by Jude Marquez
Gerri nodded and held up her fidget spinner. “But you have these. These are lovely.”
I grinned. “I’ll keep that in mind when Christmas rolls around.”
Gerri cocked her head, as though she was about to ask about Christmas. Savanna interrupted then us. She was knocking on the passenger side window and pointing at the gas tank. I nodded and opened it for her. Moments later she was climbing in beside me and urging us to go.
I looked over at her curiously. She wasn’t out of breath, but there was a sense of urgency.
“Is everything okay?” I asked
“Whose blood is that?” Gerri asked.
As I studied savanna closer, I realized that she had a small splash of blood on her shirt. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.
“There were some guys at the gas station. They asked me if I needed help and I said no. They were insistent. They followed me out and saw that I was walking so they started following me. When they started getting aggressive about helping me, I got aggressive about turning down their help,” she explained.
“I hope you didn’t kill anyone,” I said pleadingly.
Savanna winced and looked down at her hands. “No. But that one guy's face won’t be the same.”
I started the ignition. There wasn’t anything to do about it and frankly, some people needed to learn the hard way that no meant no.
ELI TOOK MY HAND WHEN we left the hotel.
I wished I was as confident as Eli about holding his hand in public. I was still worried about the names that we could be called and anything that might arise from a confrontation like that. I knew that Eli could protect us, probably wouldn’t even need my help but the saying still held true; sticks and stones and all that.
I forced myself to consider what would happen if someone tried to approach us or call us names. What would happen? Would it be any worse than having our home taken from us, our family forcibly separated?
No, I told myself, it wouldn’t.
Besides, if someone dared to approach us, it was a gamble with their own lives. I squeezed Eli’s fingers as he led us through the crowd and he glanced over his shoulder and smiled at me. It was that secret smile, the one he reserved for me, the one that warmed me to the tips of my toes.
As soon as we were through the thick throng of people, I fell into step next to him.
“What are you in the mood for?” He asked.
My stomach rumbled in response. “Food.”
“We can do that.”
We paused at a taco truck that had a long line. He looked over at me. I shrugged. “A line usually means a good thing.”
It could have been nice, standing there, with waves of people walking past us and the sun shining down on us. If I could have forgotten all the things that had brought us to this point and focused on just being there with Eli, it could have been perfect.
“You’re thinking too loud,” Eli murmured next to me.
I blinked and realized I was staring across the street. “What if we were here to-”
“Get married?” Eli suggested, a little too quickly.
I stared at him. “Not yet. But what if we were here just to be here?”
Eli hummed and swung our hands. “That would be nice.”
“But?”
“I don’t know. Would you want to give up what we have to have what they have?” Eli asked and tipped his head at the others gathered around us.
“Tempting offer,” I said, and he hummed again.
But could we give up our families? The bond we share with them? The magic that runs and calls in our blood? Could we give up the moon and the stars for standing in front of a taco truck in Vegas?
“I want both. I want it all,” I muttered.
“If anyone can have it, it’s you,” Eli said, that smile at the edges of his eyes.
His sentiment filled me. I couldn't believe that I have someone like Eli saying these kinds of things so easily, like it cost him nothing in the world to believe in me.
We stood there in line and waited, not exchanging any more words. It didn’t feel necessary. It was enough to stand with Eli and let myself think this is the life we could have. On a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas, with nothing chasing us and our family waiting at home.
By the time we had reached the front of the line, I had indulged in such a long running daydream to where Eli and I were already married and taking the next step in finding a surrogate or adopting a child. It was always part of my plan to have kids. Maybe I wanted kids more than I wanted the partner, which I didn’t know what that meant or said about me.
“Order for me,” I whispered to Eli.
He inclined his head once and spoke in rapid-fire Spanish to the men behind the stall. As soon as the man taking our order heard the easy way that Eli spoke, a wide smile spread across his face.
I wasn’t fluent like Eli, but I knew he was saying something about us when nodded at me and said something. Eli replied warmly and raised our interlocked hand and kissed my knuckles. The man’s smile grew wider, and he laughed.
I couldn’t help the instinct that arose inside me, churning in my stomach like bad food. It felt like he laughing at us and my first instinct was to lash out, but I tamped it down when I felt nothing from Eli. Then Eli was laughing as well and turned to me.
“He says that he hopes we will have many children to share our love.”
Shame hit me like a brick to my face. The men hadn’t been ridiculing us. He was happy for us, this complete stranger, and my first instinct was to take it as mockery.
“We will have a dozen children and bring them all here. Remember this man’s name so we can name one of our children after him,” I replied. My voice was a little shaky and if it had been anybody but Eli, I don’t think they would have noticed. He cocked his head, but I shook my head and squeezed his hand.
He translated what I said to the man in the men laughed once more and replied.
“He says that you can only name our best looking kid after him,” Eli said.
