by Dylann Crush
“About us.”
Her eyebrows rose even higher and she let out a soft laugh. “There’s an ‘us’ now?”
“Come on, I’m trying here.” He reached out to cover her hand with his.
“Trying what? To make yourself feel better?”
“No. I’m trying to have a conversation. I’d like to apologize . . .” Hell, this was harder than he thought it would be.
“For?” she prompted.
“For being an ass about the penguin thing.” He knew now he’d overreacted. There hadn’t been any fallout and he’d gone a little overboard.
“Okay. Go for it.”
“I just did.”
“Did what?”
“Apologized.”
She rolled her eyes. “No you didn’t. You said you’d like to apologize.”
“Right.”
“But you never actually said it.”
“Said what?”
“Forget it.” She tossed the pillow aside and hopped off the bed.
“What just happened?” He glanced from the pillow she’d discarded to where she stood looking out the window. “I feel like I missed something.”
The floor-to-ceiling curtain swayed as she moved past it. “You did miss something.”
He got off the bed and took cautious steps toward her. “Care to fill me in?”
She turned. “An apology usually involves something beyond saying you want to apologize.”
“What?” He was stumped.
“The actual apology. The ‘I’m sorry’ part.” She shook her head while giving him a major eye roll. “You can talk around it all you want but it doesn’t count for anything unless you actually say the words.”
Like a ray of sunshine fought its way through the clouds, comprehension began to enlighten his brain. She wanted him to say the actual words. That was all. He faced her, reaching out to brush her hair behind her shoulder. “Zina . . .”
“Yes?” The word came out on a huffy sigh. Like she’d reached the end of her rope and just let go.
He took both of her hands in his. She didn’t squeeze back but she didn’t pull away, either. A good sign under the circumstances.
“Are you ready for this?” He licked his lips, suddenly a little unsure of how she might respond.
“I suppose so.” Her chin tucked down, close to her chest. The hair he’d pushed over her shoulder fell over her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” There. He’d said it. He’d apologized and the ground hadn’t shaken underneath him. A gaping hole hadn’t appeared in the floor and swallowed him up. He did a mental run-through of all of his bodily systems. Everything seemed to be in check. Maybe life didn’t end when a guy had to say he was sorry.
“I accept your apology.” She glanced up at him, that hint of flirtatious sass creeping back into her smile. “And I’m sorry, too. For exploiting your penguins and risking the wedding. I didn’t think it through.”
A sigh escaped his lungs. He didn’t realize how tense he’d been. Making up with Zina released a weight from his shoulders. It seemed easier to breathe. “About that burger . . .”
“Give me ten minutes to freshen up, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”
“Deal.” He squeezed her hands before he let them go, then he headed downstairs to wait.
While he sat on the duvet, scrolling through the pictures he’d taken of the penguins that day, Gramps came through the front door with Herbie trotting behind him. “I thought you would have gone on that date by now.”
“Zina will be down in a minute. Thanks for the suggestion.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad to see the two of you have patched things up. It’s been getting pretty damn boring watching you mope around here like a lovesick pup.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t try to play games with me. I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
Yeah, like he wanted to toss her over his shoulder and rush her upstairs. Doubtful Gramps meant that kind of look. “Maybe we need to get your glasses checked.”
“I don’t need my glasses checked and I don’t need you telling me what to do. Have you talked to your sister about me moving back to the ranch yet?”
“I mentioned it.”
“And?” Gramps pressed.
“It didn’t go well. She said even if you move back out there, we’ll need a backup plan. You’ll have to have someone checking on you on a regular basis. Char’s got her hands full as it is and I’m not going to be sticking around.”
Gramps glared. “You didn’t say anything about that when we made our deal. I’m doing my part by helping out around here. I expect you to do yours.”
“I’m trying.” Alex hadn’t been to the family ranch in years, but if Char said it was too much for Gramps to handle on his own and too far outside town for her to be able to stop by and check on him on a regular basis, he believed her.
“Who put you in charge? You think because you’re younger, that gives you the right to decide what I do?” Gramps patted his leg, and Herbie nudged his nose into the old man’s hand. “My wife’s still there. That’s where I belong.”
Alex hadn’t heard Gramps talk like that before, especially not from the heart. He lowered his voice and reached out to put his hand on his grandfather’s arm. “I know you miss her.”
“You don’t know shit.” Gramps slapped Alex’s hand away. “Until you’ve given your heart, your soul, your whole self to the love of your life, don’t you try to talk to me about what you know about love.”
Alex looked up to see Zina standing on the bottom step. He hadn’t even seen her come down the stairs. His breath caught in his chest at the look on her face.
She glanced at Gramps, her brow wrinkled with concern. “Maybe we ought to stay in tonight. I can throw a salad together real quick, and—”
“You two go have fun.” Gramps shook off his dark mood like a duck ruffling a little water off its feathers. “I’ll be fine. Sometimes this old man needs some quiet time to reflect on all the blessings he’s had in his life.”
