by J. P. Comeau
My life hadn’t gotten boring at all.
I just don’t have anyone to share it with anymore.
2
Clint
I felt the plastic of the pen break in my hand, and I grumbled to myself. I tossed it into the trash can before plucking another one from the plastic cup on the edge of my desk. But, I didn’t get two more sentences in before that pen broke off in my hand as well.
I was leaving an ink stain that would take days to fade.
“Fucking hell,” I murmured.
I leaned back in my chair and sighed. I ran my clean hand down my face before my eyes fell closed, and I drew in a few deep breaths through my nose. I needed to calm myself. I needed to focus.
I needed to not regret ever hiring Roxy.
Not that she wasn’t good at her job. On the contrary, she excelled at her position. But, damn it, if that girl wasn’t a major distraction. If I thought she was hot in all that club attire she donned in the evenings, then she was breathtaking in her pin-up pencil skirts, and her hair piled high on her head for work. I never thought I’d find a woman that was sexier clothed than not clothed. Roxy pulled it off somehow, though.
“Stop thinking about her. You’re losing it,” I murmured.
And my phone ringing on my desk saved me from my own debauched thoughts.
“This is Clint,” I said.
“This is father.”
I chuckled. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”
“That’s how you always answer your phone?”
“You pay attention to how you answer the phone next time and then figure out where I got it from.”
He chuckled. “Well, at any rate, I wanted to call and see how things were going with the new company.”
I leaned back into my leather chair. “Things are fine, sir. I got four men out on patrols right now, and two more just checked in with me. I’ve got contracts I need to sign on my end to get new clients up and running, but I should still clock out by five.”
“Patrols? Clock out? What are you, still in the Navy?”
“I’ll never not be a SEAL, sir.”
“I’m not ‘sir. I’m your father.”
I paused. “Yes, si--Dad.”
He sighed. “How are you doing? I mean, in general?”
“Dad, we don’t--.”
“How are you doing, son?”
I really didn’t want to broach this topic. But, I figured it would pop up eventually. You know, since I haven’t talked about my divorce once it was finalized.
“I’m good, Dad. Really.”
“Are you sure, Clint?”
I snickered. “What more do you want from me? I’m home. I’m stable. I’ve nailed down a therapist. I’ve got a company I’m running and a family empire that’s building, and that doesn’t show you how good I am?”
“Not emotionally, no.”
“Leave the emotions for my therapist to sift through.”
“I’m your father, Clint. And you’re my firstborn. My SEAL. My pride and joy. I want to know how the fuck you’re doing.”
I grinned. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“Cut the shit.”
My voice grew curt. “I am, Dad. This is me cutting the shit. And I’m sorry if I’m not like Zane, who can just pour his heart out to you anytime he wants.”
“I didn’t say you were like--.”
“Dad, really. I’m good. It happened, it sucked, and I moved on. Just like I said I would if anything like that happened.”
“She didn’t deserve you, Clint.”
I shook my head. “No, she didn’t.”
“That ex-wife of yours was nothing but a two-timing, selfish whore who didn’t know which end of a man was up. I’d love to get her in a room by herself and ask her just what the fuck she thought she’d get away with. Did she think you were stupid or something? No, no, no. My Clint deserves better. And he’s going to find better. Right?”
I chuckled. “You feel better?”
“Right, son?”
“I don’t know. I’m not focused too much on chasing women or finding myself one. All of my focus is on this business right now.”
“Well, don’t let her take that joy from you. She robbed you of your marriage, but she doesn't have to rob you of your future.”
“I’m a Navy SEAL, Dad. I’ll be fine.”
“Sure, in a war zone. But, this isn’t a war zone, Clint. It’s the battlefield of your emotions. And I’m not sure you’re equipped to handle it.”
I blinked. “Are you even listening to yourself right now?”
“Your mother’s standing behind me.”
I heard her scoff. “Come on!”
“What!?” he exclaimed.
I roared with laughter as I held my stomach. I knew my mother had to be behind this, one way or another. And listening to them bicker, oddly enough, made my day.
“Dad?” I asked.
“Hold on, son. Sweetheart, why can’t you just--.”
“Dad!”
“What?”
I laughed. “Just leave her alone. You know she means well.”
He sighed. “Not when she drags me into shit.”
“You married her. You’ll always be dragged into it.”
“Nice to see you learned something other than pain and hurt from your marriage.”
I palmed my hair. “I’m not as fragile as you guys think I am. And by the way, this is exactly why vets don’t go to see therapists. Because then people start acting weird around them.”
“All right, all right. We get your point.”
“Thank you. Now, can I get back to work?”
“Depends. You coming over for dinner tonight?”
I nodded. “I’ll be there if you let me off this phone so I can finish work.”
“See you tonight.”
“See you then.”
I hung up the phone and got back to work. And it didn’t take me long to wrap up my day before I needed to leave. I packed things up and closed down the office for the long weekend. Monday was a holiday, and while everyone in my company had the day off, it came at a cost to myself. I was handling all of the patrols and the watches on the schedule so my guys could take some time to be with their friends and families.
