by Emjay Soren
They’d both hate themselves for it.
“I have stayed out of this thing between you and Candy because you both seemed to want the same things. I don’t know what your game is Noah, but I saw your texts to her, and you better have a good fucking reason for leading her on.”
Noah flares his nose as his eyes draw in and his voice is a warning. “Carrie, this is none of your business.”
She laughs with anything but humor as she folds her arms. “Just like me and Chad are none of yours? You seem to be full of helpful facts about you and Chad’s lifestyle, so let me help you out as well. Candy will never be ok with you wanting to branch out at pussy parties.”
It dawns on me. This is a sibling fight. One moving on, one hanging on.
He steps into her space just the same, a snide smile on his face. “You mean ok with it like you’re trying to be?” I want to break them up, but the entire party is out here and curious who the fuck has the balls to go at Noah.
He steps away from her and pulls at his hair in frustration. “You are so fucking aggravating!” He yells at her and you could hear a pin drop and the background music fade to silent.
“Me?” Carrie shrieks.
Noah grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her but not violently but still pissing me off equally. I was shutting this shit down. I wasn’t going to be the catalyst to this fight.
“Yes, you!” He yells. “You act like this is about me and Candy when you know it’s not! You think I like you seeing this? That I’m ok with you wanting to jump into a relationship with a guy you are nowhere near ready for? I have fought tooth and fucking nail to keep you clean from how fucked up I am. Jesus Carrie, I swore to protect you and keep you clean because you deserved it.”
I froze, out of fury or disgust I didn’t know, but the crowd went from watching them to looking at me. Now… now I was content to let them at each other. There was no respect for me as their friend and no respect for me as her boyfriend.
“Noah. I deserve this life because it is an amazing one. We fought for it together, Noah, and you’re right I wouldn’t be the woman I am without you fighting for what was best for me.”
“What’s best for you?” He scoffed. “You think sneaking around with Chad Blake is what’s best for you?”
Oh, mother fucker. I’ll fucking kill him if he goes there.
“I’m not sneaking….”
He cut her off and I stood there shocked as I watched the train wreck.
“You act like I ain’t watching every fucking move you make with him? I know you were here long before you walked in. I know where you were, but I also know you’re an adult and while I may not approve, I let you have your fun. That’s what I fucking know!”
I clench my fists when Shame and Cal come up from behind me, both putting a hand on my shoulders.
“Not here.” Shame whispers.
“You gotta let this play out and we do damage control after. Stopping it will cause a fucking war, bro.” Cal says, and I know he is right. Noah is a psycho over Carries safety, fuck we get it now. If we try to intervene it’ll be a fist fight soon enough. Regardless of who hits first, the entire party will jump in.
“…I’m trying to let you go and do your thing, but it’s pretty fucking hard when your thing involves Chad, because I know very fucking well what his thing is!”
“Calm Chad.” Cal says beside me as he holds my shoulder tighter. Of all of us Cal is the big guy, the one who will fuck you up. And he would hit me if I needed it. Hearing Noah say that about me…I was done trying to prove my worth to him.
“And what, you assume I’m stupid enough to roll over and fuck him because he sang to me? Let’s not forget I have been fucked more times and more ways than probably any of the fangirls here. Hell, I could probably give them pointers! Do you think I’m that shallow or easy because that’s what you’re implying!” I could feel the shock and the horror of both Cal and Shame with what she just yelled.
Nobody in this crowd knew what we knew and like a series of horrific nightmare….I put the pieces together.
Her dad…
He…
“Oh, how fucking dare you, Caroline Jane?” Noah roared and was in a full-blown rage now. Shame stepped from my side and pushed his way to the front of the crowd in case he needed to intervene now.
Yeah, it was that bad.
“Do.Not.Call.Me.That!” She spat and like the wreck it was I just stood there in total shock with no thoughts but one.
“He raped her. Her dad fucking raped her.” I mumble to myself, but Cal heard me.
