by Sue MacKay
‘How soon can we catch up? I want to talk with you, see you, hold...’ He stuttered to a stop, blinking furiously.
Had he made a mistake, saying that? Her shoulders slumped. Of course he had. But it did seem she rattled him as much as he did her. Something else they had in common, along with understanding each other without explanation. She took the bull by the horns, laid her hand on his arm, breathed deeply, and said, ‘Coffee after work tomorrow?’
‘Not a mojito?’
Knowing where those led, she shook her head. ‘No.’ She relaxed enough to grin, though gulping would’ve been easier. His face wore a teasing expression, but his eyes held a perplexed element to his mirth. It wound her tighter, while heating her blood. This man was a puzzle. She enjoyed puzzles, especially hot, friendly, fun puzzles.
‘I’ll be finished around six. That work for you?’
‘Yes, perfect.’ Hopefully her parents would understand and babysit. Today she needed to get home.
To hold my girl and reassure myself I’m about to do the right thing.
‘Done. Where’s home these days?’
‘Same place.’ Had she told him last time? ‘Harlow.’
The door swung wide and Jason strolled in. ‘All right if I grab some lunch?’ he asked Stacey.
‘Go ahead. We’ve finished in here.’ Ignoring the way Noah lifted one eyebrow in her direction, she headed out. ‘Phone me here where to meet you,’ she said quietly.
‘No problem.’ His devastating smile set sparks flicking right down to her toes and all places in between.
* * *
By three o’clock and shift handover she couldn’t wait to get out of the place, away from constantly looking over her shoulder to see if Noah might’ve popped onto the ward, even though it was impossible since he was in Theatre all afternoon.
She couldn’t believe her luck when there were seats available on the train home. She wouldn’t have to swing from the ceiling handles while thinking about the day she’d just had. Sinking down on the seat, she tipped her head back and closed her eyes. Noah was back in her life, this time for a lot longer than one night.
Memories slammed into Stacey. His laugh was her favourite. It made her toes curl and her heart soften when she’d believed that would be impossible. There were the hot, sexy images as they’d danced. Even hotter and sexier ones in that hotel room. Hardly solid proof that he was a good man, the sort of man to be a wonderful father. While gut instinct said he would be, how reliable was that? She could be deluding herself because she was attracted to him. So much relied on her getting this right. So, so much.
Holly’s giggling face leapt into her mind, shoving Noah aside. Her little girl, the love of her life.
I promise with all my heart to love and care for you, to do whatever it takes to make you happy and safe, to be the best mother I possibly can be.
The first words she’d spoken to Holly when the midwife had placed her in her arms after the birth. Now she had to tell Noah about his daughter. Yes, she did. All part of the promise to Holly. The sooner the better; get it over and done with. If he really was the man her tingling nerves said he was, then all would be fine. If she found he wasn’t, then what? It was highly unlikely and, regardless, he was still Holly’s father.
For three years she’d continued checking with friends at other hospitals, and especially those at London General, if they’d heard of him, and come up with nada. Every time it’d saddened her, made her think she might never again know the man who’d brought her alive the way he’d done that night. And that Holly would never know her dad.
Now he’d turned up she wasn’t quite as prepared as she’d expected to be. Holly should be her main, and only, consideration. She had to be certain her girl would be safe and loved by her father. She would tell him tomorrow night.
Leaping off the train at her stop, she all but ran home, and burst in through the front door. ‘Holly! Mummy’s home.’ Dumping her bag on the floor, she raced through the house, barely able to breathe for the need to hold her girl blocking her throat.
‘We’re in my office,’ her father called.
‘Holly, love, where are you?’ She shot through the door and scooped her baby into her arms and held her close, brushing kisses over her head. ‘Oh, my girl, Mummy loves you so much.’
Holly wriggled and pushed at her mother.
‘Sorry, am I holding you too tight?’ Stacey loosened her grip but didn’t put her down.
At his desk, her father was watching them with a question in his eyes.
She looked away, returned to gazing at her precious girl, who was wriggling harder.
‘You want to get down?’
Holly nodded. ‘Please, Mummy.’
‘Okay.’ It was hard letting her go, as though this was a warning of how it might be in the future. Weekends with Daddy, weekdays and nights with Mummy. No way. She couldn’t give up any time with her daughter. Her eyes watered as she set Holly on her feet and didn’t let go of her arm for a moment too long.
Holly bounced away, leaving her mum’s heart cracking.
Her dad stood up and came across the room. ‘You’ve found him?’
‘Noah, Dad. His name’s Noah.’ Her father knew her too well. As long as he didn’t see her excitement and bewilderment and start asking unanswerable questions.
‘That’s a yes, then. I’m glad you’re sticking up for him like that. It’s a good sign. Where did you bump into him?’
‘He’s now working at London Riverside. On the surgical ward. He never worked at London General, only went to their ball for his friend’s sake.’ Her body was shaking, releasing some of the tension that had been growing all day. ‘He started while I was on holiday. Who’d have thought after all the trouble I’ve gone to trying to track him down?’
‘You’ve talked?’
