Without Clarissa.
Fear, the kind that gripped one’s throat and crawled downward, taking up a more permanent residence . . . the kind he felt while staring down an opponent, knowing the next moment could be his last . . . that kind of fear took hold of him as he watched Morgan approach.
She didn’t need to say it, because Aidan already knew.
Clarissa was not coming.
* * *
When Clarissa rode into Highgate Village, the first person she came across was a cobbler. Standing on the threshold of a small cruck house and flinging epithets at another man who had apparently just visited his shop, he was not the sort of person Clarissa wished to approach. But when he stopped cussing long enough for her to pass, greeting her with a surprisingly civil “my lady,” she decided to take a chance and ask for his guidance.
On his advice, Clarissa sought out the services of the reeve she now followed. He’d seemed an ideal candidate to help her—reeves were often the most respected of all the servants, chosen as their leader—and he’d eagerly accepted her simple gold ring as payment for an escort to Burness Abbey.
But as they rode on and on and on, she began to doubt him. Surely they would be there already if it truly lay just thirty miles north of Highgate End?
Aidan’s meeting must have ended by now, and no doubt he’d ridden off looking for her. Or maybe he’d be angry enough to gladly give her over to the nuns.
“Eh, this way, milady,” the reeve, if he truly were one, called back. They’d come to a fork in the well-worn road, one that looked awfully familiar.
“Master Jon,” she said, refusing to continue. “Have we not come to this pass before?”
Though she felt certain she’d been at this same juncture before, Clarissa knew her limitations. She could hardly find her way from the northern gates of Theffield to the southern ones. Even if Burness was due north of Highgate Castle, Clarissa would have gotten lost trying to find it herself.
Ignoring the surge of panic that threatened to take hold of her, she rode up to the reeve and gave him a sharp look.
“Uh, nay, my lady. We’ve not been here before.”
The hesitation in his voice told her otherwise.
“Jon,” she said in a tone that would not brook an argument, “what is your role, truly, at Highgate?” And before he could answer, she added, “More importantly, do you know where we are going?”
He looked at the two roads ahead, then at her. Digging something from the pouch that hung by his side, he rode toward her and thrust out his hand.
When he opened his fist, her ring lay in his palm.
“Take it,” he said, returning her payment. “We will go back—”
“No, we will not.” She would not take the ring. She would not go back. If she went back, she’d be forced to confront her turbulent feelings again, and that she could not do. “You will accompany me to—”
“I know not where Burness Abbey be, milady.”
She stared straight through him.
“But I had a horse,” he continued, “and—”
“And you planned to share the profit from my ring with the cobbler who sent me to you. The one who claimed you were the reeve?”
Guilty.
“I—”
Clarissa didn’t care. She was hot, and tired of riding in circles in the heat, but worst of all, she was scared. Even if the nuns accepted her without Father Simon’s intercession, she couldn’t fathom facing an entire lifetime without Aidan.
Pushing aside the selfish thought, she narrowed her eyes at her directionally challenged guide.
“We will find it. Together.”
She was no fool. Though he may not know where to go, Clarissa knew better than to ride to Burness alone. They were likely no longer on Clan Scott land, and the fear Aidan had instilled in her was healthy enough for Clarissa to forgo a ring she’d intended to give the abbess in exchange for even an unreliable escort.
Listening for her “guide” behind her, Clarissa rode ahead and hoped they were at least traveling in the right direction. “Are we traveling north?” she asked as Jon rode up beside her.
“We are, my lady.”
In that he appeared quite confident. Trusting his words, Clarissa fell silent, concentrating on the sound of their horses’ hooves as they met the dirt and rocks below them. At least, she attempted to do so. Her thoughts stubbornly refused to be distracted by anything other than . . . him.
It struck her that every time someone in Aidan’s life had spoken to her of him, their message had been much the same. He loved her. He’d never acted like this with anyone before. He was a good man.
None of them had faulted her for being English. None had railed at her for being the daughter of the Earl of Theffield.
She was the only one who’d questioned her presence in his life.
But it’s selfish to love him when it puts so many in danger.
“Do you trust me to keep you safe?” he’d asked. And she’d said she did. Of course she did. But maybe he was right. If she truly trusted him, why didn’t she also trust him to decide the best way forward for his clan?
Because he is thinking with his heart.
A heart so big and full of love, one she’d stabbed as surely as if she’d taken his prized dagger and plunged it into him. Clarissa cringed at the image of how his joyful face must have dropped the moment he learned she was gone, for he certainly would know by now.
Oh God, what have I done?
“My lady!”
But the false reeve’s warning had come too late. By the time she realized what was happening, an arm had already snaked around her waist.
She struggled as her attacker plucked her off her horse and flung her across his own lap. For a wild moment, she thought perhaps it was . . . nay. When she strained her neck around, she saw the man was most definitely not Aidan. She didn’t recognize him.
Smiling, his teeth as crooked as his grin, he pushed her back against his saddle, which cut into her stomach, jolting her with each step. As she tried to struggle, the pain only increased. But she would not stop trying. She might break her neck, but if Clarissa managed to get away from him . . .
