by Susan Meier
It seemed oddly foolish to keep stopping at her home to grab her things for the quiet evening in his penthouse that they’d agreed to, but the alternative was for him to say, Just pack a bag, and he wasn’t sure what message that would send.
When she came out to the apartment’s main room, her overnight case in hand, she walked to him, rose on tiptoe and kissed him. “Let’s go.”
And he suddenly didn’t care what kind of message it sent, except by the time he thought to suggest she get more clothes, she was already in the hall.
They returned to his penthouse to find Louis Joubert and his staff working in the kitchen.
She turned to him with a smile. “What’s this?”
“A special dinner.”
“Thought we were going to have a quiet evening?”
“This is quiet. He’s going to let us sample Christmas Eve dinner.”
She faced Louis. “How nice.”
“It never hurts to be sure the boss is pleased with your creation,” Louis said.
Hugo laughed. “Jay chose you. I know how picky he is. Which means I also know you’ll be phenomenal.”
“And you’ll get to tell me so, once you taste the goose.”
An hour later, Hugo and Erin sat down to a dinner of goose, ham and chocolate mousse, with side dishes of mashed potatoes and green beans almandine, as well as hot rolls.
“There’ll also be chocolate cake, if anyone dislikes mousse,” Louis said, when he came in for a final bow at the end of the meal.
Erin said, “It was amazing. All of it.”
“Absolutely perfect,” Hugo agreed.
Louis took his bow, then exited the dining area. Hugo and Erin retired to the living room where they watched a movie on the large-screen TV, as Louis and his staff cleaned the kitchen and gathered their things.
But as they filed out of the penthouse, Hugo’s phone rang. Recognizing Jay’s number, he answered. “Jay. What’s up?”
“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”
He winced. “I had my phone off because I took Erin sightseeing. Why?”
“It’s Sally. She was at the hospital yesterday.”
“I know. I’m the one went with her in the ambulance.”
“You did?”
Hugo sat back. “Did she tell you she was pregnant? I had to have a word with the baby’s father. I hope he steps up like he promised.”
“Did you know he’s wealthy?”
“Neither of them told me that. But it doesn’t matter how much money he has. No man should desert a woman he got pregnant.”
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Sally told me today that they’re getting married.”
Hugo sat up. “Married?”
“Yes.”
“That’s great news. If that’s what she wants.”
“You’re sounding a little too proud.”
Feeling like his big brother speech had hit home, Hugo laughed. “I’m relieved my intervention helped.”
“You must not have done any damage if they got engaged.”
“Or maybe I can take credit.”
Jay laughed. “Don’t go that far.”
“Sure. Fine. Whatever. But if I get invited to the wedding, I’m taking credit in a dinner toast.”
Jay laughed again and they said their goodbyes.
As he tossed his phone to the end table beside the sofa, Erin slid her arm beneath his and nestled against him. “So, your sister is pregnant?”
He grimaced. “Yeah.”
“And you feel like you had a hand in your future brother-in-law’s proposal?”
He laughed. “He came to the hotel yesterday looking for her and I didn’t hold back.”
She sat up. “The intervention you told Jay about?”
“Yes. I told him I didn’t think very much of a guy who gets a woman pregnant and deserts her.” He grinned. “Then he proposed. You don’t think that was my doing?”
She shook her head. “You really enjoy being a big brother.”
“Yeah,” he said with another grin, but he quickly sobered. “But, honestly, with all the lost years between us, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”
“Well, this time, you did great.” She snorted a laugh. “In an odd kind of way, your yelling at the guy proves to Sally you’ll be there for her. And maybe that’s all she needed to hear.”
“I’m not even sure he would have told her. For all I know, he went into her hospital room and proposed as if it were his idea.”
She arched a brow. “Maybe it was.”
Proud, he sat up. “I’m taking credit.”
“Yeah, I can see that. But it looks to me like you needed that confrontation more than their relationship did.”
“I did?”
“Yes.” Her eyes were soft and serious as she added, “It’s proof of how much you still want to be a big brother. Plus, that’s how people step into a role they aren’t sure of. They say and do the right thing over and over until it’s part of their life. You haven’t defended your sister before, so yesterday it was new. If you guys ever get your troubles straightened out, you’re already one step into the game.”
He studied her face, realizing not just how much he’d told her about himself with a few throwaway comments, but how well she listened—how much she cared. “You’re awfully smart for someone so young.”
She laughed. “I’m not that young.” She took a breath. “I’ve also had some hard lessons.”
He knew she had, and said nothing for a few seconds, but in the silence, all of Hugo’s questions about her husband came pouring back and he couldn’t stop them. “Because of losing your husband?”
“Yes.” She took another breath, this one much longer as if she were debating telling him anything about her past. He supposed he deserved it, but the itchy feeling wouldn’t go away. He desperately wanted to know about the man who had won her heart.
