by Jean Oram
But if she didn’t go, Ben would think she wasn’t interested. And she was, very. But it was so complicated and silly and emotional and stupid. She’d escaped the Family, but it still had a hold on her, dictating her moods, playing on her fears. She’d escaped physically, but if she was ever going to be truly free, she had to escape again, emotionally this time.
Chapter 7
Ben kept his eyes focused on the trailer hitch—not on his watch, which showed five minutes after nine, and most definitely not on the white stairs leading to Eva’s apartment. He’d slipped the note under her door and could only hope she’d give him a chance. Watching for her would only make it worse.
“Can we get going? I know how to hitch up a boat,” Tyler complained, leaning out the driver’s door of his Suburban.
Ben bit the inside of his cheek as he unhooked and re-hooked the chain. “I’m just making sure.” How much longer could he stall?
“You’re being ridiculous,” Tyler protested. “If we don’t get going—Oh, hi, Eva.”
Ben’s teeth snapped together as he jerked his head up. He winced and touched his tongue to the raw spot he’d opened in his cheek as Eva came down the stairs, wearing a pale blue sundress that showed off her long, shapely legs. She carried a beach bag over one arm and had a pair of sunglasses perched on her head. She came to a stop at his side, and gave him a soft smile that sent his pulse thundering.
“Hi,” Ben said softly. “Wow, you look fantastic.”
“Thank you.” Eva beamed. “You’re looking good yourself.” She pulled her eyes away from his to send Tyler and Jennifer a quick wave. They were both leaning out of the Suburban now, and the grins on their faces could only be described as self-satisfied. As if they had anything to do with this.
“And thanks for inviting me,” Eva said, turning back to Ben.
“Thanks for coming.” How many more “thanks” could they put into this conversation? “I was afraid you wouldn’t,” he admitted, completely past caring if he played it cool or not.
She’d always been pretty, but there was something different today. She looked relaxed, and he recognized the look as one his mother wore when she’d had a migraine for a few days and it finally lifted. Relaxed and … relieved.
“Can we go now?” Tyler called.
Ben put his foot on one of the trailer tires and pushed. “In a minute. Don’t want another blowout.”
Tyler rolled his eyes. “That was five years ago.”
“We’re coming.” Ben let himself feel a small thrill at the secret acknowledgement that today he was part of a couple instead of the third wheel, then hurried to open the back door of the Suburban for Eva. “Have you got everything you need?”
She settled her bag at her feet. “I think so, but what about lunch? I can help prepare, or we could stop on the way …”
“I packed a cooler,” Jennifer assured her.
“Oh, well, thanks.” Eva smiled at Jennifer a bit shyly.
Ben shut the door and hurried around the SUV to the other side. Taking the boat out was always fun, but today would be fantastic.
“I thought the kids would be going along,” Eva said once they were all in.
“They’re staying with Mom.” Tyler jerked his head toward the house, but there was no sign of their mother or the kids. She probably already had them down at the beach.
Jennifer turned around in her seat to give Eva a smile. “I’m so glad you’re coming. It’s always more fun with another girl along.”
“You mean it’s always more fun when my little brother isn’t moping in the bow because he can’t get a date,” Tyler chuckled.
“Hey now!” Jennifer whacked him lightly on the arm.
“Just sayin’.”
“I guess he wouldn’t be my big brother if he didn’t give me crap,” Ben said, rolling his eyes in Tyler’s direction.
Eva gave him an understanding smile. “You don’t have to work today?”
“I’m on nights this week, five p.m. until five the next morning.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “So you worked all night last night and now you’re out boating? What about sleeping?”
“Sleep is overrated. I’d much rather be here.” It was true. He’d grabbed only a two-hour nap after work this morning and his eyes burned with exhaustion, but it was worth a little lost sleep to be with Eva. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been hoping she’d come until he’d seen her walking down the steps and relief flooded through him like a tidal wave. He’d been prepping himself for her refusal.
