by Glines, Abbi
“I’m not—I don’t d-date,” I blurted out. I took a deep breath and focused on my words. This was one of those situations where my stuttering could come out full force if I didn’t work hard to control it. “I am damaged, Saint. My childhood, it w-w-was bad.” I stopped then and inhaled sharply, frustrated by the stammering I was failing to manage.
“You’re different. You’re tough, determined, brave, but not damaged,” he said.
Afraid to speak, I shook my head. He had no idea what all I kept hidden under the surface.
“I am,” I said simply.
“I can wait. You’re worth it,” he replied.
He would be waiting forever. That wasn’t fair. If I was going to feel something for him, it would have been before now. I just wasn’t. I couldn’t.
“I am broken. I can’t.” I paused and focused hard. “I don’t think or feel the way normal people do when it comes to relationships.”
He cocked one pierced eyebrow. “That’s not true. You love hard. You love that nephew of yours so damn much that you get out there in front of strangers, topless, when you don’t like the spotlight. Your nature is shy and modest. That’s loyalty, love, willingness to put someone else before yourself. That’s what a solid relationship is built on.”
“It’s not the same,” I whispered.
Cullen was a child. Of course I loved him. He was family. It was different.
Saint shrugged. “It’s not exactly the same, but the layers are there. You’re just too scared to experience it.”
I shook my head. It wasn’t that I was too scared. Once, I hadn’t been. I would have done anything for Rio March. Maybe Saint was right that I could feel it, but again, the problem was with my past. I wasn’t just broken from my mom’s boyfriend’s sexual abuse, my mother killing him, and the abuse I’d received from my aunt. Rio had broken me too.
“I trusted … a guy once. I did feel things for him. He br-broke me too,” I admitted.
Saint’s scowl returned.
We stood there in silence while his jaw worked, as if he was trying to control his anger. I hadn’t meant to make him angry. I just needed him to understand. I wasn’t who he needed to change a rule for because we were never going to date. Now, if he wanted to change it for the girls he regularly took back to his office, then fine.
“I’m a patient man,” Saint replied.
I wanted to tell him not to be. He was wasting his time. However, controlling my stuttering was hard, the more upset I got over this, so I said nothing at all. I hated hearing my words come out uncontrolled. I hated not having the ability to get them out and fighting to say what I was thinking.
Saint left the room.
Relief that I no longer had to speak came with his absence, but I feared I would soon lose a friend. No matter how long he waited, I knew I would never be ready to feel anything more than friendship for him. How I wished that were different.
Chapter Thirteen
Rio
Pops was moved to a regular room late last night. Now, two people were allowed in the waiting room if they had vaccination cards. Gramma called me this morning and told me that Hazel was on her way. I told her I would come by this evening after work and she could go home to get some decent rest.
Knowing he was going to make it was all I needed. I popped a doughnut in my mouth on the way out to the Jeep, humming one of my favorite songs as I went. Turning the radio up, I sang along with my mouth full as I chewed the gluten-free, dairy-free caramel doughnut that Henley had finally perfected yesterday.
Nothing could wipe the smile off my face—or at least, that was how it had felt until I pulled onto the main street to see Bryn walking into Signed Sips. Henley hadn’t mentioned Bryn had been coming in for coffee. I wanted to drive on by and forget about it, but Henley was my sister. I had to protect her from things she didn’t understand.
Pulling the Jeep into a parking spot right out front, I closed the door a little too loudly, frustrated that Bryn Wallace wouldn’t stay out of my life. What would it take to make her stay away? Didn’t she know by now that Henley was my sister? She wasn’t an idiot. She should know I didn’t want her around my family.
Stalking inside, I saw the boy first. He was small and huddled close to Bryn with one arm wrapped around her leg, his other hand holding a doughnut much like the one I had eaten, except his had sprinkles on it. Henley’s gaze swung from Bryn to mine, and I saw the warning there.
“I’ve not seen her walk by all morning, but I will keep my eyes open. Do you want to leave Cullen with me while you search?” Henley asked.
The boy pressed closer to Bryn’s leg and then buried his face in her thigh, as if the idea of her leaving him was terrifying. Bryn looked down at him, then she glanced back to see who had entered the shop. Her eyes widened when they met mine, and she turned back to Henley quickly.
“Thank you. But that’s okay. He’s clinging pretty tightly to me. We will just go on and continue asking down the street. Thanks again for the doughnut,” Bryn said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out some money to hand to Henley, who was already shaking her head.
“It’s a gift for my favorite customer,” Henley said, smiling down at the boy.
Bryn looked down at the boy, too, and reluctantly put the money back in her pocket, glancing back at me, as if she wasn’t sure that was wise. “Thank you,” she said again, turning back to Henley.
She placed her hand on the little boy’s head. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go,” she said gently, and he let go of her leg to reach up and clasp her hand tightly.
“Wait,” Henley said. “What’s your number in case I see her?” She put a pen and piece of paper down on the counter between them.
