by Emma Tharp
“He was a good-looking boy. Why is he sending you hockey tickets?”
“He came into the restaurant. We chatted and he told me how he’s in the NHL now. He offered to send me a pair of tickets.” No need to add in all the other details. Of course I can’t tell her about stripping for him at the bachelor party or the time we were inseparable at the after party. The fewer details she knows, the less ammunition she’ll have to try and hook me up with him.
Mom’s face brightens into a grin. “Is he married?”
“Very recently divorced,” I blurt out, hoping to squash her excitement quickly before it gets out of control.
“Oh, that’s too bad. Did you give him your number? Maybe the two of you can catch up soon,” she says.
“No, I didn’t, Mom. He’s a very nice guy, but I’m not attracted to him.” Guilt gnaws at me for keeping secrets from her, but it’s so much easier than explaining to her the real reasons, like he’s a womanizer, and I don’t have time for a relationship because I need to take care of her. That, plus I don’t want to get my heart broken.
She blinks a few times before she says, “My darling girl. I can see it all over your face. You had a thing for him in high school and things haven’t changed now. I don’t know what your reasons are for denying your feelings for him, but I know you better than anyone; this boy has gotten to you.”
Picking at the corner of the pillow on my lap, I can’t look up at her. She’s right. I’m terrible at hiding things from her. “Can you trust me? Because I know I wouldn’t survive a heart break from him and I’m not about to put myself in a situation where that happens.”
“Of course, I trust you. But I’m still going to give you advice. You deserve happiness, so please don’t throw it out the window before you give it a chance.”
When I look into her eyes, they’re full of love and adoration. “Thanks, Mom. I will always listen to your advice.” That’s all I can say. No promises.
My mother has always been good at reading me. But how can I let myself get involved with a man like Derek? He was a player and then married a super model.
Would I be just a hook-up? And if that’s what he wants, would it be so wrong? Could my heart take it? Could I have sex with him and use him for his body then walk away? If I’m being honest with myself, the answer is no. And he’d never be interested in a relationship with a woman like me, a stripper, college drop-out with a mother that needs to be my top priority.
It’s settled. I won’t be responding to receiving the tickets with more than a thank you text. But oh, how I’d like to give him more. More gratitude, more of myself. But not now. The timing is all wrong.
“Do you need anything more before I go up and take a shower?” I ask, my thoughts a million miles from here.
She’s still, her gaze trained on me with a sympathetic grin. “No, I’m all set here. Love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
“DO you need help cleaning that up?” Bri asks, bringing a bar rag with her.
“No, I’ve got it,” I say from my hands and knees. I’ve already soaked up most of the mess. An entire tray—five pints of beer—just flew to the floor after I tripped over the air on my way to a table.
Bri comes down on the floor with me and helps get the rest of the mess off the floor. “Everything okay with you today?”
“First of all, I couldn’t find the mop, but other than that, I’m fine,” I lie. The truth is I’ve had a hard time focusing for my entire shift today. Getting the hockey tickets yesterday has had me thinking about Derek almost non-stop.
We both stand up at the same time and walk toward the back room to dispose of our beer-drenched towels. “Listen, I can tell that something is off with you today, and I’m here to talk about it when you’re ready.”
Looking into her warm brown eyes, all I see is patience and kindness and that’s all it takes for the floodgates to open. “Maybe I should’ve let Derek bid on me.”
“Why didn’t you?” Bri throws the towels in the laundry bag and turns to face me. “You’re being stubborn and self-sabotaging. He likes you and you like him. I’ve seen it every time you’re around each other.”
“Why sugar coat it? Put it all out there,” I say with a laugh.
Her lips form a tight line, but she smiles through it. “Was that harsh?”
Shaking my head, I say, “No. Well, a little, but I needed to hear it. The writing is on the wall. As much as I’ve been trying to deny it, I’m into him and I’d really like to see where this could go.”