Her hand rested on the seat between them and Ben reached out, lacing his fingers through hers. She stiffened for a second; then her fingers tightened around his, and her smile sent his heart leaping.
“We’re going to have fun today,” he said with a grin.
The boat ramp was at Bayside Marina, on the other side of town, but Eva wished it could have been on the other side of the country. She didn’t want this car ride to end. Every time she glanced down at her hand joined with Ben’s, a thrill shot through her.
“So, Eva, how do you like working at the chocolate shop?” Jennifer turned around in her seat. The breeze from the open window blew her hair and lifted her bangs off her forehead.
“I love it, but I’m sure my waistline doesn’t,” Eva laughed.
“As if. I don’t know how you stay so thin.” Jennifer shook her head. “There’s no way I could work there. I’d eat all the seafoam straight out of the pot.”
“It’s true.” Tyler gave Jennifer a sage look. “If I’m ever in trouble, chocolate wins this girl’s heart, not flowers.”
“You sure that shouldn’t be when you’re in trouble, not if?” Ben asked. He squeezed Eva’s hand, sending a rush of warmth shooting up her arm.
Tyler tipped his head. “You’ve gotta have some fun, right?”
The conversation moved on to Jennifer’s work as a dental hygienist, and soon they were at the boat ramp. Eva waited on the shore with Jennifer while Ben climbed into the boat to steer it off the trailer, sending hand signals to Tyler as he backed into the water, then starting the engine and steering toward the dock.
“Why don’t you take the bags and go meet him?” Jennifer suggested. “Tyler and I will bring the coolers.”
Eva shouldered her bag and Jennifer’s and stepped cautiously onto the weathered gray dock. The briny water lapped against the sides, and she stopped as vertigo washed over her.
“You okay?” Ben called, bringing the boat to her side and reaching a hand to help her in.
The boat rocked when she stepped in, and she stumbled, but was steadied by Ben’s arms closing around her waist. She gripped his forearm to steady herself, and his skin burned under her fingertips while the scent of his rich cologne washed over her, competing with the sharp, salty smell of the water. His arms tightened, drawing her closer, and she didn’t resist. She’d grown up in overcrowded rooms where personal space was jealously guarded, but Ben didn’t feel like an invader. She craved his nearness and her heart pounded as their eyes connected. His gaze dropped to her lips and a zip of excitement washed over her.
“So are you going to kiss her, or what?” Tyler’s voice carried clearly across the dock.
Eva realized she was holding her breath and stepped back, breaking the contact.
“I swear, I’m gonna push him overboard,” Ben growled as his arms dropped to his sides.
“Oh, bad move, dude,” Tyler said. “You blew it.”
“You mean you blew it. Thanks a lot.” Ben took the cooler from Tyler’s arms.
“I can’t make it too easy on you,” Tyler said earnestly as he helped Jennifer into the boat. “You’ve gotta earn it.”
Ben gave him a hard stare, but said nothing more and they all set to work positioning bags, coolers, and other gear in the boat.
When they were finally ready, Tyler and Jennifer took seats at the back, leaving the chair by Ben’s side open for Eva. The wind whipped her hair into her mouth as they sped over the
open water, and she wished she’d thought to bring a hair tie, but speeding over the waves brought a feeling of elation that more than made up for the hair issues.
“You don’t get seasick, do you?” Ben called over the noise.
Eva shook her head. She wasn’t going to admit this was her first time on the ocean.
The shores of Indigo Bay receded into a hazy gray, and after about twenty minutes, Ben killed the engine. In the sudden silence, the water bumped and rocked against the hull. The sun beat down overhead and Eva reached for her bag to get her sunscreen.
Heavy footsteps startled her and she looked up in time to see Ben race the four quick steps down the length of the boat and hurl himself into the ocean with a whoop. He landed with a gigantic splash, sending droplets of salt water spraying over her face and arms.
“Wait up!” Tyler called. A second later, he too had plunged into the water.
Eva froze, watching the ripples from where Ben had gone down. How deep was the water? The thought of the cold, endless black below sent shivers racing up her spine.
