by Force, Marie
My sister and I pick up right where we left off, and by the end of our afternoon together, it’s like no time has passed since we last saw each other. We talk about everything and everyone we ever knew back home in Nebraska. She catches me up on all the gossip from Lincoln and what has become of the girls I was friends with before my life imploded.
“They asked about you for years,” Candace says. “We never knew what to tell them. Dad warned us not to talk about you to anyone. It was so bizarre. It was like you were dead, only we knew you weren’t. Dad was like a madman. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe one of his kids did this, like you were the one to blame rather than Oren. He got rid of the Wi-Fi at home and tried to make it so we wouldn’t see the trial coverage, but we read the papers in the library at school so we’d know what was going on. And then, when Oren was convicted… Dad was worse than ever.”
“I’ll never understand how a parent picks a lifelong friend over his own child in a situation like this.”
“You wanna know our theory? Mine and Livvy’s?”
“Um, yeah?”
She laughs at my blatant curiosity. “We think they were in love with each other and pretending to live a hetero life because back then, Oren never would’ve had a chance in politics if he was living as a gay man.”
I’m stunned speechless. “That sure would explain a lot.”
“Think about it—did you ever once see Dad act affectionately toward Mom? Did you ever see them hug or kiss or hold hands or anything?”
“No. Never. I just figured they kept that stuff private. This is such a bombshell, but suddenly it all makes sense.”
“No, it doesn’t make sense, because he still should’ve protected you. No matter what he felt for Oren, you are his daughter. You deserved so much better than what you got from them.” She glances at me, seeming hesitant. “After they saw you at the hospital, they had the biggest fight ever. Mom was crazy over him forcing her to leave you there alone after Oren raped you.”
“If you really think Oren and Dad were gay and in love, how could Oren rape me the way he did?”
“Livvy and I think Dad was resisting him on something, and attacking you was Oren’s way of making a statement. We also think he was a freaking pervert.”
“But, you know, they both had kids and how could he like… have assaulted me that way… if he wasn’t into women?”
“Pills,” she says bluntly. “We think they both were bisexual, but they would’ve chosen each other over their wives in a second if they’d had that option. But they didn’t back then, not if Oren wanted the career in politics his family had always groomed him for. I’d actually think it was kind of sad, except for the fact that they were a couple of lawless monsters who hurt so many people. When Oren died in jail? Dad was inconsolable for weeks. He was never the same after that.”
“God…”
“Of course, all of this is speculation on our part.”
“No, it makes all kinds of sense. The pills would also explain how he was able to be so… relentless… during the assault.” I look up to see Candace blinking rapidly.
“That’s the one thing we were never able to bring ourselves to read about. We couldn’t bear it.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. It’s bad enough those images are in my mind. You don’t need them in yours, too.”
“I wondered… If you were able, with Flynn…”
“Yes, and it was amazing. At least for me.” The question is a reminder of why I left him, and the pain sears through me, hot and sharp.
“You don’t think it was for him, too?”
I get up from the bed where we’ve been relaxing to walk over to the window. “He said it was.” But how am I to know if he was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear or if he was telling the truth? Everything is in question now.
“You don’t believe him?”
As much as I want to share the details of what happened between Flynn and me with my sister, I can’t. I have to protect his privacy—and mine. I trust my sister, but I also have to acknowledge I don’t know her very well anymore. I hope that will change, in time, but if she told even one person about Flynn’s sexual preferences… No, I can’t tell her or anyone, as much as I’d love Candace’s take on the situation. I realize she’s waiting for me to reply. “It’s kind of complicated.”
“And personal, I’m sure. I don’t mean to pry.”
“It’s okay. It’s just tough because of who he is to the rest of the world. I can’t spill my guts as much as I’d like to.”
“I understand. Don’t worry.” She sends me a cheeky grin. “As long as I get to meet him someday.”
“I hope you’ll get to meet him.” I hope I’ll get to see him again…
Candace’s phone rings, and she lets out a squeal that wakes Fluff, who has been lounging on the other bed. “It’s Livvy on FaceTime.” She accepts the call. “You won’t believe who’s here with me.”
“Who?”
“Natalie.” She turns the phone toward me, and I wave at her. Even though I’ve FaceTimed with both of them in the last few weeks, I still want to weep at the sight of my youngest sister, who’s also all grown up and gorgeous at seventeen. She has the dark hair and eyes that come from our father’s side of the family and actually resembles me now that I’ve darkened my hair.
“What’re you doing there?”
“I came to see Candace, and I hope I’ll see you sometime soon, too.”
“Flynn’s assistant called about us coming to LA in the next couple of weeks.”
My stomach hurts at the mention of him. “I hope we can make that happen.”
“Is he there?” She looks around, hoping for a glimpse of her famous brother-in-law.
“No, he couldn’t come, and I couldn’t wait any longer to see Candace. Or you. I hope we can do it soon.”
“We will. I have a long weekend in February, if not before. Get this, you guys…” With those four words, it feels like old times. “Mom is dating someone, and he’s actually rather normal. She’s out with him now.”
