by Peyton Banks
Heather yawns and I shut down my email. I take her by the hand and lead her into the bedroom. She drifts off with her head on my shoulder.
I’m afraid this will end. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I fear something happening that will drive a wedge between us. After kissing her goodbye, I roll into the office close to ten. It’s the first work day I’ve not arrived early. I feel free. The meeting has more than just the chairman, the whole board is there, along with a few other officers in the company. I know I could run the company on my own, but is it what I want?
“Baxter, it’s good to see you,” Mike, the chairman says as I step in.
“Hello, it’s good to see you too.”
“Let’s get down to business. I’ve looked back at your records. Your school, every job in the company you’ve held. No doubt, you probably know this company and the people working here better than any of us.”
I nod as I adjust in my chair. I’m not sure what they’re getting at, and I don’t want to jump the gun and assume what they are trying to say.
“We think you would be the perfect person to join the board. We’re going to put it to a vote at the next meeting. We want you here guiding us.”
I let my gaze settle on the table as I fight to remain calm. I glance up, meeting Mike’s stare. “Who would be out?”
“Your father.”
“He won’t like that.”
“No, he won’t. But he will be voted down.”
I nod, thinking the change would be good. “If he finds out I’m his replacement, he will try and fight you on this all the way.”
“We know. That’s why we don’t want you to say anything. We understand you leaving your position. Honestly, you leaving has allowed us to invite you to the board.”
I nod and tap the table with my fingers. “I was thinking of starting a charity.”
"That would be great. Approach me with a proposal and I'll see what I can do to help you get funding. Baxter, I've been with this company for a long time, and I've seen your dad do some questionable things. He's a good man—"
I lift my brows and Mike holds up his hand.
“He’s had some issues. We want you in. Since his heart attack, he’s not been the same.”
“I want you all to know I don’t want to force my dad off the board.”
“That makes you a better man than your dad,” Daniel, one of the guys at the end of the table, pipes up.
“I would be proud to serve this company. I’ve been working here for years. Actually, since before I was old enough to work legally in another company. I’m bought in. I want to start a charity to give back. I think this company can do more. We’re better than we’ve been pretending to be.”
“Once you’re on the board and in an official capacity, I’d like to hear your ideas,” Daniel says.
I nod as my excitement builds. Working for Baxter-Scott had been my focus for so long but was it what I wanted for the rest of my life. Being on the board will grant me a position I can do and be involved in a charity.
The meeting ends and I leave the office. It was weird being out in the city with nothing to do. Heather has work, and I don’t want to bug her. I wander the streets and find myself in front of a daycare that looks rough around the edges. I watch the children play on the old slides and ancient play equipment. How hard it would be to leave your kids at this place. I don’t have kids, but a few of my work colleagues do, and they talk about daycares and how to get into the best ones. This isn’t one of the best.
A woman who looked exhausted rushes in. Her purse catches on the door and the strap on her bag breaks. My heart squeezes as I watch her pick up the dropped items. I step forward and pick up her lipstick.
She jumps then gives a visible shake. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She rushes in looking even more frazzled than before. How can I help? There are so many people in this city. I head home with a lot on my mind as I begin looking at charities in the area that help mothers. I dig through sites, searching for information and come to the conclusion there were already some great charities. I wanted to help. Maybe I was being too arrogant. I can’t even solve my own issues. How can I solve someone else’s?
I head to the store and pick up food I’m cooking tonight. When I offered to cook, Heather lifted her brows and shook her head. Now, I need to prove I’m good enough to cook her a meal. I wasn’t a total slouch in the kitchen either. Since my dad hadn’t been paying me well, I’d learned to cut corners and make food at home.
She’ll be at my place at six. I chop vegetables, mix sauces, season them until it tastes just right. At six, she knocks on my door just as I’m pulling the chicken lasagna out of the oven.
She groans as she steps in. “That smells wonderful.”
“Thank you. It’s not too unhealthy. It’s actually rather good.”
“I’m so hungry.”
I pull her close and slide my lips over hers. She feels good in my arms. Every day I’d spent working late, burning the midnight oil, trying to prove I was good enough to run the company had amounted to nothing compared to holding Heather in my arms. I sigh and she pulls away, her eyes narrowing.
“Why the heavy sigh?”
“I wasted so much time.”
“No, we found each other at the right time. If we’d stayed together, I never would have traveled to those other places and found my inspiration.”
I nod, hoping she wants me in her life as much as I want her in mine. “Let’s eat and talk.”
The food is good, the company better. Heather likes my take on lasagna. After we finish, we sit on my couch, her head on my shoulder as we watch the cars below. It’s quiet and romantic. When I do turn to kiss her, it isn’t sweet like I’d planned. Lust takes over and I press her back, sinking into her as I make love to her like she deserves. I make sure she comes first, and I’m rewarded with her crying out my name.