Her head dipped in acknowledgement. ‘About patients, about us knowing each other briefly. He calls me Anastasia.’ Her voice rose. ‘No one calls me that.’ But it’d been the only name he knew for her. ‘I like it,’ she admitted. Then she looked to her father, as she had often in her life, because he’d been her rock whenever things turned to custard. ‘Dad, what am I going to do?’
Reaching for her, he wrapped her in a familiar hug. ‘You already know the answer to that. You’d have told him years ago if you’d been able to. It’s not as if you didn’t want to contact him.’
Stepping out of her dad’s arms, she sat on the edge of his desk. ‘I haven’t found out where he’s been yet, but when I do I’ll brain him for not telling me his full name and phone number at the time.’ Finally she began relaxing. ‘It’s going to be all right.’ It had to be. Her gaze swooped over Holly, and her heart clenched with love. ‘It will be.’ Just who she was reassuring she wasn’t sure, but she had to believe it or everything would become a nightmare.
* * *
Noah let himself into his house and dropped the keys on the oak side table before heading to the sitting room and a large glass of whisky. What a day. Standing at the French doors leading out onto a patio, he stared blindly at the garden beyond. Anastasia had fallen back into his life. Just as easily as leaves being blown off the trees outside.
Sipping his drink, he tried to empty his head of images of Anastasia. Or Stacey Wainwright. Either version of her name was as pretty as she was beautiful. To him she was Anastasia, and always would be, which suggested he wanted a lot more contact with her now they’d met again. Contact, or something stronger? Deeper?
Could he be overreacting to this stunning woman who came with memories he hadn’t managed to delete? Memories that kept him awake some nights, tightening his belly, heating his skin. They’d never faded, not a bit. They’d given him a better reason to return to London than bailing Robert out of the financial debacle he’d got into, even if he hadn’t known if he’d find her. She might’ve even been the reason behind
his feeling of missing something important if he continued to stay away.
Yet now Anastasia had resurfaced he was afraid. She might be attractive and funny and delightful, but that wasn’t enough incentive to risk his heart. Just because he felt excited at seeing her again, it didn’t make her the woman for him. What with moving back into his London house, organising and attending meetings to resolve Robert’s financial crisis, as well as taking on the positions as head general surgeon at London Riverside and the private practice, it made sense that his brain was miles behind with what had happened today.
Strange how the years in New Zealand hadn’t dampened his need to follow up on that special night he and Anastasia had shared. Her dance moves still turned him on while lying sleepless in the night. His memory drew up more pictures of the woman who’d been so generous with herself and taken all he’d offered with pleasure. Her slim neck had been pale during a London winter with no sun. That thick, dark blonde hair spread across the pillows had tantalised with its silky smoothness. She was a stunner. Then and now. And always smiling. That hadn’t changed much either, unless she was with a patient who needed consoling as he’d observed with Jonathon Black.
Why hadn’t he taken her phone number? Right now he wanted to hear her voice with its suppressed laughter or full-on happiness. Like the citrus scent, her voice had followed him to the other end of the world to pop into his mind at unexpected moments and fill him with that longing for love he’d known most of his life.
Love. Something he’d had little experience of since his parents had died. At first he’d believed his uncle and aunt would automatically love him, and when they hadn’t he’d felt he was somehow lacking. He’d tried harder to please them, only to be sent away to boarding school, where he slaved his guts out to get top grades so they’d come to love him.
When he’d met Christine he’d felt a glimmer of hope, and when they’d married the glimmer had become a beacon. It had never bothered him that she didn’t come from money. He’d wanted to share everything he had, especially his heart. But she didn’t love him, not in the way he’d anticipated. It was his bank account that had drawn her to him, and she’d made a fool of him with her promises of love. He’d rushed into marriage, wanting to be with someone he believed loved him back, to be a part of their life, to share raising a family in a loving environment such as he’d known for the first ten years of his life. Christine was finally out of his life for ever, and he didn’t regret that at all. But he was wiser, warier, and not prepared to try again and come up against a cold heart hidden behind sweet lies.
So, Anastasia. Their encounter had only involved moments on the ward, yet it felt as though a lot more of him had got caught up with her. Which he didn’t need. Wrong. He did need what she might have to offer, if it was genuine, and how was he to know that? To trust his own judgement when he’d failed abysmally last time?
Need was one thing, and it was debatable whether he did need her, or if this was unsatisfied lust. But what about want? Did he want her? Impossible to know after such a short time together. Forget his body’s reaction to her today. Just because those feelings of tenderness and longing and heat were the same as last time, they didn’t make this a ticket to wholehearted love on both sides.
For all he knew, she might be married, or in a relationship.
What about her shock when she’d turned and seen him? He recognised it for exactly what he’d felt at that moment. Total disbelief, and something like excitement. And, yes, the happiness had been in her face too. They got each other, even after three years. So, now what?
The phone rang. Noah stared at the name on the screen with distaste. The man who’d often said that if his father hadn’t married his mother then Dad would still be alive.
‘Robert.’
‘Noah, you didn’t come up to here yesterday as promised. I’ve been trying to get hold of you all day.’
