After having this new dream, I realized that leaving you was a mistake. I went back to the safe house, but you were already gone. I was too late. I had no idea where to find you. I thought I had lost you. I had left you to try to protect you, but all I did was put you in harm’s way.
I was so happy and relieved when I heard the last episode of your podcast. I thought you were gone, but you came back. I was so glad to hear your voice, to know you were safe.
I hope we will see each other again in this life, but I cannot put you at further risk. I’m still having the same recurring dream that made me leave the safe house in the first place. I feel like it still could come true, and I simply cannot let that happen this time.
I’m happy you were able to complete your mission of releasing the five rituals to the world. Having been of some help to you along the way gives me a great sense of pride and accomplishment.
That being said, my own purpose and mission have yet to be fulfilled. I don’t know exactly what that entails, but I owe it to those innocent people whose lives I have taken to do everything I can to make a little bit of it right.
I have to go and try to take down the Corporation. I don’t know if that’s even possible, considering how deeply embedded they are within the world’s governments and economies, but I must try. It is my mission to do so.
The fifth ritual is to live the truth. My truth is that I killed many innocent people. That is something I cannot ignore or hide from. I must do what I can to try to right this wrong, whatever the cost.
Do not try to find me or help me. This is my mission, not yours. You have completed your mission, and now you should be free to live your life as you see fit. You now have the freedom to choose your own path of truth in the next chapter of your life.
If I should succeed in my mission, I do hope to see you again, but I have no illusions about the odds. There is a good chance this letter will be the last you hear of me, at least in this lifetime. It gives me consolation to know that I will see you again in many lifetimes to come.
Your soulmate,
Adrienne
Having received so many letters from Edgar, my soul from the future, I couldn’t help but read this email from Adrienne through a similar frame of mind. It was as though I had to look into the future, into another lifetime, and imagine myself with her there because the chances of seeing her again in this life seemed to be growing dim.
In the last episode, I told you how the beings in the realm between lives told me I needed to change the pattern and set a new course. I realized that they were referring to the pattern between Adrienne and me, between our souls throughout our past lives. That pattern needed to be changed, and the only way I could do that was to find Adrienne.
If they hadn’t shared that message with me, I don’t know if I would have tried to find her. One, I had no idea where she was. Two, she had explicitly told me not to. And three, her premonition made it sound like I might die if I went after her. At the same time, I couldn’t just do nothing and let her risk her life without me. I couldn’t just stand by while she went on a suicide mission to try to take down the Corporation. I just hoped I had enough time to find her.
I wrestled with whether or not going after her would only make her premonition come true, or if there would be a way to change the future. Edgar and I have already changed the future on a grand scale, so I thought it would be entirely possible to do so within the timeline of my own life, but I knew that wouldn’t be easy. Both of Adrienne’s other premonitions had come true. I wished she had told me more about this one. I didn’t know exactly what we were up against. I only knew that it was going to put both of us at risk of being killed. Even without me in the equation, she would still be at risk, and I had to do something about that.
Since I didn’t know where to start looking, I figured my best option would be to try to find Peter and see if he could help. I went to the building where I first met him and knocked on the door. Peter opened it and let me in. “What are you doing here? You’re risking your cover coming here,” he said.
“Adrienne’s gone,” I said. “She left, and I don’t know where to find her.”
He said he hadn’t seen her either and asked why I didn’t know where she was. I explained everything. He said he helped Adrienne research the Corporation when we infiltrated the Swiss compound, and they had multiple locations like that one scattered throughout the world. There was one facility in Washington D.C. that seemed to connect all the others. It appeared to be the central hub and therefore the logical place to go to try to take down the whole system. He gave me the address and offered to go along to help.
Using my fake passport, and presumably one of Peter’s many identities, we took the next flight to D.C. On the drive to the airport, Peter said, “I told you she was a lone wolf.”
“Yeah, you warned me, though that may have been an understatement,” I said.
After we landed, we went to a contact of Peter’s to get gear and weapons in case we needed them. Thankfully, these weapon supply chains are pretty small circles, and the contact told Peter that he had just met with Adrienne a few hours before. We knew we were on the right track and assumed Adrienne would execute her plan that night. It was already getting late, so we quickly prepared to go to the facility.
The place wasn’t as large or as spread out as the Swiss compound. It was a tall building with about a dozen floors located in a residential area of the city. Outside, men in dark suits stood guard at intervals around the perimeter of the building.
Peter and I drove our rental SUV around the block to see if there were any signs of Adrienne. All was quiet. Either she hadn’t entered yet, or she had done so covertly. Then Peter saw a cargo van with darkened windows parked one block over and said it might be her.
