by Cala Riley
“It’s fine, Keat. It wouldn’t be the first time one of you ended up crashing in my room. Besides, if he’s as drunk as you say, maybe I should keep an eye on him so he doesn’t choke on his own vomit.”
Indecision flashes across his eyes, but as Finley continues towards my bed, Keaton lets out a defeated sigh. “Fine.” He gets in Finley’s face. “Don’t you dare touch my baby sister or I’ll chop your nuts off.”
My face heats at his words. I wish Finley would touch me, but this is another example of why it will never happen. With a little effort, we get Finley settled in my bed, where he promptly passes out.
“I’ll be back soon.” Keaton kisses my head as he moves to leave.
Once he’s out the door, I close it gently behind him before leaning my head against it.
What are you doing?
My biggest weakness is the sandy-blond-haired boy sleeping soundly in my bed. I turn around, staring at him. I’ve imagined him in my bed many times—some sweet while others were X-rated versions that would make the dirtiest mind blush.
Finley mumbles in his sleep, a strained look passing over his features.
Moving closer to him, I notice that he still has his shoes on, so I lean over and pull them off before grabbing the throw blanket from the end of my bed to cover him.
As I pull the blanket up to his chin, he starts to mumble again.
“Why can’t I ever have what I want? Why?” His hand reaches up to skim my face, making me freeze.
My eyes meet the glassy ocean blue of his—the eyes I fell in love with years ago.
“What do you mean?” I whisper, hoping to not break whatever spell this is.
“You’re perfect. I don’t deserve you. Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” His hushed words make my heart ache.
“You deserve me.”
He gives me a slight smile. “I wish I could be the man you need, but I’m not.” He drops his hand and turns to the side, breaking the connection.
Not able to stand in front of him any longer, I run into my bathroom, letting myself replay every word.
Did he mean what he said? Was he talking about me or someone else? Could he feel the same way I do?
Resolved to confront him in the morning, I go back into the room and climb under my comforter, lying next to him. I watch the steady rise and fall of his chest. A little while later, Keaton peeks his head in. Seeing Finley nowhere near touching me, he blows me a kiss good night and leaves us.
I watch Finley sleep for as long as I can until the steady sound of his breathing mixed with the fantasy in my head lulls me into sleep.
✽✽✽
Finley
Why does my head feel like there's a jackhammer chiseling away at it?
Groaning, I turn over. My eyes pop open at the familiar smell—lilac and summertime. That smell is everything that embodies Tinsley Yates.
She lies next to me, her brown hair fanning around her. Her face is relaxed, showing off her natural beauty.
Tinsley Yates is the single most beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life.
She was always a pretty girl, but it wasn’t until she turned fifteen that I noticed she was more than a girl. She was a woman. A very sexy woman who was off-limits. Not only because she’s my best friend’s sister, but also because I’m not good enough for her. She doesn’t deserve the trouble my life would bring her.
Brushing the barest of a kiss to her cheek, I pull myself from her bed. Grabbing my shoes, I take one last look back at the life I would kill for but can never have.
Leaving her room, I make my way down the hall to Keaton’s room, knocking on the door.
“You look like hell,” he says after opening the door.
“I feel like hell,” I admit. “Can I get my keys?” I hold out my hand, knowing he has them. I handed them over to him as soon as the burn from the first shot hit my throat.
He stares at me a moment before turning back into his room and grabbing the keys from his dresser. “What’s going on with you, man? I know you’re a moody asshole, but last night was a new level. You rarely get shit-faced.”
Glaring at him, I leave my hand out, telling him without words that this is not a topic we will be discussing.
After a moment of silence, he lets out a sigh. “Yeah. I get the message.” He drops the keys in my hand while grabbing my shoulder with his other hand. “I’m here, bro. Whenever.”
I don’t respond.
He means well. They all do. They’ve all tried to get me to talk about my home life at some point or another, but I always close that shit down. If they knew, they would look at me with pity or, even worse, they wouldn’t look at me at all.
Who would want to be friends with the guy who’s likely to go mental one day?
Heading home, I take a quick shower. I set out Mom’s medication on the counter before leaving again.
Picking up my cell, I dial a number I’m more familiar with than I should be.
“Yeah.”
“Hey, Rocky. You got plans today? I’m free.”
He shuffles on the other end of the line before coming back. “You sure?”
“Yep.” I need to get out of my head somehow, and lately with all the guys being booed up, Rocky has been my only escape.
“Meet at the house.” The line clicks dead.
Putting the car in drive, I make my way to Secrets. It’s the home base for Rocky’s operation, not that many know that. He likes to keep his shit way down low.
Arriving at the club, no one questions me as I walk through the door. Heading back to the office, I find Rocky already inside with his younger brother, Nate, next to him.
“What’s up, Abbot?” Nate comes over to give a bro hug.
“Nothing, much. You?”
He shrugs.
“How long are you available today?” Rocky leans back in his chair, pinning his stare on me.
“As long as you need.”
He pauses a moment. “You’ve been more available recently. Anything I should know?”