“Yeah dude, I think so.”
They just carried on blind to their words, too furious at one another to see what just transpired.
“Well then, which is it, Noah? I’m either stupid or I’m a whore. I’ve been both at one time or another, so pick one and leave me alone!”
“You’re neither, and that’s the point, Carrie. You do not belong here. Only stupid women think they belong here, and all the women here are whores!”
He was right, but the truth was irrelevant here. I don’t even know what this fight is truly about.
“You’re right Noah, I am neither. And the fact remains that my boyfriend is here, and I will be leaving with him.”
“Then I guess I was wrong. You do belong here!”
She slapped him. It all happened so fast. Shame rushed in on Noah at the same time I rushed to Carrie, Cal on my heels. She spun away from Noah and right into my arms, but my eyes were on Noah. I wanted his blood and he knew it the minute he saw my face.
“Don’t, Chad, just don’t. Take me home, please.” She tugged at my hand and I didn’t budge at first. I wanted to choke him for this entire scene.
They embarrassed me. Insulted me. I wanted blood.
“Go man. You’ve waited to long for Carrie to lose it all now. Shame and I got this.” Cal pushed me to Carrie, who I followed dropping her hand as I punched any surface I could on the way out.
*
Chad
I didn’t know what to think on the way to her house. I didn’t know who was more pissed, but I would place bets on me. By the time we made it to the boathouse out back from her house she paced, as I sat with shaking hands.
Cal and Chad better have a handle on Noah because if he comes through that door it’ll be on and I’ll possibly lose everything.
This shit between he and I had gone from uncomfortable to unbearable to pure fucking rage in a single God damned day.
“I feel like I should say sorry.” She mumbles pacing in front of me.
Of all the shit that transpired tonight, I had to scoff at that. “Sorry? What for?” I couldn’t look at her as I stood to look through the cupboards for the fishing whiskey we stole as kids. I took the Old Crow and a glass to the little table and sat on the opposite side of the room and drank.
She makes her way to me like a timid doe in a forest of wolves and I realize she is scared. I drink more hoping for a calm that isn’t coming.
“I guess it depends on how much you heard.” She cups my cheek until I look at her, her sad eyes tear through my anger and I sit confused on what I feel.
“All of it.” I admit. “I saw him pull you out when he saw how freaked you were. I saw it too, but figured I’d just follow him and make sure you were ok.”
She drops her hand and reaches for the Old Crow.
“Well, I’m sorry for a shit ton of things then.” She says and gulps the whiskey.
Ugh, wrong move baby.
“Don’t gulp whiskey, babe. You sip it or shoot it, but never gulp it.” I pour her another glass and sit back watching her sip it.
“Well I’m not too experienced in the drinking field.”
“Well, that’s something I guess.” I smirk at the irony of her experience as the words from earlier replay in my mind.
‘“I am curious, would you have rolled over and fucked me for that serenade?” I sound like a vengeful dick and I know it, but tonight was a lot to take in and I a
m furious at it all.
“Chad, I didn’t mean it like that. I was making a point to Noah that I’m not as clueless as he thinks I am.”
“So, what? You think I serenade every girl I meet? That or I thought maybe it would be a guaranteed way into those sweet panties of yours?” I stood up and moved to the couch but couldn’t sit. I look at the ceiling to avoid her sad eyes. The difference in my anger at them both is that Noah knows how I feel about Carrie and Carrie doesn’t know what he told me or what I have figured out on my own.
“Regardless of what you think of me in this minute, Carrie, Noah is fully fucking aware of how deep I’m into you. He knows that I don’t know the names of probably ninety percent of the women I fuck, but that your name is the sweetest word to ever leave my lips. He absolutely knows that I have never given a serenade”- I look at her then so she understands exactly why I am upset. “And I can damn well guaran-fuckin-tee you both that I never will again.”
