by Sue MacKay
‘Noah, it’s Angela. Theatre’s ready.’
‘On my way.’ Time to focus completely and utterly on what he was here for.
As he waited impatiently for the lift, he watched Anastasia talking to Jason. The more he learned about Anastasia, the more his interest grew to find out even more. He was attracted to her. And not only physically. Her smiles blinded him. Her laughter lifted his spirits. Her gentleness and care with patients touched him. She was not a Christine, nowhere near close. She was a giver, not a taker. Yet he couldn’t just let go of his hang-ups and dive into a relationship. The past held him back.
What if he never found the kind of all-encompassing love he hoped for? He couldn’t settle for second best. That much he did know. Everything else was up in the air. Except that Anastasia turned him on in a flash. She also brought a lightness to his heart he hadn’t known before. She seemed to understand him without knowing him. She was special. She looked out for her family, shared their pain and happiness.
But was she worth the risk? Would she hurt him? Everyone in a relationship got hurt at some time or other. It went with living together. But deep, long-term hurt was his biggest fear. He’d survived it when his parents had died, though how, he had no idea, except pure grit, which for a ten-year-old seemed abnormal. It probably came from having no one to stick up for him.
Robert certainly hadn’t wanted to hear him cry or talk about how he missed Mum and Dad. His aunt had told him it was natural to feel those things but good people never talked about them. And then there was Christine. He had tried to talk to her about his past and how he’d felt. She hadn’t said anything like his uncle and aunt. No, she hadn’t said a word at all. Had just asked if he’d finished and picked up her book to continue reading. The Ice Queen.
He should’ve seen the warning signs then, but he’d been desperate to love and be loved. Before they were married she’d always managed to avoid that conversation, and he’d let her, not wanting to sound like a man who couldn’t cope with life. Afterwards he’d wanted to tell her so there were no secrets between them. What a success that had been, but at least he’d finally admitted where he stood with her and had started divorce proceedings not long after. Better alone than ignored.
Anastasia tensed suddenly, as though sensing him watching her. Again on the same page.
He stepped into the lift now open before him and went down to work. That was the cure for most things that ailed him. Work meant getting involved with other people’s problems, medical issues. Some were straightforward and had a good ending, some were not. Those were hard to deal with, and often went home with him, waking him in the middle of the night, when he’d think if only he could do more to save these people.
He did all he could, and more, but it would never be enough. Early in his training days he’d learnt to hold himself aloof from others’ misery, not to get involved beyond the facts, but he didn’t always follow his own rules. Partly because it was impossible, partly because it made him feel he was turning into Robert if he did.
Being around Anastasia might be the best thing to happen. Might turn him around and return him to being more like his mum, as he had been when he’d been little. Hard to imagine being that happy-go-lucky person again. Worth trying for, though. Being happy. Cheerful. Looking forward rather than over his shoulder at the past. Loving someone more than life itself. Even if it meant risking his heart.
Something to think about over the coming weeks. First, he’d meet Anastasia after work.
He laughed out loud as he stood in the lift full of staff. ‘Great day, isn’t it?’ he asked in general, and had to bite his tongue at the ensuing silence.
So he was going mad. Bring it on. It felt far better than the serious life he knew all too well.
CHAPTER FOUR
‘I’M AT CONNOR’S CAFÉ.’
Stacey grinned as she did an about-face and strode back the way she’d come to the café she’d passed only minutes earlier. She couldn’t wait to see him. So much for common sense. But for sure, she was not losing control with Noah this time. There was too much at stake. Though she couldn’t fault her actions last time. She’d had a fantastic night, which had resulted in Holly arriving into her life. Excitement filled her at the thought of being with Noah away from work, however briefly.
‘You’re looking lovely,’ said the man dominating most of her thoughts when she walked up to him at a table tucked into the back of the noisy café where people were eating early dinners. Bending close, he kissed her on both cheeks. ‘How are you?’
Worried, nervous, excited. Mostly wound tight with longing. She smiled. ‘Happy.’ Unless—until—everything came tumbling down around her red-tipped feet. Leaning in close, to feel that lithe body against hers. The need to get even closer overtook everything else. Rising on her toes, she locked eyes with Noah and touched her lips to his. Just like three years ago, her inhibitions were blinded around Noah.
Noah kissed her back, this time longer and deeper, sending her world spinning. Finally he pulled away, leaving her hungry for more of him. ‘Your happy disposition is contagious.’ His smile was wry. He took her hand and held out a chair with the other. ‘Coffee’s coming. I also ordered a platter of cheeses and crackers to fill the gap.’
‘Thanks. I’m a bit peckish.’
‘Me too, and dinner’s a way off as I’ve got a patient to check up on later. He haemorrhaged excessively during surgery.’
Fair enough. She didn’t have long to talk to him then. ‘Never good. What were you operating on?’
Noah shook his head. ‘We’re not at work now.’
Nice one. More excitement touched her.
Quieten down, girl.
‘Fair enough.’
So what would they talk about? Holly. That was why she’d come. That, and to be with Noah.
‘Do you ever think about that night?’ Surprise flitted through his expression, as though he couldn’t believe he’d asked.
