I was raised in a close-knit family unit. So, to hear that they don’t need me. That’s a horse pill with fucking spikes that refuses to go down.
“I know you don’t need me,” I say slowly through clenched teeth. “But I’d still like to be there. You know? If only for moral support.” I hold Jessica’s gaze, willing her to hold my truth. I want there to be someone to stand testament to the fact that I offered—that I care.
“In all honesty,” my brother murmurs in a distracted voice, “by the time you get here, she’ll probably already be home. Like I said, if anything changes I’ll call. Promise. But I have to…”
Chris’s voice is cut off by some type of commotion in the background before the call ends abruptly.
With a sigh, I tuck the phone into my back pocket.
“Go ahead, Terrence. I’ll meet you in a few,” Jessica says, patting his arm the way one might pet a dog—a petite, pointy-eared Chihuahua—with high-strung tendencies so it doesn’t pee on the floor. This is the first time since our little tête-à-tête I’ve seen her without a few people between us and the perfect view of her backside as she walks out the door.
The sun, bright and fiery, is hitting Jessica at the perfect angle to highlight a smooth mile of legs through the gauzy material, and for a second, I forget about the terrible news I just received from the other end of the phone.
My brain instead pivoting to and focusing on the woman in front of me. The beauty with skin the color of purified gold, rich and luminescent. Full berry-colored lips shiny with gloss that I can’t help but to wonder if it’s flavored.
A shot of dopamine hits my system, the chemical message heating my blood with lust and a primal kind of want that overrides common decency and common sense. It demands that I take the requisite steps to get Jessica by any means necessary and I’m goddamn breathless with the challenge of it all.
“That sounded super personal and I’m not trying to be in your business, but are you okay?” Jessie asks, her voice tentative and kind.
“Eh,” I shrug, trying to play off the hurt and frustration. “As well as can be expected. My grandmother is almost ninety, and she’s not doing too good.” My voice breaks with emotion and I clear it repeatedly before I start again.
“That was my brother, Chris.” I hold the phone in front of my face shaking it. “Letting me know that she fell, but this time she fractured her hip.”
Dark lashes sweep down, shielding expressive hazel eyes. “I’m so sorry, Daniel,” she whispers solemnly.
Me too. I’m sorry about the whole sorry thing.
That I’m not there and can’t help. That once again I’ve left my family, abdicated my responsibility as the eldest son and grandson to a younger sibling, and that I’ve done it so many times that they no longer look to me for help finding a solution.
Failure seems to be the running theme of my life lately, and as a guy used to winning, I’m not a fan. Not a fan at all.
My shoulders heave with my next breath and, fuck, are those tears? I raise a finger to the corner of my eye, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t come away with moisture. I can’t even remember the last time I cried.
What I’m not about to do today is completely lose my shit in front of this woman.
“Nah, it’s—it’s all good. But I think I need to call it a night. Not really in the mood to celebrate the happy couple.” I wave a hand toward the restaurant behind me.
As a matter of fact, I’m out. I lower my head, turning it away from Jessie’s probing gaze, and give her a nice wide berth as I make a daring escape back to my room.
But because this day fucking sucks, and my luck is shit, slim fingers wrap around my wrist, stopping my getaway.
“Don’t go.” It’s the touch—slight, one finger and thumb loosely circling my wrist—more than her words that make me stop. She’s hesitant as if she isn’t sure that she wants me to stay, but I feel that touch like an embrace. A whole-body caress that speeds my heart and breaths.
A quick glance at the most expressive eyes, and I know she feels it too.
For one perfect moment we don’t move—don’t say anything. We absorb the unspoken truths that lay just beneath the surface of our every interaction. Even as anticipation physically pulls us closer, I feel the first revolution of an epic fall.
That’s until Jessica drops my wrist and takes what can only be described as a giant step back. “I wasn’t trying to overstep,” she stammers, folding her arms behind her back, out of reach.
