by Elle Kennedy
For once, the lie didn’t burn his throat. He’d made up excuses his whole life, and each and every one of them had brought a sense of shame and self-loathing, but not today. If he didn’t extricate Brett from this situation, she would inevitably lose her temper, and if that happened, he knew she’d regret it later.
Bullshit. You’re leaving for your sake, not hers.
Hell. Did it matter whose sake it was for? Neither of them wanted to be here, damn it.
Brett practically leaped to her feet. “Right,” she said in a shaky voice. “I totally forgot about that.”
AJ stole a look at his father, who’d been sitting at the table in silence for the duration of the tattoo interrogation. Tom wore the strangest expression on his face, but for the life of him, AJ couldn’t decipher it. He assumed his father was as appalled by Brett’s “ghastly” appearance as his mother was, and AJ was pissed off at them both
As Brett hurriedly slipped into her socks and shoes, Karen stood up, too. “But you just got here,” she said stiffly.
“I know, I’m sorry.” AJ couldn’t even muster up an apologetic smile. “But we have to go.”
There were no hugs good-bye. No kisses. No assurances that he’d be back soon. He simply whisked Brett into the house, then out of the house, then into the Jeep.
He hadn’t felt anger like this in years. His entire body trembled from it, his blood bubbled with it. His fingers were so stiff it was a miracle he managed to turn the key in the ignition. The temptation to storm back inside and force his folks to apologize to Brett was so overpowering that he fumbled for the gearshift, needing to get the hell away from the house before he did or said something he’d regret.
Before he could put the car in drive, Brett reached for the door handle. “I forgot my cardigan,” she said flatly.
He reached for his own door. “I’ll get it.”
“No.” The response was swift, hard. “I’ll do it. You wait here.”
AJ watched as she ran back to the house, her black hair whipping around her head like a storm cloud. Christ. She was pissed. So was he. He couldn’t believe his mother had brought up Tamara like that. Merrily, deliberately, as if she’d wanted nothing more than to drive a wedge between him and Brett.
He wasn’t going to let that stand. No way in hell. But he needed to take Brett home first. He needed to explain and apologize and get on his frickin’ knees to beg her forgiveness.
Brett was gone for much longer than he liked, but just as AJ was about to go after her, the front door swung open and she reappeared. Her cheeks were flushed, and she had her cardigan draped over one arm.
She slid into the passenger seat without a word. AJ stepped on the gas and drove away without sparing even a peek in the rearview mirror.
“Brett—” he started.
“Not now.” She turned toward the window. “I just…I need a moment to think, okay?”
Frustration shot through him as she avoided his gaze. “I’m so sorry about that Tamara bullshit,” he said softly. “My mom ran into her at the supermarket last month and decided to play matchmaker. I wasn’t interested then, and I’m not interested now. I swear.”
Brett shot him a sidelong glance. “Then why did you take her number?”
He faltered.
“You didn’t use it, so your mother took matters into her own hands, but you did take it, didn’t you?”
He let out a breath. Nodded.
Brett nodded in return. “Of course you did.”
“I never, ever planned on calling her, Brett.”
“I know that, too.” A chord of sorrow clung to her voice. “You took the number to appease your parents. Because Tamara is exactly the type of woman they want you to marry and have kids with. We are talking about Ms. Perfect Cheerleader, right? Tamara from high school?”
He nodded again.
“Yeah, I can see why your mom is so eager for you to end up with her.” Brett mumbled something AJ couldn’t fully make out, but it sounded like “perfect.”
After that, she went quiet again, and this time, when he tried to offer another apology, she simply shifted her eyes back to the passenger window. And there it was—the biting of her bottom lip, the groove in her forehead. She was deep in thought, and AJ sensed that he wasn’t going to like it when she finally clued him in to her thoughts.
It wasn’t until he pulled up in front of the Kims’ general store that Brett looked over again.