It felt like forever, but Ben surfaced after only a few seconds. “That feels good,” he sighed, then grinned at her. “Are you coming in?”
Her heart stuttered. She’d figured they’d get a little wet so she’d worn a swimming suit, but had not expected full-on, man-overboard swimming. It was the ocean, for crying out loud. Who knew what was in there?
“Go ahead, Eva, I’ll stay with the boat,” Jennifer said. She’d taken off her swimsuit cover to reveal a black bikini and was rubbing tanning lotion on her toned arms.
Just then, Tyler shot out of the water like a whale and sending a wave crashing into the boat over Jennifer.
“You jerk!” she shrieked, but she laughed as she reached for a towel.
“Come swimming, babe,” Tyler urged. “It’s great.”
“Eva’s coming in,” Jennifer said. “I’ll swim later.”
Tyler nodded, and Eva shivered as all three of them turned to her.
“Eva? Are you okay?” Ben swam to the side of the boat and treaded water as he watched her. Water dripped from his hair, running down his face and neck to meet the ocean where it lapped against his bronzed chest. “Eva?”
“What?” The word came out raspy as she stared into the water, not meeting his eyes.
“You don’t have to swim if you don’t want to.”
Her resolve hardened as she remembered her earlier vow—it was time to stop being afraid. She squared her shoulders. “I’m coming.”
He wiped the water from his face, the concern not quite faded from his brown eyes. “There are life jackets under the seats. You want to put one on first?”
She didn’t want to wear a life jacket like a child when the rest of them went without, but it would be stupid in the extreme to jump into the ocean without one when her swimming skills were so rudimentary. No one in the Family knew how to swim. Eva and Sam used to play in the river, but they never went in above their waists.
Eva grabbed a life jacket and slipped out of her sundress to reveal her turquoise one-piece underneath, quite modest next to Jennifer’s bikini. Her legs trembled as she buckled the life jacket and tightened the straps, then moved to the end of the boat to a small wooden step leading to the water. She sat down, gasping as the cold water lapped over her thighs.
Ben and Tyler were several yards away, wrestling and hollering. “Eva!” Ben pleaded. “Come help me; I’m getting killed.” He brought one arm up in a broad, sweeping movement, gesturing to her just as Tyler lunged. They both went under again, leaving nothing but ripples.
Jennifer sighed theatrically. “I swear, get those two together and it’s like they’re kids again.”
Eva nodded vaguely; her brain was too frozen to form a response. Her fingers clenched around the wooden slats of the step as the boat rocked.
“Hey, you. Wanna have a race?” Ben was at her side. How could he swim so fast and make it look so easy? He read the look on her face, and his dark brows drew together in confusion. “What’s the matter?”
Eva shook her head, wishing he would go back to Tyler so she could concentrate. She could do this. Any second now she’d let go of the step and swim. She knew the technique: arms and legs moving together, breathe on every second stroke. So why was it so hard to actually do it?
“Eva?” Ben’s voice held a note of concern.
She took a deep breath and slid into the water, fighting back a flash of panic. A wave slapped at her face and she gasped, drawing the stinging water into her nose and mouth. Frantically, she flailed, coughing and kicking as she fought to clear her airway.
Strong arms gripped her waist and pulled her upward as Ben and Tyler lifted her back in the boat. Jennifer knelt beside her, eyes wide with concern. “Are you okay, Eva? What happened?”
The boat dipped as Ben and Tyler climbed aboard. Ben grabbed a towel and squatted beside Eva, draping it around her shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t swim?” he said.
“I-I’m sorry …” she got out between coughs. “I d-didn’t think it would be s-so hard.” The sun felt warm on her neck, but she shivered so violently her teeth chattered as the terror overtook her. How could she be so stupid?
But Ben’s brown eyes held no anger, only concern. He reached out to brush the wet hair away from her face. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said. “I’m sorry I pressured you.”
“No, it’s my fault.” Eva shook her head. “I thought I could do it. I’m sorry.”
