by Logan Fox
I sip at my hot chocolate as I peek at Apollo from under my lashes. He brought me to the bell tower after fixing me the drink so we could talk. He’s wearing a puffy bomber jacket, and I’m cuddling into a blanket.
One of the things he told me was that he wasn’t allowed to fuck me.
Girls, sex, money, clothes, parties, sports, movies, games—they were all distractions.
The Brotherhood had sworn an oath to each other. And nothing—nothing—was as important as that oath.
“So…none of you have ever really dated anyone?”
I’m more than a little tired. It’s exhausting just kissing Apollo—having him explain the intricacies of the relationship between four friends who met in a sex dungeon when they were kids…
I’m too scared to tip my head to the side in case all that information pours out of my ears.
At least he made me hot chocolate. And it’s fucking delicious. And at least, tonight, we can see the view. Which is fucking spectacular.
But the Brotherhood’s personal life?
I. Can’t. Even.
“I guess.” He tugs at his cigarette and exhales a plume of smoke into the black night. “Although, Cass once brought home this chick—”
“Home? Where?”
He flicks ash from his cigarette. “Virginia. Zach rented us a house. We only stayed six months or so.” He takes another drag. “But it was home while it lasted.”
“How old were you?”
He lifts the hand holding the cigarette and squints as he scratches his head. “Shit. I dunno. Sixteen? Seventeen? Zach might have been nineteen already. But anyway, Cass was still getting fucked up back then, and when he went out to go score, he picked up this random chick. Think she was fucked on heroine too, I can’t remember. Anyway, he brought her home, back to us.”
My body goes rigid. I’m not sure I want to hear what happened to the fucked up girl. And Cass did drugs? It’s like I’d need an encyclopedia to keep track of these guys.
“…and then she was all like, you don’t have to pay me, I’ll just take the dope—”
“But Cass tried to fuck me,” I cut in. “More than once.” I turn to look at Apollo. “Why do you let him get away with it?”
Apollo flinches, maybe because I sound so fucking bitter, but what? Am I supposed to be nice about the fact that Cass can assault me when his brothers aren’t even allowed to touch me?
“He can’t help himself,” Apollo says.
I laugh. “Are you for real?”
“He has impulse issues.”
I frown over at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You take psych, don’t you?” Apollo shrugs. “We all got our issues. Cass can’t keep it in his pants. It’s like he blacks out or something.” He waves a hand, smoke trailing erratically behind his cigarette. “Zach can explain it better than me.”
“So that’s it? He has issues, so he can get away with whatever he wants?”
“Yeah, no,” Apollo murmurs. “On that count, you’re very fucking wrong.” He stands. “Anyway, you have school tomorrow. You should get back to bed.”
I stand and quickly drain the last of my hot chocolate.
“Just leave it there,” he says, waving in the general direction of the cup as he walks past me. “I’ll come fetch it tomorrow.”
My eyes skip past him. The door he took me through yesterday is hidden behind the massive bronze bell. If I had X-ray vision, I would have been able to see that incriminating photo through the bell and the wall.
I hurry to catch up to Apollo. “Did you find anything?”
“Hmm?” He flicks the butt of his cigarette over the balcony and glances down at me a second before he slides his arm over my shoulder and hugs me closer. “Oh, yeah. Fuck. I totally forgot to tell you.”
I stop walking.
He turns, frowning curiously as he faces me. “What now?” he asks through a laugh.
“What did you find?”
“You sound surprised. Did you think we wouldn’t?”
“Apollo!”
He shrugs. “We found what we were looking for, Trin.” When I scowl at him, he uses a thumb to smooth down my brows. “Sorry, but it’s not my place to tell you.”
“Then whose it is?”
Another shrug. “Speak to Reuben. Maybe he’ll tell you.”
“And if he won’t?”
Apollo bops my nose with a knuckle. “Then I guess you’ll just have to keep asking until you find what you’re looking for.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Trinity
Reuben isn’t in morning prayers. I wolf down my breakfast and hunt around the campus for him, but without being able to ask anyone where he is, it’s no surprise when I turn up empty-handed.
Gabriel said he was the same year as me, but I haven’t seen him in any of my classes. I could see if he’s attending one of the others this morning. So I head out early to the classroom block and stalk the halls like a petite, poop-colored version of Death.
But either he has a free period this morning or he’s playing hooky, because I don’t spot him anywhere.
Cass looks up when I walk into English class five minutes late, and sends the kind of wolfish grin I’ve come to expect from him my way.
Because I’m late, Sharon gives me a rap on my knuckles that stings well into the rest of the lesson. It’s impossible to miss how much Cass enjoys my punishment—I’d be shocked if he doesn’t have a boner.
A few minutes into the lesson, a teacher comes to speak to Sister Sharon. She instructs us to read from our textbooks while she’s gone before slipping out of the classroom.
“Morning, slut,” Cass whispers into my ear before the door’s finished swinging closed. “Hear you’ve been sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong again.”
