Perfectly Adequate

by Jewel Ann

  I chuckle. Does Kellie know that all of Dorothy’s quirks that may drive her parents crazy make me love her just that much more?

  “But then … she fills a box for kids who have less than nothing.”

  But then that …

  Dorothy … Dorothy … Dorothy …

  “You did a great job raising her. She’s perfect.” I grin.

  Kellie stands, twisting her mouth to hide her pride. “She’s … adequate.” She winks and slips out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

  * * *

  My mom messages me a picture of Roman eating pancakes with a “Hope you and Julie are enjoying your alone time.”

  This means Julie didn’t get Roman last night. So I drive to her house. After ringing the doorbell twice, she answers the door in a robe. Puffy eyes and a forced smile.

  I step inside. “Jules …” I hug her to me.

  She grips my shirt and silently sobs for a few minutes. There’s not much to say. She knows.

  This hurts.

  Everything we had has changed, and it just doesn’t fit right anymore.

  “I’m t-too late.” She pulls back and wipes her face.

  I nod slowly. Just once. “It’s not because of the baby. I don’t want you to ever think I’m choosing this child I’m having with Dorothy over our child.”

  Julie turns, her breath shaky on a slow inhale as she walks toward the front window to her spacious great room. “I know, Eli.”

  “I want us to be okay, Jules. Maybe not today. Maybe not for some time, but I want us to give Roman the best of us apart and together. I don’t want him to ever see me do anything but love you. Because I do … I love you with a part of myself that will always belong only to you.”

  She turns, blinking more silent tears that she quickly wipes from her face as she shrugs. “So that’s what we do … we give him everything. Me. You. Us. And the woman who idolizes me.”

  “Jesus, Jules …” I shake my head and allow myself to return the same tiny grin she has on her own face. “Are you going to lord this over me forever?”

  She laughs. It’s still partially a sob, but I can tell she’s trying so hard to make this right. “Yes. You’ll get her love, but I’ll get her respect.”

  My eyebrows shoot up my forehead. “You think she doesn’t respect me?”

  “Well …” Julie straightens her robe like she would straighten her lab coat, shoulders back, chin up. “I’m sure there’s some respect there, but I don’t think she could ever think of you as a boss bitch.”

  I have a million comebacks, starting with the fact that I’m pretty sure men can’t be boss bitches. But I don’t give her anything more than my silence and an easy nod. She’s hurting. I know this because I recognize the false confidence. I’ve lived it for the past year. Letting go of your first love is pretty fucking painful. And as much as people might think she let go of me last year, she didn’t. Not really.

  This. This is her truly letting go.

  This is me … letting go.

  “Eli …” As more tears fill her eyes, I fight my own emotions, and she sees it. This time she hugs me.

  This time she comforts me.

  We hold each other for so long, I’m not sure what time of day it is. It’s a silent goodbye. It’s painful. It’s exactly what it should be because we’ve been each other’s world—each other’s everything—for so long. I spent a lifetime with this woman.

  Now, I kiss her on the cheek one last time as I release her, turn, and walk out the door to spend a lifetime with Dorothy Mayhem.

  EPILOGUE

  New Neighbors

  Seven (ish) months later …

  “I’m a whale. A whale in a gown. A whale with a hat. How do you like that?”

  “Are you ghost writing for Dr. Seuss?” I ask Dorothy, the mother of my child—a girl we were told. My superhero. My exercise buddy. My almost everything … except Roman. Oh … and she’s not my wife.

  Nope.

  No marriage for Dorothy Mayhem.

  Just as well. It would be a crime to change that awesome name of hers.

  I adjust her graduation cap before kissing her coconut-flavored lips while holding Violet Riley Mayhem Hawkins in my hands as she kicks inside her mom’s belly.

  Yes, I’m getting ready to live a life of Riley and mayhem.

  “Does this gown make me look fat?” Dorothy continues, frowning.

  “Nurse Mayhem, I’ve had about enough of you insulting the woman I love. Can you give it a break? Put a smile on your face. And go plant your sexy booty in that chair to get your diploma.”