“Chad…” She pauses, my name on her lips as her eyes fill with tears. I don’t want to make her cry, but I am sick of being valued as a piece of trash. This could very easily be the end of us.
I won’t be punished for my past, especially when I accept theirs with devout support for them both.
“I will never be a fangirl Chad. Seeing them there tonight it scared me. Noah was trying to prove a point by being a dickface and I was trying to be aloof and cool about you and I. No! I wouldn’t roll over because of a serenade but that doesn’t mean I don’t crave you all the same. I loved that serenade because it was mine. It’s that simple!”
I nod and close my eyes confused by it all.
“There are so many things wrong with that display between you and Noah that I can’t even begin to understand. Part of me wants to leave and not look back.” I admit, shaking my head because I know I’m not ready to walk away. “The other part begs me not to leave your side.”
“Listen to that side Chad. Please don’t leave me.” She cries and like that, I knew I loved her. I suspected it, figured it was love after her birthday last year. Seeing her now, telling me to choose her… I fucking love the girl.
“I know that you and Noah have a horrible past Carrie and I wish like hell you would trust me and tell me about it. I can see it, everyone can. You guys move in sync with each other. You talk in code with fucking trust, or trust Me’s and Alice In Chains music holds some major fucking value to both your lives. I want to know why Carrie.” I stop and swallow a few times, needing her to hear me right now. “I have to know because it scares me and pisses me off at the same time.”
I feel her hand on my back as she rubs it in gentle strokes. “Chad I am not against telling you because of some difficulty it may cause me or because I feel shamed or scared. I have these holes inside of me that I dug to keep myself sane. Noah has holes too and we are all that can fill those holes with something other than cold and hate. Our pasts are not equal in torture they are only similar because of the torturer.”
She cups my cheek again and I follow as she looks me in the eyes as her own tears fall. “I don’t tell these secrets because there isn’t a point to them. My past is ugly and depressing and a lifetime ago I care to forget. I cannot stomach seeing a look on your face. I don’t ever want to see you sad for me Chad.”
I look away and cough, fucking think of unicorns…anything to keep from crying. I pull her to me and just hold her, wanting to carry the burden for her. I cup her face in my hands and look at her, tears welled in my eyes and it is what it is.
If she hurts, then I hurt.
“Baby I’m pretty sure I have your secrets figured out already. I could never look at you with anything less than desire and… fuck Carrie…I...”
I pause because I want to tell her I love her…I want to tell her I know her secrets.
“I’m going to ask and all you need to say is a yes or a no, but I have to know baby because Noah told us he’s out here and sniffing around. I can’t keep you safe from what I don’t know. You mentioned your sexual experience in your fight with Noah. You implied you had been around the block a lot.”
Her arms are so tight around me, I know I was right.
“He is your sexual experience isn’t he baby? Your dad is the block you’ve been around a lot?” She chokes on a sob and I hold her and let her cry as I try to soothe her.
“Don’t have to say it baby… that’s a yes…” I whisper, my own tears flow when she nods.
I let her cry, no words no interruptions as I held her. My mind raced with images of killing the mother fucker to needing bread to absorb the whiskey I now wanted to puke up. At some point we had moved to her pullout bed and when she fell into an exhausted sleep all I could do was think. There is no making sense of this. I don’t even know if I want this to make sense because it means I accept it. I get it happened and I can’t change it, but to accept it… the shock is to powerful right now.
“Chad?” She asks quietly at whatever the hell time it is. I immediately hold her closer and kiss the top of her head.
“What is it babe?” I ask and she rolls until we are forehead to forehead.
“Are you still mine?”
Her words have me shook. I lean in and scoop her hair from her neck and turn her lips to mine and kiss her with everything I feel for her, a resounding yes. I kiss her until I need air to survive and take her chin between my fingers so she can see me. “I think the answer to that is duh.”
She laughs and it deflates the anger that was brewing inside me. This is what matters, not him. Never him.