Standing in this exact spot, waiting for us—her and me—to happen instead of erasing the faux distance, might just be one of the hardest things I’ve done. But it’s easier than walking away when deep down I know we both want this.
“You didn’t. I’m just…”
Just what, D? Emotionally raw because of your grandmother. Super needy because you never really realized until today that while you were globetrotting, your family moved on and don’t need you the way you thought they did. Painfully turned on by a glimpse of leg and an innocuous touch from a woman you can’t have.
After a beat, I settle for something that sums it all up. “I’m a little burnt out.”
“All the more reason you should come tonight. What better way to get your mind off your troubles?”
I could think of a couple.
“Is that right?” I’m genuinely curious. “Is that what you do?”
She starts to walk backward, luring me forward.
“It is. In case you haven’t noticed, the House of Johnson has our own little drama brewing this weekend.”
That’s an understatement. The absence of Jake and Jessica’s mother, Danielle, is a gaping void noticeable by all in attendance. Up until the point when she didn’t get on the plane, I think the family expected her to show.
“You mean the thing with your mom?”
She nods her head. “Momma is definitely part of it. I know you and your band are not my brother’s biggest fans, but not having our mom here, it’s…” Her eyes search the cloudless blue sky for the answer before dropping back down to mine. “Jake feels it. He was always the special one. The golden child our entire family placed on a pedestal. Until…”
Jessica’s voice drops off, leaving the statement hanging heavy between us. If she had finished, she would have said ‘until he met Sinclair.’ There has never been any love lost between Sin and Jake’s parents. Think Rockefellers, only Vegas style. They are old money and have a big influence, and my friend didn’t fit in with their people, or perfect picture.
Sin didn’t have the right lineage or wasn’t rearing to move comfortably in their circles. And Jake, a moody, broody asshole if ever there was one, refused to exist in a place where Sin wasn’t welcome.
“Anyway,” she continues. “I don’t know how much Sin has shared with you guys, but when Jake chose her over my mom, our family, not just once…” She holds up one finger, quickly bringing a second to meet it. “But twice, our family hasn’t been the same. I don’t exactly know what’s going on with your family, but I do know all families have their issues, and the issues are never easy to resolve.”
“How do you deal?” I ask because I sincerely want to know how to ease the mounting pressure, the anxiety of trying to be enough.
“Well, first…” she says, stopping at the restaurant door, “I have a nice steak and a stiff drink with friends.”
“I see what you did here.” I grab the heavy iron handle, opening the door. “Pretty smooth, Jessie J.”
“What can I say, it’s my brother’s rehearsal dinner and if you’re not there tonight, Sin won’t be happy, which will mean Jake won’t be happy, and I can’t have that.”
“No, I don’t imagine you can.” She moves to walk through the door, but I stop her with a hand on her elbow. It’s no more than the tap of fingertips on skin.
“You know when I finally g
ot a chance to talk to you this weekend, this wasn’t really how I thought it would go.”
“Well, I didn’t plan on talking to you at all.” She looks up at me with a teasing smile. “But here we are. Stranger things have happened.”
Yeah, like whatever threw the two of us back in the same hemisphere. You can call it divine intervention or kismet, but I think I’ll call it a foregone conclusion. Mark my words, by the end of this weekend I will know exactly what it feels like to have this woman in my bed.
I step up next to her, crowding her space just enough to make her tilt her head to keep eye contact. “You ready to eat?”
Jessica steps closer, a challenge glinting in her eye. “Actually, I am.”
Chapter 16
Jessica
“That was so beautiful, I really wish Momma could have been here to see it,” I say to my father. “Did you call her? Text her a couple of pictures?”
“Baby girl,” he sighs tiredly. “If you want your mother to have pictures, you can send them. I told you back home when I picked you up for the airport I was done.”
The finality of his words stings just as much this time. The little girl in me wants my family as it always was, solid, together.
