by Jill Cooper
“You can’t think like that.” Dad might say it, but the expression on his face says the exact opposite. He thinks I’m right. He doesn’t think the government will ever stop.
This is it. My life. I knew I’d never be normal, but now I’ll never really be free.
Dad stands up and heads to the kitchen. “Help me get dinner started for your mom. It’ll put her in a better mood.”
He sure has been over a lot lately, but I’m quiet as I follow him into the kitchen.
“One thing about your mother that hasn’t changed, she still hates to cook. Almost makes her grumpy.” Dad opens the fridge and peers inside.
“You’re still in love with her. Aren’t you?”
Dad turns around with a bottle of ketchup in his hand. “You don’t just stop loving someone, Lara. But a lot has happened. Probably too much.”
I hook my thumbs into my front pockets. “Sorry.”
“Not your fault.” He goes back to the fridge, but I stand there. I stare at him because it is my fault. If I hadn’t changed time, Dad would never have gone to jail. Mom would be dead, but Dad would never have gone to prison.
And the government wouldn’t have their hands in something so dangerous it could destroy all our futures.
He knows all that but doesn’t hold it against me. Doesn’t hate me. But sometimes I hate me and being in my own skin is too much.
My pocket buzzes. “Dad, I’m going to go make things right with Donovan. Okay? I’ll be back soon.” I lean up and kiss his cheek.
“In time for dinner.” He glares kindly. “Or there’ll be hell to pay with your mother.”
Boy, don’t I know it.
I hurry out of the townhouse and pull the phone from my pocket. It’s Donovan.
Sighing, I take the call and listen to Donovan’s tirade. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been about you? You disappear from school. You won’t take my calls. Your mom is freaking out all over the place and there’s nothing I can tell her. Lara—.”
“I’m sorry.” I lean up against the wall of the CVS. Across the street is the sign for the T. I’m so close to the train station, but I have to pause from my mission. Donovan is important too.
Important to me.
“Something happened and I had to get out of there. I had to see Jax.”
“What happened?” There’s worry and a sigh waiting to escape in his voice. I don’t want Donovan anywhere near the time traveler or me. It’s too dangerous. He could get hurt—or worse.
But we were supposed to have a future. Now all of that feels as if it’s a dream. A sweet dream, but one that’ll always be out of reach.
I place my head against the brick of CVS and the thought of losing of that happy future weighs me down. It keeps me from talking. I can’t even draw a breath. I’m dangerous, like a plague to all those around me, who love me, who want to protect me.
And if I lose Donovan, if somehow the assassin from the future targets him because of me, it will destroy me. There might be no pieces of me left to pick up and carry on.
“You’re scaring me, Lara. Can’t you talk to me?”
It feels as if my heart has already lost him. As if a part of me let him go before I even realized I had to. Maybe I always knew it would come to this.
“I’m sorry. This…it’s just…not going to work.” I move the phone away from my mouth so he wouldn’t hear my sob as my heart fractures into a million pieces.
“Don’t, just don’t.” There’s a tremor in his voice I’ve never heard before. “Don’t throw us away. Whatever it is, we can get through it together, alright? After everything we’ve been through, don’t you dare say it’s over.”
I turn and rest my face against the brick and can’t summon the strength to tear myself away from him, even if it’s the best thing to do. “It’s just…so hard.” My lip quivers and I cover my face with my hand.
“Montgomery, it doesn’t matter if it’s hard. Not to me.” Donovan swallows hard. “I’m not giving up on you. So you don’t give up either.”
His words give me a strength that I didn’t have a few moments ago.
“Can you stop by? Let’s have a face to face. You need help, let me do it. Let me help you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Sure.” A pound of pain is running through my head, but I hope it’s just making a pit stop. I’m not ready to go into the future—or the past—again. “I have to just run and check on Jax. Make sure he’s alright that I…missed our fro-yo date. Then I’ll head over to your dad’s.”
