You Know I Love You: Book 1, You Know Me duet (You Are Mine 3)

by Willow Winters

  I watched as she closed her eyes and pushed me all the way to the back of her throat, forcing me to groan from deep in my chest. My dick twitches remembering how her mouth felt like heaven. I fisted my hand in her hair and pulled her off of me; it was fucking torture, wanting what she was giving me, but knowing I’d need more.

  “Strip down,” I groaned out, my head leaned back and my eyes closed. As if I had any control at all over her.

  She shook her head again and I couldn’t believe the plea that slipped from her lips.

  “I want you to come in my mouth.” She said it so simply, although breathlessly with her chest rising and falling, but full of truth. Her voice was laced with desire, but it was the way her shoulders rose and fell with her heavy breathing and the way she scooted closer to me, eager and begging for more that convinced me.

  I could never say no to Kat. She doesn’t ask for a damn thing. Never has, and I’ve wished she would. I’d give her the world if I could. But that night there was no fucking way I was going to deny her that.

  I’m a selfish man, after all.

  I slipped my hand around the back of her head as my toes curled. I was almost embarrassed by how quickly she got me off.

  She didn’t stop swallowing until I was spent and even then, she bobbed lightly on my dick and sucked like she wanted more. My greedy little sex kitten.

  After she was done with me, when I’d pulled my pants up and stared down at her, the atmosphere changed.

  “I don’t have sex on the first date,” she stated shyly, wiping her lips. A blush rose to her cheeks as she slowly stood up, trying to keep her balance by gripping onto my arm. She was hesitant, embarrassed maybe. I think it was vulnerability. I think she was afraid I’d be done. She was afraid it was only lust.

  “Oh yeah?” I responded, still trying to catch my breath and get a sense of who this girl was. “So what’s this then?”

  When I looked in her eyes, I knew what the real reason was. She thought I’d be done with her if I got her in bed.

  More importantly, it meant she wanted to keep me.

  The cockiness at that realization has never felt so good.

  She wanted more and all the same, she was terrified to have me. Maybe scared she couldn’t keep me, or scared to keep me. I still can’t tell which was the motivating factor.

  The thought made my still-hard dick even harder. And I stroked myself once and then again until she noticed. A smirk lifted up my lips as I saw her eyes widen.

  “What if I want you? What if I want to take care of you now?” I asked her, taking a step forward and forcing her back. Her knees hit the bed and she nearly collapsed, the heat growing between us and nearly suffocating me.

  I kissed my way down her neck, letting the heat between us climb higher and higher.

  “Not just yet,” I said as I stroked my dick again, feeling it turn hard as steel again already. “Let me taste you,” I whispered.

  Her gorgeous eyes peeked up at me through her thick lashes.

  “Take it easy on me, will you?” Her words were playful, again feigning a strength that wasn’t quite there. She was exposed and weak for me. Both of us knew it, only she was pretending she wasn’t.

  It’s something that made me crave her more.

  “Sure,” I whispered in her ear as I pushed her onto the bed. But I never had any intention of holding back when it came to her.

  I fucked her as hard as I could into that mattress. I buried myself inside her and held off as long as possible, taking her higher and higher each time until she was holding on to me for her life. Her nails scratched and dug into my skin as she screamed out my name.

  I destroyed her the best way I could. And I’ve never been more satisfied of anything else in my life.

  Kat’s an emotional woman. I didn’t see it at first, but that night, our first night, I got my first taste of it. I could practically hear her tell me she loved me. If nothing else, I know she loved what I did to her.

  I wanted to hear her tell me those words so badly. More than anything else, I wanted this woman to admit it. She fell in love with me that first night.

  I was desperate for it.

  I didn’t realize that night that the look in her eyes was exactly what I felt too. Desperate to keep her, but knowing it was never supposed to happen.

  I turn on my heels, facing the door as the sound of someone coming up the stairs brings me back to today. Six years later, that night is just a distant memory.