We parked near the van, and I got out and walked closer to give Adrienne a chance to see me if she was inside. When I got around the back of the van, the door opened and I was pulled inside by my collar. After the door shut, a light turned on. It was Adrienne, glaring at me with her piercing eyes. “You need to leave,” she said.
“You can’t do this,” I told her. “We can’t keep repeating the same mistakes from our past. We did this before, as David and Katherine. Look what happened to them. We need to break the pattern,” I said. “We need to break the pattern that cost David and Katherine their lives. It’s going to cost us our lives if we go down this path, just like you saw in your premonition.”
She looked at me like she was struggling to make a decision. “Maybe it’s my fate to die another tragic death fighting for a cause I believe in,” she said.
“But we have so much more to accomplish in this life,” I said. “Things are no longer the same. We have the five rituals, and now we need to help bring those into the world.”
“That’s your purpose, not mine,” she said. “I don’t know what it is that I’m supposed to do. I just know that I’ve caused so much pain in so many people’s lives.”
“You can’t let the past control you,” I said. “Think about what you can do now. Think about what decision will bring the greatest good to the world moving forward. If you were still killing innocent people, then yes, going out with a bang may have been the best option. But you’re not that person anymore,” I said. “There is so much good you can do in the world, so many people you can help.”
Adrienne looked away from me and shrugged her shoulders. I felt like she wasn’t hearing what I was saying.
“Adrienne,” I said, “if you go in there and kill a bunch of people, you’re probably going to kill innocent people just like you have in the past. There’s probably a bunch of people in there who are just as ignorant about who they really work for as you were. And it’s not very likely you’ll even get to the people at the top. It’s just not worth it.”
Adrienne looked back at me and said, “I don’t know if there’s any other option.”
“There’s always another option,” I told her.
“We have to find another way. If you go in there, you’re probably going to die, and I can’t live with that. I need you.”
I could tell she had every possible emotion rushing through her in that moment. She was filled with anger toward the Corporation, guilt about what she had done in her past, and now, I sensed, she felt some hope about the possibility of another path. She paused with her jaw clenched, and then after a moment, looked me in the eyes and said, “Okay.”
I put my arms around her and said, “Thank you.”
In that moment, with that decision, Adrienne changed the pattern of our past lives, and likely saved both of our lives in the present. We told Peter about the change of plans and parted ways. Adrienne and I went back to the hotel where she was staying. I sat down next to her on the floor beside the bed.
“Thank you for coming for me,” she said. “I knew it was a mistake to go in there, but I just felt like I was at the end of my rope.”
“I know you want more than anything to take down the Corporation,” I said, “but who knows if that’s even possible. Maybe there’s something else you are meant to do.”
She said, “I just wish I knew what that was. I feel like the weight of both my past and my future are pressing against me. I don’t know what to do.”
“Let me help you,” I said. “You’ve been so helpful to me in releasing the five rituals. It may take time for your new path to reveal itself, but when it does, I want to help you fulfill your purpose.”
Adrienne turned to look at me. “I want to be with you,” she said, “but I don’t even know who I am anymore. I need some time to figure things out, and I don’t just mean what I’m supposed to do to help save humanity. I need to figure out my life. I’ve lost my sense of identity, and I need to figure out how to build a new one. Just give me some time to sort these things out first, okay?”
I can’t say I was very happy to hear her say that. I wanted Adrienne to come home with me and for us to live happily ever after, but that’s just not the reality of our situation. Even though she’s my soulmate, I’ll never have Adrienne. She’ll never be mine. No matter how close we may become in our relationship, she’s always going to be independent of me. There’s always going to be a part of her I’ll never get to see, and I have to accept that.
“Okay,” I said. “Just know that I’m always going to be there for you. I’m always going to love you. Whenever you’re ready, just let me know.”
She pulled me up from the floor and onto the bed. “Come here,” she said. “I want you to share your nature with me.”
I kissed her and started undressing her. “Should I put this part in the podcast?” I asked.
She smiled. “Maybe save it for the sequel,” she said.
Later that night, we spent some time talking about how we could safely come out of hiding. Since all the rituals have been released and Edgar won’t be writing me any more letters, we don’t think the Corporation has any reason to still try to kill or capture us. They would only reinforce the importance of this podcast by doing so and undermine themselves in the process. We think we’ll be relatively safe out in the open now.
Nevertheless, we have a backup plan just in case they still want us dead. In the event that Adrienne or I end up missing or dead for any reason that is even slightly suspicious, we have arranged for the public release of all the documents we obtained from the Swiss compound.
We thought carefully about whether or not we should release the documents now, in hopes that it could help bring down the Corporation, but the evidence we have likely isn’t sufficient to take down those at the top. However, the release of the documents would make things difficult for them for a period of time, and we believe this difficulty, in their minds, will be reason enough not to kill us.