Zina moved across the foyer to take Gramps’s hand. “Your wife was a very lucky woman to be loved so much.”
Gramps gave her a smile before he headed toward the stairs. “Herbie will keep me company tonight, won’t you?”
The dog trotted along behind him, his tail wagging a mile a minute.
Alex waited until Gramps reached the landing, and then slid his gaze to Zina. “You ready?”
* * *
* * *
“So where are we headed?” Zina gazed out the window as Alex raced down the county road.
“I thought we’d go into Swynton. There’s a sports bar not too far from Char’s. I need to stop and pick up some stuff at her place after if that’s okay with you.”
“I’ve got no plans tonight.” She glanced at his profile—the strong jawline, the hint of scruff covering his chin, the full lips he’d had all over her a few nights before. “I’m all yours.”
His head snapped her direction.
She smiled in return. It was time to make up. Living under the same roof and being at odds was taking a toll on their non-relationship.
“All mine, huh? You sure about that?” His gaze bounced back and forth from her to the road in front of him.
“The only thing I’m one hundred percent sure about is that there’s no way I’m going to get all of the dogs rehomed before you have to double down on the wedding plans.”
“What are we looking at?”
“Best-case scenario? I might be able to place another dozen or so in a shelter up in Beaumont until the roof gets fixed or they get adopted, whichever comes first.” There was no telling how long it might take for the pups to find a new home. Some of the dogs she’d had in the past only stayed long enough to get their medical clearance before they found homes.
Others, like Buster, had been with her for months before he’d found his place.
Alex ran his hand over the steering wheel, letting it rest on the top. “So that would leave us with about a dozen dogs at the warehouse?”
“Give or take one or two. But I can move them back out to my place once Bodie gives me the okay.”
“No.” His tone left no room for negotiation.
“Excuse me?”
“Someone out there is trying to scare you. You’re not safe until Bodie figures out who it is and what they want. I know you think you can take care of yourself, but—”
“I can take care of myself.” She backed up against the door of the truck. “And I don’t need you or Bodie trying to tell me any different.”
“That’s not what I meant. I know you can look out for yourself. But you don’t have to. You’ve got me.”
“I’ve got you?” She barked out a laugh. “What makes you think I want you?” Ouch. She didn’t mean to come across so harsh. Truth was, she did want Alex. Wanted him in the worst way. Wanted him to be there when she woke up in the morning. Wanted him to be there when she went to bed at night. Wanted him to stay. But she couldn’t tell him that.
If it were up to her, he’d never have any inkling of the way her feelings had snuck up on her while she wasn’t paying attention and tied up her heart in hopes and dreams and wishes she had no business entertaining.
His eyes shifted. She’d hurt him with that last remark. She could tell by the way his pulse ticked along his jaw and the way he held the steering wheel just a little too tight.
“It doesn’t matter whether you want me or not,” he ground out. His voice took on a serious edge. “I’m here and I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the dogs while I’m around.”
She hadn’t seen this side of him before. He usually deflected any effort at trying to hold a serious conversation. But tonight he was dead serious.
“Look, Alex.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t mean to burst your bubble or dash your dream of being the white knight who rushes in to save the day.”
He grunted, shaking his head like he wasn’t going to even try to hear her out.
“Hey”—she put her hand on his arm—“I’m not your damsel in distress. I’ve been taking care of myself for years and I don’t have any intention of stopping just because you decided to play house for a little while.”
“You about done?” He jerked the steering wheel to the right and brought the truck to an abrupt stop on the side of the road.
“Maybe.”
“I’m not trying to play house. I’ve never pretended to be anything beyond what I am.”
“And what exactly is that? A guy who drops in when it’s convenient? Who keeps things on his own terms? Who only cares about himself?” She’d raised her voice and practically yelled at him, even though they were only separated by the small space inside the cab of the truck.
“You really don’t like me, do you?” He twisted his torso so he faced her. The spark of humor had left his eyes.
No. She didn’t like him. She was falling in love with him. The realization made her gasp.
“What?” His brow crinkled with concern. “You okay?”
When had this happened? How had she not seen it coming? She stared at him, taking in the way his hair curled around his ears—a little too long but also just right. The tiny scar on the edge of his mouth—the one he’d gotten while diving off cliffs in the Caribbean. He craved adventure, adrenaline, action. There was no way he’d be satisfied spending his life in a place as boring and uneventful as Ido.
“I’m fine. I don’t want to fight anymore.”
“Good.” The line between his brows softened. “There are much better things we could be doing with our time besides fighting.”
She struggled to fill her lungs with air. He hadn’t pretended to be anything different than what he was—a thrill seeker, a wanderer, someone who would always be incapable of settling down. That meant she had two choices—either put an end to whatever was growing between them. Or . . . take the temporary connection he could offer and enjoy it while it lasted.