I wonder what Roxy will be doing Monday.
I shook the thought from my head as I slung my stuff into the saddlebags on my Harley. Then mounted the seat and slid my helmet on, ready for the long drive out to Mom and Dad’s estate. I loved riding my bike out to their place. The drive was always so peaceful. And with the sun setting and nighttime falling upon us quicker than normal, it would make for a wonderful ride back home.
I pulled up the long, winding driveway of my childhood home. I parked my Harley and packed my helmet away before finding myself inside. I followed the wonderful smell of food until I emerged into the kitchen, watching Mom stir a pot of sauce while Dad pulled rolls out of the oven.
“There he is!” he exclaimed.
Mom dropped her spoon. “Oh, there’s my boy. Come here and give your mother a hug.”
I smiled. “Hi, Mom.”
She wrapped me up tightly. “You give such great hugs.”
I kissed her on the cheek before Dad came and patted me on the back. But, I stole a few more seconds in Mom’s hug before I pulled away. I never wanted to hug her for too long. Otherwise, I’d start crying. I don’t know; her embrace just felt like home, like safety and comfort. I hadn’t had too much of that in the Navy. And by ‘too much,’ I meant ‘none at all.’ When I was in Mom’s arms, though, I felt like a seven-year-old with a skinned knee again.
I felt helplessness, weakness, and comfortable. All rolled into one.
“You gonna give me a hug? I played a role in making you,” Dad said.
I wrinkled my nose. “Maybe don’t put it that way.”
He chuckled, opening his arms. “Hey there, son.”
I clapped his back. “Hey there, Dad.”
Zane stuck his head in. “
You guys done greeting the favorite of the family?”
Mom quipped. “Clint isn’t our favorite. Shame on you for saying so.”
I released Dad. “Nah. I’m just the firstborn. It’s less favoritism and more perfection if you ask me.”
Brenden scoffed as he stepped around the corner. “You’d think so, huh, big guy?”
I passed through Mom and Dad. “The girls here?”
Zane shook his head. “Nope. Kelly and Karina are out at the spa getting some pampering.”
I nodded. “Must’ve been where Roxy went after I gave her a half-day.”
Brenden paused. “I… don’t think Roxy’s with them, no.”
I furrowed my brow. “Why not? Those are her two best friends. Wouldn't she be with them?”
A timer dinged in the kitchen. “Chicken’s ready!”
My stomach growled. “Please tell me that’s your baked cream of chicken with--.”
Brenden patted my shoulder. “You know damn good and well it is.”
Zane rubbed his stomach. “With Dad’s yeast rolls.”
I hummed. “I’m gonna hurt myself tonight.”
Dinner was fantastic, and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. And after dinner came the family drink as we slowly meandered into Dad’s study. I walked over to the window and gazed out over the front yard. I saw Dad’s garden off in the distance, over by the corner. I saw Mom’s pet landscaping project halfway done in the middle of her rose garden. I sipped my whiskey and let the alcohol rush through me, clutching my glass as tightly as I could.
Because for some reason, I felt less planted to the ground than I did arriving for dinner.
“Still thinking about Roxy?” Brenden asked.
I cast him a sharp look as he came to stand beside me.
“I’m not thinking of her, no,” I said.
He shrugged. “Could’ve fooled me.”
“Why are Kelly and Karina not out with Roxy?”
“What makes you think they didn’t ask her?”
“Then, what could she be doing that her best friends aren’t doing? Those three are connected at the hip.”
Zane came up to my other side, grinning. “Worried about Roxy?”
I rolled my eyes. “I hate you both.”
Brenden sighed. “Why don’t you just ask her out already? I mean, the two of you looked pretty cozy at the birthday bash a few months back.”
Zane nodded. “And we know she likes you. She can’t stop staring at you whenever you're around. It’s almost uncomfortable.”
I looked over at him. “Roxy’s just fine in my presence. So, you shut your mouth.”
Brenden chuckled. “We rest our case.”
I took a long pull from my drink. “Look, the woman hates me. But, even if she didn’t? She works for me. She’s off-limits, no matter how you look at it.”
Mom came up from behind. “What are my boys talking about now over here?”
I felt her rubbing my back, and my eyes fluttered closed.
“Nothing, Mom. Just catching up,” I murmured.
She patted my back. “Well, come catch up over here with us. We’ve hardly seen you since you moved back to Vegas.”
Yes. It’s a ways out here. “Love to, Mom.”
Zane gripped my arm. “This conversation isn’t over, you know.”
I glared at him. “It is now.”
Then, I walked over to where Mom and Dad were sitting. Ready to talk. Ready to open up. Ready to do anything that didn’t have to do with talking about Roxy.
Because I didn’t want to open up that can of worms.
I didn’t want to give myself yet another possible chance at having my world destroyed.
3
Roxy
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Roxy! Happy birthday to you!”
