I shake my head, knowing it won’t be easy. “You don’t understand, Andy. My mother is the person responsible for breaking up her parents’ marriage. Even if she could forgive the fact that I kept that information from her, I’ll be a constant reminder of the betrayal.”
Andreas gets off the couch and heads over to the kitchen. He has his serious expression on, the one he usually saves for game day. “First of all, your mother wasn’t responsible for breaking up anyone’s marriage. If Charlie’s father had an affair with her, it’s because he wasn’t happy in his marriage.”
“Do you think that’s going to matter?” I retort angrily, slamming the bottle down on the counter.
“Fine, maybe it won’t matter. But if Charlie is really into you like you’re into her, she’ll forgive you. Grovel, do everything you can to win her back.”
“I thought you didn’t like Charlie.”
He shrugs. “I didn’t like her when she was your enemy. I have nothing against her now.”
“We haven’t broken up.”
Yet. I know it’s coming. I saw the certainty in her eyes that she believes we’re over.
“Then start working on your recover game right away, Troy. You’re the fucking Rushmore Rebels’ quarterback. You don’t know defeat.”
I stand straighter. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up Charlie without a fight. She’s my endgame.”
“That’s what I’m talk—wait, what? She’s your endgame? For real?” His eyes widen.
“Yeah, for real.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do. Hopefully, you’ll get that someday.”
He twists his face into a scowl. “No, thanks. Hard pass. I like my bachelor life too fucking much to give it up. The only chains I’d be down for are the ones that come with whips.”
“Why do you have to make everything so dirty?”
He lifts his shoulders in an it-is-what-it-is gesture. “That’s how I roll, man. What are you going to do about Charlie?”
“I can’t go back to her folks’. It must be war central right now, and my presence would just make everything worse.”
“What about your mom’s car?”
“Ah hell. I’d forgotten about that.”
Andreas grabs his jacket from the back of the highchair. “Come on. We’re going back, and now you have an excuse. I’ll drive your mom’s car, and you talk to Charlie.”
“Shit. That means I have to get her car keys first. Great.”
“Perfect. That should give everyone time to chill out back at Charlie’s.”
He heads for the front door like he’s about to step onto the field before a game, his shoulders squared and chin high. He said I don’t know defeat, but he’s the one who doesn’t believe in it.
* * *
CHARLIE
I’ve been lying in bed, crying my eyes out since Troy left with his mother. At least my parents are no longer shouting, but only because Mom kicked Dad out of the house. She asked for a divorce—no, shouted for one. Even the neighbors must have heard her.
Troy has called several times and sent a dozen messages. I’ve ignored them all. I’m not ready to deal with his betrayal face-to-face. I’m so torn about everything. Maybe Ben is right, and Troy was put in a terrible situation. But it changes nothing.
There’s a knock on the door, and then Ben pushes it open. “Charlie, are you feeling better?”
“Not yet.” I sit up in bed. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. At least now we know.”
“You’re handling this better than I am.”
“I think I accepted it a long time ago.” There’s a pause, and Ben seems guilty about something. “Troy is here. He wants to talk to you.”
“No.” My voice comes out in a desperate plea. “I can’t talk to him right now, Ben. You know that.”
“A-are you going to break up?”
“I’d like to know that too.” Troy comes in after Ben, and I feel like my heart stops beating for a second.
“You shouldn’t have come.”
“No, I had to, Charlie. I couldn’t just stay home because it’s killing me not knowing where we stand. So, I’ll ask you again. Are we breaking up?”
He pierces me with the saddest, most broken gaze I’ve ever seen on him, and it destroys me. I want to tell him that we can move past this, but I can’t form the words.
“I don’t think there’s any other way,” I reply through a choke.
Tears well up in my eyes. My heart squeezes so tight, I can’t breathe.
Troy remains stoic, frozen; the only glimpse of emotion I can see are in his anguished eyes. He clenches his jaw and then says tightly, “I’m not going to try to explain myself, or ask for your forgiveness. I know right now, nothing I say will make you feel better or change your mind. I’ll walk away and give you the space you need, but I’ll wait for you, Charlie. However long it takes, I will wait for you.”
“Troy—”
“No, don’t say anything. You can’t ask me to stop loving you. It won’t happen. You don’t need to move out. I’m going to stay with Andy until you’re ready for me to come home.”
I’m witnessing the boy I love with all my heart shatter in front of me, and I can’t bring myself to end his suffering. I’m frozen, powerless.
Troy turns to Ben and squeezes his shoulder. “Take care of your sister, buddy.”
He’s gone before I can get a word out.
It turns out, the song was right. We were meant to break.
47
CHARLIE
It’s been five days since I broke up with Troy, and I’m a complete wreck. Dad didn’t move out like I’d expected him to, but the situation at my folks’ is tense as hell. It’s gotten so bad that Tammara’s parents invited Ben to spend the week with them.
My heart is squeezed tight as I step foot into my house. Good on his word, Troy has moved out, and his absence is like a black hole in what used to be paradise to me.