Well, Noah, neither can I.
It was up front and had her wondering where this was going. Another one-night stand? Did she even want that? The moment she’d seen him on the ward she’d felt all those same exciting sensations she’d felt back then, and something more. A connection that really couldn’t be explained other than it felt right.
The coffees and nibbles arrived.
When the waitress had gone Stacey told Noah truthfully, ‘Yes, I have. Often.’
The surprise lightened. ‘Me, too,’ he admitted. Then, ‘As you were leaving, you said thank you for helping you get on with your life. What was that about?’
Looking into those grey eyes, she found genuine interest, and it gave her a sense of having found a man she could tell her all to. Starting with the truth about her past. ‘A year before that dance I was jilted four days out from my wedding.’ She stared at Noah.
Don’t you dare feel sorry for me, because I no longer do.
‘We’d known each other pretty much all our lives, had been best friends and then fell in love and got engaged. When he ended it I was heartbroken, and couldn’t seem to get on with my life. One of my friends suggested joining them at the dance and I reluctantly agreed. When I left home that night my father said to go out and enjoy myself, let my hair down—’ She stopped when Noah’s mouth twitched. ‘Guess I did that.’
The twitch became a full-blown grin. ‘You did. It was beautiful spread across the pillow.’
She gasped. ‘Sure you should be saying things like that? We’ve only just got reacquainted.’
‘It’s been two days, far longer than last time.’
‘Are you flirting with me?’ That was a turnaround from last time.
‘Should I be?’
Yes, please.
‘Let’s wait and see. I had a wonderful night with you, but it was three years ago and who knows if we’re even on the same page with our lives any more
.’
And there’s something huge to tell you.
‘At least you’re being honest.’ That couldn’t be relief taking over his expression. He’d started this. ‘Something else we have in common,’ he added.
She didn’t have to ask what else he was referring to. It was there in their easy way together. Funny, but she was completely relaxed, even knowing what lay ahead in the next few days. Stacey looked around the packed room, and then back to Noah. Lifting her flat white, she saluted him. ‘I’m glad we’ve finally caught up. I’ve wondered where you were, even who you were. You were like a mystery. No one knew you when I asked around. I started thinking I’d made it all up.’
‘You tried to find me?’
‘I asked everyone from the General Hospital CEO to the janitors. Or close enough. You were a mystery, yet I hadn’t imagined that night. Not a minute of it.’
‘It was real.’ He nodded. ‘I asked my friend if he knew you, and I got the same result.’
‘It seemed wrong to have such a good time and not follow up, though that might’ve spoiled the whole thing.’ She grinned. ‘I was a little tiddly by the time we left the dance.’
He held his thumb and forefinger out, almost touching. ‘A little. But you seemed to know exactly what you wanted.’
‘No regrets.’ Not one. Right, they’d got that out of the way. ‘Tell me about your time in New Zealand.’
He filled her in on where he’d lived and worked, and how well he’d got on with his cousin. ‘Have you ever been there?’
‘I’ve never left Britain.’ Not enough money in the coffers for travelling overseas. ‘I’ve been to Scotland to see where my grandparents came from. Loved all those mountains and lochs.’
‘You’re a stay-at-home girl? Or travelling not your thing?’
‘Angus wasn’t into holidays, preferred working on projects, and I guess it rubbed off. No point getting wound up about it when he’d never change his mind.’ Though now she questioned her willingness to sacrifice her own dreams for his.
Noah was watching her closely again. ‘I’ve been married.’
Her stomach lurched. ‘You have?’
His nod was abrupt. ‘Divorced two years before I met you.’
‘What happened?’
His mouth flattened, and for a moment she thought she’d gone too far. But he wouldn’t have raised the subject if he wasn’t going to tell her more. Then he shrugged. ‘Christine wasn’t who I thought she was. Looking back, I don’t think she ever loved me. She wanted the comfortable lifestyle I could provide and in return she offered to have two children in quick succession so we could move on with living the perfect, wealthy life.’ Bitterness mingled with anger in his voice, and when Stacey looked into his eyes she saw the same emotions there. ‘Like I wanted to have children in those circumstances, without any say in the matter.’
Did he mean he didn’t want children, full stop? Or not with his ex? ‘I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard on you.’
‘It’s fine. I’m over her. Just thought I needed to put it out there.’
Right. He was over his ex? He might not love her any more, but he hadn’t got over what she’d done to him. He was where she’d been the night they’d met. Her hopes for tonight and sharing her news dropped. This wasn’t looking good for her and Holly. He might not believe her when she said Holly was his. ‘Thank you for telling me.’
What else could she say? I’m here and I wouldn’t do that to you. Give me a chance to prove it.
Noah glanced at his watch. ‘I’ll have to go shortly.’
Already? ‘No problem.’ Glancing at the wall clock, she saw they’d spent nearly an hour here. The time had flown by, leaving her hyper and happy, and a little worried. Learning more about Noah was always going to come with pitfalls. Being with him hadn’t. The way heat was tripping over her skin had her wishing they could find another hotel room for a few hours. She so wasn’t ready to leave Noah, but she was a big girl. She’d get over her disappointment. She hadn’t said what she’d come to say either.
