by Jolie Day
It felt good to work through those minor things with him, but it was that way because of the contract. The contract stated that we needed to live together, to be monogamous, and to spend time with his family. But all of those things I could’ve done without being asked. Because I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed having someone to watch movies with. I enjoyed having a family to visit and having someone like Helen to be excited about baking tips and to share secret baking recipes with.
Of course, I didn’t want all this to end. Who would? Miles had shown me a whole different side of himself that I never knew existed before the contract, and I fell in love with the new Miles. I was crazy about the new Miles. Every time I had to leave his bed, or he left mine, I felt sad and lonely. He’d been so good to me over the past months, and I didn’t want to see the other side of him again.
What’s worst, in the last few weeks, he’d asked me to stay in his bed, and not to leave. To wake up with him. But I couldn’t. Because I knew that after the contract was over, he’d forget all about me. And that would shatter my heart in a million little pieces.
And now he was standing in front of me, staring at me, waiting for me to say something.
“Well, my lawyer,” I started, trying to explain, “Mr. Sanford, called me… it seems that he has been working with a contact at the IRS, and they told him that things might be about to change in my favor.”
That was a rough version of the story. Mr. Sanford had also let slip that he’d called in, let’s say, “a few favors” that he was owed at the IRS and its partner departments. Now, he’d said, that it was possible that it had all been an “unfortunate error.” No wonder he had been (and technically, still was) dad’s lawyer for all those years. He did a “stellar job.”
“It’s all more complicated than just that,” I continued, “but in a nutshell, my dad could’ve actually been paying his taxes all those years, after all,” I added.
I smiled, because that made me happy. The fact that my dad really was the man I’d always known he was, was important to me. His name, my family name, was cleared, and I could go back to living my life without feeling sadness about my father.
“That’s good news,” Miles said.
“Anyway, so basically, my trust is in the process of being unfrozen, and they are returning everything they seized. Probably not immediately, but sooner or later.”
Miles nodded. “That’s great, Rose, really. I’m happy for you.”
He smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced.
“Thanks…,” I said, unsure of whether or not I should tell him that I’d actually be moving to a completely new building I’ve found last month with the help of Mr. Sanford, and not back into my old apartment.
Miles turned his head and scratched the back of his neck, facing away from me now. “Okay,” he said. “When do you move?”
“Tomorrow.”
He let out a heavy breath, and then smiled. “All right. Will I ever see you again?”
Will I ever see you again?
I looked up into his eyes, startled by his question. What did he mean?
“Um… well, maybe?” I shrugged. “I guess we might bump into each other again.”
The idea of bumping into him again, with all my feelings for him, made my stomach churn.
It was best that we didn’t see each other again. It was why I was looking for a new apartment in the first place, instead of taking back my old one next door to Miles.
He nodded, not meeting my eyes.
“Okay. Well,” he said, “It’s cold, and the rain is getting heavier. Should we head home?”
He didn’t wait for me to answer, but started walking back, stopping only to hold the park gate open for me. We walked in silence. There wasn’t anything left to say. I felt my heart aching and crying in my chest and realized there was no avoiding it. No matter what I did in this situation, I would’ve ended up with a sad and heavy heart.
At least now it was on my own terms, and Miles didn’t need to go through the uncomfortable moment about asking me to leave.
We arrived back at his car, and he opened the door for me, but while I climbed in, he didn’t even look at me as he usually did. He deliberately looked away.
I felt horrible.
I felt sad.
I felt alone.
Miles was already far away.
38
MILES
I got into the driver’s seat and revved the engine to life. I pulled away fast and sped us down the streets. Of course I’d known she would leave. I’d known it, but I’d still let it get to me. I was still letting it break me.
I felt fucking angry. Angry at the “old me,” who’d dug the hole I was falling into, now. Who’d told Rose all those stupid things he thought he knew and believed, and which made him sound as if his heart was made of steel.
Now, I couldn’t tell her that I wanted her to stay—she obviously didn’t want to. I’d only be embarrassing myself.
You idiot.
“Miles?”
“Yeah?” I answered.
“What’s wrong?” she whisper-asked.
Why don’t you guess? I felt like pulling the car over and asking her what the fuck she thought was wrong. She was leaving me.
“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” I grumbled.
“What do you mean?”
“Your obligation to me is almost over, Rose, so you don’t have to worry about me anymore.” I looked to my side mirror before changing lanes and speeding up again. I was clenching my jaw, my cool long since lost.
“Miles, of course I’m still worried about you,” she said, her voice low, “We’ve spent six months together. We’re friends now. I’m not just going to stop caring because the contract is ending.”
I huffed.
Friends. Great.
Had she seriously friend-zoned me?
“Please say something, Miles.”
“Look, Rose. Don’t worry about anything, okay? I’ll just tell everyone that I fucked our relationship up. That I cheated on you. Everybody will believe me. I’ll say you left me without looking back, so no one will try to call you or get hold of you.”