“AJ…”
Agony twisted in his heart. He knew what she was going to say.
“It’s over.”
Fuck. Fuck.
Knowing it and hearing it were two very different things. His heart was no longer clenching, but shattering. Splintering into pieces as those dark, beautiful eyes looked at him with such sadness and regret that his throat closed up.
“Don’t say that,” he said roughly. “At least let me apo—”
“Apologize?” she finished. “I don’t need an apology, AJ. I’m not mad about the way your mom acted, or the fact that you got some other woman’s number. Actually, I’m not mad at all.”
She leaned in and touched his cheek, so gently it brought another painful squeeze to his chest.
“I can’t be with you.” Brett shook her head. “I tried to hide myself from your parents today by covering up my tattoos, but you’ve been hiding yourself from them for years. I’ve been watching you fight since I met you—not them, but yourself. You’re trying so hard to be who you think you should be, instead of being who you are.”
A denial rose in his throat, but it got stuck there.
“I saw you doing it with your friends, too.” She sounded upset, frustrated. “You’re trying to put on this good-guy image. Perfect son, perfect friend, perfect everything. You’re trying to be Joey. But you’re not him, AJ. You’ll never be him.”
Pain sliced into his chest. Her tone was so sad, so matter-of-fact. The urge to flee hit him hard, but he forced himself to stay put. He placed his fingers on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white as he gripped it tight, needing to steady himself with something. With anything.
“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love,” she said quietly. “I lost my mother around the same age you lost your brother. But my mom would never have wanted me to be anyone other than myself. And I think Joey wouldn’t have wanted that either.”
Her eyes flashed suddenly, anger coloring her cheeks. “You are a good guy, AJ. You’re sweet and compassionate and so frickin’ good to the people you care about. But there’s more to you than that. You run a successful business. You stick up for people even if you have to use your fists to do it. You like to fuck and fight and take chances. You get off on the adrenaline high from doing kinky shit in the bedroom, or punching some guy’s lights out in a fighting match, and I love that about you.”
AJ couldn’t answer. Couldn’t breathe. Every word she spoke was the truth, and it was making his head spin.
“It’s not your fault that your brother died,” Brett said, sounding tired now. “It was an accident. A very tragic accident. You were a little kid, and it wasn’t your fault. But you’ve been trying to be a dead guy ever since.” Her shoulders sagged. “And it’s turned you into a ghost.”
Panic skittered through him as she reached for the door handle. “Brett—”
“I can’t be with a ghost. I want you, AJ—the real you, every part of you. I want him all the time, not just in private, but in front of the whole world, and until you can accept yourself for who you are, I can’t be with you. I’m sorry.”
Then she was gone. Out of the car and inside the building.
AJ stared at the empty space beside him, feeling as if someone had plunged a knife in his heart.
And that’s when he realized he’d fallen in love with her.
Chapter Seventeen
“Can we talk?”
AJ looked up to see Darcy standing in the doorway of his office. He was supposed to be tending bar, but the thought of spending the night
slinging drinks and chatting with faceless people was about as appealing as rolling around in mud.
Four days. It had been four days since he’d seen or spoken to Brett, and he was going through major withdrawal. He missed her with every fiber of his being. Couldn’t go a single second without thinking about her. He’d almost called her hundreds of times since Sunday, but he’d stopped himself every time, because he wasn’t sure what he would even say to her.
She’d been absolutely right. Every soft accusation, every resigned remark. But he was a fucking coward. He hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of telling her how he felt about her, only to have her crush his heart all over again.
“AJ?”
Darcy waited expectantly—and nervously. He could see it in her blue eyes, in the way she wrung her hands together.
He gestured to one of the visitors’ chairs. “What’s up, Darce?”
Her reddish-blond hair spilled over one shoulder as she settled in the chair and crossed her ankles together. “Reed told me you and Brett broke up,” she said tentatively.
“Yup.” He couldn’t control his bitterness. “Did you come here to gloat?”
