wine and started loading the bottles onto the floor-to-ceiling racks.
„We have Onyx"s shirts and shaver," I said, still annoyed that I had to pay him for his information.
„Well, you won"t find him down here. Check upstairs."
„Actual y …" I started.
Dapper put down the bottle in his hand and took a good look at me. „Let me guess, you want me to play delivery boy?"
„Come on, Dapper. Look at her. She barely got down these stairs, are you really going to send her on a search mission?" Steph asked, sticking up for me as always.
Dapper glanced down at my legs as if he could see the injuries, despite my loose sweats.
„You find more trouble, did you?"
„A bit."
„Where"s your knight in shining armour?"
„Huh?"
Dapper shook his head at me. „Lincoln? Your fella who can “hocus-pocus” you – fix you all good as new."
„Oh." Thanks for the reminder. „I don"t know. Look, are you going to take this stuff or not?"
I asked, fed up with constantly having to explain myself to everyone.
Dapper put a hand out. „Give it here."
Steph handed over the shopping bag.
I was already on my way back up the stairs by that time. I just didn"t have the energy today. She caught up with me and called out a thank you to Dapper. She didn"t say anything.
She knew I couldn"t talk it out right now.
-
Everyone was at Lincoln"s by the time we arrived. A feeling of disappointment overwhelmed me. It was great having everyone around and I had never had so many friends, but at the same time, I wasn"t used to a constant invasion. It felt like everywhere I turned, someone else was there. I barely had any time on my own anymore. It was all too much.
I went through the motions, involving myself in conversations when necessary. Mostly, the talk revolved around the night before, recapping the story or asking questions. Luckily for me, it seemed no one had gone into the role I had played in too much depth.
I was aware of Lincoln sitting at the dining table with Magda closed beside him. At one point I"d made a hesitant move towards him, but he"d seen me coming and turned away so I, pathetically, kept on walking past them to the coffee machine. Spence was rummag
ing through the fridge, clearly unhappy with its contents.
„Any milk?" I asked, grabbing a mug.
„Milk, yes. Snacks, no," he said, emerging with the milk and nothing else. He passed the carton to me and must have noticed the tears welling in my eyes.
„Hey, you okay?" he put a hand on my shoulder, but something caught his attention and he dropped it again. „Oh man, I"m gonna …" he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder and walked away.
I turned around to see Lincoln, arms crossed as he watched Spence move to the sofa. He didn"t even look at me.
I took up a spot on my own near my wall, wishing I could slip behind the drop-sheet and disappear. Every time I looked over to Lincoln, Magda was whispering something in his ear, then breaking into sly grins I was sure were meant only for me. She was so smug, sitting there, looking perfect in white jeans and a caramel-coloured sweater. Her clothes were always immaculate and she wore the kind of labels rivalled only by Steph. She was absent-mindedly playing with the sapphire necklace she had been wearing ever since she got back from holidays, apparently some rare and valuable gemstone from Kashmir according to Steph, who"d made a point of knowing these things.
Everyone chatted away as we waited for Griffin to arrive, the last person due. I talked to Nyla for a while but had the feeling she was formulating too many opinions of me so I moved away when I could. My legs were throbbing badly and I felt blood seeping through my pants.
I hoped the fabric wasn"t sticking to the wounds as the blood dried.
When Griffin arrived, he greeted Nyla and Rudyard and then headed straight over to where Magda and Lincoln were huddled. Magda stood, gave him a brief embrace and talked quietly with him. I inched closer but couldn"t hear much, other than that she was leaving and it was something she couldn"t get out of – though she hadn"t seemed keen to go anywhere just a minute ago. She was brusque with Griffin and within moments landed a quick – and annoying – kiss on Lincoln"s cheek before she basically flew out the door. I was guessing her abrupt departure was the reason she didn"t have the chance to say goodbye to me.
Yeah right.
„Is everyone here then?" Griffin called out, returning his attention to the room.
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