“I’m not in high school anymore.” He knows I’m lying as sure as I know he is only asking because he thinks I may be a liability.
“I need you to deliver a package to Chicago, then wait until I call you to pick one up. You may be gone until tomorrow.”
I nod, holding out my hand for the package. Once he hands it over, I take two fingers in a mock salute before turning to leave.
I never know what’s in the packages, and I don’t ask. All I know is the money is good, and the escape from my shitty life is even better.
Turning my radio up loud, I make my way towards Chicago, glad to be leaving for a while.
✽✽✽
Chapter Two
Tinsley
“Yo, Baby Yates. You want to come sit at our table? I have a seat for you right here.” Some guy pats his lap, turning to laugh with his friends.
I thought things would be better with my brothers gone, that I could finally step out of their shadows and live life the way I want to.
What I didn’t expect was the fact that their shadow was keeping the wolves at bay.
“No thanks. I prefer men with bigger—” I let my gaze linger on his crotch. “—shoe sizes.”
His friends laugh, but he doesn’t.
Ever since school started, they’ve been making lewd comments to me. It’s almost as if they’ve been saving them up for the day my brothers left me unprotected.
Queen? Yeah, more like the pawn. They even took the table my brothers and I sat at every day for the past three years. I thought senior year would be my year, but I’ve never felt more alone.
“Hey, are those guys bothering you?” Glancing back at the speaker, my eyes meet bright blue ones.
My heart stutters for a moment, before I realize that while the eye color matches, the rest does not.
It’s not Finley.
Attempting to hide my disappointment, I give the guy a small smile. “Nothing I can’t deal with.”
He steps towards me. “I’m Xavier.”
I turn to him with my lunch tray still in my hand. Taking a moment, I let my eyes roam over him. He’s tall, maybe 6’2 with light blond hair that’s cut close on the sides but longer on top that looks like he just ran his hands through it after rolling out of bed. Grey-blue eyes full of mischief stay locked on mine. His jaw is scruffy, but I can still see the dimple on his chin.
Seeing the sincere look on his face, I sigh. “Tinsley. Nice to meet you.”
His smile makes his dimple pop. “I’m kind of new here. Would you mind if I sat with you?”
“Of course not.” My eyes linger on the back table that used to be ours while making my way to my new table by the door.
“Thank you for taking pity on me.” He laughs. “It’s my first day here.”
I chuckle along with him. “Really?”
“Is that a bad thing?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No. It’s just Finley always says I have a habit of befriending all the new people in school.”
He gives me an odd look. “Who’s Finley?”
My heart pangs. I wish he were here with me. He would have been if he was born only a couple days later. Stupid school enrollment dates.
“A friend. He graduated last year.”
He nods. “I see. So, what’s there to do for fun around here?” With that, he changes the subject, and I am eternally grateful. It’s been hard to forget Finley, but every day I get a little stronger.
“Not much really. There’s the mall. If you haven’t eaten at Momma’s House, then you’re missing out. I might be biased though. My sister runs the place. Other than that, there's always a party going on. Or you can head a couple towns over and there're some clubs, but you’ll need a fake ID for that.” I take a large bite of my pasta, moaning at how good it is.
When I open my eyes, I find him staring at me.
He clears his throat. “You go clubbing with your fake ID a lot?”
I can’t help the laughter that busts out of me. “No. Not me. My brothers would legit kill me if they found a fake ID or me at a club.”
He laughs with me. “Protective brothers, huh? Should I be looking over my shoulder?”
I giggle as he looks over each of his shoulders.
“No. They both graduated. No need to be looking out for them.”
He gives me a flirty smirk, causing me to blush. “Good to know.”
“So,” I start, changing the subject yet again, “tell me more about you.”
“I’m boring. I’d much rather learn about you.” His playful tone makes me smile.
When was the last time I was with a guy who was this easy to be around? Never.
“That wouldn’t be fair. I promise to hide my yawns while you talk.” I wink, surprised at myself. I’ve never been much of a flirter, so the fact that I am doing it so easily with Xavier is an anomaly.
“Fine, I concede. I could never tell a pretty girl no.” He answers my wink with one of his own. “Well, you know my name is Xavier. I moved here from New York. My dad has some business in the area that will last the next year, which is why he brought me along when normally he would have left me back in New York with a chaperone. I have no siblings. Let’s see, anything else?”
I smile at his teasing tone. Feeling bold, I answer his question with one of my own, “Did you leave anyone behind when you moved here?”
He gives me a sly smile, telling me he knows exactly what I’m asking. “A few friends, but nothing serious.”
I nod. “You’ll make new friends here, I’m sure.”
“Haven’t I already?” He quirks his eyebrow at me.
“Maybe. I haven’t decided if you're worth it yet.” I pick up my tray, causing him to scramble to stand with me.
“I can prove my worth.” He grabs my tray, along with his own, discarding the items and putting them back where they belong.
I shrug. “We’ll see. It was good to meet you, Xavier.”
He reaches out, grabbing my hand before bringing it to his lips for a brief kiss. “It was a pleasure to meet you Tinsley.”