Her last thought after her captor slammed his elbow into the back of her head was that she had made a horrible, terrible, life-ending mistake.
Chapter 25
“We have to find her.”
Aidan stood in the hall with his sisters-in-law, Graeme, and Father Simon. He’d already wasted too much time waiting in the bakehouse for Clarissa to arrive. Perhaps he’d still be there, broken, if Allie hadn’t found him.
The dull ache in his chest had turned to raw fear in an instant. He’d assumed she was with Reid and Allie, that his silver-tongued Clarissa had convinced them to take her to Burness Abbey. Upon realizing the awful truth—that she’d gone alone—he’d gathered the others together to arrange a rescue mission. Aye, they needed to find her, but there were multiple roads she could have taken.
“I will take the old Roman road,” he announced. “Graeme—”
“North Ridge Way,” his brother said. “Let’s go.”
“We’ll send others on less likely paths, to be safe.”
“Aidan, wait.”
He and Graeme were already heading for the door when Allie stopped him.
“There’s no time.”
“You should know . . . this may be my fault,” Allie blurted.
He waited for her to explain, and when she didn’t, he was not feeling generous.
“Allie, what the hell do you mean?”
Her eyes darted to Reid, who’d followed Graeme and Father Simon out of the hall.
“I . . . we talked this morning, in the garden. And . . . oh God, I am so sorry.”
“What . . . did . . . you . . . say . . .”
“It wasn’t until we realized she was gone that I considered our conversation more carefully. We spoke of Covington and . . .” She swallowed hard. “She asked why I did not flee to Highgate End
to escape the marriage.”
Aidan didn’t have time for this. “Allie—”
“I . . . told her that I stayed behind because I worried what would happen to Gillian if I broke the betrothal.”
“You told her the truth.”
Allie nodded, tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
He reached her in two strides. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged his sister-in-law. “I would never fault you for telling the truth, Allie. It is not your fault she left. Clarissa has been scared from the moment we met. And ’tis something none of us can overcome for her.”
Releasing her, Aidan left to join the others. They would find her.
She may already be at Burness Abbey. She may already have joined the order.
The thought nearly brought Aidan to his knees. If she was already there, it was by her choice. But if not . . .
God, please do not let any harm come to her.
“Ready?” Graeme asked as he approached them.
He wasn’t, not really, but there was no hope for it. Grateful for his brother, who took charge, sending men out in every northward direction, Aidan mutely followed the others out of the great gatehouse. When Reid and Graeme took off on their respective paths, Aidan continued on his own—the most likely route to Burness Abbey. He told himself to slow down. Putting himself at risk would not help Clarissa’s cause, but his mind kept spinning ever-worsening visions of what could happen to her.
He was so distraught, he very nearly missed it.
Aidan wasn’t sure what made him look down at that exact moment, but he reared up at the sight of a glint of gold. Dismounting, he picked up the ring and immediately recognized it as Clarissa’s. Every hair on his body stood up straight as he searched the area.
Nothing except for dirt upset with the imprint of hoofmarks.
Something had happened.
Back on his horse, Aidan gripped the reins so tightly his knuckles turned white. He’d vowed to protect her, a vow he’d failed to uphold, but Clarissa was out here somewhere, and he would find her. And neither God nor the saints could save anyone who dared harm her.
* * *
“Aye, Jon. I am fine.”
She’d repeated the phrase so many times that Clarissa was sure he did not believe her. Perhaps because it was not exactly true. Her head hurt, but as she touched a finger to it, blood no longer stained her fingers. The small wound had dried, and though she knew little about injuries, Clarissa was sure it was not serious.
When she made the perhaps reckless decision to scramble for the dirk at her captor’s side, the thought of falling and breaking her neck had been real, but also had the visions of what her captor planned for her. He’d stopped briefly, just once, and allowed her to sit up in front of him. That’s when she noticed the dagger. The scene flashed before her again.
His smell nearly gagged her, but more importantly, they were stopped.
It had been the opportunity she’d waited for.
“What in the devil . . .”
Clarissa had stolen the small dagger and jammed it deep into his leg.
“God’s blood,” he roared as she’d taken advantage of his scream of surprise.
She fell, none too gracefully, from his horse. Her head had cracked the road, but Clarissa could not pause to bemoan the wound. Picking herself up, a quick feel of her temple confirming she had been, in fact, bleeding, Clarissa did the only thing she should.
Ran.
Clarissa knew she could not outrun a horse. There were trees, aye, but none thick enough for her to hide in. And her attacker would likely have been able to find her.
But that’s when she spotted Jon.
Clarissa had never seen a sight so welcome as the fletcher. As they rode, every noise making Clarissa jumpier than she was already, she learned the arrow maker had recently come to Highgate looking for work. She also learned that her unlikely helper had lost the gold ring in his hurry to rescue her from the reiver.
A good man, though a terrible guide.
Jon’s scream pierced the otherwise tentative quiet, sending her heart leaping into her throat. Luckily, she sat in front of him, so when he toppled to the ground, she managed to stay seated. Had the reiver come back? Was her friend dead? Clarissa dismounted before she could think it through, intent on helping Jon.
