by Ashley Gee
He has the nerve to chuckle at that, instead of getting angry. “Rape doesn’t do anything for me, but I think you’ve already figured that out by now.”
I want to strangle him, even as my hands fist uselessly at my sides. “Fuck you.”
His smile widens. “Exactly.”
We never speak to each other like this. We almost never talk at all, haven’t had anything resembling a real conversation in years.
But something has fundamentally changed between us. Part of it is probably the arrival of Jake, a guy at least a little willing to push back against Vin’s bullying. But I didn’t realize until this moment how much his misguided wedding proposal has tipped the scales in my favor.
If not for the undercurrent of violence in the air, you could almost call it bantering.
He wants something from me, and that gives me power over him. It’s not much, but it’s more than I’ve ever had.
“Says the guy who has to break into people’s houses to get laid.”
“But consent isn’t Jakey’s problem, is it?” Vin muses, ignoring my barb. “His problem is that kissing him felt like doing a favor for your sad friend. Something you do out of pity because you feel bad saying no.”
Despite all the things we’ve done, the things I’ve let him do, Vin and I have never kissed. That always felt like a line that couldn’t be crossed, an intimacy neither of us wanted to share with the other.
There was one time when he showed up drunk enough to try, but he didn’t force the issue when I turned away. He didn’t seem to remember anything about it the next day, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to remind him.
Vin is guilty of a lot of things, but he has always listened when I said no.
Too bad there can’t be redemption for the devil. Some people are past saving.
I force myself to laugh derisively, hating that he isn’t entirely wrong. “You don’t just sound like you have no idea what you’re talking about. You sound jealous.”
“And you sound like a liar,” Vin laughs, but chaos swirls in his eyes. He takes a menacing step closer. “Tell me the truth. Tell me he lit you up, set you on fire. Make me believe it, and I’ll let you walk out of here right now.”
If I was scared before, then I don’t have words for whatever it is I’m feeling now. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“We’re not leaving this room until you tell me the truth. And the longer you wait, the more time I have to think of creative ways to torture you. Maybe I’ll start by tying you to that wheelchair, see what you think of being trapped in it like I was.”
I’ve never been able to lie to Vin, not when we were children, and not now. Even though I’ve made pathetic attempts in the past, he has always been able to see right through it. I have to make the choice between speaking truth and not speaking at all.
Up until now, he let me have that choice.
But things have changed.
“Jake Tully is the most amazing kisser on the planet,” I say defiantly. “Kissing him was all shooting stars and fireworks. If I could spend the rest of my life tongue fighting him, I would.”
“Liar. Although, it’s cute you care enough about Jake’s feelings to try.”
Vin takes another step forward, pushing firmly into my personal space until the front of our bodies almost touch. The space between us is full of electricity and heat.
“What did your grandfather think about his new bed?”
The abrupt change in subject knocks me off balance, which is precisely what he wants.
“Anything is better than a twenty-year-old La-Z-Boy, but you already knew that. Take it back, if you want, because nothing has changed. You could knock down my house and build a mansion twice as big as Cortland Manor in its place, and that still wouldn’t change anything. You can’t buy me.”
“I can buy anything I want. It’s just a matter of how much it will take.” His hand raises to within an inch of my face, but stops just short of touching. Then he twists a hank of my hair in his fingers and pulls hard enough to make me wince. “What the hell is this?”
His mood changes are giving me whiplash. “What?”
“Your hair. What the hell happened to it?”
“I straightened it. You know, that thing that pretty much every girl does when she dresses up. I know it looks nice, so fuck off.”
I hate that he can make me feel self-conscious, because I don’t want to care what he thinks about anything. But my hair is a sore spot, the thing that has caused me more angst than anything else. Every time I look in a mirror, years’ worth of insults run through my head.
Nappy.
Brillo pad.
All the times someone claimed not to be able to tell the difference between it and pubic hair.
And the one time I try my best to tame it, to become something approaching traditional beauty, Vin has to take the opportunity to tear me down a little further. It shouldn’t bother me because I know he’s an asshole, but it still does.
Except his tone isn’t exactly mocking as he rubs the strand between his fingers. “I like it better the other way. This is boring as hell.”
Is there a compliment buried in there somewhere? I just stare at him for a long moment as pressure builds in my chest. I’m too surprised for dissembling. “You like it the other way?”
He frowns, seeming to realize what he had said. “Just an observation that at least one thing about you isn’t total shit, don’t let it go to your head. Right now you look like the before picture from a makeover show for street hookers.”
And there is the Vin Cortland I know and hate. “You’ve always been so good at buttering people up, Vin. Is my hair what you chased Jake away to talk about? Stalking just makes you seem desperate.”
“You’re confusing desperation with patience. You’ll come around eventually. You always do.”
I guess the marriage proposal wasn’t a fever dream spurred by hunger. “Not this time. Not about this.”
“Time will tell.” He shrugs as if whether or not I’ll marry him isn’t even worth discussing. “Let’s get back to this kiss. On a scale from creepy uncle to Romeo-and-Juliet-I’ll-die-for-you-even-though-we-just-met. Where did we land?”