“Mom is dating? Like, a man?” Candace asks.
“No, an alien,” Livvy says dryly. “Yes, a man! A guy she works with. She’s talked about him for months, and now they’re going out and stuff.”
“This is huge,” Candace says for my benefit. “She hasn’t dated at all since she and Dad split up.”
What’s even more important to me is how, after only a few minutes back in the presence of my sisters, I feel like I belong with them again.
* * *
A knock on the door early in the morning sends Fluff into convulsions, reminding me I need to take her outside at some point. The thought of going out into the freezing tundra does not appeal to me. “I’ll get it,” I say to Candace, who hasn’t moved. She was always a heavy sleeper, and we were up half the night talking.
Josh is outside the door with a large envelope he hands to me. “This came for you.”
I start to ask who knows I’m here, but of course Flynn knows. He’s paying for the security, the hotel, the airplane.
“Would you like me to take Fluff out for you?” Josh asks.
“Are you sure you don’t mind? That’s not in your job description.”
“I don’t mind. I’m going to get coffee anyway.”
“How do you feel about getting two extra coffees?”
“Happy to do that, too.”
I clip Fluff’s leash on to her collar and hand it to him. “Thank you so much.”
“No problem. Be back soon.”
I bring the envelope to my bed to open it. Using the light from my phone, I find a note from Addie along with an ATM card and an American Express card with “Natalie Godfrey” embossed on it. The note from Addie says, “Flynn wanted you to have these and to use them for anything you need. The ATM code is 0119.” It isn’t lost on me that our wedding date is the PIN code.
And then I’m crying in loud sobs that wake my sister.
Sh
e comes across to my bed and takes me into her arms, holding me while I get it all out. I miss my love, my husband, the best friend I’ve ever had. I hate that he lied to me, but I’m no longer sure it matters, not if it hurts like this to be without him.
“You should call him,” Candace says as she strokes my hair, making me feel loved and cared for.
“I can’t. Not yet.” Not until I figure out what I’m going to say to him.
Candace has to work today and has class tonight, so after a room-service breakfast, we prepare to go our separate ways for now. I’m so thankful for this time with her, even if I was a heartbroken mess for most of it.
“Whatever happened with Flynn, I hope you guys can work it out,” she says when we’re in an SUV heading for her place. “You looked so happy on TV. It looked real. Livvy and I both said that.”
“It was real.” It was the most “real” thing I’ve ever experienced. “Please don’t tell anyone about me being upset with him. Please, Candace… It would cause so much trouble for him if that ever got out.”
“I won’t say a word. I promise.”
I hug her again. “I love you, and I’m so glad I got to see you.”
“Love you, too. We’ll get together again soon.”
“Yes, we will. Call me. Text me. FaceTime me. Any time. All the time.”
“I will. You do the same.”
When we arrive at her apartment building, we hug again, clinging to each other like we’re both afraid to let go.
“You’re not going to disappear again, are you?” She sounds like the little girl I left behind eight long years ago.
“Never. I promise.”
“Okay, then I’ll let you go. For now.”
I’m happy to see where she lives, but she’s running late for work, so I don’t go inside, which is just as well. I have no desire to go in there, dragging security behind me. She hugs me one more time before she gets out of the car and runs off with a wave.
Once she’s inside the building, the SUV takes off like a shot for the airport, and I’m forced to confront the pain I’ve mostly managed to put on hold while I enjoyed the reunion with my sister. It comes down on me all over again, and when we arrive at the airport, it’s all I can do not to ask them to take me to LA rather than New York.
I have to get back to work before I need to use the money Flynn has made available to me. I don’t feel right taking money from him after having left him.
The flight to New York on the private plane is better than yesterday’s flight, but the pilots tell us it’s snowing and sleeting in New York. The weather only adds to my morose mood. I console myself by thinking about the cozy apartment I share with my good friend—and colleague—Leah. Decisions have to be made, and Leah will help me figure out my next steps.
When we get the word that Teterboro is closed to arrivals due to the weather, we are forced to land at LaGuardia and to navigate the terminal, which is mobbed. A woman in the concourse screams my name when she sees me, which attracts the attention of everyone in a half-mile radius. So much for my certainty that no one will recognize me unless Flynn is with me. Fluff starts barking and snarling at the screamers, so I pick her up to carry her.
Josh and Seth leap into action, escorting me through the crowd that surrounds us so quickly, I have no time to do anything other than put my head down and keep moving. I’m deeply grateful for their presence and to Flynn for caring enough to provide for my safety. I wouldn’t have the first clue how to deal with this by myself.
Fluff is going crazy in my arms, barking, snapping and trying to get free.
After my cover is blown, Josh and Seth move quickly to get me out of there, bypassing baggage claim to deliver me directly to an SUV that waits at the curb. How they arrange these things the way they do is a source of constant amazement to me.
When he’s settled in the driver’s seat, Seth turns to me. “Did you know your school announced that they’ve offered you your job back?”
“N-no. They didn’t tell me they were doing that.”