I sit forward, crossing my arms over my chest and pretending to ignore him.
If I can’t find Reuben, then the alternative is asking Zachary or Cass. But screw that, there’s no way I’ll be asking Cass anything.
I’ll find Reuben, even if I spend all day looking.
Thank God it doesn’t take me the whole day. A few minutes before lunch I pass the little prayer room. The hall is empty, so on impulse, I decide to slip inside and check for Reuben.
He’s kneeling on one of the cushions, head bowed, hands meshed in prayer.
“Hey,” I call out, and then do a double take.
Is that the same pillow—?
Nope. Push that thought right out of your mind, Trinity.
Walking closer, I brush my collarbones. Is it weird that I miss his rosary? I’d gotten into the habit of toying with it—I had to go back to playing with my hair instead.
I stand for a minute or so behind him, but he doesn’t acknowledge my presence. If my business with him hadn’t been so urgent, I’d have taken the hint and left.
But I have to know what they found. If they have actual evidence against Gabriel…
I go to kneel beside him, grabbing another cushion for my knees. I glance at him and then mimic his pose.
And I manage to stay that way for a whole ten seconds before my patience runs out.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you—”
“Then don’t,” Reuben says.
Wow. Cranky much? I shift on the cushion, glancing at him again.
His red rosary is tangled in his fingers, the crucifix dangling down between his wrists.
I have to get him to talk to me. If not him, then who? Zachary? Cass?
I’d rather poke a fork in my eye.
“I’m sorry about…the other night.”
“Which one?”
At first I think he’s playing it cool. He’d have to be, pretending my rejection didn’t affect him.
But what if it truly didn’t? What if he’s moved on? Apollo said they all had complicated relationships with, well, relationships in general. Sex was even more complicated.
“I was upset, okay?”
Reuben stays silent.
“After what Cass did—”
“What’s this got to do with him?” Reuben asks, finally straightening and turning to look at me.
“W-well, he tricked me.” I frown up at Reuben. Even with both of us on our knees, he’s a foot taller than me.
Just tell him, Trinity. What’s the worst that can happen?
“I thought he was you,” I blurt out.
Reuben frowns. “What are you talking about?”
“The shower?” My cheeks start heating up, but I forge ahead before I can lose my nerve. “I only let him touch me because I thought he was you.”
Reuben watches me, expressionless, silent.
“My eyes were closed.”
Nothing.
“Because of the soap.”
You’d swear he was a marble statue, not a living, breathing man. Although I’m only guessing that he’s breathing right now, because it’s definitely not apparent.
“I just…you’ve got to see it from my perspective, right? You guys…you tell each other everything. Share everything. It’s…kinda weird for me, okay? It feels like you’re ganging up on me.”
And then I stop, because honestly I’ve run out of words.
He tilts his head a little. “Don’t good friends tell each other everything?”
“Not like that,” I say through a laugh, but I cut off the sound prematurely.
How the fuck would I know? My best friend used to be Gabriel.
The thought sends a wave of shameful heat coursing through me.
I realize now I was the only one of us who thought that. To him I was his lover’s daughter. A member of his flock, nothing more. I bet the only reason he ever spoke to me was at the request of my parents. They probably begged him to get me more involved in the church.
In God.
Reuben grabs my chin and lifts my head back up, forcing me to look at him. “I’m not angry with you, Trinity.”
For some fucked up reason, that admission makes my heart flutter. “Oh. You just seemed—”
“But I wouldn’t want to expose you to anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
He releases me, and I wish he hadn’t.
“I realize it’s asking a lot, probably too much, for you to accept us the way we are.”
Something in his tone makes my chest grow tight. “You mean…?”
He waits for me to finish, but I have to swallow down the lump in my throat first.
“You mean…you want to go out with me?”
The edges of his mouth quirk up.
He shakes his head, and grabs hold of one of my curls. His eyes shift to his fingers as he winds it around his digit. “It’s not that simple.”
I try and pull my hair free, but he’s got it good and twisted.
I let out a confused chuckle. “But…then I don’t—”
He pulls me closer. “And even if I asked, you’d never say yes.”
“Of course I would.” My eyebrows flinch into a quick frown. “That’s what…I mean, I just said—”
He laughs, but without humor. “Are you sure?”
I nod, and then wince when the movement tugs at my scalp.
“No backing out,” he warns, moving closer still.
My heart’s beating faster the closer he comes. “Why would I want to?”
“Because,” he murmurs, his lips brushing mine.
My eyes flutter closed and my mouth parts, fully expecting a kiss. “Because why?”
“I’m not sure you can handle it.”
“Only one way to find out.”
“I guess.”
Oh my God, is he never going to kiss me?
“So do it.” Find out, kiss me, whatever the hell. Just do it.
“And what about them?”
“Who?” My thoughts are already evaporating like fog.
“My brothers?”
“Fuck ’em.” I murmur.
“That’s just it, Trinity.”
