Rayne was warm, intelligent, witty, compassionate, and innocent in a way one did not expect a woman who had been educated in the medical field to be. The fact that she was beautiful and possessed a form that made his hands itch to run over her curves was a bonus.
However, he could not honestly ask her to marry him without telling her first about what had happened to Lydia. His part in the disaster. She deserved to know what a cad he’d been before he became the cad she knew. He honestly did not believe he was good enough for her, but if she were able to listen to his story and he did not see the condemnation in her eyes, there might be a chance.
The sound of the front door opening and her cheerful greeting to Walter, despite how very tired she must be, only raised his respect for her. He could tell by her walk down the corridor that she was struggling to make it as far as her bed. Perhaps he should wait until another time.
No. If he did, it would not be in consideration of her fatigue, but a way to get out of what he wanted—yea, needed—to tell her. “Good morning, Rayne.” He offered her a bright smile and was granted one in return.
“The babies are beautiful.” She laid her medical bag on the counter and rubbed her eyes. “And the mother and father are doing just fine.” Her eyes filled with tears. She covered her eyes with her hand, and he reached out to pull her against his chest.
These were tears of exhaustion. No sobbing, no wailing, just tears slowly trickling down her soft cheeks and landing on his chest, the wet spot on his shirt growing. “I am such a silly one.” She took the handkerchief he handed her and wiped her nose.
“Come, sit down for a minute. You look weary.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her to the sofa in the office connected to the infirmary.
“How is everything here?” She took in a shuddering breath.
“Only two patients left. Your assistant, Miss Kincaid made a list that’s on your counter of those requesting a visit from you. She told everyone on the list that it would be tomorrow before you will get to them.”
Rayne wiped her nose and looked at him with red-rimmed eyes with dark circles underneath. “Were there any emergencies among the requests?”
“No. Just the usual coughs, fevers, aches and pains.” He pushed back the hair that had fallen onto her forehead.
She nodded. “Good.”
“I suggest you find your bed. Miss Kincaid and I can stay here until you’ve had some rest and wake you if there is an emergency.”
“Why would you do that?” She eyed him curiously. “I am sure there are other things to which you must attend. I’m afraid I’ve taken up much too much of your time of late. Truth be known, I’m feeling a tad guilty.” Her slight smile twisted his stomach.
He hopped up to begin pacing again and had to grab the back of the sofa to keep from falling over. Damn the broken leg. “Don’t feel guilty. I am doing this of my own free will.” He sat back down and took her hands in his. “I owe you so much, rather than the other way around.”
She covered her mouth to stifle a yawn and guilt assailed him. This was not the time to have the conversation he wanted. It was not fair to her. He stood again and pulled her up. “Come. You need some sleep. There are things I wish to discuss with you, but not in the state you are in now.”
“I agree. Please send one of the maids to awaken me by early afternoon.” She walked with him to the staircase as he limped with his cane. “Will you be here later?”
“Yes. I have tasks to perform in your ledgers. And I am working on a project I would love to present to you when you’re feeling up to it. But all these things can wait until you’ve had some rest.”
As much as he’d like to scoop her into his arms and carry her upstairs, his leg and the presence of Walter at the door prevented any such show of gallantry. Instead, he kissed her hand and waved at the stairs. “I will see you later.”
He spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon going over the books, sending notes to medical suppliers who he suspected had been charging far too much for Rayne’s supplies.
He then continued with sending out dunning letters to those who owed Rayne quite a bit of money for her services. He was annoyed with the ones he knew had the blunt to pay the bill but ignored the notes he’d already sent. Members of the Upper Crust were notorious for neglecting their bills.
He was not against making in-person visits.
“You are still here.” Rayne stood at the doorway to the office, looking immensely better than when he’d sent her upstairs a few hours before. She’d braided her hair and wrapped the thick strands around her head like a crown. Her dress was clean and wrinkle-free.
But nothing beat the warm smile on her face, and the glow in her eyes. “I believe I will send for tea. And perhaps some sandwiches, I find I am quite hungry.” She walked to the small bell on a table by the door and rang for a maid. “Have you had luncheon?”
“Yes. I was just going to find one of the maids to awaken you. My dear, you are looking much better.”
“Thank you. I feel much better, too.” One of the maids he remembered as Mary appeared at the doorway. She curtsied at Rayne’s request and hurried away.
“I must say I enjoy having the maids about. It does make life easier.” She dropped onto the sofa next to where he sat. “No emergencies, I assume?”
“No. Everything was quiet.” He cleared his throat and decided to delve right in. “Once tea arrives, I would like to present an important issue to you for your consideration.”
“Well, you certainly have my curiosity now.” She smiled and smoothed out her skirts. “Need we wait for tea?”
It was time to speak of what had been going around in his mind all the hours he worked on the books and sent letters out. Indeed, the subject kept him awake nights and tied in knots every time he was near her.
“Perhaps not.” He turned toward her and took her small warm hands into his. “I don’t think you should marry Mr. Faulkner-Jones.”