She rolls her fingers through strands of my hair, watching me as she drops her hand and strolls her fingers down my chest to my buckle. She says nothing as she loosens it and undoes my jeans before getting up on her knees. “I want to see you.”
I sit up and cup her neck. “You can see me baby.”
“I want to touch you too.” She whispers and flattens her hand on my stomach and slips beneath my jeans to handle my dick.
The minute her hand is around me I shift up naturally to make room in the confined space in my jeans. She looks at me sideways, “Can you take these off?”
Jesus!
Tonight, is a night of wet dreams and nightmares.
I nod and stand, dropping my pants, but leave my boxers on. Carrie is on the other side of the bed stripping down to her tank top and panties and I have no clue what she wants. She eyes my boxers and looks at me confused.
I lay down and pull her to me knowing she is confused. “We ain’t there yet, not tonight. I understand wanting to sandblast bad shit away with fucking.” I say as I move her closer to me, yet not beneath me. “You want to play, get a little nasty I am good with that. But when we go there it’s for the right reasons babe.”
I am so scared she might be offended or feel unwanted, but her smile tells me she agrees.
“Where do I start?” I smile at her eagerness and raise to my side until I am on top of her, my thigh splitting her legs, so I am cradled against her pussy as I kiss her.
“You need options?” I tease and thrust against her.
“Oh God.” She gasps and claws at my shoulders. I kiss her as I palm her hips to keep her pressed into the bed while I notch my cock at her hood and grind against her clit.
I let her hips go now as she bucks beneath me. “That’s it baby, grind on my dick Carrie.” She pulls my hair as she does it. I want her flesh on flesh, but I know it’s a bad idea. I will fuck her, all night and then some. Tonight, was about trust in a way Carrie never understood it. I would continue to go this route until she was ready.
She is panting as I work her, as she works herself on me. I lean against her chest, biting her nipple softly through her tank top. “I’m close, Chad.” She cries out and palms my shoulder trying to get there faster.
Knowing what she needs I roll so she is on top of me, legs split over my hips and watch her dry fuck me, only this time a better view. “Fuck!” I shout, close as she is now with the sight of her riding me.
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The heat from her pussy is intense against my cock, my boxers wet from both of our slickness. This is what I love about sex, the very graphic nature of what the body goes through in the process. The sweat, pre-cum and a soaking wet pussy for me to fuck. I think about how she will feel and do the unthinkable.
“Fuck babe, fuck I…I’m sorry…” I bend my knees and push Carrie back in time to slip my boxers down. Like she reads my mind she keeps stroking against me as I come all over my chest like a fucking amateur dry humping for the first time.
Like watching me come on my own chest was an aphrodisiac, Carrie started going harder and faster, something not fun on a spent dick. I roll until she is on the side of me, my come on both of us now, but it makes it even hotter.
She cries frustrated, but I get my hand under her panties and on her pussy fast. “Oh, shit.” She breathes her chest heaving as she rocks her hips in tune to my fingers.
“You’re so fucking wet baby, come on my fingers Carrie.” Her clit is hard, pussy soaked and hot, so damn hot. I want to eat her, lick her….devour her as she comes for me. It is different from earlier, in the dark fully clothed.
Now I can taste her sweat, smell her heat and I am obsessed. I roll to my back to catch my breath as she does the same. I look over at her at the same time she looks at me and I fight telling her how deep my feelings go. I get up to clean off because I need a distraction from my own thoughts
“What are you doing?” She asks with a yawn and I look to the clock and see it’s almost three in the morning.
“Just cleaning up my mess.” I explain and flip the faucet on as she giggles. I clean up and make my way back to the bed. It’s chilly at night in the boathouse and my girl is waiting for me to warm her up.
I get in and roll in close to her back wrapping my arms around her. When she doesn’t move, I lean over and see she is out cold. I smile and watch for a few seconds as she sleeps with me beside her and have a yawn of my own.