Despite it tugging my scalp again, I move back so I can look into his eyes. I don’t like the tone in his voice. And when we lock eyes, I like the strange gleam in his even less.
“That’s what? Stop going in circles. I know it’s complicated.” Suddenly, my mouth doesn’t seem to have an off switch anymore. “Apollo told me. Sex, girls, whatever—too distracting. No relationships. But you’re all big boys now, I’m sure you can multi-task.” I lean in again. “Now are you going to kiss me, or what?”
He laughs and slides a hand around the back of my neck. But he still doesn’t close the distance.
“So he told you everything, did he?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm. Then I guess you really are sure,” he says. “Trinity Malone…will you go out with us?”
Yes!
“Yes!”
Fucking finally.
His eyes light up with a smile. He presses his lips to mine, but we barely touch before my mind finally catches up with me.
Will you go out with us.
Us.
“Wait…” I push away from him and hold up a finger. “Hold on. Did you say—?”
“I thought Apollo explained it?” Now he’s looking…not upset, but maybe a little impatient. Or frustrated. Maybe he really wants to kiss me as badly I want to kiss him.
“I think, maybe, he might have left some stuff out,” I say quietly, my shoulders sagging.
Reuben nods. “We’re a package deal, Trinity.”
My brain instantly rejects the thought. “But—”
He puts a finger on my lips. “That’s why I didn’t stop you when you left. It’s always too complicated. Girls like things simple.” His dark eyes flash. “We’re not.”
Understatement of the fucking century.
He stands and gets ready to leave, putting his rosary around his neck, buttoning up his shirt again.
Well fuck this. I’m not leaving empty-handed.
“Apollo said you found something in Gabriel’s files.”
Reuben pauses as if considering my statement, and then nods just once.
“Can you tell me what it is?”
He goes to his haunches in front of me and watches me for a moment as if he’s trying to figure out how sincere I’m being.
“That’s the thing with us, Trinity. You’re either with us, or you’re against us.” He smiles, not unkindly, and traces my bottom lip with his thumb. “There’s no in-between.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Zach
My last student files out of the door seconds before Reuben steps into my class. I happen to glance up, and do a double take when I see him.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I widen my eyes at him as I hurry past to force the door closed faster than the hydraulic normally allows. “Did anyone see you?”
Reuben doesn’t have a class with me, and I’ve made a point of not associating with him in the dorms. Cass being the hallway monitor gives us a little more leeway, but this…?
“You weren’t checking your phone,” he says, not even seeming apologetic for contravening our strict guidelines. “It’s important.”
“So what is it?” I ask, and then duck my head forward when nothing changes on his stony face. “Well?”
“Trinity came to see me. Wants to know what we found.”
“And?” I cross my arms over my chest. “What did you say?”
“What you told me to.” He shrugs. “But it’s been hours. I don’t think it worked.”
“Of course it did,” I tell him, pushing the words through my teeth as I head back to my desk. This was my last lesson of the day—I was on my way to pack up and head back to my room. I shove my handbook in my drawer and remove my cell phone. There are a handful of notifications on the screen—so many that most of them are crowded out. The last few are from Reuben. “So what’s so urgent it couldn’t wait?”
“We’re running out of time for your games. Why can’t we just tell her about—?”
“Why are you risking everything coming he
re to argue over something we’ve already discussed?” I shove the phone in my pocket and head for the door. “The decision’s been made. Now get out before someone sees you.”
I turn, my hand on the door handle, to see if he has any last words before we exit the classroom. His eyes narrow, but that’s the extent of irritation he ever shows.
Reuben’s like an iceberg, though—what you see on the surface is only a tenth of what’s lurking below. If he looks this annoyed, he’s close to a meltdown.
“We have until Friday,” I tell him, my words exiting with a sigh. “Trinity will come around by then.”
“But if we just told her—”
My hand tightens on the handle, but I force my voice to remain at the same level. “Then what, Reuben? She’ll trust us? Trust requires proof, belief doesn’t. You want her to trust us? I want her to have faith in us like she should have from the beginning.”
“Blind faith?” he asks.
“Best kind there is.”
He opens his mouth, possibly to carry on arguing, but cuts off when the door opens under my hand. I take a hasty step back so it won’t crash into me, my heart doing acrobatics at the thought of who was about to walk in on Reuben and me.
Apollo’s blond head peeks around the door, his eyes going wide when he sees me, and then wider still when he sees Rube. “Thank fuck I found you,” he says.
“The hell are you doing here?” I whisper furiously.
“It’s important, and you weren’t answering your—”
I grab him by his shirt and drag him inside, closing and locking the door behind him. “Christ, what the fuck has gotten into you two?” I turn on them, but don’t get a word out.
Apollo’s very rarely serious, but right now he could be running for fucking president.
“What?” I bark out.
“I started searching manually through everything Trinity copied. I just found a bunch of emails,” he says, voice wooden. His mouth twitches as he starts nibbling on the inside of his cheek. His eyes flicker to Reuben. “You’re not going to believe this.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
