by kendra Smith
He came up beside her and narrowed his eyes, checked the gauge in her air tank, looked at her weight belt. Then he looked up and tucked his hair behind his ear.
‘And you say Tom can dive? Qualified?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded vigorously. ‘He qualified on our honeymoon… while I, well, as you know, freaked out, so didn’t actually qualify. But I will today, won’t I?’ She forced herself to beam at him, and he grinned back. Be confident.
‘Good on ya, Katie, that’s the spirit. Now just lessen your weight belt a little as your suit’s pretty light; lighter than on your training dives, so you don’t need so much.’
‘OK.’
‘And, Katie?’ His blue eyes were focused on her. ‘Don’t worry, OK? You can do this. You’ll be a qualified open-water diver after these two dives.’
‘Sure.’ She smiled hard, almost too hard. Her mouth hurt a little. She took a weight from her belt and dropped it in a pile of weights next to Chris. As she stood up, she looked out to sea, again, watched a bird, some kind of tern, circle above the sea and she shivered, remembered what Tom had said. He couldn’t believe it. Didn’t think she was serious when she called him, told him to meet her in two weeks.
‘You’ve booked a what?’ he’d said, down the phone.
‘A dive. You know? Done something for myself.’ For you actually.
There was a silence. ‘But you hate diving, Katie,’ he’d replied.
‘No, no I don’t any more, quite like it really. I’ve done a course, in fact—’
‘A course? Really?’ He sounded impressed.
‘Yes, I have.’
There had been a silence on the other end of the phone until he finally laughed. ‘Well done, I had no idea.’
‘There you are. We’re even then – about things we don’t know about the other.’ She added the last bit hastily, realising that she didn’t want to spoil it, go over old ground. ‘It would be good for us to do something together, meet on neutral turf – what do you think?’ Katie continued.
Her eyes found the tern again as she watched it veer towards the water, dive suddenly and emerge with a fish in his beak. She took a deep breath and cast her eyes around the beach, took in the tiny curve of pale sand in the distance with the hotel’s villas perched like little tiny gulls clinging on to the hillside. It was a breath-taking view.
Just then she noticed Tom by the road, hauling his gear out of the back of a car. He must have come down last night. Where did he stay?
She smiled at him, felt peculiar, and waved. He walked towards her slowly and then when he reached her the awkwardness was tangible.
‘Hi there, all ready then?’ He smiled. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
‘Yup, all ready, Blake says the boat will be here in twenty.’ She was speaking really fast, gabbling. She took a deep breath. ‘Blake will sort out your air tanks, and he needs to see your dive licence.’
Tom nodded and got on with unpacking his gear and pulling on a wetsuit she handed him. ‘I saved the biggest one for you!’ She smiled, as he took it from her.
Suddenly, a woman appeared from the water with an enormous raspberry-coloured welt on her legs. She ran up to the kiosk on the beach, grimacing.
‘What was that?’ Katie turned to Chris.
‘Jellyfish sting,’ he replied. He noticed her face. ‘Hey, don’t worry, the bluebottles float on the surface, far shallower water than where we are going. You’ll have your wetsuits on. And, darl—’ he leaned in to Katie, and grinned ‘—don’t worry about the sharks.’ He winked at her. She stared at Chris, then turned away, shaking.
Sharks. Her heart started to pound against her chest as she cast her eyes around the beach for Blake. I can trust Blake, I can trust Blake. He won’t take me to where there are sharks, he just won’t. He was just down by the shore, cleaning out a mask. Katie yanked on the final bit of her wetsuit, then bent down and double-checked her weight belt and air tank. She waved at Tom who came over.
‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost; are you all right?’ he asked quietly.
‘Fine, let’s just get on with it,’ she quickly replied. Get a grip.
‘Katie.’ His hand was on her arm. ‘This was your idea, remember. I didn’t force you into it – you OK?’
‘Yes, yes, fine! Look, there’s the boat.’ She nodded to the jetty and started making her way down to the shore.
As she stood on the jetty, watching the boat come in, it wasn’t just butterflies she felt in her stomach, but an army of hamsters on a wheel going at eighty miles per hour.
The wind was up. Katie felt goosebumps under her wetsuit as she clambered onto the boat. Blake motioned to the skipper for the boat to line up a bit more as the American couple clambered on.
‘Hey, Katie.’ It was Blake. ‘All right?’
‘Yup, fine!’ She seemed to be shouting. Tiny beads of sweat had gathered across her forehead in the chilly morning as she watched Carol hop on the boat, nod to Tom and smile, then take a seat at the back. Chris handed her a box of snorkels and masks. ‘Sort these out, will you, Katie? You each need one.’ She took the box, glad of the distraction.