After we’re finished, arms around each other, legs twisted together, I know she’s the one for me. She’d always been the one for me.
“I want you to think of something,” I say, praying I don’t scare her away.
She glances up, her eyes bright with something that looks a little like love. “Yes.”
“We should be living together.”
She sits up and turns to face me. “Why?”
“I want you to move in. I—I’ve always been a little in love with you. Now, that love is growing. I don’t want to see you every once in a while, I want to be a part of your life.”
She glances around and her lips twist. “My apartment has a room for my clothes. What you saw in my bedroom, was just a small sampling of what I have. This place is too small.”
“How about we work toward figuring it out.”
She nods slowly as a smile graces her lips. “I need you to date me for a while.”
I like her idea. Dating Heather sounds wonderful. “Good. Tomorrow I’ll take you to a nice little restaurant on the west side I know about.”
“Then I can take you to a Greek place I love.”
“We’ll date our way around New York.”
She giggles and then throws back her head and laughs. “I love it.” She cups my cheeks and pulls me in for a quick kiss. “I’m exhausted. Are you ready for bed?”
“Sure. I need to check my email first, then I’ll be right in.”
I open my computer and sit down, hoping there isn't a mess. It's the usual stuff, meetings coming up, notifications, and then I see something from my dad. I open it and the first thing I see is photos. My stomach rolls. It's Heather, naked with two white guys and another woman. They look drunk, maybe high. In one of the photos, Heather is sandwiched between the two guys, her dark skin in contrast to the pair as she lets both the guys fuck her at the same time.
“Oh God,” Heather says behind me.
I turn, wondering how we can recover from this.
“What is that?” she asks.
“How could you?”
"How could I?" Her brows are raised, and something in my brain squeezes, like maybe I should tone down my questions. "What are you doing with those photos?"
“My dad. He’s going to release these if you don’t leave me. He says you’re a bad influence. When did you do this? Is this porn?”
Her lips thin even more and her nostrils flare. “You believe this is me?”
“It’s your face. I need an explanation. Maybe you were drugged, or kidnapped.”
Heather turns and heads to the bedroom. I follow, and a warning goes off in my head as I see how stiff her shoulder are. Maybe I’ve made a huge mistake. But if it wasn’t her in those photos…How could that be faked?
“Listen, we can come up with some story. Maybe something that will make you look not so bad.”
She spins, anger burning from her eyes. “Listen, Baxter, this isn’t going to work.”
Shock pulses through me like a wave hitting the beach. I want to double over. “It can work. Hundreds of people do sex work like porn. It will be okay.”
She turns, but before she does, I see the light in her eyes go out.
“Please, Heather. We can figure this out. Don’t go.”
This time when she turns, her eyes are like fire. “First off, you don’t believe me. Second, so what if I had done something like that? I can have sex with whomever I want.”
Her words are a knife to my heart. Is that all I’d been, just another sex partner? “But these guys, it’s two of them and it looks like porn. Did you do porn? What were you thinking?”
Heather just shakes her head. I see I’ve lost her. She doesn’t want to fight for us. Panic fills me. I don’t want her to leave.
"Wait, babe," I follow her, searching for a way to make this work but knowing I screwed up. "We can work this out."
“There is nothing to work out if you don’t believe me.”
Now it’s more than panic. I’ve screwed it all up. But I’d been freaked out. How could I have messed up everything so fast? We’d been flowing well, then those photos had been in my inbox, my dad threatening to release them. Her words “You believe this is me” came back to me. I had believed it was her. Why?
I closed my eyes, the image of her with both guys made me want to throw up. But had it really been her? And so what if it was? I hadn’t believed her.
“Heather, please don’t go.”
“There is nothing more to discuss.”
“But I can’t—”
“Can’t what? Lose me? You didn’t even have me. You were pretending this meant something.”
“It did—does.”
"No, Baxter, you were using me. You needed a fill-in, like in college."
“You were never a fill in.”
"Please Baxter, you never wrote to me or called me again. You walked out like I meant nothing, and now, your reaction to this, it's obvious I mean nothing to you now. I'm not someone special, or important, I'm a means to an end. You needed a convenient fiancé, and I worked in a pinch, just like back in California you needed a convenient therapist, and you picked me. Well, I'm done being your convenient woman."
Her words hurt, because I had been using her, but then everything changed. I don’t want to be a user, taking up her life, forcing her to fit perfectly without valuing her as her own person.
Heather grabs her things and makes her way to the door.
“Let me call you a cab,” I say, wanting to prolong her staying here.
“No Baxter, you don’t get to play the hero in any situation, not now, now ever.”
“But—”
“No buts Baxter. Back in college I never pressed for more from you because I knew you were too shallow to commit to a real relationship.”
Her words stung. “I can commit now.”
“No, Baxter, you’re still trying to please your father and mother instead of living your own life.”
“I don’t understand what I should have done.”