Rose frowned. “That’s not what I want, Mil—”
“Oh right, yes, you want to stay friends,” I emphasized the last word. I couldn’t help but sneer when the word left my mouth. “Huh. Well, sorry honey, but we can’t exactly stay friends and keep up the ruse now, can we? I cheated on you. I’m the bad guy. So, you can just disappear without worrying about me.”
I pulled into my parking space while I finished my sentence and hopped out of the car. Before I could reach her door, Rose was already climbing out, so I turned and headed for the lobby instead. I could hear her heels clicking as she followed me into the lobby.
Standing in front of the elevator, we were greeted by a note: “Out of order.”
Great.
A security guy informed us that it would be fixed in three hours.
We had to take the stairs.
Just fucking great.
Seventeen floors.
This was the icing on the cake, the crowning conclusion to a perfect evening. At least we didn’t have to risk that the piece of junk elevator would stop midway.
“Miles, what’s going on with you?” she asked as we began to climb the stairs, “What did I do wrong? I thought you wanted me to leave. That was the point of this whole deal.”
I felt sick to my stomach.
My heart felt sick, my whole body felt sick.
“Yep. That was the point,” I rumbled, keeping my eyes facing ahead of me, away from her eyes that I felt were burning into me. I clenched my jaw repeatedly, one landing after another.
It would take fucking ages to get to our fucking floor.
When we finally arrived, legs burning, breathing heavily, and maxed out, I strode over to my door and opened it, ready to close myself up in my room and let her leave forever.
I wouldn’t be watching her leave. I couldn’t watch her l
eave.
“Miles. Tell me what’s happening,” she said, out of breath.
I waited a few moments for my breathing to calm somewhat. Then, I spun around. “What’s happening is that your work here is done. Now you can go on with your life after you used me while getting your shit together with your money issues.”
Rose’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me? That’s exactly what you did with me, as well! You used me to get your inheritance from your father, because you didn’t want to grow up and be a responsible adult. I didn’t have a choice! I didn’t know where to go!”
“Oh, so I kept you hostage, did I?”
“No. That’s not what I’m saying!”
“Well, whatever you’re saying, keep it to yourself. I’m going to bed.” I turned and stalked to my bedroom, before slamming the door behind me.
Real fucking grown-up, Miles.
I heard Rose’s frustrated grumble before she, too, slammed her bedroom door.
Jesus Christ.
My shoulders sagged. I stood, staring out the window into the night, taking a deep, deep breath.
“Well, that went well, didn’t it, idiot,” I said to myself, knowing that Rose was right.
I’d used her, and I’d dug my own grave by setting up this deal.
I sighed, pulse still racing.
At least, she’d still be living next door, close by, within reach.
I took comfort in that.
Haunted by dreams, I tossed and turned. The hours between then and now hadn’t helped to soothe the darkness of the mind, to fight the ferocious and unstoppable onslaught of hordes and hordes of angry dragons, a black jumble of flapping wings, a deafening roar of screeching and spitting fire, underlined by the frantic and desperate howl of a lonely wolf.
39
ROSE
The next morning, I woke up with puffy eyes.
I’d cried last night after Miles and I had shouted at each other. I felt awful, but I had to leave. This wasn’t a healthy situation, and I needed to get some space. It was Miles’ birthday today. I felt horrible that this all had to go down on his birthday, of all days, but this was the way he’d set up the contract, after all. I guess, at that time, he had no idea what would end up happening.
Him. Me. Fighting.
“Urgh.” He probably thought he’d be celebrating, which I’m sure he’d still do once he officially received his inheritance later today and everything in his life was settled.
I turned over in bed and hugged little Daisy—maybe a little too tightly. Daisy snuggled right up to me and calmed my heart with the sweetest purr.
What a day ahead.
Sitting up with Daisy still in my lap and one hand petting her belly, I rubbed my eyes with the other, before picking up my phone and sending a text through to my boss and HR. I wouldn’t be going into work today. There were a lot of things I had to do.
The apartment I’d found, with Mr. Sanford’s help, was actually a godsend. He’d even suggested that he’d take it under his name for one of his relatives (probably from the old country), in case I decided to change my mind—which had been a perfect safety net. It was right on Central Park, so I had a view of nature, and it was only five blocks away from my work. Daisy would love the cute balcony that I wanted to transform into a small garden-like jungle for her. Despite how awful I felt, and despite how much I was going to miss Miles, I was excited to move into my own space and get back to a controlled lifestyle. A lifestyle where I—at least—had an ounce of control over my life, where I knew what was going to happen in my future, and where my heart wouldn’t be broken.
No surprises, no unexpected financial issues, no life-changing contracts. Except for the UK work project. I still hadn’t informed my boss about my decision. He had already reminded me, pushing for an answer. Now that my contract with Miles has ended, I was free.
Just me and little Miss Daisy, happy.