Obviously, this was not something she’d expected. She frowned and stared at him. “Indeed? And why would you say that?”
“Because I believe you should marry me.”
Chapter 12
Should I be on my knees?
The thought popped into Edwin’s head as the last word had been spoken. He wasn’t sure what to expect from Rayne when he made his announcement, but it certainly wasn’t what he got.
She said nothing. She made no facial movement. She did not swoon—that was good. She didn’t laugh—that was also good. What she did was continue to stare at him. “What?”
Well, then. Apparently, she had no reaction because she hadn’t heard what he said. He cleared his throat and this time he slid to the floor—awkward, that, with a leg cast—and took her hand. “I am asking you to do me the honor of becoming my wife.”
“Why?”
Edwin was stumped. Why does a man propose marriage to a woman? Love? Not in this case—unless he was trying to fool himself. Security? Dr. Stevens had a thriving medical practice and if he was able to cajole her patients into actually paying for her services, she could provide adequately for herself.
Children? She never expressed an interest in the little urchins, although she was quite fond of Glory. Social standing? A female doctor would not have much social standing no matter who she married.
He answered the only way he could. “Why not?”
“First of all, as your doctor, I order you off the floor. It is not good for healing your leg.” She looked down at the floor. “It’s all twisted up.”
He shifted and sat alongside her.
This time she took his hands. “First of all, I am already betrothed. Not that I remembered it, or am particularly happy about it, but nevertheless I am not free to accept your offer.”
“Engagements can be broken. In your case, it should be broken. Rayne, Faulkner-Jones is not a good man. I don’t mean he’s a criminal or a libertine—”
“—like you.”
He scowled.
“Not like me. Well, maybe at one time, but not so much lately, at least according to my friends.” He sighed. “We are getting distracted. You haven’t answered my question.”
“Which one?” She actually looked confused, so she was not purposely trying to waylay him.
Now he was so confused he didn’t remember himself which question he was awaiting an answer on. Well, there was one important one and he decided to go back to it. “Will you marry me?”
When she opened her mouth to speak, he raised his hand. “Please don’t ask me why or we will be at this conversation all day.”
“Edwin, until Mr. Faulkner-Jones walked through my front door, marriage was the very last thing on my mind.”
“Had you never considered the married state?”
“As a young girl, yes. All young girls think about weddings, husbands, babies, that sort of thing. But once Father put it into my head that I should concentrate on my studies so I could begin medical training, the idea of a husband was relegated to the back of my mind.”
Edwin considered her for a minute. “Yet, he betrothed you to Mr. Faulkner-Jones, so he did expect you to marry.”
“Perhaps that was why he did it? Because I wouldn’t have time to do so?”
Despite her high intellect, Rayne was also an ignorant in so many ways of the world. He was beginning to believe her father did that to her on purpose. Almost as if he were molding her into something he wanted, rather than the person she was. “Truthfully, I have heard of many reasons why parents arrange marriages for their children, and I must say that ‘not having time to do so’ is one reason I have never heard before.”
She sighed, staring out at the room, the fatigue from the day before still evident on her face, although nowhere near as bad as it had been. “I still must answer his summons. I sent a note telling him I had a medical emergency and would not make my meeting. I suggested Monday afternoon, instead.”
“Do you mean to end your engagement?”
She took so long to answer his insides began to tighten. If she didn’t plan to dismiss Faulkner-Jones, Edwin would have a time of it trying to convince her to marry him instead. But that was precisely what he intended to do.
“I believe so. However, I must speak with Father first to find out why this whole thing came about.”
Although he wasn’t happy with that response, it was better than her saying she intended to go through with it. If anyone could kill Rayne’s innate happy spirit and love of people in general, it would be the supercilious Mr. Robert Faulkner-Jones.
Is that the only reason you object to him?
He was not being honest with himself. He not only didn’t want to see her life thrown away with marriage to the stiff-necked man, he wanted Rayne for his own. To watch her marry another man would tear him apart. To live with him, share his bed, bear his children.
Just when he thought he was beginning to emerge from the darkness that had surrounded him and stolen his soul, it appeared the light that was Rayne might all disappear once more. However, until she understood the bleakness in him, and the part he played in his beloved sister’s death, he could not in all honesty encourage her to marry him.
“There is one thing I must tell you before you decide on any future for us.” This confession could only be completed if he could pace. Reaching for his cane, he stood and hobbled away from her.
“You should be sitting,” Rayne said in her doctor voice.
He ignored her and continued to hobble-pace. “I had a younger sister, Lady Lydia. Five years my junior. A lovely girl. Spirited, funny, and full of life. Once my father passed away, and I held the Sterling title, I became her guardian and protector.”
He snorted. “Some protector.” He rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb. “She was to have her come-out Season when she turned seventeen. We were still in mourning when it came time, so we stayed at our country estate.