Fred drove me—I couldn’t deal with Blake and his I-told-you-so stare. He sets my bags on the floor and asks, “Do you want me to bring your bed downstairs?”
“What’s the point? I still have to go to the second floor to shower and change clothes.”
“True.”
We don’t speak for a while, and the silence begins to smother me.
I sense his eyes burning a hole through my face. Without looking at him, I say, “Out with it already, Fred.”
“I know it’s not my place to mention it, but are you sure you can’t fix things with Troy? You look pitiful.”
“Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious.”
“I’m serious, Charlie. It’s not his fault that your dad is an ass—um, that he cheated.”
“I know, but it’s his fault for not telling me as soon as he found out.”
“Honestly, you can’t say you wouldn’t have kept your mouth shut as well if the situation had been reversed. You’re recovering from an accident.”
Fred’s words feel like a dagger twisting in my chest. He’s not wrong, but I can’t even think about Troy without remembering that horrible scene with his drunk mother, telling everyone about the affair.
“Can we please stop talking about Troy?”
“Okay. Well, what do you want to do?”
“I think I just want to be alone for now. Work on some school assignments.”
“Okay then. I’m off tomorrow if you want to hang out.”
I already know I won’t, but it will be easier to decline his offer tomorrow over a text message. If I say no now, he’s going to bug me until I agree to do something.
“Sounds good.”
As soon as Fred walks out the door, I’m swept under a wave of sorrow. My chest is too tight, and I can’t get air into my lungs. I try to watch TV, but quickly, I realize it won’t work. The only thing showing is Troy’s picture. The sanest thing would be to move out, if I had that option. Everything in this house reminds me of him.
I head to my
room. Maybe if I surround myself with my things, it will help. But as soon as I reach the landing, my gaze travels down the corridor to his bedroom door. I move toward it, knowing that opening that door will only make things worse. But I’m a glutton for punishment.
My eyes zero on in his bed, and a choke gets lodged in my throat. I move toward it and then run my fingers over the mattress. My eyes burn as they fill with tears, and yet I don’t turn around to walk away. I lie down and bring his pillow to my nose. I’m drowning in his scent, in his presence, but I don’t care.
Can someone die of heartbreak? Because it feels like that’s what’s happening to me. The tears come through a loud choke, and quickly, they drench Troy’s pillow. I hold on to it and don’t fight the ugly cry that wrecks me to pieces.
* * *
I wake up, bleary-eyed, not knowing where I am for a moment. But Troy’s faint aftershave scent reaches my nose, reminding me that I slept on his bed last night. I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I feel weak, hollow, but not completely destroyed as I did yesterday. The sharp pain in my chest is still there, though.
Slowly, I get ready for another bleak day. Thanks to the cast, it takes me an hour to get to the kitchen and fix my caffeine deprivation problem. As I wait for it to brew, the tone of a text message draws my attention to my phone. I left it on the kitchen counter yesterday. I’m surprised the battery didn’t die.
The name that pops on my screen makes my stomach clench tight. Ophelia hopes I’m going to visit her today. She wants to talk. There’s no need to specify the topic. I’m tempted to blow her off, but she’s always been kind to me, and in all honesty, I’m in deep need of her advice.
I reply that I’ll be there, and then I text Fred. He offered to spend time with me, so that’s what we’re doing today. His answer comes swiftly. He’s a minute from my place. It seems he wasn’t going to let me blow him off today and was already en route to kidnap me.
Exactly a minute later, he’s knocking on my door. I hop toward it to be faster. I’m getting better with the crutches, but it’s still a pain to use them.
“Morning, sunshine,” he greets me with a broad smile.
“Why are you so cheerful? Isn’t it too early for you?”
“Yep, but I need to bring an extra dose of good vibes to counter your foul mood.”
“I haven’t had coffee yet.” I hop back to the kitchen.
“I brought treats.” He follows me.
“Good.”
“What are we doing today?” He sets the treats bag on the counter.
“I have to visit Ophelia at Golden Oaks.” I grab two mugs from the cupboard, purposely giving my back to him. I’m sure he’ll have an opinion about it.
“Do you think visiting his grandmother is a good idea?”
I sigh, turning around. “No. But I owe her an explanation. I broke Troy’s heart.”
“Hmm. Okay.”
Fred doesn’t press further, allowing me to have breakfast in peace. I have to force the doughnut down, though because my appetite is gone. The knots in my stomach are taking away all the joy of eating.
We keep the conversation light on the way to Golden Oaks. Fred monopolizes most of it. But by the time he parks in front of the building, I’m a ball of nerves.
“Here we are,” he says. “Do you want me to go in with you?”
“No, it’s better if I talk to her alone.”
He covers my hand with his. “It’s going to be okay, Charlie.”
I nod, and then get out of the car.
Cheyenne is behind the reception desk this morning, and I wish she weren’t here. She hasn’t seen me since the accident. Plus, she knows me well and immediately notices I’m a hot mess.
“Honey, is everything okay?” she asks.
“No, not really. But hopefully, it will be better after my visit. Is Ophelia in her apartment?”