Shame flooded her expression. “I guess I deserve that.”
AJ didn’t answer.
“I’m sorry.” Darcy blurted out the apology, her entire face going pink. “I’ve wanted to say that to you for days, but I was too much of a wimp, and I knew that the moment I said it, I would have to admit why I acted like a jerk in the first place, and it was too frickin’ embarrassing, okay?”
Curiosity penetrated the cloud of gloom he’d been battling since Brett had dumped him. He slanted his head, waiting for her to elaborate.
“I was jealous.” Sheer misery darkened her eyes. “There. I said it. I was jealous.”
His lips twitched.
“Don’t you dare laugh at me,” his ex-girlfriend grumbled. “This is mortifying enough as it is, okay? But Reed told me I had to man up and explain myself, so here goes. I took one look at Brett and I wanted to claw her eyes out.”
AJ’s brows soared to his hairline. Darcy was one of the sweetest, most laid-back people he’d ever known. Hearing her admit to experiencing violent urges was on par with finding out Mother Teresa was into BDSM.
“We were together for five months, AJ. Five months, and not once did you look at me the way you were looking at Brett.”
Discomfort rolled in his gut. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. And I’m fine with it now. I love Reed. I’m happy with Reed. But when I saw you and Brett together, I felt…I don’t know, like I was lacking or something. I always knew there was something wrong with our relationship—you knew it too—but I figured it was both our faults. No chemistry or passion or whatever you want to call it.” Darcy sighed. “But it was so obvious you felt passion for Brett. Like, an obscene amount of passion.”
His stomach continued to churn, this time with white-hot regret that spiraled upward and tightened his throat. He’d felt passion, all right. Passion and excitement and love, damn it. He still did.
“So I started wondering if maybe I was the reason we didn’t work out,” she confessed. “And then I got mad and self-conscious and embarrassed, and I took it out on Brett. I’m so sorry, AJ. I really am. It was a dick move.”
A laugh managed to escape his aching throat. “You were pretty damn rude,” he agreed.
“I know,” she wailed. “And I feel horrible about it. I finally got the nerve to ask Reed to bug you for Brett’s number so I could apologize to her personally, but then he told me you two had broken up.” She hesitated. “Why did you end it? Any idiot could see you guys were crazy about each other.”
AJ swallowed. “I messed up.”
It was all he said, and all he was willing to say. He was genuinely touched that Darcy had come to apologize, but he wasn’t ready to tell her why Brett had broken things off. Any explanation he’d give required a shit ton of history he wasn’t interested in sharing, not even with Darcy, who was one of the greatest listeners he’d ever met.
“Then fix it,” she said bluntly.
He gnawed on the inside of his cheek. “That’s easier said than done.”
“Love is never easy, AJ. You have to work for it, fight for it. If you don’t, then it’ll just slip away, and you’ll be left feeling miserable and alone.”
Yup. Miserable and alone was precisely what he’d been feeling since Brett had walked out of his life.
Darcy approached the desk, bending down to plant a light kiss on his forehead. “I love you, you know. You’re the best man I’ve ever known, AJ, and I want you to be happy.”
“I know.” He swallowed again. “I love you, too, Darce.”
A knock on the half-open door sent both their heads swiveling toward it.
And talk about another surprise—AJ’s parents were standing in the doorway.
His jaw fell open when he spotted them. His folks had never visited him at the club before. Hadn’t stepped foot in Sin since AJ and his friends had bought it, and before today, showed zero interest in doing so.
“What are you guys doing here?” he demanded, unable to mask his shock.
Or his anger. Nope, couldn’t hide that, either. He hadn’t spoken to them since Sunday afternoon, despite his mother’s numerous phone calls and text messages. In the end, he’d shot off a curt text saying he wasn’t ready to talk, but he’d let her know when that changed, and he hadn’t heard from her since.