“Well, accusing me of something without asking and hearing me out isn’t how to do it. A real conversation without you blaming me would have been better.”
I swallow because she’s right. I accused her of doing this thing, acting like it was bad without hearing her side of the story.
Heather opens the door to the hall and outside then walks out. I move to follow, but she turns and shakes her head, her eyes narrow to slits, as she dares me to follow. I have nothing to say, other than I am sorry, which doesn't seem to be enough.
I’ve messed up everything. I don’t even have a defense. I can’t recover from this. I’ve lost the only person who has ever mattered.
8
Heather
* * *
It has been two days and I haven’t seen or heard from Baxter. I guess it was too good to last. I should have known we wouldn’t have a future. He wasn’t the type of guy to stand on his own. No, Baxter was my past and I shouldn’t have brought him into my future.
The photos don’t worry me, not like they would have worried me a few years ago. I’m stronger now.
I’m in my office when the door opens and Michelle steps in, her eyes wide. “Someone is here to see you.”
"Oh. Well, who is it?"
Then Baxter is there and Michelle steps back. I want her to stay and I want Baxter to go, but the opposite happens.
Baxter’s sad eyes meet mine. “Hear me out, please and then you can make a decision.”
I want to tell him to leave just so he can feel the sting of pain like I have been feeling, but I can’t because no matter how much anger I have inside, there is a part of me who loves him. I’ve loved him for years, but back in school I’d been too young to know how to handle myself, now I was older and knew better. I understood we had differences, but him not being willing to listen had hurt.
“Just say it and leave.”
His lips twitched up and he moves around the desk, invading my space. His presence makes me hot, and I wished I could stop my reaction to him. I don't want to be attracted to him or want him in my life, but I'm helpless to his draw.
"You're right, I shouldn't have accused you of anything. I know photos can be manipulated, and even if I have photographic evidence, I should have listened to you instead of believing what my father wants. I've been playing his game, doing what he wants for far too long."
I nod but don't say anything. What more could I add? Baxter has been playing by his dad's rules his whole life. I'd heard so many stories, seen so much pain. I knew to stay away from him, and yet I hadn't.
"I confronted my dad. I told him my days of living under his thumb were over. I also deleted the photos from his account and because he's not as computer savvy as me, I know he won't be able to recover them. I don't care if it was you or not, it doesn't matter. I'm willing to listen to whatever you have to say without judging. I don't like the idea of any other man being with you, but that's another issue. I want to know you and love you, not the image I have of you or what other's may think, I want you, Heather."
His words twist through me. I want him and I want to trust him. “How did you dad take it?”
He shrugs. “I don’t care. He’s not my worry. You are. I don’t want you to leave me.”
My heart beats wildly. “I don’t know.”
"Neither do I, but that's the fun of it, figuring out if we work. I don't care anymore what my dad wants or what he thinks. All I care about is you. I've told him I won't allow him to disrespect you. I don't care what he thinks he has on you or what he tries to pull, he can't ruin my life because I won't allow it. I'm done allowing him to rule me.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m ready to be me and not my father’s puppet. I won’t come at you accusing you of stuff, and even if you did that with those two guys, it was in your past, and I don’t want to let our pasts rule. Our future is what matters.”
I stand and face him. His hand snakes out and his fingers brush over my arm. The touch is lite but the impact is substantial. I d
on't want to live my life without him. He must have seen something in my eyes because he moves closer and cups my cheek.
"Heather, can't promise we won't have some issues, but I do promise I'll listen to you because you are important to me."
I don’t want to refuse his offer. I want to hold him in my arms and keep him close. I see a future with Baxter, which makes me giddy, but I have to know more before I let him off the hook.
“So if I’d done porn, you would accept me?”
He doesn’t hesitate, which I like.
“I wouldn’t want you to do it in the future, but I can’t use your past to judge you.”
“So you won’t come at me, questioning my every move?”
He shook his head. “No. I want you to be happy and healthy, and I want you in my life.”
“Why?”
His lips brush over mine, sending sparks through my body. "Because you're special. You feel right with me. And I love you."
“Love?”
He nods and his lips twitch up. “Yes, I love you.”
“Are you willing to be that unselfish?”
"Heather, with you, yes. I'm willing to work through my past and love you. I can't live for my father, or for anyone else. I have to live for me, and I've fallen for you. That means you come first, not others, not my image, not what anyone else wants from me, just you and me together."
“It will be difficult at times.” I want this more than anything, but I can’t take him jerking me around.
His lips twitch up. “I want you, nothing else.”
“Are you really ready for this change?”
Baxter cups my cheeks and leans in; his forehead is resting against mine. “Heather, yes, I’m ready for this. I’m ready for my future with you. I know we’ll have rough spots we’ll have to figure out, but I’m willing to work with you, instead of against you.”
I draw in a deep breath, happiness filling me. “I love you, Baxter, and no one is going to change my feelings for you.”