The next morning Adrienne and I went our separate ways. I took a flight from D.C. back to Ohio. On the plane, I felt a weird sense of emptiness. So much had happened over the past two months, and now I was going back to my regular life. I was leaving behind both Adrienne and Edgar, my soulmate and my future reincarnated self. It’s going to be hard to readjust to life without them after having them along with me on this journey.
I spent most of the flight thinking about what it is that I will do with the rest of my life. Adrienne wasn’t the only one facing that question. I know there is still much more I can do to share the rituals with the world, but I don’t know the best way to go about doing that. I’m thinking about starting an online coaching program for those who want additional guidance on practicing the rituals. I haven’t made any official decisions yet, and may need some time to let things settle first.
When I got back to my house last night, I didn’t even feel like I was the same person who lived there before. Even though I was returning to my old life, I was returning as a new person. Part of me felt like I didn’t belong there, while part of me wanted to return to this life with a newfound sense of purpose.
What exactly will happen now is uncertain, and I’m okay with that. I don’t know when I’ll see Adrienne again. I don’t know if I should try to get my old job back. I don’t know what I’m going to do to continue to share the rituals. There are still a lot of unanswered questions in my life, but I’m okay with all of it. In the meantime, I will continue to seek the truth and go wherever this new path takes me.
I can’t believe I’m about to wrap up this podcast. What a journey it’s been. I look back at the events and accomplishments of the past two months, and I can hardly believe it all really happened. From receiving that first letter from Edgar, to launching a podcast to save humanity, to being on the run from the most powerful people in the world, to finding my soulmate along the way, this experience was absolutely incredible. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world, and I can’t say enough about how beneficial it’s been to receive your emails and messages of support along the way. I’m grateful you’ve listened to all these episodes and all my ramblings. You’ve made this a worthwhile endeavor and a truly collaborative effort. Because of you, there is hope for the future, and we need to continue to work together to bring about the future in which Edgar is listening to this episode. Edgar, thank you for all you have done to make this happen.
And with that, I think we’ve come to the end of our podcast journey together. Thank you for listening and for everything else you have done to bring the five rituals into your life and to the lives of those around you.
* * *
Wait. There’s more.
I finished recording this episode yesterday afternoon, or so I thought. I was sitting in my living room that evening, reflecting on everything that has happened, when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find Adrienne standing on my porch.
“I was wrong about needing time alone,” she said. “I want to be with you. Is that okay?”
“Yes, of course,” I said, bringing her inside. “What made you change your mind?”
She pulled some folded pieces of paper from her pocket. “This,” she said.
We sat down next to each other on the couch, and I unfolded the paper. It was a letter from Rhona. It said:
Dear Adrienne,
It’s been three years in my world since Edgar’s last letter to Adam, and about a month since Edgar passed away. His health progressively declined as a consequence of the neurodegeneration caused by his travels through his past consciousness. In the months before he died, he no longer knew who he was. He would have moments of clarity, but he also had moments when he slipped into other timeframes. There were times when he was himself as a child and times when he seemed to be Adam. There were other times when I could only assume he was in conscious states from other lifetimes.
About a week ago, I began boxing up many of the items in his office and putting them in the attic. It was there where I found, hidden under a blanket, his device for traveling through past consciousness. I had thought he destroyed the device, but it appeared he couldn’t bring himself to do so. I suppose he thou
ght there might come a time when it would be necessary to use it again.
Perhaps it was stumbling upon the device that got me thinking, or maybe it was an intuitive moment, but something made me want to look into what happened to you in your lifetime. I began to do some research into what happened in your life after Adam’s last episode of the podcast. I won’t tell you exactly what I found out, but it was clear that you let the darkness within you take over. I can only assume you stopped practicing the rituals, despite what Edgar said about their importance for you in your life. It also seemed that you and Adam had drifted apart. The rituals and your relationship with Adam were the way for you to move forward and to find balance. Without those things, you lost your way.
My first impulse was to use the device to go back and warn you; however, I talked myself out of it after I considered the risk to my own health, as well as all the times Edgar warned me about the implications of changing the past.
But then, a few nights ago, I had the most vivid dream. Much like the dreams you had about your past life as Katherine, I had a dream about my past life as you.
I dreamt I was you living out the terrible events I read would happen in your life. I could feel the overwhelming darkness within you. Then my dream shifted back further. It shifted to your present self. I woke up in a hotel room as you. You got up out of bed and saw, on the desk in your room, something written on the hotel stationary. You sat down to read it, and it was a letter from me. It was the letter you are reading now.
It was through this dream that I knew exactly what to write you. It was as if it was already written. I no longer had any doubt about what I needed to do, but as if to further solidify my decision, my dream shifted once more to the time of the terrible events in your life, but in this version everything was different. You were no longer engulfed by darkness. In this new version of your future, you had balanced the darkness with light.
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