"You don't know how much it hurts..." She said between sobs
"You think your first day is painful...three years later, it drives you insane...to the point of suicide.."
I looked at her as my eyes glazed over but my sorrow turned to anger. These tests...driving a girl like her to even think of suicide...it’s absurd!
"Well...maybe it'll be over soon or we'll find a way to escape." I said, trying in any way to comfort her
"No, you don't get it!" She screamed, though not loud enough to wake the others from their small amount of sleep.
She sighed, calming herself down. "I've been here for 3 years. I've seen people who try to escape. Who believe it will end. There is no escape. There is no end...the only ones who've escaped are the ones who've committed suicide." She looked down and to the hunting stone lying beside the pond "And...I just want to escape..." She whispered.
My eyes widened in alarm "No! I mean...you can't just kill yourself!"
"And why not?" She muttered
I felt tears begin to stream down my face "Because...we need you...we need each other, all of us."
She looked up at me "Please, Jade...just let me do this. I mean after 3 years of trying...wouldn't you want to escape too?"
I looked down, wiping my tears away. I thought about it...about the pain of 3 years, only to slowly grow more.
I took her in my arms and she turned to cry on my shoulder.
"I understand..." I whispered
I could feel her shaking against me and choking back sobs "Thank you..." She said, pulling away slowly, showing the gratitude in her shining blue eyes.
I stood. I wanted to say something, some sort of farewell but I couldn't think of anything so I only managed a small nod.
When I turned away I heard her small voice once more "You know Jade...if there's an afterlife, I’ll never forget you..."
I closed my eyes to keep the flood of tears back "I'll never forget you either, Crystal..." I managed
I kept my eyes closed and my back turned as I heard the small slice of sharp rock against skin, a short gasp and the sound of her body collapse into the water.
Chapter Seven:
I didn't sleep that night. I spent the hours crying and trying to tell myself it would be alright. I knew I was lying to myself. Nothing could be right...we'd all continue to live through the pain until each of us followed Crystal into the only escape, one by one...
"Hey..." I heard Marc say as he touched my shoulder lightly
"What's wrong...?" he said, crouching down beside me. I sniffled and wiped my tears away, pointing to the pond.
He stood and looked. I hadn't looked at the pond since the night before but when I turned my head to see, all that was left was the bloody rock and the water, tinted a red color.
"Oh.." He said simply "She left..." He said this in such an airy voice I thought it was of my own thoughts for a moment. When I looked back at him, he was crying but other than that, he just stared at the water.
"I suppose she's better off now...but I’ll miss her..." He said, looking down. I looked at him like he was insane. He said it as if she had only moved away, not slit her throat and thrown herself underwater.
But then I understood again...it was the only way out.
Marc nodded "She was such a bright girl..." He whispered "She knew the reality of it all." He turned away and sat down, shaking his hair over his eyes and sighed.
Chapter Eight:
Everything from then on was kind of a blur...I had less feeling...
I didn't cry...I didn't smile...I was completely detached. David cried for Crystal when he found out, as did Marc but they understood her reasoning.
I went through testing, closing my eyes to block out the horror and really, I just dreamed. I felt the pain but had no reaction to it, no tears, no screams...
Fridays were less enjoyable for all of us. Just a day to sleep and dream.
I talked to James after every test, told him about Crystals passing and my now emotionless existence. He said it happens to some who come by...and that those people were the strongest but least happy of all of them. He told me that the pain was easier to handle than the emptiness because to feel pain like this was like the 8th circle of hell, but to feel nothing at all was the 9th. James talked to me even through my detachment, even when i was blunt or cruel. I knew, if nothing else, that if I had emotions, I would have fallen in love with James...but even with love, this life wasn't worth living.
Time went on, though I barely noticed it. A week felt like a day, a month like a week and so on...
Soon I had past my second year. James had passed away, though I hadn't shed a tear. David had been killed during testing, a gruesome test of chemicals being pumped through his Jugular vein and bleeding out as his skin burned away and dissolved. Marc asked me what was wrong, tried to comfort, and help me. He talked to me, made jokes, and told sad stories though I still did not laugh nor cry. Soon, he too left. He apologized to me and even gave me a kiss before...maybe hoping I would enjoy it or maybe it was that he had feelings for me but he left, following Crystal into the pond.
I wondered if anyone would ever find them there...skeletons, hidden underwater for years and years. And if they did, would they take pity on them? How many others would join them? These questions, I had no answers for.
No one was there for another 3 years. I didn't speak for that whole time...I almost forgot to speak until one day; Divona came to my cage at night.
"You're still here..." She said, rubbing her arms from the cold as a human would.
"Yes." I said simply, not facing her.
"...does it hurt?" She asked me
I turned to her "What do you mean?"
She looked down "The-The tests…do they hurt?"
I looked back to the ground and shrugged "Well...yes. I mean...not to me anymore, I just deal with it but it pushes a lot of people over the edge..."
She paused for a moment "But you're still here...why?"
I sighed "I don't really know...I guess I’m just used to it and I don't care about a lot anymore..."
"Jade...do you wish to be free?"
This made me wince. I had wanted freedom all along. 4 years ago I’d have jumped at the offer but now...I wasn't so sure. Would there be an afterlife with James, Crystal, Marc and David? If there was, would I still be unfeeling?
I stood and looked at her "What kind of freedom..?"
She smiled "I'll show you."
She unlocked my cage and I followed her into the darkness.
About 5 minutes later, she stopped and turned to me. "Listen...I’m not supposed to be doing this. In fact, it's a crime but, I've watched your kind suffer and...I just can't watch you go through this anymore after 5 years..."
I looked at her but said nothing.
She looked down and continued to walk. Another minute or two of walking and she stopped. I looked up to see a cliff. I looked at her in question and she nodded.
"I can't take you back to Earth...but I can offer you an alternative.."
I looked over the edge of the cliff to see a pool of clear, glistening water. It seemed to shine from underneath like a thousand diamonds.
"You want me to...jump?" I asked
She looked down "It's the Rain Pool...anyone who jumps into It will be restored from any condition they're in and taken to their religions afterlife."
I looked deeper into the pool to see shadows of people who were not there.
"...and the shadows...?"
"The souls of those who didn't have a religion. They are left in the pool until they decide whe
re to go...but some just stay and create their own society." She said, walking up behind me.
"So... you're saying if I jump in there...I’ll go to the afterlife with everybody else?"
She smiled "That's exactly what I’m saying."
I looked into the pool and felt the only emotion I’d felt for a long time...hope. I had hope that if I jumped, I’d be with the others...I’d be able to feel without pain...
I looked to Divona and smiled "Thank you..." I said.
She smiled back at me and nodded, turning to walk away.
I looked down "You know, Divona...if you're right and there is an afterlife, I’ll never forget you."
She stopped "I'll never forget you either, Jade. Farewell."
I smiled and stepped off the side of the cliff into the pool of what seemed to be pure hope.
Farewell...
The Test Subject Page 2