“I thought it was a good idea because Lydia was young for her age. Innocent, but more so than other girls who she would be competing with during the Season. I should have been more aware of her propensity to trust easily, but then that was how she’d been raised. My father doted on her—the only girl with two boys—and protected her from most outside influences.
“When the time for her debut arrived, she was excited and we spent a great deal of time and money on tutoring, wardrobe, a finishing governess, all the usual things.” He stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. “We had my cousin, Mrs. Glencoe, act as chaperone since my mother passed shortly after Lydia’s birth.”
“I can see you are upset. I would really prefer if you sat down.” Rayne patted the empty space alongside her on the sofa.
“Very well.” He settled in next to her, actually grateful since his leg was troubling him with all the pacing he’d been doing, although he was loathe to admit it.
“I, however, was not the protector I should have been. I trusted Mrs. Glencoe to keep a close eye on Lydia, but I did nothing to make sure that was happening. It turned out Lydia was meeting with a young lord—who shall remain nameless.” He drew in a deep breath. “After only a few months into the Season she came to me broken-hearted.”
Rayne reached out and took his hand. “What happened?”
“She had used bad judgement and she was with child.”
Rayne sucked in her breath. “Oh, no. How terrible for her. Did the young lord not step up to do his duty?”
Edwin shook his head. “No. Apparently he told his father about Lydia’s condition and the vile man sent him off to Jamaica to manage land there that the family owned.”
“That’s terrible. Why would he do that? Many marriages start off because of those circumstances.”
“Yes. However, for whatever reason the lord’s father did not approve of Lydia, or our family. Rather than align himself with us, he chose to force his son to abandon my sister.”
“What happened next?”
“I sent Lydia back home to our country estate with plans to join her in a few weeks after I discreetly spoke with some people to see what could be done to avoid a scandal that could very well ruin her life.” He faltered at the last few words. “However, my sister chose to end her life instead.”
“Oh, Edwin! That is terrible. I had heard that your young sister died, but it was put about that she died of an undiagnosed illness.”
He nodded. “After being so derelict in my duties toward my sister, I had to do whatever was necessary to keep her good name. Even in death.”
Rayne’s heart broke with sympathy for the young girl who threw away her chance at a good life, and then ended it. Also for her brother who had suffered with what he felt was his part in the tragedy.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know.”
Instead of the explosion she’d expected from her remarks, he shook his head sadly and stared at his feet. “How can you say that! I was responsible for her well-being, and I failed.”
“You were responsible for her up to a point. She made her decision and then compounded her error by not waiting for you to see what could be done.”
Edwin slammed his fist into his open hand. “No! It is not that easy. While I was enjoying myself, dodging marriage minded mamas, and spending time at my clubs, I left her welfare to my cousin who obviously was not the best chaperone one could find.”
“And the only way you learned this was when Lydia came to you in trouble.” Rayne raised her hand to silence him when he opened his mouth to dispute what she’d said. “First of all, the main culprit is your young lord who knew what he was doing, while your sister, being an innocent, did not. Second, your chaperone was derelict in her duties, third, the young lord’s father did the most unconscionable thing a man could do, and allowed—nay, ordered—his son to abandon his duty and responsibility.”
She reached out and touched his hand. “As difficult as it will be for you to admit, your sister was the ultimate guilty party. Not because she allowed what happened to her, being too innocent to know when
to stop before it was too late, but she preferred to end her life rather than depend on you to help.”
Rayne shook her head, her entire being aching for his pain. “I have dealt with suicide before, and what the victim rarely considers is the pain caused to those left behind. Also, being very young, Lydia did not have the experience to learn that no matter how bad things get, they eventually get better. She didn’t live long enough to discover life has its ups and downs.”
Silence fell in the room. The ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner matched the beats of her heart as she studied Edwin. He looked devastated.
He drew in a deep breath. “Honestly, I had never considered my sister’s responsibility in the matter. I was too focused on my failure and her youth. Yes, she was young, and perhaps foolish, but she had no faith in me to help her.”
“I have a feeling this all happened right before you moved to Bath and began your hedonistic lifestyle?”
He squared his shoulders. “I would not call it hedonistic…”
Her raised eyebrows stopped him.
“Perhaps it was a bit too much.”
“Edwin, many people turn to self-destruction when in pain. You are no different than others who have done the same thing. What you need to do is put it behind you. Not that you will ever completely forget your sister, or the part you feel you played in her downfall. But eventually, you will not feel the pain you feel now.”
He sat with his hands dangling between his spread knees, his head down. Rayne bent so she could see his face. “It’s time to forgive yourself, Edwin. Would Lydia want you to live this way?”
He shook his head. “No. She was a wonderful girl. Loving, caring, and concerned with the happiness of others.” He looked over at Rayne. “She would have been a wonderful mother.”
Walter arrived at the door to her office causing a slight interruption in their conversation. “Dr. Stevens, this message just arrived for you.” He held out a salver with an envelope on it.
“Thank you.” She took the letter and winced. “It’s from my father.”
The Doctor and the Libertine: The Merry Misfits of Bath - Book Five Page 10