“Yes, she’s expecting you.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Ophelia’s apartment is an efficient unit with a small kitchen, a living room, a balcony facing the gardens, and a master suite. Once, I asked her if she missed her spacious house, but she said she’d rather live in a small place and have good company than live in a mausoleum alone.
The front door is open, so I call her name as I walk in.
“I’m outside, Charlie,” she replies.
I cross the living room, finding her sitting on a chair with a blanket over her lap and a mug of tea between her hands.
“Hi,” I say.
She turns to me with a tight smile on her face. “Would you like some tea? The water in the kettle is still hot.”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” I pull up a chair.
There’s a moment of silence when Ophelia just stares at me, making me uncomfortable.
“Where are Jack and Louis?” I ask.
“Probably out, pestering someone. How have you been, dear?”
I shrug. “I’ve been better.”
“Dreadful thing, what happened with your folks.” She shakes her head. “Elaine’s never had much of a moral compass.”
“She didn’t sin alone,” I reply bitterly.
“No, but that showdown was all her. She’s always been like that, creating drama and placing the blame on others instead of owning up to her mistakes.”
Ophelia’s comment makes me think about what Troy told me. “Did she really blame Troy for Robbie’s death?”
Her eyes cloud, and her mouth becomes a flat line. “Yes. She and Jonathan both did. I tried to tell Troy it wasn’t true. He wasn’t supposed to be looking after Robbie. He was a kid, for crying out loud, and Robbie had his floaties on. Elaine and Jonathan got distracted at the party and didn’t notice that he had somehow gotten rid of them. I was the one who found Robbie, drowned in the pool.” She closes her eyes and shudders. “It was awful.”
“Troy vehemently believes he’s guilty.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told him the truth.”
My eyes fill with tears again, and there are too many to keep contained. I wipe off the ones that roll down my cheeks.
“You must think I’m a terrible person to have ended things with him.”
Ophelia gives me a pitiful glance. “Oh dear. I don’t think that at all. I can read in your eyes how much this separation is costing you.”
I drop my gaze to my lap. “I miss him so, so much. But it feels like a betrayal to my mother if I’m together with him. It’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not. You’re a good daughter, but remember, you can’t keep your happiness on hold because someone close to you is miserable. Life is too short for that kind of nonsense.”
Sagging my shoulders forward, I let out a heavy exhale. “I know. I just need more time.”
48
CHARLIE
Six weeks have gone by since the breakup. Blake, Fred, and Sylvana all helped me during the first week until I got used to the crutches, and they also alternated in giving me rides to school.
Good on his word, Troy has given me space. He hasn’t called or texted. His absence from my life has been glaring, awful. And living in Ophelia’s house without him is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I thought that with time, the hole in my chest would hurt less, but the pain is as acute as ever.
My parents decided to stay married and give it another try. They’ve been seeing a therapist, and I hope they can work things out. I don’t know how Mom had it in her to forgive him. I know I couldn’t forgive my husband if he had an affair, and to be honest, I haven’t forgiven Dad yet.
Glutton for punishment as I am, I’ve been watching all of Troy’s games on TV. Whenever I see him on the screen, it feels like a dagger is piercing my chest. God, I miss him so damn much. Is it fair that I’m putting us through this misery when my parents have already decided to put the past behind them?
Ophelia’s words come back to haunt me. I said I needed more time, and I think—no, I know—I’m ready.
I p
ick up my phone and pull up Troy’s number. I want to text him, but I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem to cut it. He told me he’d wait for me, but I feel like I’m the bitch in this story. He moved out of his own house so I wouldn’t have to look for a place to live. He was the perfect boyfriend, and I’m a fucking shrew.
Instead of calling or texting him, I text Jane instead, asking if she can talk. If I’m going to ask Troy to forgive my idiocy, I have to show him how much he means to me. She replies to my message a minute later and tells me she’ll come over.
As I wait, I begin to run through ideas of what I could do for Troy. The time speeds by, and before I know it, she’s knocking on my door. I’ve been leaving it unlocked during the day since it’s such a pain to move these days.
“Come in,” I tell her.
“Hi, Charlie,” she greets me, then closes the door. “You know it’s not safe to have the door unlocked, right?”
“I know. I’m just too lazy to get up from the couch. Don’t tell your brother, okay?”
She makes a face that I can’t interpret. “I haven’t mentioned you to him at all.”
My heart sinks. Why did I think Jane would be sympathetic to me?
“Oh. You must think I’m awful for breaking up with him.”
“I get why you did it, but I hate seeing my brother hurting that bad. Are you sure you can’t get past what my mother did?”
“I miss Troy terribly, Jane. But I was too caught up in my own pain to be able to stay with him.”
“Was?” she asks. “Does that mean you’re not sure about your decision anymore?”
“What I did was awful, I know. I hurt him. So saying ‘I’m sorry, can I get you back?’ won’t do.”
She widens her eyes in surprise. “Oh my God. You’re getting back together!”
“If he wants me back.”
Insecurity takes hold of me. He told me he’d wait, but honestly, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.
Heart Stopper: Rebels of Rushmore Book One Page 26