Bryn took the pen from the counter and wrote it down on the piece of paper Henley had placed there, all the while still holding the boy’s hand. The boy kept looking back at me, then burying his face in Bryn’s thigh when I would make eye contact with him. The kid was either nervous or shy.
“Here is mine,” Henley said, handing her a business card. “My personal cell is written on the back. If you need anything, just call,” she said.
Bryn gave a short nod, then glanced at me nervously. She knew I wouldn’t want her calling Henley, and I doubted she ever would. After listening to the conversation, it was clear she was looking for Tory, and this was just one of the stores she was stopping at on her way down the street.
“How long has she been gone?” I asked her, not needing the specifics.
Tory running off was something that had been happening since she was sixteen years old.
Bryn glanced down at the boy. “She w-w-went out late after I g-g-got home from work last night.”
She was lying, or I was the only one who made her stutter these days. She hadn’t stuttered once while talking to Henley.
“She left before you got home. I heard her leave,” the boy said. “Remember I told you?”
Bryn winced and nodded her head once, then forced a smile as she looked down at the boy. “That’s right, buddy. You did.”
She’d left the kid at home alone. He couldn’t be more than three or maybe four. He was a tiny thing. How fucked up was that?
“We need to g-g-go,” she said, stepping around me and heading for the door.
I could help. I could make some calls and see if anyone had seen her last night. Bryn had the kid with her, and he didn’t need to be walking all over town, looking for his sorry-ass mother. I might have my issues with Bryn, but the kid had done nothing to me. Glancing at the time on the wall, I knew I needed to get into work, but I wasn’t going to be able to let them walk out either, searching for Tory without help.
Dammit, why had I stopped?
“Wait, let me make some calls first. See if I can help track her down without you dragging him all over.”
Bryn paused with her hand on the door. She was considering it, and for a moment, I thought she was going to tell me that she didn’t need my help. If she did, then I could let her
go, and I could get to work. The little boy looked up at me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that either. She was going to have to let me help her. For the kid’s sake.
“Who can you call?” she asked, finally looking back at me.
The reluctance and uncertainty in her gaze were clear. She didn’t want my help, but for the boy, she was willing to put that aside. I respected that if I respected nothing else about her.
“I know everyone. Give me a few minutes,” I told her, then walked past them, pushing the door open and heading to the parking lot. Taking my cell phone from my pocket, I dialed the first number I could think of—Drake.
He had gone out last night. He might have a lead.
He didn’t answer on the first try, but it was early for him. By the third time, he answered, and luckily, he had seen her and knew who she’d left with. It took three more calls to track her down. In less than ten minutes, I walked back into the shop to see Bryn at a table, drinking a coffee, talking to Henley and Hillya. The boy was coloring on a piece of paper with his half-eaten doughnut beside him and a cup of chocolate milk.
“Rio, I have a casserole for you to take with you and one of the lemon pound cakes Henley makes. Tell Lloyd I am praying for him and give your grandma a hug for me,” Hillya said to me.
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied.
Our relationship wasn’t close. Henley had drawn close to Hillya, working here with her, but we had only found out a year ago she was our grandmother.
I shifted my attention back to Bryn.
“She pass—” I stopped when the boy’s eyes lifted to meet mine.
I had been that kid once. My mom would leave me home alone for days at a time. I had been his age, yet I had felt so much older. There had been no aunt living with us to watch out for me. He had security in Bryn. She shouldn’t be working nights. He needed her.
“She got tired and stayed over at a friend’s house. She’s awake now, and they are bringing her home,” I told Bryn.
That was the cleaned-up version for the kid’s ears. The truth was, Tory had gone home with a guy named Dillion. They had gotten high and then crashed at his place early this morning. I had threatened Dillion with a visit from the local police chief if he didn’t have her home in ten minutes even if he had to drag her body there.
Bryn’s lips were set in a tight line. She knew what I wasn’t saying, and I could see the anger she was trying to hide. Tory hadn’t changed at all, it seemed. Poor kid was growing up with a mother exactly like mine and an aunt who had her own set of issues. I hated to see it, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
“Thank you,” she said, standing up and taking the to-go cup with her. “Let’s go home, buddy,” she said to the boy, and he picked up the crayons and gave them back to Henley. He then collected his drawing and handed it to Bryn before taking his doughnut and once again clasping her hand.
“Call me anytime,” Henley told her.
She nodded, and as she turned to leave, she paused to look at me. “I appreciate y-y-your h-help. Thank you,” she repeated, then started toward the door.
Just as she opened it, the boy looked back at me and held up his doughnut in a wave.
I held up my hand and waved back at him, and then they were outside and walking away. He was looking at Bryn, saying something, and she paused and bent down until she was at his eye-level. I couldn’t read her lips, but she was saying something to him as she held on to his hand. Then, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek before pulling him in for a hug.
“She looks like a crazed, messed up bitch to me. I’d better steer clear,” Henley said sarcastically from behind the counter.
I said nothing because I was too busy watching them. The boy hugged her back tightly. They stayed that way for several moments before Bryn stood back up, and they continued on their way. There was a lot I didn’t know about Bryn Wallace. What I had just witnessed was one of them. She did love the boy, but her priorities were fucked the hell up. He needed someone at home at night to protect him. She was too damn worried about money to think about that.