  “Think you’ll actually stick with this one?” Her dad smirks, referring to her many degrees.

  Dorothy shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m kind of getting sick of the hospital scene.”

  I laugh to lighten the mood. Her parents? They don’t laugh because they know she’s not joking. I know it too, but this woman has my baby inside of her. I don’t give a shit whether or not she gets an actual job as a nurse.

  My Dorothy wanders through life. And as long as she always makes it back to me, I don’t care if she spends an eternity in college, getting twenty different degrees, or pushing patients around a hospital, or gleaning every night of the week.

  “Dorothy … I will clap for you.” Roman hugs her legs, and she bends down to hug him back. My son loves her, maybe more than me. She’s worthy of that kind of love. She’s just … fucking perfection.

  “Thanks, Romeo.”

  “Kisses for Violet.” He presses his hands to her belly and kisses his baby sister.

  “I’m going to cry …” Kellie wipes her eyes.

  “Please don’t, Mom. I’m puffy everywhere else. Can you not make me cry with your sappiness?”

  “It’s happiness, not sappiness.” Kellie rolls her eyes at Dorothy. “We’re going to take Roman to find seats. I love you.” She hugs her daughter.

  Dorothy makes her usual awkward attempt to hug her mom back, but Violet has complicated things. As if that’s even possible with a Dorothy Mayhem hug.

  “Come on, Dorothy,” one of her classmates calls, passing Dorothy to get seated in the auditorium.

  “You good?”

  She grins at me. “I’m okay.”

  I glance at my watch. “I’m going to watch from here so I can close my standing ring before you.”

  “Jerk.” She frowns, pivoting to head into the auditorium.

  I grab her gown, giving it a tug to stop her. Then I wrap my arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder, my hands over hers on her belly. “Dorothy Mayhem,” I whisper, “I am so proud of you. You are the universe. Unequivocally the kindest human I have ever known. Thank you for choosing me. This lifetime … with me. I love you.”

  Her head tips back against mine. “I think I love you too.”

  “Okay.” I kiss her cheek one last time before letting her go.

  * * *

  Three days later, I take my Dorothy to the hospital at three in the morning, when her contractions get too close for comfort.

  Only … we don’t make it there.

  “Now, Eli.” She shoots me a wide-eyed glance, ten minutes from the hospital. Her hand slides up her skirt. “Eliii!” She closes her eyes, holding her breath. “I feel the head. Eli!”

  “Okay, babe. We’ve got this. No big deal.” I pull over on the side of the road.

  “It burns!” She grunts, scrunching her face. “It is a big deal!”

  I call for an ambulance.

  “I’m going to move you to the backseat.” I hop out, run around the car, and lift her from the front seat to the backseat.

  “Eli!” She tucks her chin and pushes. “Oh god! Call an ambulance before this baby falls out onto its head! Eli … she has my genes. We can’t let her fall on her head too!”

  “Dorothy Mayhem …” I grab her hand, interlacing our fingers and squeezing until she gives me her eyes. “I know I’m not your favorite doctor … but I’m nonetheless a doctor. I called t
he ambulance. They’ll be here soon. In the meantime … we’ve got this. I’ve got you. I’ve got Violet.”

  I slide off her panties, prop up my phone with the light illuminating Violet’s crowning head. “She has a head of dark hair.”

  “H-how can you be so fucking CAAALLLMMM?” Her face contorts with another contraction as she pushes.

  I know she’s in pain. But my Dorothy has never been so beautiful. “I’m calm because I’m getting ready to deliver our baby. And you are the strongest person I know. So let’s do this. Let’s meet Violet.”

  Dorothy opens her eyes, tears running down her cheeks as she nods. “Thank you,” she whispers between contractions on a labored breath.

  “For what?”

  “For letting me be me. Letting me be enough.”

  My own emotions burn my eyes. “You’re welcome.”

  “Ouch … it’s coming … it hurts. ELI!”

  “Push, Dorothy … you’ve got this.”