As I was about to stand up, I heard movement in the apartment: Miles was busy leaving for work. A voice inside me screamed to go out to him. To talk things through, tell him about my new place, and at least to say goodbye.
Or, to tell him that I love him.
“Miles, wait,” I croaked.
Just as I’d maneuvered Daisy to the side, jumped out of bed and reached the doorknob, I heard the apartment door open and close.
And then silence. He’d left.
He didn’t want to see me.
I took a shaky breath in, and let it out.
While I showered and got dressed, I tried my best to stop thinking about him. Yeah, right. Why his outburst? Of course, I couldn’t be sure, but something in my gut told me that he maybe didn’t want me to go—that’s why he got so upset.
It was the same crazy desperate part of me that told me to hold off with everything until the last minute, just in case Miles felt the same as I did.
The other much more sensible part of me cautioned that it was just wishful thinking.
He was right.
We couldn’t stay friends.
After finishing up my morning routine, I texted Juliette, and I confirmed the appointment with the moving company. They’d be here in the late morning hours, so I had some time to make my arrangements. Fortunately, the elevator was working again. I went to the bank and drew a five-hundred-thousand-dollar check. I wasn’t going to take Miles’ money. After all that had happened between us—me falling in love and having the time of my life—it wouldn’t feel right taking payment.
The next thing I did was have my number changed. I knew it was drastic, but I needed a clean start. It would be too difficult and too painful to try and keep myself from calling him in a weak moment, or to answer one of his calls or texts—if he decided to call or text. I doubted he would. And if I decided to take on the project in the UK, I wouldn’t need this number anyway. The more I thought about the whole UK opportunity, the more I liked it, and the more attractive it seemed. I wouldn’t even have to pack, considering that most of my stuff was still in boxes. Actually, it’d be perfect timing. At least I wouldn’t be sitting home alone (with Daisy) wallowing in self pity! I would be sitting with Daisy in London having a blast. I still had a cat travel bag from back then.
If not now, then when? La forza del destino, right?
The more distance was between us, the better.
Safe was safe. Not because I didn’t trust he’d try his best to spare my feelings. He would.
He had a good heart, and that’s what made it all so hard. That’s what made it all so dangerous. He’d bring me to my knees. I didn’t trust me. I just wanted to move right on with my life and not be stuck in an endless cycle of heartache.
Na-ah. Over my dead body.
Before leaving, I sat down to write Miles a letter that I planned to leave on the counter along with his check.
I decided to make my letter friendly. Uplifting. Positive. He didn’t deserve a “sad letter from a nagging ex fiancée” that had desperation and negativity written all over it. He’d always tried to elevate me when I’d shared my inner thoughts with him (I loved that about him). That’s how I wanted him to remember me. The letter had to be honest and open (that would be the hardest part). He’d always been sincere when he’d shared his thoughts and his feelings with me. He deserved the same. The only thing I wouldn’t share was where I’d moved to, or about my UK plans—for obvious reasons.
Half an hour later I was finished writing.
I folded the letter around the check.
Too bad I’d be long gone by the time he found my letter. I needed to talk to my boss and start looking for plane tickets. The sooner I got out of here, the better.
I wondered what he’d think when he discovered it. It’d probably shock the living daylights out of him, “Whoa, wait, whaaaaaat?” style. Part of me—the self-confident part that could take any jab—would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall for that, watching his face explode like the gargantuan explosion in the Ophiuchus galaxy about 390 million light-years from Ear
th (biggest explosion in the history of the universe).
I felt a light clawing on my leg and looked down to see Daisy getting ready to climb it.
“Meow. Meow.”
“There you are, little Muffin,” I said, reaching down and picked her up. She must have sensed my sadness just like she did this morning, because she nudged her head into my neck and let me hold on to her and kiss her until my tears had subsided. When I put her down again, I felt slightly better.
I knew I’d be seeing Juliette soon, so that would definitely cheer me up. She’d promised to help me move, and I was beyond grateful to have her. We hadn’t had much girl time in a while. I stretched my shoulders, trying to release my stress, and began getting things ready for the move.
40
MILES
Many hours later
It was after work, and I was standing in the elevator heading up to my place, which I entirely expected to be empty by now. Rose had probably moved all her things back to her old apartment next door already. I’d had a rough day. Even though it was my birthday and the office had thrown me a lunchtime party, I couldn’t laugh with my colleagues, I couldn’t work, I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
The trust document thing hadn’t been settled yet. I hadn’t bothered to go see my father at work today. I wasn’t even sure what time he’d be in.
All I could think about was last night. And about how differently things could’ve gone.
I had no idea whether Rose would’ve stayed if I’d asked her to, but I should’ve tried either way. At least I should’ve talked to her this morning, before I left for work. Don’t fucking ask me why I didn’t go in there first thing.
Even when I was waiting for the elevator, I’d had the feeling that I needed to go back inside, storm into her room, and tell her how I felt about her.
It’s not as if I had anything more to lose at this point.
