by J. P. Comeau
Kelly sighed. “So, how long have you and Clint been seeing one another?”
I swallowed hard. “Maybe a month? We hooked up twice, and I told him that if we were going to start seeing each other outside of work, then I wanted to start all over. I wanted to shelve the physical stuff until we actually got to know one another. And he’s been surprisingly patient with me.”
Karina giggled. “Awww, that’s so sweet.”
Kelly’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know he had it in him.”
I glared at the two of them. “And I’m seeing him tonight for dinner. So, don’t fuck up between now and then. Promise me.”
They nodded in unison. “We promise.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Creepy. You two are creepy as fuck.”
The girls stayed for a while, trying to calm me down. But, eventually, I had to kick them out. In some ways, it was nice to know I could rely on them during a crisis. I still missed them, though. I closed the door behind them and pressed my forehead against the door. Tonight over dinner was probably the best time to speak with Clint, but I was scared. What if he got upset? What if he accused me of sleeping around on him? I mean, it wasn’t as if we were officially dating, but I was under the impression that we weren’t seeing any other people.
What if he’s seeing other people?
I felt sick to my stomach. I turned around, pressing my back against the door before I slid down to my ass. No, I had to do it. I had to find the nerve to talk with Clint about things tonight. Even if it ruined us. Even if he walked away. Even if he got upset, accused me of being a hoe like my friends just did, and walked out. I had to do it. Because he did deserve to know, even if he wanted nothing to do with the baby after this.
Or me.
“Fuck!” I exclaimed.
After I got done feeling sorry for myself, I pulled myself off the floor. Clint was going to be here in a couple of hours to cook for me, and I needed to clean up more than just myself. I needed to hide those tests, hide any evidence of my anxiety, and relax as much as I could.
Though, part of me knew I wouldn't be able to hide from him for long.
I shuffled into the bathroom and poured the urine down the sink. I tossed the glass cup into the trash, along with the tests and the pregnancy box. I piled other trash on top of it to make sure it was buried, then I ran the hottest shower I could stand. I didn’t feel clean anymore. I didn’t feel right. I felt off-kilter, exhausted, and ready for a long night’s rest. Clint would already know something was up, though. I knew he’d come over curious about things since I called out of work this morning.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I murmured.
I let the hot water roll over my body as I watched it swirl down the drain. I didn’t want to move from this spot. The shower was where I did all my best thinking. All my best scheming. And I knew if I stayed in here long enough, I’d come up with a plan to fix all of this. Either that or the hot water would eventually wake me up from this nightmare I’d stepped into.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
I sank to the floor of the shower and curled my legs up to my chest. In a few months, I wouldn't be able to do that. In a few months, my body would be so massive I wouldn't be able to fit in any of my clothes. I’d need an entirely new wardrobe. Plus, I’d have to find a new place to live. This apartment wasn’t suitable for raising a child, especially in the part of town I inhabited. I mean, I felt safe as a single woman who carried mase in her purse. But, I certainly wouldn’t feel safe as a young, single mother without any career prospects and no chance in hell of ever having the life I wanted.
“Yeah, like I know what that is,” I breathed.
I forced myself to clean up nonetheless, though. I had less than two hours at this point to get ready before Clint would show up with food. And I hoped that the food he cooked didn’t make me sick to my stomach. I turned off the water and got ready for our dinner date, making sure to put on my best dress. The sleek black number hugged my curves, and it gave me pause as I stood there in the mirror.
Will my body be the same after I give birth?
As much as I hated the idea of having a child right now, I couldn't stomach the idea of an abortion. Or even adoption. I knew my parents would help me out, though they’d be pissed. So, there was that. But, I also knew my father would kill Clint. And I mean, my father would slaughter that man. Especially if he walked away from me.
“Would he really walk away, though?” I whispered.
I wasn’t sure. I mean, my gut reaction was that he’d stay at my side. But, I also thought I’d have my two best friends forever. And the past few months had shown that to be a wrong assumption as well. And when that knock came at that door, I almost jumped out of my skin.
“Roxy, you here?” Clint asked through the door.
I drew in a deep breath. “Game time.”
And as he knocked on the door again, I slipped into my best black heels. I sauntered over to the door and threw it open wide, allowing my eyes to case his body. My God, the man looked delectable in his suit. Stark black, like my outfit, and not a hint of white to be seen.
“Great minds,” I said, giggling.
His eyes darkened. “Maybe this bodes well for dessert.”
I forced a giggle. “As lovely as that would be, I don’t think we’re quite there yet, Clint. But soon, I promise. Okay?”
He nodded. “Whenever you’re ready.”
But, even as I let him in, I saw the disappointment behind his eyes.
And I wondered if tonight was a bad night to drop this on him.