“I imagine losing your spouse is the worst thing in the world.”
“It is. But in my case, not for the reasons you think.”
Confusion brought him up short. “You weren’t sad when he died?”
“I was devastated when he died. The devastation was made worse when I discovered he’d been sick for a while and had been getting experimental treatments for terminal cancer.”
“Terminal cancer?” Hugo’s stomach fell. “But you made it sound like you didn’t know he was sick.”
“I didn’t. He was only getting treatments for a few weeks before they weakened his heart, and he had a heart attack and died. Knowing what was coming, he’d shaved his head, telling me it was the style. When he lost weight, he told me he’d joined a gym.”
Concern for her squeezed his lungs, his heart, even as confusion almost rendered him speechless. “Why didn’t he tell you?”
“He claimed he’d done it to spare me. Because I was pregnant, he didn’t want me to worry about his health too.”
“That makes a weird kind of sense...”
“But you don’t think it was right, do you?”
When he didn’t answer—was so flabbergasted he didn’t know what to think, let alone say—she shook her head.
“Marriage is a partnership. It’s like your hotel investments. You commit to certain things but when you begin a project, you have no idea what kinds of problems will be thrown at you.”
“I have some idea because I do a great deal of investigating before I make any commitments.”
“But there are no guarantees you won’t find something unexpected.”
“There are never any guarantees.”
“Marriage is the same. You go into it with a plan, expectations, then things happen. People lose jobs. Houses are difficult to find and afford—all kinds of things. In our case, Josh got sick when I was pre
gnant.”
“But didn’t tell you. So you couldn’t fulfill your end of the bargain and it hurt you.”
“Yes. But it was more. I didn’t find out he needed me until he was already dead. Do you know how guilty that made me feel? And how much worse I felt when I discovered there was someone he confided in?”
“Please tell me it wasn’t another woman.”
“It was. She was a coworker. My mother believes he needed someone to talk to or someone to help with his workload and he turned to someone he could trust.”
He realized how isolated they were and how the darkness of the room must have either made her bold or comfortable. So he spoke his mind. “And that was the real betrayal. In finding someone else, he all but said he didn’t trust you.”
“That’s what I felt. And that’s why I understand the importance of trust. Of saying and doing what you’re supposed to be saying and doing. Josh might have believed it was the worst time in the world to be sick. Especially since my pregnancy was difficult. But that didn’t change the fact that he was terminally ill. He robbed us of the opportunity to face it together, to make videos for his son... Most of all he robbed me of a voice in his decision to try an experimental treatment.”
“I understand.” He did. “My stepdad—Nick—robbed me of almost two decades of time with my siblings. I missed my own mother’s funeral because no one told me she’d died.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. Erin not being trusted by her husband mirrored his not being wanted by his family. The pain of it wasn’t a big, angry wound. It was a huge, open hole that he didn’t know what to do with.
That Erin didn’t know what to do with.
Empty Christmases. Solitary birthdays. Blank spaces where people should have been. True, Erin had her mum and son, but in some ways, he wondered if that didn’t make her husband’s loss more obvious.
“The thing is, I don’t merely understand your loss. I kind of understand why your husband didn’t tell you. I kept some secrets.” He took a breath. “I should have told my mum the very first time I suspected Nick was embezzling.”
“He embezzled?”
“Yes, and blamed me.” He ran his hand along the back of his neck. “I don’t want to get into all of it, but I do understand why your husband didn’t tell you. When you love someone that much, it’s like you’d give your life to keep them safe.” He pictured Erin pregnant, enduring difficulties. Then he put himself in the place of the man he didn’t know and easily recognized why he’d believed he couldn’t tell her.
“He was sheltering you. Trying to protect you while he fought a battle to save his own life.”
She studied his face. “You make it sound very noble.”
“To him it was.”
“I guess I never really tried to see his side.”
“You should.”
She leaned back on the sofa again. Her shoulder brushed his and confusion flooded his brain.
Now that he understood her husband, it seemed callous to be taking his widow back to his bedroom to have meaningless sex.
But he thought again about those gaping holes in her life. Because he knew them too. Understood the empty places where people should have been. Understood the sorrow that overshadowed holidays.
He swore he wasn’t using her. Knew he wasn’t using her—
Because they were having fun. She was having fun.
And it sounded like she needed it.
Still, he took his time easing them into the rest of their night. They drank wine, talked a little more, and kissed slowly, easily. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, except Erin was a wonderful woman...a wonderful person. He had been privileged to spend time with her and if it killed him he would make sure their being together filled up her empty places, shored up her defenses and warmed her with the knowledge that she was special and wonderful. So that when she was ready to find a real relationship, she would have the confidence of a Greek goddess.
* * *
Even though they went to work on Monday, Erin had the odd sense that they were on their honeymoon. Sightseeing? Romantic dinners? Long, meaningful talks? Sex every time they were alone? That was a honeymoon.