She and Tom sat next to each other on the way out, listened as Blake explained the first dive; told everyone that she and Carol would be qualified once they’d done today’s two dives. He looked over at her and smiled. They made their way out to the dive site, Blue Fish Point. The smell of the boat’s diesel oil wafted over the boat. Katie’s stomach churned. Tom glanced over at her every now and again; over the roar of the diesel engine he mouthed: ‘you OK?’ She nodded. Didn’t want to show him how much she was shaking. This is it, she thought. My challenge. ‘Go, Mum, good on ya!’ the boys had said to her when she’d left them. Gramps had given her a huge hug. ‘Well done, Katie, splendid idea. We shall come down to the beach to see you and Carol at the end!’
She had felt so proud, couldn’t have felt prouder if it had been her own dad… She was proud too that her kids could see her doing something beyond practising hospital corners. She felt buoyed, defiant; she took a deep breath. The diesel fumes filled her nose just as her heart lurched and she put her hand up to her mouth.
Blake was hollering over the noise of the engine. Oh God, what had he been saying? Everybody was checking each other’s tanks, rechecking weight belts, inflating their BCDs. Oh yes, must check Tom’s air, she remembered. They checked each other’s air. She watched as Carol snapped her mask on top of her hair, and winked at Katie. She looked out at the ocean; it was blue black, like inky soup, not very inviting at all. She took a deep breath.
‘You all right, darl? Look as white as a sheet.’ Carol was beside her now.
‘Fine, Carol, absolutely fine.’ She forced a thin smile at her and stuck her chest out. She looked out to sea as the boat’s engine cut. This was it.
‘Ready?’ It was Blake. ‘We all have to roll over, like we did in the pool, remember?’
No. ‘Yeah,’ she said fiddling with her weight belt, just as one weight dropped on her foot. ‘Fuck!’
‘Katie.’ Tom’s hand was on her arm; everyone on the boat fixed their eyes on her. ‘It’s all right, sweetheart.’
‘OK, everyone, listen up.’ Blake was explaining the procedure.
‘We’re diving Blue Fish Point. We’ll all descend slowly together, stay with your buddies – and stay with me, we will be doing a twenty-five-minute dive, OK? Not too deep, twelve metres.’ There was excitement in his voice.
Why don’t I feel excited? thought Katie. She tried to smile but her lips were stuck to her teeth. Try to smile.
‘Visibility isn’t great today but we should spot eels, Port Jackson sharks, bull rays, maybe a turtle, if we’re lucky. When we come up, remember: ascend slowly with your safety stops – we don’t want anyone needing decompression treatment when we surface.’
‘Any questions?’
Can I please leave now? was about to come out of her mouth, but she clamped it shut. Port what sharks? Were they the dangero
us ones? Christ, or were they the harmless ones… Could a shark be harmless? She took a deep breath.
52
They rolled off the boat backwards, hands over masks, and treaded water. The sea was far colder than Katie had expected, and she visibly had to shake herself when she was in the water, but the swell wasn’t so ferocious once they were enveloped in the icy liquid. Tom was right next to her as she looked out to sea. It was vast. Never ending. Sea everywhere. She closed her eyes for a second and started to remember the Red Sea… how much she had enjoyed it at first, Tom’s face when she came out of the water, his look of amazement at what his new wife could do on honeymoon, before the second try dive when her nerves had got the better of her… before she’d messed it up. Not this time.
And now, here I am, again, poised. My dive. She took a deep breath while she still could, before the regulator went in her mouth. As she treaded water, she checked her air. Two hundred bars: fine. Regulator in: OK. Tom was next to her. Calm down, calm down. She could hear her breathing. They both looked over at Blake and he was counting everyone: Tom and Katie; Carol and Chris, the American couple, and himself as dive master. Then he signalled that they should all descend.
All the familiar sensations returned from the pool session: the sound of breathing turned up loud, in and out, in and out, slowly. Slowly does it, Katie. A mixture of terror and exhilaration at the underwater world hit Katie at that moment. As she looked up, the surface of the ocean started to get further and further away; she watched her air bubbles rise to the top; minute particles floated by her face. She glanced nervously over at Tom who was also descending slowly.
They were using the boat’s anchor rope to find their way to the seabed. Katie had her eyes fixed on Tom. He looked at her, did the OK sign. She signalled him back ‘OK’ even though the nauseous feeling had returned, and carried on travelling down. Holding her nose she blew out as Blake had taught her, to equalise the pressure. The American couple were ahead of them, tiny bubbles slowly travelling upwards, past her fins, between her legs, past her face, then the bubbles carried on to the water’s surface. Carol and Chris were descending above Katie and Tom; she could just make out Carol’s fin above her head when she looked up at the bubbles.
When the group reached the seabed, Blake gestured for all of them to kneel on the sand. He counted the group and motioned that they should check their air. One hundred and eighty bars. God, she’d already used up a lot. She told herself to calm down, to use less air. Breathe like you’re taking air from a straw. She remembered Blake had smiled at her by the pool when she came out of one training session, looking at her tank, but somehow it was all so different here, actually under the sea… She stared around at a world that was indescribable; she felt a shiver of excitement. Looking round for Tom, she realised he was right behind her. He was pointing to something; Katie swam over slowly.