I turned back to the man standing above us and studied him. He wasn’t good-looking the way Eli was, but the pure joy that radiated off of him made him a sight to behold. There were lines around his eyes from the many times he laughed during his life. What a life to lead, when joy had etched itself in your very being, I thought.
“Are you kidding me? All of her children will be good looking,” I replied.
Our food came out just then, and the man waved Eli and I off.
We wandered down the street eating and talking, only a few their inches between us.
I wanted to walk for hours with Eli. I had never come so close to having such a satisfying relationship and now that I had it, I realized how terrified I was to losing him. Feeling his hand in mind or on the small of my back was a greater comfort than most things I knew.
“Did you mean it?” He asked after a while.
I realized he was taking us back toward our hotel. “Did I mean what?”
“You would want to have a dozen kids,” Eli said.
I looked over at him and had to restrain the instinct to make a joke about how the two of us couldn’t really have kids, but I would be willing to try.
When I saw the look on his face in the open hearing in his eyes, the joke died on my lips. Instead, I cleared my throat and tried to rearrange my thoughts in a coherent manner.
“I’ve always wanted kids. Even when I was a kid, I would tell my parents about all the things that I would do when I was a parent myself. I think at first they thought it was funny, like when you hear a kid say when they grow up they will be president and make all the candy in the world free. But the dream never changed. I would make lists of all the places I wanted to bring them to. The ocean, the mountains, to go see the Eiffel Tower, and the pyramids in Egypt.”
I looked down and swallowed. Eli said nothing because he had the same talent that Dante did. He knew when to wait out my silences. No one else seemed to know when or how to do that.
We were coming up on the hotel and the surrounding people were getting thicker. It didn’t seem to matter though, because it was just me and Eli. I could feel it deep down, like I had been waiting to find this second piece of my soul. Dante held the first and always would, because he was my brother and he understood me and loved me before anyone else did.
But Eli was the other part of me. He was the walls that burned, the passion that I have been looking for so long. He was the one that I could go to sleep with every night and wake up next to every morning and still be grateful for every moment in between.
“Then, when I came out to my mom, she sat me down. I thought it would be one of those moments of well, have you tried not being gay?” I looked of the Eli and he snorted he shook his head.
“Has anybody said that to you?” He asked.
“An uncle. I haven’t seen him in a very long time.”
Eli shook his head.
“But it wasn’t about me being gay or not being gay. She sat me down and explained to me the mechanics of two men not being able to have a baby. I mean, I knew that. But she explained to me how hard it would be for two men to even adopt. And I was so mad at her,” I said in my voice shook.
Eli led me into the hotel and passed the casino, which was loud and smoky. It seemed like the cigarette smoke had pressed itself into the walls and machine and carpets. I knew it was ten times worse for Eli with his sensitive hearing and smelling.
When we were away from the casino, I picked up my story. “But I was glad it was her. If it wasn’t her, gently telling me and getting me ready, then it would have been someone else. A social worker maybe who didn’t care about my feelings. But she explained to me as gently as she could because she knew that it would take a part of me away and she knew that if someone else did it, they would be cruel about it. I didn’t talk to her for days. She understood. She told me she would try everything that she could to help me. She would use everything in her power to help me have a child of my own. Obviously I didn’t know what she meant back then, but I do now. It’s huge. It’s bigger than I could ask for.”
We were in an elevator now, with a glass wall so we could look down on the casino as he grows up into the sky.
“But I guess my life is like that. My magic is bigger than I could’ve asked for. And it brought me you. You are more than I could ask for,” I said.
Eli stared at me. “How am I supposed to follow that?”
I stood close to him and kissed his cheek. I laughed and it sounded a little wet. “You’re the wolf here. You lead. I follow.” The elevator doors opened and we stopped off.
“Do you want kids?” I asked.
He pulled out the key card from his back pocket. “More than that. I’ve always wanted to have a big family and have kids running around. I have always wanted children. I have always wanted to be part of a large pack we used to read about in our storybooks.”
It seemed like another impossible dream. With the Ascendancy in charge, he wouldn’t get to have his big family. Celia wouldn’t get to have nieces and nephews. If the Ascendancy had their way, the Ortega line would die with those three.
“Hey,” I said and stopped him as he stepped through the door.
He turned to look at me and that open, yearning look was back on his face. I knew many people did not have the privilege of seeing him like that and it warmed me just like his smile did.
“I will do everything in my power to help you have kids. With or without me, I think the world needs more Ortegas.”
“It would only be with you,” Eli breathed and looked shocked at the words that came out of his mouth.
I laughed at him again and stepped forward and pressed a kiss to his mouth. “That’s what I like to hear.”
Maybe it was all the talk about kids or just a desperate hope for the future. Whatever it was, that sweet kiss turned heavy with lust and Eli pulled me closer to him until we were pressed hip to hip.
Eli was an expert at kissing and left me breathless from them every single time. This time was different, though. This time I could feel how much we both wanted each other, and it scared me.