“Jess, I know this is especially hard for you as the lone holdout with your mother. If I could make it better, easier for you, I’d do it without batting an eyelash. But over the years, between the ambition and desire to control everything and everyone, your mother has changed. I barely recognize her anymore. And this thing with Jacob and Sinclair. I—I just can’t lose my boy. Not for something as senseless as…”
I look into the weary eyes of my father, so much like mine and my brother’s, noting the new gray hairs that dot his temples, and the lines around his mouth that are grooved deeply into his skin.
When did my father get old, and tired, and so very sad? I think he might be the first casualty in the civil war between Jake and my mother.
“Forget that I said anything.” I loop an arm through his as we follow the wedding coordinator to an elaborately adorned long table that overlooks the Pacific. Candles encased in clear glass globes float above the table, bathing the area in a soft light. Artfully designed orchids and birds of prey have been woven into colorful centerpieces, and the crash of waves against the cliff wall adds another dreamy layer to the romantic setting. “We’ll just let it go and enjoy what’s left of this weekend.”
“I can do that.” A weak smile contorts his face in faux joy as he pulls out my chair before taking the seat next to me.
The reception isn’t a formal affair. There’s no obnoxious deejay or cheesy line dancing, which for the record, I happen to love. It’s just a quiet meal with friends. For the next couple of hours, we eat, drink, and mingle, and occasionally I look up to find myself the focus of one Mr. Daniel Xu.
He’s wearing another outrageous suit, this one a deep purple linen, which would have been fine if he hadn’t paired it with the busiest shirt known to man. His long, dark hair is parted down the middle and braided into two perfectly even French braids that stop past his shoulder blades.
He’s loud even when he isn’t talking and, subsequently, I can’t stop my attention from cycling back to him repeatedly. Each time noticing something different: the husky laughter, the fingers constantly tapping a syncopated rhythm on the table, the gorgeous brown eyes that meet and hold mine from the other end of the table.
Eyes on your brother, Jess. He’s quite literally standing front and center giving a speech, toast, or something, and here you’re salivating over a man who is all but untouchable.
I force my gaze back to Jake and Sin just in time to catch my brother placing a hand on her belly. “We’re pregnant.”
Oh my God! “Oh. My. God,” I squeal, pushing to my feet. “Daddy, did you hear that? Jake is going to have a baby. I’m going to be an auntie.”
“I—I heard him, baby girl. That’s…” He stands and clears his throat a couple of times, nodding his head. “It’s good. Exactly as it should be. Your mother would…” I don’t get to find out what my mother would say or do because my dad folds his lips into his mouth, sealing in his thoughts. Even in this moment of pure joy, the absence of my mother is a black cloud hanging with ominous intent over our heads.
“Call her,” I say with urgency. “What more is it going to take?”
If the news that she’s going to be a grandmother doesn’t slip under the armor my mother’s erected between her and the rest of the family, then I don’t know what will.
“Maybe I will. This is just…” He runs a hand over the smile he can barely contain. “I can’t believe my son is going to have a son.”
“Or daughter.” I huff. “If I didn’t know how much you love being a girl dad, I’d take that personally.”
“Never that.” He winks. “Don’t tell your brother, but you’re my favorite girl.”
“I’m your only girl. Let me guess, Jake is your favorite boy?”
“Of course.” He chuckles.
I feel aerated and light as we make our way over to the newlyweds. Congratulations are flying, glasses are clinking, smiles are generous. I still can’t believe that I’m going to be an auntie. God, I hope they have a girl.
I finally work my way over to Sin and immediately pull her into a hug, squealing, “Oh my Goooood! I can’t believe you’re having a baby!”
“We’re so excited!” But… Sin doesn’t vocalize the worry but it’s right there, on her pretty face, when she looks at my brother and dad.