  The door to my bedroom opens wide, creaking as it does and revealing my father. I haven’t seen him like this in a long damn time.

  His hair’s been gray for a while, but it’s just a bit too long and thinner. With the deep wrinkles around his eyes and only wearing a T-shirt and flannel pants, he looks older and frailer than I remember. Beaten down. Just a few years can change everything. Has it been that long since I really looked at him?

  “You getting comfortable in here?” Pops asks me as he walks in and takes a look at the dresser. He runs a hand along it and then makes a face as he turns his hand over and sees the dust there. As he wipes his hand on the flannel pajamas he adds, “It’s about time you came back to clean your room.”

  A rough chuckle barely makes its way up my chest.

  “When are you moving out of this place?” I ask him jokingly.

  “When I’m dead and gone,” my father answers me the same way he has for years now. Ever since Ma passed, I’ve wanted him to move. He won’t, though, and I can’t blame him.

  “Good thing I’m not in a nursing home. Don’t think you’d like to crash there, would you?”

  I give him a tight smile, feeling nothing but shame. I run my hand through my hair searching for some sort of an explanation, but I can’t lie to my father and I don’t want to tell him the truth. So I don’t say anything and stare past him instead.

  The silence is thick between us until he speaks, glancing around the room rather than looking at me.

  “I messed up before with your mother, you know. She kicked me out. I thought it was over.” My father flicks on the light and stalks slowly toward the bed, ignoring the fact that I just wanted to pass out and try to sleep. As if I’d be able to in this room.

  “I was younger than you, though. By the time I was your age, we’d had you. I’d settled down and stopped being stupid.”

  “What’d you do?” I ask my father out of genuine curiosity. I’d never seen anything but love from my parents. They never fought in front of me and the one time I came home early, catching them in the heat of a fight, they stopped immediately.

  Later that night, when I was sitting in front of the TV, cross-legged and way too close, all I could hear was him apologizing in the kitchen. It’d been quiet all afternoon and night.

  “I don’t want you to go to bed mad at me,” I heard him tell her.

  It was the only fight I’d ever witnessed and I remember being scared that he’d done something that Ma wasn’t going to forgive.

  But she did. I never asked back then, and I’m sure if I did he wouldn’t remember. This fight he’s talking about obviously isn’t that.

  “What do you think I did?” he answers me. “We were young and stupid and had a bad fight over money or something. I got drunk, kissed a girl at a bar … went back to her place. I felt like shit about it and she smacked me right across the face too.” He smirks at the memory. “She beat the hell out of me. Kicked me out.” The smile falls and he shakes his head as he adds, “I deserved it.”

  “I can’t imagine you ever doing that.”

  “I loved your mother. I was angry at her over something stupid, I can’t even remember what.”

  The silence stretches between us again as he struggles to come up with what to say next. “I proposed to her a few months after we got back together.” A huff of a laugh leaves him and he adds, “God rest her soul,” as he twists the wedding band around his ring finger. He’s never taken it off. For the same reason he’ll never leave this house.

>   He still needs her. Even if it’s just the memory of her.

  “The point is, we all make mistakes,” he says and then squares his shoulders at me, raising both of his hands and shaking them, “when we’re young and allowed to be stupid.”

  “I’m not that old,” I tell him half-heartedly, trying to play it all off. I know what he’s getting at, but I don’t need to be lectured. I’m well aware of how stupid I’ve been. He’s the one who has no idea how badly I’ve fucked up. “I’ll fix it, Pops.”

  The silence drags on again and all I can think about is every position I’ve put myself in where not being faithful to my wife would have been the easy thing to do. I focus on that truth and not the night that still haunts me.

  “What are you doing, Evan?” my father asks as I dump my bag on the bed. “You’ve fucked up more than you should have. You’re too old to be carrying on like this.”

  My initial reaction is to bite back that he’s wrong. That he has no idea what’s going on. But it wouldn’t matter.