I pulled away. “I thought Celia said to eat and get some rest before we have to leave again.”
“Please don’t talk about my alpha while I’m trying to get into your pants,” Eli said and sucked on my neck. I groaned and leaned back, baring my skin for him and I felt that low rumble in his chest. I knew that I would have a mark there the next day.
“Are you sure?” I asked, worry breaking through my lust and pushed Eli back until he fell on the bed.
He blinked up at me, stupid with lust. “I’m sure. What are you talking about?”
“About us. About taking this... to that level,” I said.
Eli still didn’t seem to understand what I was hinting at and I was only just barely hanging on to my own logic. It wasn’t fair for him to look so sexy and sweet and disheveled at the same time.
“I’m sure, as long as you want to. If you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he said.
My hands fluttered, mostly of their own accord, until I grasped them and shoved them in my pockets. “Don’t get me wrong, I want to. Everyone knows I want to. But this is different. For you.”
Clarity seeped into Eli’s eyes. “Oh. I just assumed that you had experience in this area.”
“I do! I just- I mean. This is your first time. I feel a certain amount of responsibility to make this good for you,” I said.
Eli frowned and I wanted to climb into his lap and kiss it away. I wanted to rewind the past few minutes and say nothing at all and teach Eli everything I knew. I knew that he would make a great student.
He must have been able to read my thoughts because he offered me his hand and when I slipped mine into his, he pulled me into his lap. I straddled him, with a knee on either side of his lap. I ran my hands through his dark hair and studied him. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying my touch.
“It’s different with two guys. I’m sure you’ll pick it up and be fantastic at it, because you are fantastic at everything. But I don’t want to rush into it just to get it over with. I want it to be good for you,” I said.
“Okay, Lou. We don’t have to do anything right now. But I don’t need perfect,” Eli said.
Then I was laid out flat on the bed and Eli loomed above me. He fit perfectly in between my legs and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was made for me. He leaned down and captured my lips with his and I groaned into his mouth when he rolled his hips against me.
“I just want to be with you. In every single way that we can think of,” Eli said against my lips.
“I have a list. It’s extensive,” I told him breathlessly.
“I’m counting on it.”
Eli’s hands began to wander, and I knew that he wouldn’t try to have sex with me, but there were still so many other things that we could do.
Eli’s palms on my torso made me shiver. He shoved my shirt up to my shoulders and then helped me out of it completely. He traced his mouth over my collarbone and then down the middle of my chest. He lingered over one of my nipples and then blew warm air over it and I could feel goosebumps rise on my skin.
He reared back and pulled his own shirt off, and it was like I was seeing him for the first time. My fingers itched to touch him all over and press him close. He seemed to think exactly what I was as he laid down over me.
He was so warm and soft, but hard all over at the same time.
“Touch me,” he breathed into my ear.
I realized that my hands were still on his biceps. I had gotten so distracted by him and his golden skin. When I realized that I was not only allowed but
encouraged to touch, it was like I had been born for this very moment.
I skated my hands up his back and down to his ass which was sadly still covered by his jeans. Eli groaned when I dug my fingers in the thick muscle of his backside and I felt his hips roll against mine dangerously.
It was my turn to moan but Eli captured my mouth and breath, muffling me beneath him.
“You are so good for me,” he muttered.
Eli wasn’t typically a talker and when he now of all times to speak, it rubbed me in all the right ways.
“I will, I promise. I’ll be so good for you,” I whispered between gasps.
I thought I was supposed to be the one with experience here.
I felt Eli’s fingers on the button of my jeans and he tugged lightly at them and looked up at me. It was a mixture of the wide open yearning but now it was soaked with lust and I wasn’t superhuman, for crying out loud.
“No sex,” I said. “We aren’t ready.”
And we weren’t. I knew we weren’t. Not physically or mentally.
Eli’s mouth was parted, and he nodded. “Right.”
He barely stopped himself from tearing my jeans, I could tell. He reached down, and I felt his warm hand grasp me and I couldn’t help it; I arched into his touch and groaned. I opened my eyes a few seconds later when I felt his hand pull away only to see him push my jeans down the rest of the way. I lifted my ass to help him and then his hand wrapped around my leaking cock once again and this time he pressed his lips against mine as I hissed.
Being with him like this was on a whole other level.
With any other guy it felt good but now, now, it was like feeling something else, a primal force wrapping itself around us, heightening every touch. I felt his wolf, and I knew he could taste my magic. It was like the full moon for him and like being in the forest for me.
I couldn’t explain how I knew what the moon felt like for him except to say I just did. I knew it prickled at his skin and pulled at his chest just like he knew my magic lived like an ocean deep inside of me and a single touch could cause the waves to crash down on us.
I whined when he pulled away.
Until I saw him jerking my jeans off all the way and he was doing the same with his own.