“I could meet you.”
“No.” The answer comes too fast, too strong. “Sorry, I just need to clear my head for a few minutes. But I promise I’ll be there in forty? Please.”
“Alright. I really don’t like you traveling all over the city by yourself with everything that’s happened.”
“I’ll stay away from Rewind. Trust me. Better go.” I peel myself away from the wall even though it’s hard. I head toward the subway stop, putting one foot in front of another.
Even that’s hard and I just focus on the next step. Tell myself I’m almost there. It’s almost over. If I can just get to the subway, to Jax, everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
****
Jax is still at work when I get there.
His shoulders relax and his face twitches into a grin when he sees me. I’m equally happy to see him.
“It’s taken care of,” I tell him. “Everything’s safe.”
“Good. Be safe, Lara. And we’ll figure everything out.” Jax touches my chin. “Did something else happen? You look so sad.”
“Just a tough day. Believe me.” My finger traces the wood of his desk. “Promise me you’ll be careful. Call me later?”
Jax agrees he will. “When you going to stop taking care of us and let us take care of you? You’re just a kid. I shouldn’t…It wasn’t right for me to dump all that stuff on you.”
“Nah, it’s alright.” I wave his suggestion away. “I’m the one with the time travel brain that’s always getting me into trouble.”
He gives a sad smile. “And your mom, the twins? Everyone good?”
“Yeah, sure.” I think of Dad being in the kitchen and getting dinner ready for Mom. He’s stuck trying to fit into a life he doesn’t belong to. Trying to do the right thing and support us. And Jax is stuck on the outside. “But we miss you. Everyone does. Even Mom.”
“Even if she won’t say it, huh?” Jax sighs and gazes out the window.
“She misses when it was good.” Just as I do, but I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t hurt him that way.
“Maybe one day. If I get to the weekend, at least I’ll have Mike and Molly to myself then. You’re welcome too.”
“It’s my weekend with dad.” I cringe with a mouth twist. “And you’re getting there. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“Well, if I have Lara Montgomery on my side, I guess then I have a fighting chance.”
I hope he does. I hope we all do. “Night.” I kiss his cheek. “Stay safe.”
“You too. Use crosswalks.” He calls out as I reach the door.
I laugh because it’s ridiculous and I wish jaywalking were the worst of my worries. But we are kidding ourselves and I know it.
When you’re dealing with time travel, no one is ever really safe.
10: Present: Lara
The house Donovan shares with his dad is much smaller than the large estate they shared with his Mom. Most of their money is gone but it’s still a nice place. The lawn is well cared for and nicely manicured, out front are trim bushes and a few fall flowers are growing in orange pots by the front steps.
I turn up the walkway and the door opens. Donovan steps down and I fall into his arms. “Don’t scare me like that again.” He whispers, kissing my cheek.
Promising I won’t, my arms tighten around his waist as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. I was a fool to believe I could live without him, do all of this withou
t him. I got scared. I almost gave up.
But I don’t give up. I’m a Crane and a Montgomery. A little bit sass and a lot of determination. I just need to find the answer.
Donovan takes my hand and we go inside. His dad is off at his job, I guess, and the home is empty. The living room is cramped and there’s a newspaper on the sofa. Donovan doesn’t bother to fold it as he tosses it onto the coffee table.
I sit beside him and he holds my hand. Our knees knock together as he leans in to kiss me. I have a lot of explaining to do, but his kisses are a source of comfort. A way to recharge my strength. It’s nice to know, that through all of this, he still loves me.
“Nothing’s been easy,” Donovan says it in a way that doesn’t sound as if it’s hardship. As if he considers it a challenge. A bet. As if, he’s daring life to throw something else our way.
I wish he wouldn’t.
“We’ll get through it.” I touch the back of his head.
“It makes me sick to think how my family has gotten you involved in all this.” Donovan shakes his head and I stare at him.
How can he feel l that way? I feel it’s my fault.