  I nod my head and let the strap from the bag fall off my shoulder. “Yeah, I know.”

  “You need to make this right,” he tells me, holding my gaze and pointing a finger at me.

  I swallow thickly, knowing he’s right. But I haven’t got a clue how to make this better. I can’t take back what’s been done.

  I’m fucked.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  Kat

  Just get it over with,

  Tell me that we’re done.

  Leave me to this madness,

  I accept that you have won.

  You’ve broken me to pieces,

  Left me numb and blind.

  Made me only yours—

  I’ve completely lost my mind.

  “I need a distraction, that’s what I need.” I speak the words on my mind without realizing it. It gets the attention of both Maddie and Jules and that’s when I realize I’ve said anything at all. Cue swallowing down another sip of wine.

  We’ve been here in Jules’s house helping her unpack for at least two hours now, and everyone’s been kind enough to not only not ask about what’s going on between Evan and me, but to not treat me like I’m some wounded animal either.

  That’s what friends are for, although the girls do seem to be walking on eggshells around me. I’m grateful, but I need to talk and have someone sift through this mess and give me a straight answer as to what I should do.

  I roll my eyes at the thought. I’m a grown woman. I should know what to do and make the decision with certainty. But I’ve never felt so uncertain in my life.

  “A distraction?” Jules questions, a little more pep in her tone than she’s had all night.

  “That makes sense,” Maddie says and nods her head as she takes out a picture frame, wrapped in thick brown packing paper. She’s careful with it as she removes the wrapping and exposes the pristine silver frame. “Distractions are a good thing,” she adds with a small nod. “Sometimes.”

  I don’t know what photo is already nestled inside of the frame, but whatever it is, it makes her smile. I can only imagine it’s a wedding photo … I lift the glass to my lips again.

  “I can’t go home to the townhouse with all his things and our things and every reminder of everything …” Pausing to take in a lungful of air, I try to steady myself then add, “Let alone go to sleep in the same bed we’ve had together for forever.”

  I stare at the artwork centered over Julia’s fireplace as I talk.

  The crinkling of the packaging paper is all the response I get from the other side of the expansive room. It’s so loud that I’m not sure anyone but Maddie even heard me. We’ve been working in relative silence save for the soft sound of music flowing from the kitchen behind us.

  “We should go on a girls’ trip,” I offer up and look over my shoulder at Maddie. I shift in my seat and wait for her to meet my gaze.

  “Hell yeah,” she answers without hesitation. “What does the newlywed think?” Maddie asks and instantly Jules brightens.

  She shrugs as if the word newlywed didn’t make her day and puts the attention back on me as she says, “I’m happy to do whatever you want, Kat.” I hate that Jules is holding back. Every response from her tonight seems muted. She’s happy and she knows I’m not. She’s a newlywed and my marriage is falling apart.

  I get it, but she should be happy. She doesn’t have to hold back her joy because I’m falling apart.

  “You’re glowing,” I tell her and wait for a response to the compliment, feeling guilty that I haven’t said it sooner. My chest feels tight and I shift into a cross-legged position on the plush carpet as I grab a plastic bottle of water, drinking it down slowly even though it’s room temperature now. The sweeping room of this new build is ridiculous. The entire house still smells of fresh paint. I can imagine they spent several million on it and the movers did most of the work carrying in all the heavy furniture. Jules didn’t trust them with these boxes, though.

  Maddie quirks an eyebrow. “You already make a baby?” she asks Jules, her tone devious. I can’t help that my brow raises comically.

  “Oh my God, Jules, are you pregnant?” I pile on and Maddie snickers as Jules pulls her tawny hair back and rolls her eyes.

  “Shut up,” Jules says playfully and then goes to the granite counter behind us and makes a show of drinking from her glass of wine. Her simple yet chic rose dress flutters as she waves her glass in the air. She’s the epitome of an upper-class socialite.

  We exchange amused looks, waiting for her to reply with a straight yes or no.