She could confess that to Hugo, and he’d break the spell with hard truths, hard reality. Then she’d get her thoughts straightened out. But she couldn’t do it. Something had changed after he’d taken Sally to the hospital or maybe after she’d told Hugo about Josh and Hugo had understood—helped her to understand. She hadn’t meant to so easily spill her big secret. She’d meant to show him that there were many ways people could betray each other, hurt each other. And she had. But telling that one small truth had also brought them closer—
After he’d admitted to yelling at the father of Sally’s child and let her see that he was inordinately proud.
He’d let her see. He’d let her in.
So she’d let him in.
Now she had no idea what they were doing. Making love really had become making love the night before. The things they’d done, the way they’d kissed had formed some kind of connection. They’d bonded.
They’d bonded.
Her heart jolted with fear.
Oh, God. Now, she would be so hurt when this ended!
Except, after their discussion, it didn’t feel like it was going to end. Which should have scared her silly. Bonded to a man whose past she didn’t understand? A man who still had secrets?
It was exactly what she didn’t want.
But every time he looked her in the eye when he listened, every time he took her in his arms and kissed her—
Nothing had ever felt more right.
“So, you’re looking bright and chipper!”
Marge’s voice interrupted her thoughts. After her mom called saying she and Noah were returning, Hugo had arranged for Ronnie to drive Erin to the airport to pick them up. With Noah strapped into the car seat Hugo had bought and her mom right beside her, Erin couldn’t evade the implied question.
“I had a nice weekend.”
“Re-e-all-y...”
“Mom. Stop. Seriously.”
“Well, if you don’t want to talk about Hugo—”
“What makes you think my mood has anything to do with Hugo?”
Her mother blinked. “What else could it be? You light up like a Christmas tree when he’s around. But today, even though he’s not here, your cheeks are pink. And there’s something about your posture...” Her mom gave her a quick once-over. “It wasn’t that you slouched before.” She snapped her fingers. “I know. You were too stiff. Now you’re sitting straight and tall, but in a relaxed way.”
Erin gaped at her. “What?”
“I don’t know.” Marge shrugged. “You’re normal. Back to normal.”
“Normal as compared to what?”
“The woman who had to have a child alone because she believed her husband betrayed her.” Marge studied her face. “Have you forgiven Josh?”
Erin pulled her fingers through her hair. But when she tried to say no, or to tell her mom it was irrelevant, she realized she had forgiven Josh. Somewhere, somehow in spilling her guts to Hugo and having him explain why Josh had kept his secret, she’d let it all go.
Her heart expanded and filled her chest. Having Hugo identify with Josh had eased her into looking at her past, and she had seen Josh as Josh. Not blinded by her own needs, her own hurts, she understood his fears. But also, hearing Hugo talk about his family, and seeing his fight to bring them back together, she understood Josh’s sense of responsibility. Just as Hugo was now putting his own feelings aside, Josh had ruthlessly put his feelings aside—
Her head spun. She had finally gotten beyond it. And she had Hugo to thank.
Grumpy Hugo Harrington.
No...wounded Hugo Harrington.
“Are you okay?�
��
“Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. I’m just finally seeing Josh’s side of things.”
Her mom’s eyes narrowed. “Really?”
“I did spend time with Hugo while you were gone. He told me he went to the hospital with his sister, who is pregnant. He was so thrilled to get to play the part of big brother for her that it was amazing. He never said it, but he put his own needs aside, his own questions about what happened when he and his siblings were younger, and just reacted, protecting his sister.”
“That’s lovely.” Her mom’s voice was soft, compassionate.
Erin smiled. “He’s had a rough life.”
“Hugo or Josh?”
“Both, I guess. They are nothing alike. But they have a sense of responsibility and some sort of weird male pride that makes them think they are in charge of everything. I saw Josh through Hugo. Trying to spare everybody by taking on all the burden himself.”
“What about him telling the other woman?”
She licked her lips. “Everybody has a breaking point.” She didn’t tell her mom that she suddenly realized she was “the woman to confide in” in Hugo’s story. No matter how wonderful their time together, she knew he’d hit his breaking point the day they went into the attic to look at decorations. She’d forced him into a corner, and he’d decided they should leave the office—go for hot cocoa. But she’d set up the scenario.
Josh’s female friend had sworn that Josh had simply needed a release valve, someone to talk to, and now Erin totally understood that. Even as forgiveness for Josh filled her soul and gave her peace, her relationship with Hugo came into perspective.
While she was worrying that she was falling in love, he was working out his past, probably appreciating that he could drop a tidbit here and there and not fear that she would judge, because she’d endured hardship too.
He might never explain the whole of it, but he was talking to her. She would always be the woman who helped him through the hardest days of his life, but he would never love her. She would always remind him of his terrible past.