Bri jumps up and down, a huge smile plastered on her face. “It’s about damn time.” She pulls her phone out of her purse and clicks on someone’s number. “Damn, he’s not picking up. I’m going to leave a message.”
“Who is it?” I ask.
She holds up a finger at me to wait and starts talking. “Hey, Derek, it’s Bri. Let’s set up that date. Call me when you’re free.”
My pulse starts jumping in my neck at the mention of his name. “What are you doing?” I say, reaching for her phone.
She tucks it back in her pocket. “I, my friend, am doing you a favor and fixing the problem you created by being pig-headed and over-dramatic when you asked Derek not to bid on you.” She flings her long wavy brown hair over her shoulder with an “I dare you to disagree” look on her face.
I bite my lower lip to try to stop myself from laughing, but my chest shakes, and I can’t help myself. A belly giggle bubbles up from deep inside as if all the hiding and pushing down my feelings is finally being let out because I admitted them to Bri.
“What’s so funny?” She gives me a puzzled stare.
Reaching out, I hold onto the wall for stability to get through my laughing fit. Winded, I finally say, “Nothing is funny; it just feels really good to laugh. Now tell me, what’s your plan?”
Bri takes me by the arm and leads me out of the back room while she fills me in on her plan.
THE ITALIAN RESTAURANT IS SWANKY, from the white chair covers to the crystal chandeliers. It’s as if I’m attending someone’s wedding, not a set-up date where the person I’m meeting doesn’t even know it’s me who’s coming. Poor Derek. We’ve most definitely set him up.
A tall thin man with a white shirt and black bow tie leads me back to Derek’s table.
The temperature of the room goes up at least fifty degrees when Derek’s eyes lock on mine. His smile widens, and he scans my body. It looks as though he likes what I’m wearing. It’s a red V-neck cocktail dress, showing only a tasteful amount of cleavage. When I heard where Derek made the reservation, I knew I couldn’t wear any old dress and certainly nothing I’d wear for one of my jobs.
Derek is up, out of his chair, and standing in front of me. A shiver moves through me as I watch Derek drink me in. I do the same, taking in his sex-on-a-stick body, dressed in a perfectly tailored three-piece suit. I’m realizing now what a turn-on a well-dressed man is for me, especially since that’s typically what I see Derek wearing.
There’s a charge in the air between us. I’m certain that if I put my hand up, I could feel it sizzling through my fingers.
“You’re here,” he says, almost as if he isn’t surprised to see me, like he bid on me and expected me here tonight instead of Bri.
“Did you know I was coming?”
“I hoped it’d be you.” He flashes me a heart-stopping grin.
My knees weaken. “Is it okay if we sit?”
“Of course.” He pivots, pulls a chair out for me, and takes his seat across from mine. “Thank you for coming. You know it was you I wanted to bid on at the auction, right?”
Looking down at my hands, I take a moment before I speak. He deserves an answer, not because of the insane amount of money he spent on this date, but because he seems interested in me and if there’s a prayer in hell this could go somewhere, I have to talk to him. I look up at his beautiful face before I say, “I’m sorry about that.”
His gaze holds mine. “Don’t apologize. Clea
rly, it worked out since you’re here and Bri’s not, but I am curious why you asked me not to bid on you.”
A waiter stops by the table with a bottle of red wine and pours us each a glass. Derek nods at him and the waiter walks away. “I hope you don’t mind. I took the liberty of ordering. If it isn’t to your liking we can get something else.”
Grateful for the courage in a glass, I tap mine with his and take a swallow. “No, this is delicious. Thank you. And about the other night…” I clear my throat. “It’s complicated.”
He nods, studying me, his dark eyes piercing like he’s trying to see through me.
I’ve prepared myself for this, carefully planning out how this conversation would go. Yet here I am at a loss for words. Every time I’m with Derek, he throws me off balance. “The truth is you make me nervous.” There, I said it.
He lets out a harsh laugh. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh.” Taking a moment to collect himself, he puts his hand over his mouth. “It was funny because we’re both on the same page. I didn’t expect you to say it though.”