Chapter Fourteen
Bryn
Tory had already been fired from her new job within the first week. She wasn’t going out and searching for a new one. Instead, she was going out and not coming home for days at a time. It had been a couple years since she had done this. The last time, I had threatened to get custody of Cullen, and she had straightened up.
This time, I wasn’t sure I was going to threaten her anymore. The older he got and the more he was exposed to, the more he would remember. The more he would be affected by her choices. Marley had thankfully understood my family issues and given me two weeks off work while I worked on getting things handled at home.
It had been Tory and me most of my life. Saving her from her own mistakes was all I knew. It was what I did. But was it fair to Cullen for me to keep doing it? I couldn’t even leave him at home anymore at night with her, for fear he would be left alone. The trauma that caused him would never truly go away. It would leave a mark on him.
Last night, I had called Tory’s cell over and over but gotten no answer. It was getting closer to ten, and she still hadn’t called or come home. I sat on the sofa with Cullen curled up beside me while we watched his favorite superhero cartoon. Times like this, I could convince myself he was stable and he would be fine. But I knew his little mind was working.
His mother wasn’t here. She wasn’t here when he went to bed. She wasn’t here when he woke up. He knew she didn’t have a job. All of this was there in his head, and I never wanted him to feel as if his mother didn’t love him. I wanted him to feel loved, but was my love enough?
“Aunt Bryn?” His voice broke into my thoughts, and I looked down at his upturned face.
“Yeah, buddy?” I asked.
“Is Mama okay?”
That was it. What I knew was in his head. He was doing all the things normal little boys did, but he had fears no little boy should have. Such as the fact that he was worried about his mother. I honestly had no idea if she was okay. When I got my hands on her sorry ass, she might not be okay.
“Yes,” I replied, hoping it wasn’t a lie.
He frowned. “Why didn’t she come home again?”
When he had been little and she stayed out like this, he hadn’t known what was happening. Now, he was old enough for it to worry him. She was going to have to make a choice. Tory’s behavior had to stop now. Today.
“She’ll be home soon,” I told him because I was about to make some calls and get her home.
I had a good idea where she was. She had been over there the past few times I had gone searching for her.
Patting his leg, I stood up. “Want some more eggs?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Can I have more bacon?”
I had two slices left from what I had cooked earlier. Walking over to the counter, I took his small plastic red plate that had Superman on it and put the last two slices of bacon on it. Taking the plate back to him, I checked to make sure he had enough milk in his cup before going back to my bedroom to make another call to my sister.
When her phone rang three times without an answer, I thought it would go to voice mail again, but the sound of someone breathing met my ear.
“Whaaat? It’s fucking too early for this shit,” Tory groaned into the phone.
Anger pounded in my veins, and my grip on the phone tightened. “It’s almost ten. Your son is asking for you. Get your sorry ass home, Tory. I’m done with you acting like you have no responsibilities.”
The doorbell rang, and I ignored it. Whoever it was could wait.
“You’re home with him. He’s fucking fine. Stop being so damn self-righteous. Jesus.” Tory’s words were running together and slurred, as if whatever she had taken wasn’t out of her system yet.
“If I am going to raise Cullen, then I will do it legally. Do you understand what I am saying to you? Last time was a threat in hopes of waking you up. This i
s a warning. I will do it. I’m not protecting you anymore. He is too important.”
She laughed then. A dark, wicked laugh that reminded me of our aunt. “Sure you will. You won’t take him from his mama.”
I opened my mouth to say more when the other end went dead. Jerking the phone from my ear, I checked to be sure the call had ended. It had. She’d hung up on me. Tossing the phone to the bed, I let out an angry scream as quietly as I could, so Cullen didn’t hear me. Then, I took a minute to calm myself.
I wasn’t sure when Tory would be home, but I’d told Cullen it would be today. I needed to distract him. Take him somewhere. Rubbing my temples, I heard another voice in the living room and panicked, remembering the doorbell. Rushing to the bedroom door, I jerked it open and went to the living room to check on Cullen.
“Aunt Bryn made breakfast,” I heard Cullen say as he stood in front of Rio, who was just inside the door. “I ate all the bacon.”
Rio’s gaze lifted from Cullen to fix on me as I stood just inside the room, watching them. Why was he here? I hadn’t done anything to him. I hadn’t called Henley even though she had given me her number. He had no reason to find me and come to my home.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
Cullen turned to look back at me. “I checked out the window, like you said,” he told me. “I remembered him from the cupcake and doughnut shop.”
I gave Cullen a reassuring smile. We would discuss never opening the door for anyone later, but right now, I needed to deal with Rio.
“Go on back to your show, Cullen. Let me talk to Rio,” I told him.
He hurried back over to the sofa and covered himself up with the blanket. I waited until his focus was fixed on the television before turning back to Rio.
“Why are you here?” I asked Rio. I also wanted to know how he had known where I lived, but I didn’t ask. Best to keep this short and get it over with.