My dad’s hand is cupped around the back of Jake’s neck, his face stern, eyes searching, imparting a message enforced by our presence here. My brother is nodding his head repeatedly, taking in whatever my dad is saying. Even from this distance I can feel my brother’s attempt to contain the emotion that’s starting to overwhelm him.
Daddy wraps an arm around Jake’s shoulder, pulling him forward until Jake’s forehead is resting on my father’s shoulder.
Oh shit. Jake is falling apart, shoulders are shaking, hand clutched around my father’s at the back of his neck. I should be over there. I take a step toward my family but stop midstep, glancing at Sin, whose eyes are also focused on my brother and glassy with unshed tears.
“God, he needs this.” Sin breathes. “Jake is so…stubborn and angry. He won’t admit it but it’s hard on him not to have your parents’—mother’s—approval.”
“I thought I was the only one who saw it.”
“Hardly, but he won’t talk to me about it since I’m the source of the tension.”
“Momma will come around.” I grab her hand, squeezing it. “I know she will. Especially now, with you being pregnant and all.”
Sin slowly shakes her head. “Jake doesn’t want to tell her.”
I must have heard that wrong. “He doesn’t want to tell her?” He can’t do that. It’ll be the final nail in the coffin of my family, something none of us will recover from.
“He doesn’t but…” she says louder, cutting off my objection. “I’m trying to convince him, Jess. I am. But this is a start, right?” Sin raises a hand to where Daddy and Jake stand, still huddled close together, intense words being exchanged. I look away when my brother wipes fingertips under his wet eyes.
“It’s…” more than I’d hoped for but not the reconciliation that needs to happen. Jake’s peace with our father was inevitable. Born out of an expectant legacy and paternal regret.
Daddy wasn’t going to give up his firstborn and only son. Not for monetary gain, social clout, or as it turns out, his wife. Jake was never at risk of losing that relationship.
Our mother? Wholly different story. She’s exacting, a taskmaster. With Danielle Johnson, you either toe the line or hang from it.
In Jake’s case, you cut the freaking rope and leave it swinging in the wind.
“It is definitely somet
hing.”
“Sin-a-sticks! You’ve been holding out.” Daniel’s excited voice pops the tense bubble around Sin and me, replacing it with joy and excitement, the things one should focus on when extending congratulations on expectant parents.
He scoops her up in his arms, swinging her around, and just watching his excitement, I tap back into my own.
“D. Put me down,” Sin squeals, tapping his shoulder.
Even in his boyish enthusiasm he sets her down gingerly like she’s fine china, fragile and easily broken.
“Congratulations, Sin,” Daniel says, and for a long second, they communicate wordlessly, with smiles and tilts of heads. You know that weird thing that happens between people with countless years, and friendship. “Seriously. You done good, lady.”
My brother walks up behind Sin, slipping an arm around her waist—you can totally tell she’s pregnant if you look close enough. She leans back, trust shining in her eyes as her head lolls on his shoulder. The leftover worry that lingered in her eyes from our conversation melts, giving way to a bright smile and twin dimples.
God, they are too sweet for words. If I didn’t love them so much, I might resent the sugar shock I get from simply standing this close.
“We’re so excited,” Sin says in a husky voice.
“As you should be. This is h-u-g-e! But remind me to stay away from whatever you and Miles have been drinking or the preferred position that instigates this condition so I can refrain.”
“And there’s the punch line, ladies and gentlemen.” Sin rolls her eyes with feigned irritation.
“And you love it.” Daniel bends, smacking a kiss on her cheek.
“Finally.” I flop down in the closest chair and pull off the heels.
The wedding was a success. The cake has been cut. The fireworks displayed and the other guests have retired to their rooms.
In the absence of people, the ocean hitting the cliff face is louder. A soothing rhythm that lulls as much as it cajoles. For the umpteenth time since my brother announced the pregnancy, I pull out my phone. Finger hovering over the number two.
Exquisitely Yours: A Sin City Tale Page 11