Somewhere in the vicinity of holding hands with your third-grade crush, but I don’t tell him that.
“None of your damn business.”
“Everything about you is my business.” His palm shifts to cup my cheek, leaving a sliding trail of heat in its wake. “Maybe you need something else to compare it to, like the control for an experiment. Tell you what, if I kiss you and you don’t feel anything, then I’ll never bother you with anything again. Fake marriage proposals included.”
The offer is tempting, even as a traitorous part of me protests. But there is also a glaring problem. “You don’t kiss.”
It’s not just common knowledge, but a facet of teenage myth-making. Everyone knows that Vin Cortland doesn’t kiss anyone. Ever. Not his father. Not his step-mother. Definitely not any of the girls who show up for his parties in the pool house. He might even draw the line at a peck on the forehead for his little sister.
“Definitely not on the mouth, because I know exactly where those have been,” he agrees. “But I might be tempted to make an exception for somewhere else.”
“I don’t need to try a shit sandwich to know I wouldn’t want to eat it.” Bravado is easy to fall back on when you don’t have any other defenses left. The little pride I have refuses to let him see that my knees are shaking. “And you can stop with whatever game you’re playing. Jake is probably waiting outside.”
“Jake is long gone. If he wanted to fight for you, then he would have. I’m not that much bigger, he might be able to take me if he had passion on his side. That’s how I know your kiss wasn’t worth shit.”
“I just met the guy. There might be something between us if you stopped showing up.”
Vin continues as if he doesn’t even hear me. “And he’s already gotten his ass kicked, whic
h should make this personal. But he still just walked away.”
“Because you threatened him!”
“Because he is a drooping pussy who isn’t actually that interested.”
I let out a frustrated noise. “God, you are such an asshole.”
Vin sighs, the sound almost wistful. “I know, baby.”
His hands are still on me, playing with my hair. He touches me almost absentmindedly, as if he has every right to.
This isn’t a seduction. It’s compulsion. And both of us would stop if we could.
But he always gives me plenty of time to say no, knowing I won’t.
I can’t decide which of us is crazier.
My eyes drift closed on their own when his hand teases at the hem of my dress. A shock of heat runs through me as his fingers stroke the sensitive skin just above my knee.
His gaze moves down my body as my face heats up.
“Now, about that kiss.”
Even though I know I should, I don’t stop him as Vin sinks to his knees in front of me. His upturned face is barely visible in the shadows, but white teeth flash as he smiles. Warm fingers tease up my thighs, impossibly hot against the cool skin.
Cortland Manor might be colder than death, but Vin burns like there is a fire lit inside him.
My skirt is bunched up in his hands, and he breathes across the sensitive skin on my upper thigh. “I’m going to wipe that kiss from your memory.”
I fist my hands in his hair, urging myself to shove him away.
But I don’t.
This is Vin like I’ve never seen him. On his knees. Anyone else in this position would seem like a supplicant, like the one without the power. But even kneeling at my feet, he is somehow still the one in control.
A spark of pleasure tightens my belly as his tongue teases at the seam where my hip and thigh meet. I breathe out in a soft sigh. His name catches in my throat, but I won’t say it because that would make all of this real.
I struggle to remember what kind of underwear I’m wearing. So many of them have bits of elastic coming undone or tiny holes ripped in the fabric. Sexy panties are another indulgence that has no place in my life. Hopefully, he won’t be able to tell how shabby they are in the dark.
Vin nips my skin with the edge of his teeth. The shock of pain makes me jump. “Stop thinking.”
But I have to focus on something else, anything else. Because he is making me crazy.
I don’t realize I’ve spoken out loud until he murmurs against my skin.
“Not crazy enough.”
He shifts the crotch of my panties to the side, gliding one finger down my wet folds. My head falls back against the wall behind me as I stare up at the ceiling and try to remember that we’re enemies.
Then he forces two thick fingers into me, excruciatingly slowly.
“Oh, God.”
“It’s Vin, actually. But I believe in freedom of religion.”
His fingers push in and out of me, so deep on the upstroke that his knuckles grind against me. I take deep breaths through my nose in sharp gasps, wondering if I’ll pass out. Then his thumb shifts higher to rub the thin strip of fabric covering my clit.
Stars burst across my closed eyelids.
“And now for that kiss.”
His fingers are gone. Before I can mourn the lack of contact, he leans forward. My gaze shifts down, but I see only a mess of dark hair. He presses his mouth against me, flicking his tongue with the same rhythm as the sharp edge of a thumbnail that scratches against my clit.
The small bit of pain has me thrusting my hips forward. Vin’s free hand grips my waist, pushing his thumb into the hollow bone of my hip and forcing me to be still. His tongue pushes deeper, but his thumb continues the same maddeningly slow rhythm, easing the pressure when I shift my hips to entice him into pressing harder. He just barely grazes me through the fabric, enough to keep me spiraling higher, but not send me over the edge.
