by Ancelli
“I hope I’m the person on your mind…” Ethan’s husky tone sent goosebumps racing along her skin, the way it used to be in college.
Her lips curled up. “You’re always on my mind,” she said without turning toward his voice.
“When did you start drinking?”
“It’s just wine.” Rayn lifted her glass in the air.
“Last time I checked, wine is liquor,” Ethan joked.
“It’s good for the heart.” She twisted to the side. “Is Alex with you?”
“He’s in the house.” He paused for a second. “Talk to me.” Ethan ambled up and sat in the lounge next to her. “Why didn’t you tell me we had a son?”
“Honestly?” She turned her head and faced the man who stole her heart years ago. “I was afraid of the world and what could possibly happen to him.”
“I would’ve defended you and him against anyone or anything.” Ethan shook his head. “I thought you knew that.”
“I did.” She swallowed, thinking of Colton. “I do, but we were on a different path. I went through a lot while in college. Some things you know and others I kept to myself. I didn’t want my child to have to suffer an inch of what I suffered.” She shrugged. “I was confused on so many levels. I didn’t think love was enough, then.” Do I think it is enough, now? “I didn’t want to fight everyone around us because we wanted to be together in a world that, at the time, I thought didn’t want us to be.” Rayn twirled the liquid in her glass. “I didn’t want Alex to feel less-than because of things he had no control over. I didn’t want for anything.”
“Like I did.” Ethan sighed. “I didn’t have material things, but I had the love of my parents. We would’ve found a way.” He sighed. “Why didn’t you let me in?”
“Because of me,” her mother interrupted, making Ethan look up. Rayn took a long sip of her wine. “I’ll say my piece and leave. She didn’t tell you about Alex because I convinced her not to. I used her fears to my benefit. I didn’t want to lose yet another daughter.” She rubbed her hands together, staring directly at Rayn as she flat-out lied to Ethan. Her mother hadn’t been the reason they didn’t tell Ethan they had a son: it had been the threat against Ethan’s life and then the threat against her unborn child. “I was being selfish, but now I know I harmed Rayn and Alex in the process. He had the right to know his father. Jarod was livid when he found out you didn’t know about Alex. He said you had the right to know the minute she realized she was pregnant, regardless of how he felt about you.” Her mom kissed Rayn on the forehead. “I’m going to put Alex to sleep. I hope you learn to forgive me, as well as my daughter.” She went back into the house.
“I knew your parents had a part in keeping him from me.” Ethan entwined his fingers, looking at her.
“I was naïve, but I can’t put the blame on my parents.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I take full responsibility for my actions. It’s on me.”
Ethan was impressed she took ownership for what she did, but there had to be more to the story. Rayn wouldn’t keep such a huge secret from him. “Alex said this is home?” He looked around the luxurious back yard. The landscaping and the swimming pool were spectacular.
“It is.” She lifted her hand up in praise. “My first home.”
“You moved to Oklahoma?” His voice rose.
“Ethan…”
He knew where this was probably going. Rayn was trying to avoid making him angrier.
“How long have you been here?” He continued to stare at her.
“A little over two months.” Rayn watched him closely.
“Almost two months.” He snapped out of the lounge chair. “Why?”
“Your mother reached out to me, and the past I tried to keep hidden reappeared.” She grabbed the glass of wine. “Your parents took turns giving me a piece of their mind. The piece she’d held on to for the last five years. Magda told me she was dying and needed to see me before taking her last breath. I promised I would come, and I did. She was supposed to tell you about Alex.” Rayn glanced over the rim of her glass as she took a sip and then slowly lowered it. “Then she took a turn for the worst and didn’t get to tell you about your son. Magda wanted to give you, as she put it, the greatest gift in life, a child. You were the apple of her eye.”
“I saw the pictures Alex has of her?” Ethan asked sadly, remembering the smile on his mother’s face.
“She got to touch him, and Alex talked her head off. Your parents were caught by surprise when I entered the room with a mini-Magda.” Rayn chuckled. “They didn’t even have to ask. Your parents already knew who he was, and Alex ran up to his Grammy and gave her a big hug and a super-size kiss.” Her eyes began to swell with tears. “I’m sorry, Ethan. I shouldn’t have kept your son away from you, no matter what.”
Ethan gazed at her without blinking. “She called me and said something about a surprise, but it had to be in person. Mom sounded so full of life. I thought God had granted me another miracle, and then hours later I received a call from Dad and she’d taken a turn for the worse. I wondered what went wrong.” Ethan swallowed.
“Nothing went wrong. You gave her what she’d been yearning for, a grandchild.”
A tear rolled down his cheek. “My mother had been fighting this disease for years. I was fifteen when she first found out she had cancer. I was in the room when she flatlined.” He swallowed, trying to regain control of his emotions. “The doctor and nurses rushed me out of the room. God had mercy on me and gave her to me for fourteen more years. I’m mad, but grateful for the time He allowed me to love her. She was an amazing woman.”
“She was.” Rayn stretched her hand out in hope that he would receive her embrace, and miraculously, he did. He took her hand in his and entwined their fingers together.