An anguished voice stopped her.
“Clarissa.”
She had just knelt beside the fletcher. Blood oozed from a dagger wound in his shoulder onto the dirt road beneath him.
“Aidan?”
He pulled her up so quickly, Clarissa would have fallen had he not steadied her.
“He’s hurt.” She tried to pull away.
Aidan spun her around, his gaze finding the wound on her head. “What happened to you? Did he—”
Finally breaking free, she scrambled back down to the ground. “He’s hurt,” she repeated. “His shoulder . . . Aidan, do something.”
When Aidan didn’t move, she realized how he had come by that wound. A dagger handle stuck out of his shoulder. She was going to be ill. Aidan had . . . he must have thought . . .
She stood and shoved him toward Jon, words tumbling out of her. “He did not hurt me. I hired him as a guide. He’s from Highgate, the—”
“Fletcher.” Finally, Aidan knelt down beside them. “How did he . . . Clarissa, did he do that to you?”
While Jon bled to death, Aidan glared at her head. Nay, nay, she could not allow him to die!
“Nay, it was not him,” she shouted. “I will explain later. Will you please help him?”
Jon groaned in response.
With a final glance at her, Aidan said, “Turn your head.”
She trusted him, and so she did as he asked.
Aidan was here.
She’d hardly had time to reconcile that fact in all the excitement. Had he come looking for her? She’d wondered if he would be too angry to want her back. Too angry to look for her. But this was, after all, Aidan. Protecting others was his specialty.
“Clarissa, hand me my waterskin.”
It took a moment for her to find it. When she turned back around, Clarissa froze.
Aidan was not wearing a surcoat. Or a shirt. His broad muscled shoulders moved in perfect unison as he ripped his linen shirt to shreds.
“Clarissa? The skin?”
“Ah . . . aye . . . the skin.” Thrusting it into his hands, she watched as Aidan proceeded to clean and wrap Jon’s wound. Or, more precisely, she watched his bare forearms as they worked quickly to bind the fletcher’s shoulder.
When she finally realized Jon was watching her watch Aidan, it was too late. Clarissa turned away from his knowing smile.
“Will he . . . live?” she asked Aidan in an undertone.
He laughed. The man actually laughed.
The devil take him.
“Aye, lass, he’ll live.”
Aidan stood and helped Jon to his feet. “Can you ride?”
Jon nodded. “Aye, milord.”
Aidan walked with him back to his mount. “I will escort the lady north,” he said. “Go back to Highgate and see that wound properly cleaned.”
But though he mounted, Jon did not move to do Aidan’s bidding.
“Can you find Highgate?” Aidan asked Jon.
Jon glanced at Clarissa, as if urging her to speak. She cleared her throat, gaining Aidan’s attention.
He turned to her, and Clarissa could have wept for the trouble she’d caused. Because of her, poor Jon had been wounded by Aidan’s hand. How he’d managed to sink a dirk into the man’s shoulder was a question for another time. She had neither seen nor heard him approach—nor had she seen the dagger that had evidently flown past her head.
Clarissa shuddered.
Aidan watched her.
“Jon and I . . .” She cleared her throat again. “We were not riding north,” she said, her voice shaking, though not nearly as violently as her hands. It was all simply too much.
“We were returnin
g to Highgate End.”
Chapter 26
Clarissa had told him the tale of the reiver who’d attempted to kidnap her, but she hadn’t yet told him why she’d headed back to Highgate rather than north to Burness Abbey. Aidan tightened his arm around her, thinking of how close she’d come to real harm. Without the threat of the Day of Truce to curb their behavior, reivers had begun to slowly reclaim the authority they’d lost over the years.
Raids on fellow clans, enemies, or even allies who had broken promises—those had never truly ceased. But the days of reivers kidnapping women or murdering other travelers for a perceived offense had begun to wane.
“How is your head?” he asked, knowing they were close to Highgate.
“It hurts,” she replied, her voice low. “Aidan, we need to talk.”
“Aye, we do.” He had so many questions, he didn’t know where to start. So he remained silent, letting himself soak in the relief that she was okay, as they rode up to the gatehouse. Jon had refused Aidan’s offer to be seen by Highgate’s physician. He shrugged off the injury, saying he deserved the punishment for attempting to deceive Lady Clarissa.
Allie came running toward them the moment they entered the inner ward, reaching them as they arrived at the stable. “Oh dear. Aidan . . . you’ve lost your shirt.”
Aidan dismounted, whispered something to Allie, and helped Clarissa dismount as well. Then he looked down, feigning surprise.
“I’d not noticed,” he said, but Allie was not listening to him. She’d thrown her arms around Clarissa, and the two embraced as if they’d not seen each other in some time. When Allie began to cry, Clarissa looked at him with wide eyes. His chest constricted as he realized that no one had likely ever expressed that type of emotion over her before.
“I am so glad you’ve returned,” Allie said. “We were worried. Graeme came back from the abbey just moments before you arrived. When he said you were not at Burness . . . this was all my fault. Don’t shake your head at me, Aidan. It was my fault. I am so, so sorry.”
The Guardian’s Favor: Border Series Book Nine Page 18