He presses a closemouthed kiss against my clit through the soaked fabric of my panties.
Vin shifts away, and his fingers thrust inside me again, the movement almost leisurely. I look down the line of my body to find him staring at me, eyes narrowed and fierce as they land on my face.
“What do you want?” he asks.
I glare down at him, my expression enough of an answer. What the fuck do you think?
“Beg me to let you come.”
The words come out in a hiss as he thrusts his fingers deeper. “Not on your life.”
“What’s the magic word?”
“Asshole.”
“Maybe later.” He places another gentle kiss on my clit through my panties, leaning away when my hips jerk toward him. I’m seconds from orgasm. Then he pulls his fingers out of me and cool air rushes over the wetness on my skin. “Only good girls who do what they’re told get what they want. Remember that for next time.”
Vin laughs at the expression of shock on my face as he rises smoothly to his feet.
My body is on fire. The inferno burns so hot it doesn’t matter that the manor’s thermostat is set to negative fifty degrees. His satisfied smile makes it clear that he has every intention of leaving me like this. That realization is like being doused with a bucket of cold water.
Passion isn’t the only emotion that burns hot.
“There won’t be a next time,” I spit at him, shoving my dress back down to cover myself. My underwear is still pulled to the side, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of watching me fix it. Let him think I don’t care. “We’re done.”
He smirks. “We will never be done.”
Pleasure is always pain, at least where Vin Cortland is concerned. Pleasure that curls my toes and pain that stabs as sharply as a knife in my belly.
Things were never supposed to be this way.
We were never supposed to be this way.
He won’t stop, even when it hurts us both.
But that’s what secrets do, infect everything until only sickness is left.
A look of surprise briefly crosses Vin’s face when I shove him away.
“You can’t seduce me, and you can’t buy me. I don’t care how much you think I owe you, no debt in the world is worth this. You don’t own me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” His heated gaze burns through mine for a moment so charged it is indistinguishable from eternity. “We’ve tried carrot, let’s see what you think of stick.”
Vin has swept out of the room before I can think of a suitable response.
No one has ever been able to make me feel what Vin seems to arouse so easily. I hate him, even when I know he is a parasite burrowing underneath my skin.
I’ll never be free of him.
Vin wasn’t wrong about Jake, who is nowhere to be seen when I scurry into the darkened hallway. He must have returned to the party. Being abandoned by my date is about what I deserve at this point. I can’t explain to Jake the hold that Vin Cortland has over me, that he has always had, because I struggle to understand it to myself.
The past keeps a stranglehold on the present, like creeping vines that never stop growing until everything else dies in darkness.
I take my time returning to the ballroom, because I recognized that look on Vin’s face. Rejecting him is the same as throwing down a gauntlet at his feet.
And he has never backed down from a challenge.
It surprises me when I see Jake standing in the entryway, waiting for me.
He turns a concerned face toward me as I approach. “Are you okay? I saw Cortland come stomping down here a minute ago looking like a psycho. But when you weren’t with him, I thought maybe he’d done something to you. You had me worried.”
I just shake my head and smile, even though it feels more like a grimace.
But Jake wasn’t worried enough to come back for me or refuse to leave me with Vin in the first place. I suddenly find his concern inexplicably annoying, though I know I shouldn’t blame him for what Vin does.
That is prec
isely what Vin wants me to do, see Jake as cowardly and weak. When really, I shouldn’t expect the world from someone I barely know.
This is exactly what Vin does. He twists things, until up is down and lies are truth. Until the sweet guy isn’t good enough because he didn’t throw himself in front of a bullet.
Jake takes my arm as if nothing has changed. For him, maybe nothing has. We enter the ballroom just as the music crescendos with breathtaking drama that resonates through my body.
My gaze is drawn to the center of the room, as Vin obviously intended it to be. The crowd has parted so that only one couple stands together under the gigantic crystal chandelier. It’s like a scene from a Disney movie.
Vin’s back is to me as he pulls the girl in his arms closer against his body. From the garishly purple color of the dress, I can only assume it’s Sophia. He twirls her around so their faces are in profile. When he turns his head toward the doors and sees me standing there, frozen in place, a malicious smile curves his lips. Something drops in the pit of my stomach, as if the ground has disappeared beneath my feet and I’m falling down into darkness.
He bends his head and kisses her.
The entire room lets out the collective breath they’ve been holding in anticipation. This is the sort of moment that people will still be talking about months from now. Vin Cortland never kisses in public, and he never links himself publicly to a girl.
Their kiss doesn’t last long, but it’s long enough. Sophia wraps her arms around his neck while I fight off the feeling that I’ve been punched in the gut. After less than a few seconds, Vin pulls her hands away and uses her wrist as leverage to pull her toward the far doors that lead outside.
I force myself to turn away as they pass within a few feet of where Jake and I stand. The triumphant look on Sophia’s face is imprinted on my brain, burned into my eyes even when they close. I tell myself I don’t care, that Vin can do whatever he wants as long as he stays the hell away from me.