‘Can we do this again?’ How would he take the news of Holly? Until he’d said that about his ex-wife planning on having children in quick succession and hadn’t sounded too enthusiastic, she believed he’d accept being a father without too many problems. Now she wondered if she’d got that wrong, and what else wasn’t as she thought.
‘Absolutely.’
So he was still keen to see her. She exhaled slowly. That had to be good. ‘Great.’
‘I’ll walk you to the station.’ Noah stood up.
Brilliant. A few more minutes with him. Despite the children problem, she bounced beside him, like a kid who’d had too much sugar. ‘Thanks.’ Bundled up in thick jackets, they braved the cold air after the heat of the bar. ‘I can’t wait for winter to be over.’
‘It’s been a shock after leaving summer behind down under.’ Noah strode out beside her.
Upping her pace to keep up, she shoved her hands deep in her pockets, for warmth and to stop herself from grabbing his hand and holding him until they reached the station. ‘You wouldn’t think of going back there?’
‘It’s tempting, but I own family property here that I would never sell. Other people used my house while I was away and I’m now stuck with a massive redecoration project.’
The Bloomsbury house spoke of other-world wealth. No one lived there on a budget. Noah must come from a very wealthy family. Lucky for him. Though nothing like that came without responsibilities, like not being able to live in a country he really liked. His life was nothing like hers, and never would be. It would be great to have a spare few thousand pounds in the bank, but she wasn’t in need of a fortune.
From what she’d seen, money didn’t necessarily make a person any happier either. With her, Holly would get a grounding in basics such as working for what she wanted. Unless Noah didn’t have the same idea and gave her everything. Another thing to find out more about. These few precious minutes were hers to enjoy for herself. ‘How handy are you with a paintbrush?’
‘A what?’ He grinned.
‘That good? Fair enough.’
‘I’m a doctor. There are qualified painters and decorators to fix my problems while I concentrate on what I am good at.’ She waited. Was he going to reveal feelings about that night he wanted to follow up on?
Then he shook his head. ‘Another time.’
Her heart sank. ‘Okay.’
He touched her jaw, lifted her head. ‘Don’t worry, Anastasia. I’m not out to hurt you.’ His mouth covered hers briefly. Then he took her hand and continued to the station.
At the entrance they stopped, turned to face each other. Stacey gazed at the man who’d changed her life so much without realising any of it and felt comfortable with him. As a thread of warmth wound through her, she had to admit to another feeling—desire. Nothing had changed in that respect. The softening of her stomach, the tightness at her centre, the thumping in her chest—all the same.
How could she feel like that about a man she’d made love with three years ago and not seen or heard from since? Easily, apparently, if the way he made her feel special was an indicator. Did this mean there was more to her feelings than was logical? But it seemed love wasn’t logical, could come out of the blue and bang a person over the head like a thunderclap. Not that she loved him. But she certainly felt more for him than she’d have believed possible. He was under her skin now, and looked like he was staying there for a long time, if not for ever.
‘Anastasia? There was something else you said to me that night.’
She stared at him, hope flickering behind her ribs, her tongue moistening her lips. Did he mean what she thought? What if she uttered those words and got it completely wrong? What was there to lose? Her pride could take a knock. ‘Kiss me, please? Again.’
‘It wasn’t a question last time, it was a
demand.’ Noah’s mouth touched her lips, gently at first, then more demanding, taking over, holding her close, his tongue pushing into her mouth. Kissing her, embracing her.
Weak-kneed, she leaned against him for strength, all the while kissing back with a fervour that brought need cascading throughout her starved body. This was what she’d remembered, and longed for, over and over during the years when only memories had been real. This was why she’d moved on from her past and started looking forward. It was also why she’d never given up trying to find him—for her and for Holly.
But at the moment she relished being with him for herself. She kissed him again and again. This had given her Holly. Their daughter. It could give her a whole lot more if Noah was as invested in her as she was becoming in him.
Stacey paused, and immediately Noah raised his head.
‘Anastasia?’ He was smiling, his eyes light and sparkling. ‘We seem to connect the moment we’re alone together, don’t we?’
‘Alone as in surrounded by others dancing, or people dashing to catch a train? We sure do,’ she said with a grin. Leaning back, she stared up at him, and gathered her courage. ‘Can I see you at the weekend?’ The smile was diminishing, taking her heart with it. She rushed on.
‘If it doesn’t suit, that’s all right.’ She wanted to tell him now, but he was heading back to work, and to go with him so they could talk after he’d dealt with his patient didn’t sit comfortably. Besides, Toby was looking after Holly while her parents were out, and he wanted to go to see a mate when she got home. Another day would have to do, which wasn’t easy now that she’d made up her mind to get it over with.
Noah seemed to be considering his options, making her feel uncomfortable for asking in the first place.
‘I know you’re busy.’
He reached for her and dropped a kiss on her cheek. ‘Stop it. You should come to my house and we’ll have lunch.’
‘Put like that, how can I refuse?’ She smiled.
He answered, ‘By saying no.’
‘Are you already regretting inviting me? Because if you are, then please say so. But I do want to talk.’