  She pushes once, twice … and on the third push Violet’s head is out.

  “Stop, baby. Take some short breaths. Try not to push. The cord is around her neck.” I feel for the cord, it’s tight but not too tight. “Okay. Give me another big push.”

  Dorothy yells and Violet slides out. I unwrap the cord from her neck, and just as the ambulance’s lights illuminate behind us, Violet lets out her first cry. It’s a bit weak with a gurgle, but it’s her first breath, and nothing since Roman taking his first breath has ever sounded so beautiful.

  “My baby …” Dorothy reaches for Violet as several people crowd around the vehicle.

  I can’t even speak, I’m so fucking over the moon as I hand Dorothy our daughter.

  It’s funny how a year can change your world. And it’s amazing how a single breath can take a life, give a life, and sometimes … save a life.

  She is my breath of life.

  * * *

  Dorothy

  Three weeks later …

  We brought Violet home from the hospital two days after Eli delivered her in the back of my Q5. I really should have gotten the Q7.

  Home … well it’s his house off Skyline Drive. And our weekend home is forty-five minutes away, with a huge yard, a trampoline, and two emus. Gemma travels back and forth with us. And my parents spend more time sitting together on the sofa with me not there as much.

  I’m a homebody. A creature of habit. I like the familiar. And Eli respects that. He honors every little quirky thing about my personality. My need for space. My need for expressing my emotions in emojis and sorting them in piles and piles of brightly colored journals.

  “Julie is coming over.” Eli frowns as he comes down the stairs from putting Violet down for a nap. He sets the monitor on the coffee table.

  “She’s just dropping off Roman. What’s the long face about?” I ask.

  We have a great relationship with Dr. Hathaway. And all the guilt I thought I’d feel over Eli giving up having Roman full-time was for nothing. Roman is a thriving young boy because all of us have worked hard to make sure he feels an abundance of love and sense of family.

  “She’s moving.” He shakes his head. “We agreed we wouldn’t do this until Roman is older. It’s not a written agreement, but we both voiced it. I heard she was offered a job in New York. New York, Dorothy. That’s too far. That’s too many trips. He’s supposed to start preschool this fall. How can she do this? How can she uproot him like this? There’s no way it’s going to work with every other week. I …” He runs his hands through his messy—and yes—sexy hair.

  I feel his anxiety, even if I don’t know what to say. Is he going to ask me to move to New York too, so we’re close to Roman? The idea evokes a nauseating anxiety because I know I’ll say yes. It will kill me to leave my parents, my emus, my comfort zone, but I’ll do it. I’ll do it for Roman. And Eli knows this … he knows my love for Roman is as great as my love for Violet. I don’t see Roman as anything less than my own child. My buddy … my little superhero.

  My Romeo.

  “So we go.” Yep. Here I go. Avoiding conflict at all cost. “We move to New York.”

  “My patients, babe. This isn’t just about Julie, Roman, you, Violet … our families. It’s about my patients.”

  I nod, easing out of the recliner and standing in front of him. I just … lean into him. It’s my way of offering a hug. Eli wraps his arms around me.

  “Of course … of course you’d say this. I love you so fucking much, Dorothy Mayhem.”

  The doorbell rings, and before Eli can answer it, Roman opens the door and runs inside.

  “Shh …” Eli preemptively shushes him as he picks him up for a big hug. “Violet is sleeping. How are you, buddy?” He buries his face in Roman’s neck and kisses him over and over.

  “Daddy!” He giggles.

  Dr. Hathaway—yeah, she’ll always be Dr. Hathaway, Boss Bitch to me—walks in behind Roman and grins at the display of father-son affection.

  “Go play quietly in your room while I talk to Mommy.”

  “No. Listen, Daddy! We have a surprise.”

  Eli holds his finger to his mouth to remind Roman to keep his voice down.

  “We have a surprise,” Roman repeats on a whisper, cupping his hands at his mouth.

  God … I love this kid.

  Dr. Hathaway chuckles.