“Rayn.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Thank you for taking care of my mother.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She squeezed his fingers. “Ethan…”
“Yes?” He held on to her hand.
“Why did you risk your future?” Rayn whispered.
He squeezed her hand before releasing it. “I loved you.”
She looked away from him for a few seconds and then faced him again. “What would’ve happened if someone else would’ve seen you that night?”
Ethan didn’t answer, letting her assume her understanding of that night’s events was accurate.
Rayn recalled that dreadful evening. “You never said it wasn’t you.” Her heart had almost jumped out of her chest when she’d looked up and seen Ethan running away from the scene. “I saw you in the parking lot right after Colton was assaulted. Why?” Rayn watched him closely. “That’s another reason I kept my distance. I didn’t want to put you through having to protect me from ignorant people again.”
Ethan just stared back at her. “You should’ve turned me in.”
“I would never turn you in. You did it for me. I knew his story wasn’t going to stick.” Rayn inched closer to him. “The 9-1-1 operator was on the phone when he begged me to stay with him. Who would beg their attacker to stay with them?”
“From this point…” Ethan squeezed her fingers. “No secrets.”
“No more secrets.” Rayn gazed back at him.
“I didn’t assault Colton.” He leaned forward and pressed his free index finger against her lips to stop her from speaking. “Let me finish. It was my intention to find and put him in his place, but someone else beat me to it. The only thing I’m guilty of is leaving him there to die.”
Her heart began racing. “Why did you let me believe it was you?” She raised her voice and pulled back her hand. “I saw your bloody fist.”
His eyebrows met in confusion.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rayn stood, her chest heaving uncontrollably.
“Just like you protected me, I protected someone else.” Ethan continued. “I was so fucking pissed off when I found him. I was about to finish him off, but I thought of our future, a
nd instead of punching him, I punched the ground. That’s why my knuckles were bruised.”
“Bruised!” She couldn’t think straight at the moment. Everything she’d done after that night was because she thought Ethan had attacked Colton. Tears began running down her cheeks. If he’d only told her the truth, they might’ve survived. They wouldn’t have lost five years.
“Rayn, I loved you and you knew this. And what if I had given Colton a taste of his own medicine?”
“It wasn’t you,” Rayn mumbled, almost sobbing. This new revelation was making her dizzy. All she’d gone through, thinking Ethan had almost killed Colton, only to learn now it wasn’t him. This disclosure would’ve changed so much. “You should’ve told me,” she cried. “You should’ve told me!”
“I tried. You didn’t allow me to.” Ethan raised an eyebrow, looking at her confused. “You turned me away each and every time.”
“I thought keeping you at arm’s length was me protecting you,” she replied softly. “I didn’t want to trap you because of something an asshole did or said.”
“We both know,” Ethan paused for a couple of seconds, “it wasn’t that night that ended us, it was the color of my skin that made you run.” He inched away. “Your parents didn’t approve of me. So, you chose the easy way out.”
Rayn clutched her chest. “You think I took the easy way out?”
“What are you not telling me?” Ethan stood.
“Since we are being honest about the past, I went to your apartment that night to tell you. I wanted you, us.”
“What?”
“I went to tell you.” Her hands started to shake as she thought of how different things between them could’ve been if they’d both been honest with each other. “I went to tell you that I didn’t care who knew about us.”
Ethan just stood there, making her feel uncomfortable. “If you would’ve told me the truth…”
“All this started with you!” She pointed at him. “I didn’t tell you about Alex because Colton and his minions threatened me.”
“What?”
“After he recovered, he called me and said he remembered everything from that night. He said he had people watching me, and if I got back with you, he would make sure you paid for attacking him, and then he said your blood would be on my hands.”
Ethan raked his fingers through his hair. “Rayn, he wasn’t talking about me.”
“How would I have known that? You led me to believe it was you who fucking beat him up! What was I to believe?”
“You should’ve have come to me,” Ethan said sternly.
“Then who did he think I was messing with?” Rayn waited for him to answer. “Really, Ethan!” She pushed him backward. “This man threatened our son!”
Ethan’s eyes widened.
“I received a black doll with a rope wrapped around its neck, with a note that said ‘keep with your own kind.’ That was his way of letting me know he still had tabs on me.”
The vein in Ethan’s neck bulged as he swallowed hard.
“Colton finally left me alone after Alex was born.” Rayn picked up the glass of wine and downed the rest. “I guess he assumed my baby wasn’t a ‘mutt,’ as he put it.”
“I’m going to find him.” Ethan clenched his teeth.
“It’s too late for that,” Rayn revealed. “My father took care of him. He placed a restraining order against him and his family
“I thought he was a cop?”
“He is.” She sighed. “Colton hasn’t changed after college, as you can tell. But he hasn’t bothered me in almost four years.”
“You say you kept Alex from me because of Colton, but you just now said he hasn’t bothered you in years.” Ethan shook his head. “What’s your excuse now?”
“Days turned into years.” Rayn stared at him. “I have no excuse.”
“You came because my mother was ill.” He rubbed his forehead. “I would’ve never known I had a son if he was still been threatening you?”
“My son came first.” Rayn wiped at her tears. “I would give my life for him.”