“My mom? I don’t know when I’ll stop feeling so guilty. When I saw you on CSPAN. The news…” Donovan sighs. “She’s been in jail for almost a year, so when will I feel better?”
Never, seems the wrong answer. Sometimes, with all the time travel drama, I forget that Donovan is going through something too. His transition is hard.
“I guess you don’t have an answer, huh?” Donovan smiles and its part sad. Part happy.
“I wish I did.” I shrug. “I’m glad we have each other. Does that count for something?”
“It counts for a lot.” Donovan runs his hands behind his head. “Dad lost his job again.”
He pauses as he waits for me to say something. My brow furrows. “I’m sorry.”
“He’ll find something else. He always does.” The stigma of being a James, of what Rewind did, carries on and it seems to follow Donovan’s dad around wherever he goes.
“I don’t think we’ll lose the house. But, I think I’ll need to sell the Porsche. Dad needs the money more than I need that car.” He gazes off into space and can’t look at me.
“Oh Don,” I put my hand on his cheek. “You really think that car is important to me like you are?”
He leans his head against mine. “And what will everyone say? You know what a big deal I used to make about getting that car. About everything. Being bigger and badder than all the other guys at school. Now look at me.” Donovan wipes at his mouth and there’s disgust in his eyes.
“Who cares what they’ll say?”
“I care.” Donovan sighs and stands up, his hands on his hips. “We had so much. I thought I had everything. The money. The giant house. Nothing could ever go wrong for me because I was a James. The best girlfriend. We had a real future. Any future we wanted.”
He leans against the wall, pulls back the curtain, and studies something outside. I go to him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his back. “You still have me, Don.”
“And thank God for that.” Don faces me and I stroke his forehead. We lean on each other and tenderly, he kisses me. He makes me his again, just as he always does when we’re close.
“I’m glad to be your girl and we’ll find a way out.”
“An hour ago you tried to get rid of me.” Donovan’s face falls when he says the words.
“Because I love you. Because I’m scared. You know I can’t say things like that easy. I hate…We’ll just do it, okay? We’ll find a way out of all this. Because anything else…” I shake my head and we come together like lovers.
But we’re as trapped as mice in a cage. The cage might be bigger, prettier, but I can’t think of a way out. I can’t say that. I probably shouldn’t even be thinking it. Donovan needs me to be strong and that’s exactly what it is I’m going to do.
We’ve come so far. I can’t give up now.
The doorbell rings and it jars us. I don’t want to let him go. My wrists cross behind his neck and I pull him down for another sweet kiss when the door vibrates with a loud knock. I recognize its type.
It’s the feds.
My stomach turns. I resist the urge to grab Donovan and rush out the back door.
“We’ve tracked you here, Ms. Montgomery. Open the door or we’ll bust it down.”
I nod and Donovan’s eyes flash. “You sure?”
“Let’s just get it over with.”
He takes my hand and pulls the door open. I’m standing behind Donovan as he positions himself to be like a shield. “What’s this about?” The sternness in his voice just strengthens my love for him.
“Dr. Daniels needs to run some tests on Lara. He’s found some abnormalities and he wants to make sure she’s alright.”
“She’s not going with you.” Donovan’s jaw sets tightly. “Not if you’re taking her there.”
“Mr. James, no offense, but she doesn’t have a choice. And if you stand in our way, we will remove you.”
I glance at the feds and back at Donovan. “I’ll go.”
“No.” Donovan hisses and shakes his head. “Lara, we don’t know…if you go there…”
“I’ll be okay.” I stroke his hands with my fingertips. “I can’t have you getting hurt. And it’s like they said, I don’t have a choice. I’m their property.”
Donovan strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. “Then I’m going with her.”
“Don!” My eyes widen and he ignores me, only staring at the feds.
“I’m going with her or I’ll call the news, the media, anyone that will listen and they’ll hear all about how you’re treating her. She’s not property. She’s a person.”