16
Clint
The Next Day
As much as I tried to focus on work, I couldn’t. There was something off about Roxy lately, and I couldn't put my finger on it. She called out of work yesterday, she was virtually silent on our date last night, and while she’d come into work today, she hadn’t said one word to me. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve assumed she wasn’t into me any longer.
While I didn’t want to push her into talking, I needed to be privy to that kind of information.
Not to mention, it had been over a month since we’d done anything other than cuddle. The girl wouldn't even let me kiss her on the lips! I mean, I was a patient man. But, Roxy kept wearing these tight little numbers on our dates and wouldn’t give me a taste of anything. Not even those soft lips of hers. It was driving me mad. I couldn't focus. I was masturbating way too much for a grown man with my kind of prospects. Roxy was worth the wait, sure. But, I felt like there was something else.
Something she wasn’t telling me.
“Got some time for your brother?”
I lifted my head at the sound of Brenden’s voice. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
He slipped inside my office. “Can’t a guy come over and pay his older brother a visit?”
I set my pen down. “Depends. Are you here to ask for something?”
He chuckled. “Love you too, Clint.”
I gestured for him to sit in the chair in front of my desk, and I tried to get myself in a frame of mind to talk shop. But, the more Brenden stared at me, the more he got that look in his eye. That softly-narrowed, curious look.
And I knew I’d been busted.
“Something wrong?” he asked.
I leaned back. “What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. You just seem…”
I shook my head. “What?”
He cocked his head. “Elsewhere. You seem like you’re elsewhere right now.”
“Just tell me what you came here to talk to me about. I’ve got a lot of work and some new hires I have to interview this afternoon, and I’m just now getting their resumes.”
“Sounds like business is going well, then.”
I nodded. “It is, yes.”
He leaned forward. “You know I love you, right?”
I snickered. “Don’t get all sappy on me now.”
“Clint, I’m serious.”
I s
wallowed hard. “I know. I love you, too.”
“So, talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
He sighed. “Clint, you come home after not re-enlisting because you buried your best friend. And I can’t possibly imagine what that feels like. But, you’re home now. You’ve got family. And we’re worried about you.”
“I’m fine, Brenden.”
“I’m worried about you, Clint.”
I closed my eyes. “Don’t do this, Brenden. Just spit out why you came here.”
“I came here because I wanted to see about enlisting your services through the realty company on a patch of office spaces we’ve snatched up to sell.”
My eyes opened. “Just get me the details, and we’ll work it out.”
He nodded. “Good. Now, what’s on your mind?”
“Brenden--.”
“I’m not leaving here until you talk.”
I shook my head. “Fine. But, you have to promise me you won’t tell a soul.”
“On my honor, I won’t.”
I finally gave up the goat. “Roxy and I have been hanging out a lot recently.”
“Oh?”
I nodded. “Yep.”
“Well, how’s it going? How long have you two been seeing one another?”
“I don’t really know if we’re seeing one another, per se. But, we do get together and hang out. It’s nice.”
“Have you two… you know.”
I rolled my eyes. “Twice, yes. But, that was before she wanted to drop the physical stuff and ‘get to know one another,’ as she put it.”
“And you’re struggling because you want to… you know.”
I stared at him. “Have sex, Brenden. If we’re going to talk, use your words.”
He chuckled. “Fair enough. So, you two have sex twice, then she agrees to hang out with you so long as you two aren’t constantly hooking up?”
“That’s about right.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
I raked my hand through my hair. “I want to be with her again.”
He grinned. “You sly dog.”
“I’m serious, Brenden. I like the girl, okay? She’s great. She’s funny and beautiful and intelligent. Even though she doesn’t see that in herself. She’s a hard worker and dedicated. Wonderful sense of humor.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it a bit bad for her.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I went over to her place last night to cook for her, and I tried to kind of hint at getting physical again. I mean, it’s been over a month, and we see one another at least three times a week outside of work. I figured she’d feel more comfortable with things, but she’s not ready yet.”
“Have you expressed your reservations to her?”
“No.”
“Don’t you think you should give that a try?”
I snickered. “Not really a talker. You know this.”
“I don’t know. You’re doing a pretty good job right now.”
He has a point. “I don’t know, Brenden. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m pressuring her.”
“Then, tell her that. Tell her you don’t want to put her in an awkward position, but you’re ready. And ask if there’s something you’re doing that is making her more hesitant to move forward again. It can’t hurt, right?”
“I guess so.”
He stood up. “Look, wait until work is over, show up at her place with some flowers, and ask her to talk. Take all of the burdens onto your shoulders, and don’t make it seem like it’s her fault. Who knows? Maybe she’s feeling the same way, and she just doesn’t know how to approach you. It’ll look good if you take that first step. It’ll show you’re invested in more than just her body.”
I blinked. “Since when did you get so smart on women?”
He chuckled. “Since Kelly. She’s taught me a lot.”
“She’s a good woman.”