  Eli gives her a hesitant smile, clearly not in the mood for surprises. Especially the ones that involve moving to New York. And I already know he’s pissed, that she’s gotten Roman excited about it.

  “Come here, Daddy. Come here now.” Roman tugs on Eli’s hand, pulling him toward the door.

  I glance at Dr. Hathaway.

  She winks. “You look great, Dorothy. How’s that beautiful little girl of yours?”

  I know we’re not supposed to let her butter us up, but I can’t help my motherly pride when she asks about Violet. My daughter is the most beautiful little girl ever. I realize every mom says it, but it’s actually true in my case.

  “She’s perfect.”

  “Grab the monitor and come with us.” Dr. Hathaway nods to the baby monitor.

  I hesitate for a few seconds before grabbing my phone. Eli uses the monitor, but I have audio and video of the nursery on my phone.

  I follow them outside just as Eli and Roman cross the street.

  “Must have sold,” I murmur, noticing the house across from ours no longer has a For Sale sign in the yard.

  “Daddy! This is Mommy’s new house! You like it?”

  Eli just … stops, even with Roman tugging on his arm. After a few seconds he turns toward Dr. Hathaway.

  She shrugs with a big smile. “It will make it easier for both of us to tuck him in at night. And for him to spend time with his sister. And for me to discuss cutting-edge medical research with Dorothy, when she’s not busy being a superhero.”

  Yeah, he’s in shock. He hasn’t even blinked yet.

  Me? I’m trying to play it cool, when really I want to ask how often she wants to get together to discuss this cutting-edge medical research. But I don’t take this from Eli. It’s his moment.

  It’s his world coming full circle.

  “Are you okay, Eli?” she asks on a slight chuckle.

  Roman continues to pull on one of his hands while he nods slowly. Something along the lines of the happiest emoji ever takes over his expression as he reaches his other hand to take mine.

  “Yeah.” He exhales a long breath. “Everything is definitely okay.”

  The End

  Acknowledgments

  This story is a labor of love. Thank you for reading it. Out of everything I’ve written so far, this one feels the most personal to me.

  I have to start by thanking Shauna and Marley for so many inspiring, true stories that helped bring Dorothy Mayhem to life.

  Thank you to Asher, my own little version of Dorothy, for reminding me every single day that the spectrum is human. It’s not autism. I will always be in awe of your imagination and
kindness.

  My editing team … I cannot say enough about the special humans who rake through my words, sort out the shit, and polish the rough spots. Max, Monique, Leslie, Kambra, Sian, Bethany, Sherri, Jyl, and Allison … thank you!

  Jennifer Beach, thank you for keeping me from falling apart on a daily basis and working your ass off to make Jewel E Ann look social, or ridiculous, in the case of newsletter face swaps. But more than anything, thanks for sharing your activity rings with me, and for letting me “win” on certain days to boost my aging ego.

  Thank you to every contestant who participated in my cover design contest. There were so many good ones, but Sign.Yra nailed the essence of Dorothy Mayhem.

  My wonderful Jonesies, you are my safe place. Thank you for your daily love and encouragement. More than anything, thank you for supporting my chaotic style of writing—the whiplash from dark suspense, to romantic comedy. Your willingness to “go there” with me has made me a very happy writer.

  Thank you, Kate Stewart, for being a sounding board when I’m on the edge of a cliff. You always pull me back to reality and remind me how incredibly lucky we are to have this opportunity to tell stories.

  Jenn, Sarah, and Brooke with Social Butterfly PR, thank you for giving my stories visibility, for getting my book out there for the world to see.

  To all my author friends … Yes, I’m excited to announce that I officially have friends. Thank you for letting me into your lives, cheering me on, sharing my stories, and inspiring me with your talent. You are too great in number to list by name, but I just want all five of you to know how much you mean to me.

  Paul with BB ebooks, as always, thank you for your formatting services.

  Finally, to my family, thank you for loving me as Dorothy and as Julie. I am blessed beyond words.

  Also by Jewel E. Ann

  Jack & Jill Series

  End of Day

  Middle of Knight

  Dawn of Forever

  Holding You Series