Like she’d told him, she could take care of herself. She’d been doing it long before he showed up and would continue long after he left. “You’re right.”
“I am?” His eyebrows lifted. “Why do I get the feeling you don’t say that to people very often?”
She let out a soft laugh. “Because I don’t.”
“But you did tonight.” He looked like he was waiting for something to happen. Like she’d tricked him and was about to follow up with the knockout punch that would leave him tied up against the ropes.
“It seemed appropriate under the circumstances.”
He leaned over, closing the distance between them. “What circumstances are those, Ms. Baxter?”
“The circumstances showing me that you’re about to kiss me.” Her hand went to his shoulder.
“Would you be receptive to a kiss from me?”
“What kind of kiss are we talking about?”
“What kind of kiss do you want?”
The kind that made her heart hammer in her chest, her stomach twist, and her panties seem to melt right off. “What kind are you offering?”
“Well”—his arm moved to the back of the seat behind her—“I could keep it soft and gentle like this.” He closed the distance between them and placed a delicate kiss on her cheek. Her eyes closed and her pulse stuttered.
“That was . . . nice.” She opened her eyes. His face was inches from hers. She could see the flecks of gold in the blue-green irises she’d come to love.
“Nice? That’s tragic.”
“There’s nothing wrong with nice.”
“Maybe something like this would be more appropriate.”
Her heart hitched as he moved in again, kissing a trail from her cheek to her mouth. His tongue pressed against the seam of her lips and she opened for him. She wanted to lean into him, deepen the kiss, and climb over the center console that so inconveniently separated them.
“Better?” His voice sounded rough around the edges.
“Mm-hmm.” She ran a finger around her lips, wiping away the traces of lip gloss she’d applied in anticipation of their burger date.
“What?” He sat back, his eyebrows drawn together.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing, my ass. You’ve got to admit that was better than ‘nice.’”
“Sure it was. It was really nice.”
The edges of his mouth ticked up in a wicked grin. “You realize you’re asking for it, don’t you?”
Feigning innocence, she batted her eyelashes at him. Playing coy had never been her style. But she could see why some of her classmates had enjoyed it back in high school. “Asking for what exactly?”
He reached out, his hand going behind her neck. Pulling her toward him, he mumbled, “Really nice. I’ll show you really nice.”
Trying not to laugh, she let him pull her close. But when his lips touched hers, the gentleness disappeared. His mouth claimed hers in a hot, deep, hungry kiss. She responded with an urgency of her own. His hands ran over her shirt, tangled in her hair. She lifted herself up and over the console, eager to get her hands on him.
Her skin burned in the wake of his lips. More, more, more. Her entire body aligned in a singular purpose. She wanted him, no, needed him. Before she could tell him, he pulled back, practically ripping his mouth away from hers.
“Was that really nice?” The look in his eyes scared her a bit but also sparked something deep down inside. He looked tormented, like a man who bordered on the cusp between pleasure and pain . . . a line she was all too familiar with.
“Alex . . .” She placed her palm on his chest. “I don’t know what we’re doing here.”
He wrapped his hand arou
nd hers and brought it to his lips. Kissing her fingertips, one by one, he listed off what exactly they were doing. “We’re having fun. We’re getting to know each other. We’re working toward a common goal. We’re helping each other.” Only her pinkie remained. He held her gaze as he lowered his mouth toward the tip of her pinkie finger. “We might just be falling in love.”
twenty-four
Love. He’d said love. Not in the three-little-word sense, but in the “we’re moving toward three little words” sense. She hadn’t been expecting it. He could tell by the way she gulped in a breath and coughed, choking on air.
“You okay?” He squeezed her hand.
“Um, yeah.” She righted herself on her side of the cab.
“You sure?” He pushed a chunk of hair back over her shoulder. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” Her head shook back and forth. “I think you just caught me by surprise.”
“Do you disagree with me?” He could drop it right there. Leave it sitting between them like an oversized elephant on the center console. But if he’d learned one thing from his parents, it was that things left unsaid did far more harm than the shit that sat out in the open.
Her gaze met his. Those brown eyes held a world of hope. But something else mingled with it. Fear. He shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe his parents had been right to keep secrets, even if it had torn the whole damn family apart in the end.
“I don’t disagree with you.” She turned to glance out the window. “But you’re leaving soon and I guess I’d rather not open myself up to something that’s not even an option.”
Yeah, he could see that. “I get it.” He did, too. No sense gearing up for something that wouldn’t be. “But we can have a good time in the meantime, right?”
“I thought that’s all this was.”
“It is.”
“But you said . . .”
“Hey, we’re in charge here, right? We can call this whatever we want.”
She nodded, her head moving up and down so slowly that he wondered if he’d imagined it. “Okay.”
“Does this mean I can stop sleeping on the couch?”