He hadn’t agreed to go, let alone promised. ‘I was busy at the hospital.’ And talking to interior decorators about making his house a home again after the mess his uncle’s sons had left it in. So much for the idea it would be better to have the house in use while he’d been in New Zealand. The refurbishing was going to take months and cost a small fortune.
‘Your aunt would like to see you.’
Funny how that was the case now that Robert’s many millions had dwindled to a few. ‘I’m busy this coming weekend so I’ll come the following Saturday if that suits.’
‘It’ll have to, I suppose. We’ll expect you at twelve for lunch.’ Click. Gone. Classic Robert, who he no longer called uncle. That was a term for someone he cared about and who cared about him for more than a massive top-up of his bank accounts.
Maybe he should run away with Anastasia and have some fun, like his mother apparently had with his dad. Except running away hadn’t been the case. That was Robert’s perspective because he lived a ‘proper’ life amongst snobbish, wealthy folk. His dad hadn’t given up his medical career or his home; he’d merely shared everything he’d had with the woman he’d adored. Noah sighed and sipped his whisky. It wouldn’t hurt to apply the brakes and take things one day at a time. But it would be hard with his body craving Anastasia. Damn it, for all he knew, she might be hungry for money and happy to do anything it took to get it, including fool him into believing she meant everything she said.
Getting a little carried away here.
But that was what saving his heart had him doing, despite the caution he should be applying. Though if Anastasia truly had a happy, loving approach to life and could share that with him, he might be more than prepared to take a gamble.
CHAPTER THREE
STACEY GOT TO the hospital early and headed for the cafeteria. ‘Toast and tea, please,’ she said to the young guy behind the counter.
‘I’ll bring it over when it’s ready.’
‘You’re a star.’ Tiredness dragged at her feet. Most of the night had been spent tossing and turning and wondering how she was going to broach the subject of Holly with Noah. At five, she’d thrown the blanket aside and gone into her daughter’s bedroom and stood staring down at the little body of magic. How she’d managed to produce such a gorgeous child was beyond her.
From the day Holly had been born Stacy had been head over heels in love with her, and nothing had changed. Not because she’d had to give up her newly found independence and single life, not because she had to rely on her mum and dad to look after Holly while she went to work and added money to the household. Not because she was so tired at times that she could barely stand up. All of those things and more were worth it just to have her girl in her life.
Sitting down, she checked her phone in case her mum had tried to get hold of her. Nothing. She could relax. Though with Noah back in the picture it wasn’t that straightforward. Her reaction to him yesterday had been over the top. Yet she’d loved the excitement pouring into her. He’d rocked her boat the first time they’d met, and yesterday he’d gone and done the same all over again. She could admit to never feeling like that about Angus but, then, they’d been so familiar with each other it probably hadn’t been possible.
‘Here you go.’ Her toast and mug of tea appeared on the table before her.
‘Thanks.’ A sense of familiarity struck her, warmth and excitement winding her tight and fizzing in her veins. Her skin prickled. Glancing around, she found Noah Kennedy watching from a table across the room with a thoughtful expression darkening his eyes. A shiver rippled through her. She stared at him; really looked at him. Not as a lover, or as Holly’s father, but as a man she barely knew yet yearned for in every way imaginable. There weren’t enough answers to all her questions in his steady gaze, yet still she believed in him, and wanted more.
Noah got up, mug in one hand, a plate in the other, and came across. ‘Mind if I join you?’
‘Of course not.’
Far from it. She’d put difficult su
bjects on hold for now and spend time enjoying his company. Who knew what she might learn? Or she could just spill the beans and see where that went. In here? With someone she knew likely to pop in at any moment? Maybe not.
‘You’re in early.’
‘There wasn’t a lot in my pantry and, anyway, hanging around waiting for the toast to burn is a waste of time.’
‘You wouldn’t think to turn the knob down a little?’
‘Knew I should’ve asked someone how to fix my problem.’
‘Where do you live?’
‘Bloomsbury.’
No way. Her stomach dropped hard. He was having her on. But looking at him she knew he wasn’t. Gulp. ‘Nice.’ Very nice, if you were into that sort of lifestyle, and she doubted she’d ever be. She was comfortable with little money and a small, crowded house filled with those she loved.
Watching her intently, he said, ‘It has its uses, like being close to everything I enjoy about this city, for one.’
‘I suppose you don’t need a monthly train pass.’ She smiled. What did it matter where he lived? Unless he wanted to use that as leverage to gain more access to Holly than she was prepared to give. Her skin prickled. Holly. Caution rose as reality sank in. She really knew very little about this man. Her palms moistened. Was it enough? It had to be. Holly existed. No changing that.
‘Trains are the easiest way to get around. No parking worries.’ He was still appraising her.
‘Is there a problem about something?’ May as well be direct.
‘Not at all.’ The appraisal continued, then he leaned back in his chair with a wry smile. ‘Sorry. I’m still getting used to the fact we’ve met up again.’
She wasn’t about to admit to the same thoughts. ‘Have you been in London for the last three years?’
‘No, I left for Auckland the morning we woke up in my hotel room. I went for a year and stayed three. I hated leaving.’