✽✽✽
Finley
Rocky: Can you run an errand for me?
His text comes through as I’m finishing up my English homework.
Me: Yep.
I don’t even know why I signed up for online classes at the local community college. I wasn’t planning on it, but then everyone kept asking, and I caved. I’m always doing what’s expected of me, but never what I really want. One day I’ll escape the prison that is my life, but it won’t be soon enough.
Shutting the laptop, I grab my keys and head downstairs.
“Honey, is that you?” my mom calls out before I can leave.
“Yeah. I’m going out for a bit,” I call back, but she rounds the corner, stopping me.
“Don’t you want to stay here and bake cookies with me?”
I sigh. Cookies mean using the oven, which means I may come back to the house burnt down.
“I can’t, but save me some, okay?”
She nods and heads back into the kitchen.
I head to the fuse box, flipping the fuse for the stove. I peek my head in the kitchen. Mom’s dancing around, placing cookies on a sheet.
Knowing she can’t burn down the house, I walk out the door. I text her therapist, letting him know about today’s mood, hoping he will call and check in.
Per usual, he doesn’t text me back.
What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
I’d like to get her a new one, but she insists on him.
Arriving at Secrets, I nod to the guards as I’m allowed in, no questions asked. I make my way back to the office, where I know I’ll find Rocky.
“Abbot, my man. Good to see you. You coming to the fight tonight?” Nate pats me on the shoulder.
At the mention of a fight, my body twitches. Lately, the only way to calm my mind is in a fight. Any other time of the day, I’m so lost in my thoughts I don’t realize how much time has passed. In a fight, I have something to focus on. I have a release for the anger that stays bottled up inside me. I can let down the facade I put on and be myself. I don’t have to fake a smile to hide my baggage from the world. No one at the fight cares about that. All they care about is who will get knocked out.
It’s never me.
“I hope so.”
Rocky meets my eyes. He knows my secret. It’s why I started working for him.
Once, a long time ago, he found me fighting at one of his parties. He was pissed, but he saw how well I fought. He invited me to come to his fighting ring.
The only problem? The buy-in. As soon as he realized even the wealth in my life was fake, he started throwing me jobs to earn some extra money.
“I got your buy-in. Take this to the Roosevelt on 6th in Chicago. Don’t linger. Drop it with Scratch, then hurry back. I’ll get you a later fight.”
I nod my acknowledgement and dip out of his office. I never question Rocky’s instructions. If he says to do something, I do it no matter what. He’s had my back, and I’ll always have his. My friendship with him differs from Reed, Sterling, and Keaton. Rocky gets me on a level they will never understand. They’re used to the power that comes with money, the clout of who their families are. I used to be one of them, before my father left us to handle the New York office, leaving my mother to go crazy and spend every last dime we had.
That’s when I realized that money isn’t everything. Having money buys you temporary power. Power is as fleeting as a dollar bill floating in the wind. Here one minute, gone another.
Actual power comes from reputation. Like Rocky. He’s young, but he started early. Growing up on the wrong side of the tracks and going to one of the roughest high schools in the area, he made himself known as someone not to be fucked with early on.
Now, at nineteen, he runs his own business—a shady business for sure, but it’s his own.
I want to be like him. I want something of my own, but I know it’s
unlikely to happen, not with the cloud of my future hanging over me.
As I’m climbing into my car, my phone ringing breaks me out of my concentration.
“Yeah,” I answer.
“Where the fuck are you, man? I thought we were going to hang out tonight?” Keaton sounds pissed.
He came back for the weekend to hang out with the family, but made plans with me tonight. I honestly forgot them. It’s been so long since I’ve gone to a party.
“Something came up. Next time.”
He sighs. “Bro, you never hang anymore. Is everything okay?”
He would never understand.
“I’m fine. Forgot I had other plans tonight.”
“Fine, but she better be worth it.”
I shake my head, disappointed in Keaton. He’s been my best friend my entire life, but he can’t see through the facade I put up. He seriously thinks I would blow him off for some chick whose name I wouldn’t even remember. It reminds me of how far we truly have grown apart in the last couple of years.
“You know it. I’ll talk to you later.”
Hanging up my phone, I toss it on the floorboard. I let the familiar anger burn into me at the fact that my own friends don’t even know who I am anymore. The life I thought I would have as a child was just an illusion.
I let that anger fuel me all the way to Chicago, where I drop the package. The anger is still festering as I make my way back.
By the time I make it to the warehouse, the fights are in full swing. My blood’s pumping, ready for a fight. I will myself not to punch anyone who jostles me as I push my way through the crowd.
I love the fights. It’s exhilarating knowing that one punch could take me down. One well-placed punch can bring the darkness that quiets my mind. I watch as the crowd screams out, shaking their fists, willing their champion to win.
Yet there can only be one winner. Some people will rejoice with cheers, while others will curse in anger at the loss of their hard-earned money.
None of that matters to me though. I’m not here to put on a show. I’m not here to win these people’s money.
I’m here for one reason and one reason only. I’m here for the thrill, the adrenaline guaranteed to fill my body with a high unlike any other drug.