Relief washes over me. He’s scared, too. “What scares you?”
The waiter stops by and drops off two plates, one with calamari and the other crostini with some type of cheese and red sauce over it. My mouth waters. Derek thanks the waiter and he walks away.
“I don’t know if you know anything about my divorce. Unfortunately, it’s been pretty public,” he says quietly.
“Not much. I heard you were married to Carrie White and recently got divorced,” I tell him, keeping my eyes on the food.
He sits up straighter. “Talking about this isn’t easy for me, but you asked what scares me, so here it is. I loved Carrie. She was it for me and I thought we were going to grow old together. Apparently, the same wasn’t true for her. Things got ugly toward the end. She hated it when I had to travel, which with my career I have to do. Carrie liked to pick fights with me, sometimes in public.” Turning his head to the side, the muscles in his jaw tic. “She picked a fight with me at a movie premiere. She said I was flirting with someone and started hitting me in the chest. It wasn’t true. Jealousy became her dominant emotion. She’s a model and gets paid for her looks, yet she’s deeply insecure. Things didn’t end well.”
This is all new information to me. Of course, I Googled his ex. She’s an absolutely stunning woman, long straight dark hair, a thin tight body, and soft features. Being beautiful on the outside doesn’t mean you aren’t flawed on the inside. “Oh, wow. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”
“No, you don’t have to apologize. The reason I’m telling you is because I don’t often feel this way about women, and the last time I did, it didn’t end well. When you came back into my life I wasn’t looking for another woman, but you intrigue me, Cora.” His gaze is full of heat and desire.
My heart rate quickens. What can he possibly see in me?
Derek takes a piece of the bread and sets it on his plate. “Tell me what scares you about me.”
Tapping my foot against the floor, I lift my fork and take a few pieces of calamari for my plate, simply for something to do with my hands. I set the fork down and wipe my clammy palms on my dress. “In high school, I had a crush on you. I’m sure you already knew that. And seeing you again proved to me that there’s still something there.”
“If you feel that way, why would you tell me not to bid on you? Why not give us a chance?” His expression is bleak and his brows knit together.
“What do you see in me, Derek? I’m a stripper. I don’t have anything to offer you,” I snap with an edge to my tone.
“Nope.” He holds up a finger. “First of all, your job doesn’t define you. At all. You’re so much more than that. You’re smart and funny, not to mention gorgeous. But don’t do that. Don’t change the subject.”
My jaw goes slack. I didn’t know he felt that way about me. “My mom is sick. She has a progressive form of MS. Dad died five years ago. I’m the only one left to take care of her. I quit school and came home. That’s why I work at Lolita’s and do stripagrams. I don’t like the work, but it pays the bills.”
He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. It’s big and warm, comforting me immediately and easing the ache that was in my chest. “Shit. I had no idea. I’m sorry to hear about your father. And Adeline is a sweetheart; it’s terrible that she’s sick.”
“Thank you. You’re right; it’s awful watching her lose her strength and independence. It isn’t a lie when I tell you that I’m busy. All the time. If I don’t work, we can’t afford my mom’s care. That’s why I was hesitant to come out on a date with you. I’m not an easy person to date since my time is limited.”
Derek lets go of my hand and I instantly miss it. “We’re both busy people, Cora. That’s not an excuse. There has to be more to it.” There they are again, his probing eyes that seem to bore through me.
I drink the last bit of wine in my glass and set it in front of me. “I take dating very seriously. Or at least I used to, but I haven’t had much luck. Now I find it difficult to take time for men who only want me for one reason.”
Derek sucks in a sharp breath. “Are you saying men try to use you for sex?”
Hanging my head, I wipe my hands across my face before I look back up. “Why would I expect anything different? They see me at work, or hear what my job is, so naturally they think I’m easy. But I’m not.” My voice rises.
He pours us each another glass of wine and takes a large mouthful of his. “I can’t tell you how infuriated I am that people treat you that way. Just because you work at Lolita’s doesn’t mean you’re a slut.”