  “Not yet,” Jules finally answers.

  “Yet!” Maddie practically shrieks. “First comes love, then comes marriage—”

  “Then comes a new home and a fresh start,” Jules says, cutting her off and Sue laughs from her spot in the corner of the living room where she’s been silent all night. Something’s definitely gotten to Sue too.

  Although maybe it’s me, maybe I’m why everyone seems off.

  “House first, then the baby,” Jules states and then switches the song playing to something more upbeat and less sad. I agree with that decision wholeheartedly.

  “Love your house,” Sue comments, not bothering to bring up the idea of a child. “Or is it technically a mansion?” she half jokes.

  It’s grand and spacious and much more like Jules’s style than her new husband Mason’s previous home. She got a deal on this property and the amount of space is making me regret buying a place so close to the park. It reminds me how tiny our townhouse is. At least compared to this. Location is everything and we paid handsomely for our little place.

  This is also a family home, and I live in a townhouse that’s not meant for anything more than two people … potentially one child, but it would be cramped. I force my lips to stay in place and swallow down the frown and all the feelings threatening to come up.

  Full circle I go, all day long. My thoughts always come back to Mason and what we had and everything we could still have.

  With a bitter sigh I hope no one heard, I finish my water and get up to grab another drink, shimmying past the three opened boxes and paper sitting on the floor. I made this decision. I need to own up to it and deal with the consequences.

  “I’m not sure I can do this girls’ trip,” Sue says seemingly out of nowhere. I’d nearly forgotten about the mention of a trip. I guess that’s how much it means to me.

  “It’s just that work …” she adds and then pauses to chew the inside of her cheek. She braces herself on a polished wingback chair before rising and picking up her wineglass. “I’ve got a new boss and he’s a dick with a capital D. There’s no way he’s going to give me time off.”

  “It’s not really his position to give it to you,” Maddie says skeptically. “Like, you earn your days. And we haven’t even set a date yet.” The aggressiveness in Maddie’s voice catches me off guard.

  Sue stands, an empty glass in hand, meeting me at the small sink filled with ic
e and bottles of rosé and cabernet. With a glass of wine in her right hand and a ball of packaging paper in her left, she strides past a very young and not at all familiar with the corporate world Maddie, and responds with certainty, “He’ll give me shit.”

  “So fuck him,” Maddie says, a little anger coming out. She doesn’t usually get worked up, so I’m taken aback. Everyone is off today … there must be something in the air.

  “It’s fine, it was just a thought,” I say and try to smooth the tension flowing between the two of them. “You okay?” I direct my question at Maddie, who doesn’t seem to notice it’s for her, picking up her wineglass and throwing it back.

  “I don’t want to set a bad precedent,” Sue states staring directly at Maddie, who refuses to look back at Suzette.

  My gaze moves between the two of them and I’m only distracted by the loud clap behind me from Jules. “Who wants some charcuterie?” Jules says and we all turn slowly to see her lifting a tray of cut meats and cheese as if it’s the peace treaty between us.

  Sue has the decency to laugh and the small moment of tension is immediately diffused.

  I feel odd sitting in this room all of a sudden. Looking around the room, I’m surrounded by friends, but I feel alone. I take another sip of water. It’s all in my head, I’m more than aware of that, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

  “Have you slept with him?” Jules regards me as she grabs a contraption from one of her drawers that she uses to uncork the wine bottles. The kitchen is all white. White cabinets and a sleek white countertop. The only color is in the ebony floorboards. It’s luxurious and would be fitting for an editorial photoshoot. Which I promptly told her the moment I stepped foot in this place. I am her agent after all.

  “Who with who?” Maddie asks for clarification with a sly smile on her face. “Is Sue sleeping with her boss?” Her question makes Suzette tense and stare back at Maddie with daggers. But Maddie’s oblivious. The two of them should have their own show. If it was up to me, they would and the ratings would be through the roof. Maddie would probably go for it, Sue would never.