The feds exchange glances. “You can come with us, Mr. James. But you’ll be held in the waiting room. No one here wants to hurt Lara. You have to believe that our interests put her interests first.”
Donovan’s hand tightens around mine and from how he sets his lips; I know he doesn’t believe it. I don’t believe it either, but we go with them. They usher us outside and put us into the back of their car.
Looks as if I’m not going to make dinner after all.
“Is it alright if I text my mom to tell her I’ll be late?”
The fed who is driving meets my eyes in the rear-view mirror. “You don’t have to. We’ve picking her up too.”
My chest tightens and fear pulses through my veins.
What the hell is going on?
****
Donovan and I are separated at Rewind. I’m taken into an observation room and forced to sit in a chair. When they move to bind my arms, I shudder. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Sorry, Lara. But doctor’s orders.” The fed says as he wraps the belt around my wrist.
“Let me guess.” My tone is dry, sardonic. “It’s for my own good.”
He shrugs in an unkind way. “Either way it doesn’t matter. Your brain has Rewind tech. The government owns Rewind.” He shrugs and leaves the room. The door latches behind him.
I’m left alone. Forced to stare up at the ceiling as soft music pumps into the room. I don’t know if it’s the chair or the lights, but my head starts to hurt and it’s a doozy. It starts at the base of the neck and rushes through my skull.
I can’t shift in the chair or move at all thanks to the restraints.
The door opens and I struggle to lift my head. I can’t see much but I can make out a lab coat and a hand with a scratch on it. When he gets closer, Xavier greets me with the warmth of an insincere dentist about to poke in my mouth with pointed metal, all the while promising it won’t hurt. “Hello, Lara. I’m sorry we had you picked up in this fashion, but it was important we run a few tests as quickly as possible.”
He gets to work by taking the cap off the back of my head and plugs something into my port. Xavier could use a better bedside manner because he jams it right in. My vision flashes with bright color and I suck
in my breath.
“Sorry. I’m so sorry.” Xavier shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have…I should have been gentler. I’m just…excited.” He’s giddy like a kid in the candy store and sits down on a chair, then glides over toward the computer monitors.
The port on the back of my head itches and it’s hard to sit still, but I don’t want to feel that cable moving around in my head anymore than I want to be strapped down to this chair. “The lights are really bright.”
“Oh? Oh yes, yes. I’ll turn them down in a minute.” Xavier types across the keyboard and I have a feeling he doesn’t intend to get up to adjust the lights. “Have you experienced anything weird today?”
I don’t say anything, but I think back to Jax being shot.
“Oh come now, Lara. If we’re to be friends, you have to be honest. Don’t forget, I’ve reviewed your data from today. I’ve seen spikes in blood pressure, heart rate. And if I don’t misread the signs, I think you’ve experienced certain periods of time—twice. But not how I thought it would happen.”
Xavier lifts his glasses and goes ‘hmm’ as he reads the screen. “There’s nothing you can keep from me, so why can’t we just share some information? You know the more open you are; the faster this process can go. Once we have everything we need…”
“You won’t need me anymore. And then what? I’m found floating down the Charles? No thanks.” I resist the urge to spit at him, mostly because I don’t want to turn my head that far.
“The government would never do that to you for all you’ve done. But a nice settlement package. Maybe a cabin, some money for your family.”
A long with lots of armed guards making sure I go where I’m supposed to and never speak out of turn? No thanks.
“The James family is doing poorly, we’ve heard. I’m sure you’d like to help your boyfriend out, wouldn’t you?”
I don’t say anything, but I think about it. Consider it. The wheels in my head turn, about the future. The past. And everything in between.
“I’ve made a few tweaks to help with the headaches and hopefully to put a stop to your time jumps. We want to study you, Ms. Montgomery. We don’t want to harm you.” Xavier turns down the lights and returns to my side. “I wish I could just get you to believe that.”