“Exactly, but apparently most guys think that. I don’t bother anymore—it’s a waste of time that I don’t have.” I take a bite of the calamari, which is incredible. Right now food seems like an excellent distraction.
“No wonder you don’t date. But I can assure you that isn’t why I wanted to take you out. You just admitted that you had a crush on me and the feeling is mutual. What do you say we go out on another date?”
How can I say no, even when my sensibilities tell me not to? Would another date really be so bad? He’s sitting here in front of me, vulnerable and opening up about his ex. Hell, I couldn’t say no if I tried. “Sure, let’s do it.”
His face brightens into a smile. “Yes! Let’s go dancing or something. Don’t worry, I’ll plan it. We could even stay in and watch a movie with your mom. Doesn’t matter. I just want to hang out with you.”
I can’t help myself and grin from ear to ear. “Sounds great.”
The waiter brings out several plates of filet, seafood, and salad.
“I took the liberty of ordering the full meal. I hope you like it.” He smirks.
Something tells me that Derek is a man who likes to take liberties in every aspect of his life.
NINE
Derek
THE WRAPPER on the flowers rattles. My hands are shaking like I’m in the final playoff game to take home the Stanley Cup.
I knock on her apartment door and shove my hand through my hair. Get your shit together; it’s going to be fine. Her mom’s going to like you.
I’ll be damned.
Cora swings open the door. She looks good enough to eat in her black leggings and blue sweater that hugs her curves mouth-wateringly well. Her face is glowing and it doesn’t look like she has on a stitch of makeup. A natural fucking beauty.
Close your mouth. Wipe off the drool.
“Hi.” She gives me a shy smile as she takes the flowers. “They’re beautiful. Come in.”
The house hasn’t changed from what I remember of it. There were a few occasions when our tutoring sessions took place right here in this kitchen. A flood of memories come back of Cora patiently teaching me what I wasn’t picking up from our teacher at school. She deserved more than what my parents paid her. I never would’ve passed without her.
The furnishings are updated, but the warm, homey feeling is the same. “Tha
nks for inviting me.”
“My mom’s excited to see you. Let’s go in the living room.” She leads the way and I can’t take my eyes off her perfect ass. Shame on me for having such inappropriate thoughts seconds before I see her mother.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since our date last week. Now that I know the true reason for her taking on the job at Lolita’s as well as the side stripping jobs, it all makes sense. It doesn’t make it any easier to swallow though. I hate the thought of her taking off her clothes for men, but I have no right to tell her not to, or to judge her.
Damn. Her mother is sitting up in a chair, face gaunt and pale. She’s lost weight, and she wasn’t a big woman to begin with. There’s a walker next to her chair. Even fully clothed, I can tell the muscles of her legs have atrophied. Despite all of that, her face comes alive with a warm smile when she sees me.
Cora stands behind her mother’s chair and she squeezes her shoulders , giving her a little massage. “Mom, you remember Derek, right?”
“Derek Parker, it’s lovely to see you. Come over here and give me a hug.”
Striding across the room, I’m in front of her and wrapping her up in my arms. She’s nothing but skin and bones. My heart aches for her and for Cora. I know it isn’t easy for her to see her mother get sicker and weaker.
I pull away and say, “It’s good to see you, Adeline. Thanks for having me over.”
“Glad to have you. When Cora told me that the two of you met up again, I couldn’t be happier.” She claps her hands in front of her.
Cora walks to the couch to sit down and gives her mom a warning look, but she still has a smile on her face. “Now let’s not go giving too many of our secrets away, okay, Mom?”
My heart swells watching the two of them together. They were always close. I remember seeing the two of them out taking walks together on the trail I used to run on back in school. Adeline and Cora would often be making dinner or baking together when I came over for my tutoring sessions. And hearing their playful banter now, it seems that hasn’t changed. “I’m with you, Adeline. It’s been great getting to know Cora again. And you can give away as many secrets as you’d like.”