“Maybe we should go back,” Tyler said. He sat on the bench, and Eva couldn’t bring herself to raise her eyes to his. She glanced instead at the cooler and all the bags, still packed. They’d been planning to make a day of it and she’d ruined everything.
“No, please don’t go back because of me,” she pleaded. “It was a dumb impulse. I’ll stay in the boat from now on.”
Ben’s forehead wrinkled and he squeezed her shoulder over the wet towel. “Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should get you to a doctor.”
“No, I’m fine, I promise. Please don’t let me ruin the day.”
She stayed with the boat while Tyler, Jennifer, and Ben took turns swimming and, after lunch, water-skiing. When he wasn’t in the water, Ben stayed close to her side and all three made an effort to include her in conversations, but Eva felt like the outsider all the same. She’d shown she couldn’t do something the rest of them took for granted. As she watched Ben on his slalom ski, cutting across the wake made by the boat in long, graceful arcs, her cheeks burned. He probably thought she was timid and frail. What if that was enough to make him look elsewhere, right when things had started to feel okay between them?
Despair burned in her chest throughout the day, and by the time they pulled into the driveway in front of her apartment, all she wanted was to get away from him as quickly as possible.
“Wait.” Ben’s hand closed around her wrist as she went to open the door to the Suburban. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“C’mon, Jenn, let’s go get the kids,” Tyler said, casting a quick look at Ben in the rearview mirror.
The doors slammed shut behind Tyler and Jennifer, and there was silence. Eva checked the time on her phone; it was already past one. “Don’t you have to work tonight? You should get some sleep.”
Ben waved away sleeping. “Eva, I really like you.” He ran a hand through his hair. It was still slightly damp and his fingers made tracks through the sun-bleached waves. He grinned ruefully. “You’ve probably guessed that already.”
A thrill of relief shot through her, and some of her embarrassment eased. “I like you too,” she said.
“I’m really glad to hear that.” His eyes widened, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her. Her heart pounded crazily, but everything stopped at his next words. “So knowing that I really like you, I hope you’ll know what I have to say next is out of concern and … affection for you.”
Uh-oh. That kind of intro couldn’t be good,
could it? She twisted her fingers together in her lap. “Okay. What?”
“You seem so … I don’t know what the word is. Withdrawn? Guarded, maybe? It’s like when I was back on the force in Atlanta. There’d be a gang shooting and we’d go into the neighborhood trying to find out what happened, and it was so frustrating. No one would talk to us. They all claimed they didn’t know anything, hadn’t seen anything. We knew they were lying, but getting information out of anyone was impossible. It … it feels that way when I’m talking to you sometimes.”
“You think I’m lying?” she demanded.
His face blanched. “No! Of course not; that’s not what I meant. I meant how hard it was to get anyone to talk to us. It feels like I’m fighting some kind of uphill battle to get to know you better.”
Ben fell silent, and Eva’s heart thundered in her ears. He was right. She took a deep breath and twisted her fingers together, recognizing this moment for what it was. Truth time. “I guess I want to forget everything that happened before I came to Indigo Bay. Maybe that seems cowardly to you, but it’s … it’s easier to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Why?” he asked tightly. “Did someone hurt you?”
Jessie’s leering face flashed through her mind. He’d wanted to scare her, prove he could control her. “Someone tried,” she said. “But he didn’t … I didn’t let him.”
The air whooshed out of Ben’s lungs and he leaned forward, running his hands over his short hair. “Wow. Eva, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine—”
The air in the car was getting stuffy. Now that she’d started, she wanted to finish the story, and Jessie was only a small piece, she didn’t want to get sidetracked by him. “Can we walk?” Eva asked, her hand already on the door handle.
Jennifer and Tyler hadn’t reappeared—they were probably with the children on the beach—so Ben and Eva walked along the road, their footsteps crunching in the gravel.
Eva’s brain churned. How much should she tell him? How much could she tell him? There were some things she never wanted to relive, even in a shared memory.