“The paparazzi have your building, Mr. Godfrey’s place and the school surrounded. We can’t take you home. There’s no way we can get you in there.”
I’m temporarily petrified by the idea that I have nowhere to go. Ending up homeless was once my greatest fear, when I was struggling through college on a shoestring budget, always one step ahead of disaster.
“Where… Where will we go?”
“We can get you into Mr. Godfrey’s apartment through the garage.”
Before I can tell him I don’t want to go to Mr. Godfrey’s apartment, Josh is getting into the passenger seat and we’re leaving the airport. If I tell them I don’t want to go to Flynn’s, how can I be sure they won’t tell someone I said that? I’m very concerned about doing something to draw more attention to my relationship with Flynn. We’ve already had more than enough.
So I say nothing. It’s not like his place isn’t lovely. It’ll hardly be a hardship to spend time there. And he has that amazing tub that he never uses, a memory that has tears stinging my eyes. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to be there without him.
I snuggle Fluff closer to me. “We have each other, right, Fluff?”
She licks my face, and I’m immensely grateful for the one “person” I can always count on no matter what. We’ve been through everything together.
At Flynn’s building, the photographers are set up out front, so we drive around the building to the garage entrance in back. The mere sight of the building and the door to the garage is enough to resurrect some of the sweetest memories of my life, and I’m again on the verge of tears.
Seth punches in the code to open the big metal door. He has the SUV inside and the door closing before the photographers can mobilize.
I stare at Flynn’s priceless Bugatti, remembering him picking me up for our first date in the gorgeous car and teasing him later about loving that car more than he loves me. My gloved hand over my mouth is the only thing that keeps my sob from escaping.
“We’ll get your bag, Mrs. Godfrey. You can go ahead up.”
I’m left staggered from being called Mrs. Godfrey for the first time by someone other than my husband. I clear my throat. “I, um, I don’t have a key. With me.” I add that last part because I don’t want them to know I’ve never had a key. Well, that’s not exactly true. Flynn gave me one the night we met so I could use his awesome tub any time I wanted. I’d left it on his dresser because I didn’t feel right about taking it.
“We’ll be close by if you need us,” Seth said. “Just send a text.” Bringing my bag to me, he uses his keycard to send me to the top-floor apartment. I let Fluff off the leash in the elevator. The doors open into Flynn’s foyer, and Fluff trots into the apartment like she owns the place. And then she starts barking, snarling and growling.
I pull my bag off the elevator and follow her into the living room, where I see that she’s barking, snarling and growling at Flynn.
“Natalie…” He looks awful. His gorgeous face is ravaged by despair. I can tell with one quick look that he hasn’t slept since I saw him last.
I’m still angry that he lied to me. I still don’t know how I feel about discovering he’s a sexual dominant with desires I can’t begin to understand. I have no idea where we can possibly go from here.
But none of that matters when compared to how much I love him. All I see when I look at him is the man who came running to me at my darkest hour, who went to war on my behalf, who donated half a million dollars to my sick friend and gave me the sun, the moon and the stars. I see my best friend and my love.
I run to him.
He meets me halfway and lets out a low moan as he hugs me fiercely, lifting me off my feet into his embrace.
I cling to him, breathing in his familiar scent, relief coursing through me. The turbulence inside me settles and quiets. I’m back where I belong, and that’s the only thing I know for certain right now.
“I’m so sorry, sweethe
art,” he whispers. “This was all my fault. I should’ve told you everything.” His face brushes against mine, leaving dampness behind. His tears shatter me all over again. “I’ll do anything… Anything it takes to fix this. I can’t live without you, Nat. I love you so much. Tell me you still love me.”
“I do, Flynn. I still love you.”
And then he’s kissing me, fiercely, intently, and it’s like the first time all over again, that day on the street outside of Aileen’s when he kissed me like he would die if he couldn’t kiss me right in that moment. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, every bit as desperate for him.
He pushes my coat off my shoulders, and it lands on the floor behind me. Then he’s lifting me and carrying me into the bedroom. We come down on the bed in a tangled mass of limbs, all without missing a beat in the kiss. His hands are everywhere, as if he’s taking inventory and making sure I’ve returned to him whole and intact.
I can’t get close enough to him, even with my fingers fisted into his hair, my legs intertwined with his and his tongue in my mouth. It’s not enough. It’s nowhere near enough. “Flynn…” I break the kiss, gasping for badly needed air.
“Tell me, sweetheart. Tell me what you want.”
“You. I want you.” I tug at his T-shirt, which quickly disappears over his head. Nuzzling his muscular chest and taking comfort in the soft brush of his chest hair against my face, I am home.
He drags my sweater up and over my head, releases my bra and unbuttons my jeans. I fumble with the button to his jeans, so he helps me.
The second we are both naked, he rolls me under him and pushes into me in one smooth stroke that stretches me to the point of pain. It’s the most exquisite pain I’ve ever experienced. His eyes close and his forehead comes down on mine. The relief I see on his face is so profound it brings me to tears.
For the longest time, neither of us moves. We simply exist, together, breathing the same air, our bodies joined, our hearts beating as one again.