Everyone clapped as I gathered my hair and leaned forward to blow out the candle on my cupcake. Small wisps of smoke floated up from the blown-out candle, and the smell made my eyes flutter closed. The smell of smoke had always been something I enjoyed, whether it was from a bonfire, or from my father’s cigars, or from a car speeding off in the distance. Smoke always followed power, and its smell always reminded me of just how powerful I could be.
“Here, here, here! Open mine first,” Kelly said.
“Awww, girl. You shouldn’t have. What is it?” I asked.
Karina giggled. “Open it up and see. Because I can’t give you my gift until you open Kelly’s.”
I ripped open the gift, anxious to see what was inside. And when I saw the pair of boots Kelly’s line had been showcasing to launch her upcoming winter spectacle, I had to plaster on a smile. I knew exactly what Karina’s gift was now. That snowflake boot calf design I’d been eyeing for a couple of weeks now.
I reached for Karina’s gift and opened it, trying to fake my surprise as best as I could.
“Oh. My. God. You guys are spectacular! Thank you so much!”
The girls squealed with me as they hugged me closely, and I figured I pulled it off well enough.
“Seriously, thank you so much for these,” I said.
Kelly smiled. “And thank you for agreeing to wear them. This is going to be great advertising for my upcoming launch. You’re the best. You know that?”
I nodded. “I really am the best, yes.”
Karina snorted. “And now that I’ve gotten this baby weight off, I’ve got a matching pair to wear with you!”
My eyebrows rose as Karina lifted up her leg, showcasing the navy, heeled boots with the snowflake calf wraparound. It grew harder to keep that smile on my face as she wiggled her foot around. Kelly and Karina clapped their hands, gabbing on about how wonderful they looked and all of the advertisement and momentum this would build behind Kelly’s launch.
My birthday couldn’t even be about me anymore. It had to be about the two of them. And all the time they’d been spending together without me.
“So, what date are you going to wear those on?” Kelly asked.
I blinked. “What was that?”
Karina swatted at me. “Oh, come on. I know why you wanted those boots so badly. You’ve bought a dress for a date. So, who’s the lucky man this week?”
“Uh, I’m not going out on a date with anyone this week. I’ve got work I have to catch--.”
Kelly gasped. “You’re what!?”
Karina shook her head. “I don’t believe you. I simply don’t!”
“You can cut the sarcasm out of your voices now.”
Kelly giggled. “Oh, come on. You always have a man on your arm you want to impress. We just want to know about him, that’s all.”
I sat down. “Well, it’s hard to go out partying when my two main bitches ditched me for the homemaker life, you know.”
Karina sat down beside me. “Hey, I’m still up for going out.”
I snickered. “As long as you’re back by ten. We’re just getting started at ten!”
Kelly pulled up a chair. “I go out with you all the time! Don’t even play that game.”
Well, what about the spa trip you two took? “Who wants another drink?”
And just as all three of our hands shot into the air, Zane poked his head into the room.
“You girls ready to go? The limo’s here.”
I gasped. “A limo!?”
Kelly and Karina hopped up. “Happy birthday, girl!”
“Aaahhh! You guys are the best!”
The three of us hugged and hopped around. Then we gathered up our things. We dashed out the door and practically flung ourselves into the limo where flutes of champagne were waiting for us. It finally felt like a girl’s night. I mean, other than the fact that Brenden and Zane were hanging around. But, I could get used to that. So long as I got Kelly and Karina time in my life--.
“Zane, you want anything?” Karina asked.
“Here, Brenden. I found this for you. You getting hungry?” Kelly asked.
I watched them get up as the lim
o pulled away from my apartment, and I leaned back against the leather seats. Just like always, those two gravitated back to their men, and I was left hanging, like always.
Happy birthday to me.
I sipped my champagne silently as we navigated around town. Then, we finally pulled up to one of my favorite casinos: Dime A Dozen.
And I felt something thick press against my palm.
“Happy birthday, Roxy.”
Zane’s voice pulled me from my trance as we stopped at the front door of the casino.
“What’s this?” I asked.
My eyes widened when I saw the wad of cash in my hand that Zane just handed me.
“My birthday present to you. Go knock yourself out,” he said.
I smiled. “Thank you so much. Seriously.”
“Hey, it’s your birthday. You’re supposed to have fun and enjoy your birthday without any consequences to yourself. Let me foot the bill tonight.”
I winked. “Don’t worry. I’ve got no issues with you doing that.”
We all piled out of the car, and I rushed my way into the casino. With lights flashing and cards being shuffled in the distance and the smell of cocktails filling the air, it felt like I was at home. I loved gambling. Not so much that I lost everything I owned, but I did enjoy the thrill of it. It was the only adrenaline rush I got in my life now, especially with Kelly and Karina on the sidelines indefinitely. I was the only single girl in the bunch now, and every day there was always some sort of a reminder as to that fact.
Not tonight, though. Tonight, I was a queen. Tonight, I was the important one. Tonight, I got my way. No holds barred.
Well, mostly.
“Hey, Kelly! You want to--?”
She waved her hand in the air. “Be there in a second. I need some food.”