As his parents took a hesitant step inside, AJ was wholly aware of Darcy standing at his side. He suddenly wondered if his folks had overheard the tail end of the conversation, the I-love-yous that had been exchanged, the tender kiss to his forehead.
If they had, they didn’t comment on it, and AJ noted in bewilderment that his mother didn’t greet Darcy with the same overjoyed expression she’d worn in the past.
“Darcy.” Her tone was oddly reserved. “You look wonderful, sweetie.”
“So do you.” With a genuine smile, Darcy walked over to hug both his parents. “You look so much better from the last time I saw you,” she told AJ’s mother. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I feel great.” Karen’s gaze strayed to her son. “Physically, anyway.”
AJ’s dad cleared his throat. “Would you mind giving us a moment alone with Adam?” he asked Darcy.
“No problem.” She squeezed Karen’s arm before heading for the door. “We’ll catch up another time.”
The moment Darcy was gone, AJ warily got to his feet and looked at his parents, waiting for them to speak.
“Darcy looks happy,” his mother remarked.
“She is.” His tone hardened. “She and Reed are good for each other.”
“It shows,” she said with a nod. “I suppose we should have them over for dinner the next time you and Brett come by.”
He let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon, Mom. Brett dumped me.”
Lines of concern formed around her mouth. “Oh. Oh, no. Why would she do that?”
Disbelief spiraled through him. “Why the hell do you think?”
For once, neither one of them berated him for his language. If anything, they looked even more upset. Tom wrapped a protective arm around his wife’s shoulders as she trembled with visible unhappiness.
When neither of them spoke, it triggered a rush of resentment. But what had he been expecting, an apology? Yeah, right. They’d probably throw a parade celebrating his breakup when they got home.
“I’m not perfect,” he burst out.
They both blinked in alarm. “AJ,” his mother started.
“No, I don’t want to hear it, Mom. I want you to hear something. Both of you.” His hands balled into fists as years of unvoiced anger breached the surface. “I can’t be the perfect son you want me to be, okay? I’ve been trying to please you guys for years, because of…” His throat squeezed. He couldn’t seem to say Joey’s name out loud, so he hurried on in a sha
ky voice. “I’ve tried to be what you wanted me to be, but I can’t do it anymore. I own a nightclub and I like it. I used to fight in a cage, and I liked it. You want me to be nice and polite and responsible, but sometimes I’m not, okay? And I’m tired of pretending to be.”
“AJ—” his mom said again.
“I’ve been trying to be him, but I’m not, damn it! I’m me, and if you guys can’t accept me for who I am, then…”
He trailed off, because really, how was he supposed to finish that sentence? Then screw you?
Silence crashed over the office, and then his mother murmured a question he hadn’t expected.
“Did she break up with you because of us?”
His mouth fell open. Seriously? He’d just spilled his guts and that was the pressing issue on her mind?
AJ just stared at her
“Oh gosh. I’m so ashamed.” Her entire body shook with distress.
Despite the anger and resentment clogging his throat, his protective instincts reared up. “Sit down,” he said gruffly, rounding the desk to take her other arm. “You’re supposed to be resting, remember?”
She allowed him to lead her to the visitor’s chair, but the distraught expression didn’t leave her face. “I didn’t think…I didn’t expect Brett to do that. Not after everything she…”
His eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”
His father sank into the other chair, and for a moment, AJ felt like the parent in the room. Looming over the older couple as they fidgeted in their chairs, avoiding his hawk-like gaze.
“What did Brett do?” he demanded.
His parents exchanged a look.
“Tell me, damn it.”
“Language,” Tom scolded, not letting him get away with cursing a second time. “And your mother is referring to the talking-to we got from your girlfriend on Sunday.”
He blinked in confusion. Brett had barely uttered a word before they’d left the house. AJ had swept her away from his folks too quickly for her to give anyone a “talking-to.”
Except…
She’d gone back inside to get her sweater.