“You didn’t give me the chance,” Ethan snapped back. “We could’ve fought him together.”
“It’s kind of too late for what-ifs.” Rayn stepped back. This wasn’t turning out the way she thought it would. “A lot has happened since college. I was a coward then. I suppose I was still a coward when Alex was born, but not now.”
“You think you being a coward makes this revelation any better?” Ethan added. “You took something from me that I can never get back, years with my son. I can’t turn back the hands of time.”
“I’m not a bad person,” she whispered. Rayn had made a lot of bad decisions in her past, and she was honestly trying to right her wrongs. That was the primary reason she was living in the last place she ever thought she would be.
“I didn’t say that.” He sighed. “This last year has been draining.”
“I’m sorry for my part,” Rayn said sincerely. “At the time, I did what I thought was right, until your mother’s call. I couldn’t,” she sniffled, “let her go without being able to love on her grandson.”
Ethan looked away from her.
“Your mom was right about one thing: it’s not too late for us. Now all of our secrets are out in the open. Maybe we can have a second chance, a fresh start?”
“I don’t believe in re-starts. My mother knew that.” Ethan took a deep breath, “it’s not that easy. Our lives went onto different paths. We might not want the same thing we once thought we did.”
“I want the same things I’ve always wanted.” Rayn gazed at the disappointment evident in his eyes. So many revelations tonight, so many choices that could’ve changed the outcome of their lives. As Ethan said, they couldn’t turn back time. The only thing they could do now was try to make it right.
“Five years have passed. We’re not the same people.” He leaned further away. “I’ve moved on.” He glanced at her ring finger. “And it looks like you did too.”
“I haven’t.” Rayn moved her hand and twisted the silver ring on her finger. “I couldn’t.” She could barely hear herself. Her heart took a blow as he turned her down.
“I want to be in Alex’s life.” Ethan continued staring at her left hand as she played with the piece of jewelry.
“We can arrange visits. You can come see him anytime you want.”
“Parenthood is new to me.” He smiled. “I need guidance. What does he like?”
“Alex is a chameleon. He will like anything you do.” She slipped her feet out of her bedroom sandals and placed her feet on the cool stones. “Ethan…”
He touched her arm. “I need time.”
“Take as much time as you need,” Rayn lied. She wanted him here and now. She didn’t want to waste any more time. “I’ll give you all the time you need, and space.”
He began walking to the backyard gate. “I’ll call you.”
“I’ll be waiting.” Rayn watched as he walked out of her back yard. She vowed to give him all the time he needed, even if her heart would suffer in the meantime.
After all this time, she wasn’t about to give up on them.
***
Ethan made sure to call Maverick as soon as he left Rayn’s house. “Dude, he had been threatening her all along.”
“Who?”
“Colton,” Ethan said, “that’s the real reason she kept my son from me.” He banged the steering wheel with his fist as he drove away. “I knew there was more to it. I could tell she didn’t want to let us go, even after that night. Colton had been threatening her since he woke up from the coma you put him in.”
Maverick didn’t answer.
“I’m not blaming you.” He sighed, knowing his friend thought he had held a grudge for the past mistakes. “For some odd reason, he assumed you and Rayn were an item. He demanded she stayed away from me, but he meant you.”
“Because I made him pay.” The tone in Maverick’s voice changed. “I guess he did
n’t learn his lesson. I will find him and set shit straight.”
“No need.” Ethan didn’t want his best friend to do something he would regret, and lose everything he’d built in his marriage and career. “You were right, he made the news in his hometown. Something about abuse of power.”
“Is she safe?” Maverick responded.
“Yes, her father made sure of that.”
“So, what does this mean for the two of you?”
“It doesn’t change how I feel.” Ethan gripped the steering wheel. “All this misunderstanding would’ve been avoided if she’d have told me the truth.”
“You’re just as guilty as her. But the good news is, you’re not too late to make shit right between you two,” his best friend suggested. “Take a few days and think of the miracle God has bestowed upon you, instead of seeing all the negative shit. Dude, you have a son. Do you know what I would do if Elena was to tell me she was carrying my child? You may not like the choice that Rayn made, right or wrong. But as I see it, she made the only choice she could, putting your son first.”
Ethan parked on the side of the road. “Call you later.” He still couldn’t shake off the anger and disappointment he was feeling toward Rayn and her decisions. And despite that, Ethan heard the hurt in her voice when she spoke of the despicable stuff Colton did. It actually hurt him: he hadn’t been there when she’d needed him the most. In that moment, sitting there in his car, all he wanted to do was hold her and promise nothing like that would happen to her again—but his pride wouldn’t let him.
She’d kept his son away from him.
It was the only thing that mattered.
Chapter Twelve
Rayn stood at the entrance of the crowded cafeteria, searching for a seat. She waited several minutes before a group of nurses stood and left, then strolled over to the table. After setting her lunch bag and a book on the surface, she sat. Her feet were aching from all the walking she’d done and she realized it had been a mistake to wear the new shoes to work. Rayn eased her feet out of the sneakers and grabbed the small bag of chips from her lunchbox. She leaned back in the chair and began reading her romance novel.