“And so is Roxy. Just go talk to her, Clint. You won’t get any answers you’re looking for inside your own head. And, uh, I’ll email you the details on those properties by lunchtime.”
I nodded mindlessly. “Right. Thanks.”
My brother’s words hung with me all day. And when it came time for me to leave work, I took his advice. I ran by a florist and picked up a bouquet of lilies and roses. I stopped by her favorite bakery and got her two cheese danishes. And when I stood in front of her door with my offerings in my hand, I kicked her door softly with my foot.
“Who is it?” she asked.
She’s never done that before. “It’s me, Roxy. Clint.”
The doorknob didn’t move. “Is something wrong?”
“Could you let me in? I’d like to talk if that’s okay.”
The door still didn’t open immediately, but she did finally open it. It slowly swung open, revealing a disheveled Roxy with bags underneath her eyes. My brow stitched together tightly as she ushered me into her place. I handed her the flowers and the danishes, but she seemed less than pleased.
“I’m sorry, I’m just not feeling very well this evening. Thank you, though. These are beautiful,” she said.
“Do I need to get you to a doctor?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, no. I’m fine. Just take a seat on the couch.”
I watched her walk into the kitchen, and there was something different about her walk. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something didn’t seem quite right. Still, I did as she asked. I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible, so I sat down, giving her enough room on my other side to sit as far away from me as she wished.
Just like I figured, she sat as far away from me as possible.
“So, what brings you here?” she asked.
I cocked my body to face her. “Are you all right?”
She blinked. “Yeah, of course. Why?”
“You’ve been acting a bit off lately, and I’m wondering if it’s something I've done.”
She shook her head. “No. Just a bit tired recently.”
“Am I working you too hard at work?”
“Not at all.”
“Am I keeping you up too late when we’re out?”
“No.”
I scooted a bit closer to her. “Then, why do I get the feeling you’re pushing me away when all I want to do is be closer to you?”
Her brow ticked with confusion. “Closer to me?”
I took her hand in mine. “I like you, Roxy. A lot. And what I feel for you is more than sexual. I enjoy your company, and I look forward to our time together. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed the company of a woman without there being sex, but I do enjoy sex with you.”
She pulled her hand away. “You’ve come over to beg for sex. Great.”
I scoffed. “I haven’t come over here to beg you for anything. I’ve come over here to talk with you. Something is wrong, and I’m concerned you aren’t as interested in me as I am in you at this point. And if that’s the case, it’s my right to know that.”
Her eyes found mine. “You think I don’t want you around?”
I shrugged. “What else is there to think? We had a silent dinner last night. You didn’t even want to cuddle on the couch. It’s almost like I intruded on a space where you didn’t want me, but you were too afraid to speak up about it.”
“Clint, you’ve got this all wrong.”
“Then, set it right for me. And if it’s something I can help with, then let me help.”
She shook her head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Am I pressuring you in any way?”
“No, you’re not.”
“And you’re still interested in getting together?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Do I need to find another job at my company for you, so we don’t work as closely anymore?”
She shook her head. “No, no. Please, don’t do that. I’m going to need the benefits when--.”
Her lips sealed themselves tightly, and dread filled my gut.
&
nbsp; “You’re sick, aren’t you?” I asked.
She shook her head quickly. “No, no. That’s not it.”
I closed the gap between us. “Now, look. Something is wrong. Something terrible has happened. And you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on so I can help. Got it?”
Her eyes watered. “Clint, this isn’t--.”
I cupped her cheek. “Talk to me, Roxy. Whatever it is, you don’t have to do it alone. I promise you that.”
“Wait, what?”
My forehead fell against hers. “Whatever it is, I’m not going anywhere. You have my word.”
She sniffled. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry, Clint. I didn’t think two days would make such a difference.”
I pulled back a bit. “Two days? What are you talking about?”
Her watery eyes found mine. “I’m pregnant, Clint.”
My world careened to a screeching halt. “You’re what?”
“I’m so sorry. I missed my doctor’s appointment for my arm implant, and it took me two days to get another appointment. I didn’t think it would be this big of an issue, though. I swear, I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m always so careful, and I just--.”
“We’re pregnant?”
She paused. “Yes. We’re pregnant, Clint.”
My hand cupped the back of her head. “I want to kiss you right now. Is that okay?”
“Wait, you want to do what?”
“Let me kiss you, Roxy. Please.”
Her eyes widened. “Yeah, sure. Okay.”
When our lips finally connected for the first time in over a month, glorious happiness filled my veins. I pulled her into my lap and started envisioning my life as a father.
The one thing I’d wanted more than anything else in this world.
17
Roxy
Two Weeks later
“Then I said, ‘who in the world do you think you are, messing with my sister like that. She said no’. And do you know what he said back to me?”
Clint sipped his Coke. “What?”
“He had the audacity to say that I was encroaching on his territory and that I needed to back off.”