He was showing her a hole in the rock face and signalling for her to be careful. It was home to a moray eel – beautiful creatures, but they could rip a finger off your hand in seconds. Katie remembered what Blake had told them in one of the lessons, about the dangers, about how to respect the sea life. Slowly its head emerged; a beautiful silvery grey creature with beady little eyes and a slippery body gracefully appeared from the safety of the coral. Katie and Tom stayed absolutely still, watching it come out of its home then, suddenly, dart back in again. Taking a deep breath, Katie listened to the noise of her bubbles as she breathed out. Calm, Katie, calm…
The sun had finally emerged somewhere above them making the visibility much better – five metres at least; shafts of light glistened through the water. Tom signalled overhead and as Katie looked up, viewing the top of the ocean from below. She felt a knot of excitement in the pit of her stomach. Suddenly, overhead, an enormous turtle glided by, eclipsing the sun’s watery rays in the ocean for a moment, then it swam off. This was fun! Bright, bright sea sponges, deep hues of purple, pinks, stunning patches of yellow; pygmy leatherjackets darted by, an adorable puffy little yellow fish with a pouty mouth; then some kind of small fish glided by, stopped, covered itself in sand and became invisible. Katie grinned, then clamped her mouth over her regulator, in case she lost it.
They carried along the seabed a bit further, Katie chasing adorable little yellow boxfish with her finger and they knelt together, watching crabs on the seabed scuttle around, making patterns in the sand. Tom reached over and touched her hand and she let her fingers intertwine with his, saw his smiling eyes beneath the mask, felt her heart skip. To their left was something resembling an enormous seahorse. They watched the mesmerising dancing creature; Katie stared at it beyond the droplets of water that had collected on the inside of her mask and marvelled at this new world. She felt her mouth crease into a smile.
The American couple weren’t far away – Tom pointed to the seahorse-thing and they glided over to take a look, nodding excitedly. Blake then came over and had written something on his underwater pad: ‘weedy seadragon.’ It’s adorable, thought Katie, all the while watching Tom’s mouth crease next to his regulator, his eyes dart around under his mask; he was loving it. She smiled to herself. Staring at Tom, she watched his bubbles dance above his mask. Thought about how he had always taken care of her, the one who sensed that for all her shows of ‘can-do’ there sometimes lurked a tiny tiara-wearing six-year-old who wanted to be looked after.
She stared at Tom, transfixed by his bubbles, realising what an extraordinary, silent world existed under the vast oceans, which were normally only viewed from the surface. Rather like people, she mused. There’s so much hidden beneath the surface of what you see. Thought I knew Tom, thought we were fixing our marriage… yet what was going on underneath his easy smile, his late appearances home? What passions, broken ambitions or disappointments have been buried beneath the depths of his soul, like the vast array of sea life that exists in front of me?
And what about my soul? What do I really want? Who do I want? She took a deep breath and released a huge collection of bubbles, watched them drift up. I went along with Tom’s most daring experiment yet – Taking The Family To Australia. I’ve gone along with it, haven’t I? thought Katie. And why? Because I was scared, scared of losing him, scared about the money – but also because I wanted to put some distance between me and Adam; knew that it would have been dangerous to stay. But, she also realised, it was over. Very over. Don’t know what you want, madam? Click your carabiner into someone else’s safety belt and enjoy the ride… But not now, thought Katie, determinedly, I’m leading this adventure.
*
Something made her look up. Blake was very, very still, motioning for them all to stay next to the rock face. Then she saw it. Oh Sweet Jesus. The moment you never want to happen. Katie screwed up her eyes to try and see. She could just make out a fin in the distance. What kind of shark is it? An image of a bull shark lodged itself in her brain from the local paper report recently, about the one at Palm Beach… She could remember the piece now, often aggressive behaviour… OhMyGod.
Blake stayed very still. He was pressing his hands up and down in the water, palms down, to indicate for them all to slow down, to stop. Katie stared over at the American woman; her eyes were wide with terror. Carol was next to the rock face, clutching it. Suddenly Katie realised that her breathing was out of control, the noise inside her head was deafening. Tom’s hand was on her arm, squeezing it. She looked into his mask. No laughter now. He stared at her, pupils wide. The shadowy figure in the distance seemed to get closer; Blake looked around at his group again, pressed his hands down, stared at them. Katie could feel herself shaking; she felt cold, and then she felt a warm sensation down her legs; she’d just peed through her wetsuit. Her heart was thumping. Oh Christ. Then, gradually, very slowly, the shadowy figure moved away.
Suddenly, Tom was holding on to her upper arm with one hand, and holding out her air pressure gauge with the other. She was shocked to find she only had twenty bars of air left – nowhere near enough to get back to
the boat. Oh Christ, she’d been breathing very, very fast. Breathe like Darth Vader, Blake had repeatedly said in the classroom, slow and deep breaths to minimise the air use, and maximise the time under water. But she hadn’t; she’d been gulping it down with nerves. She couldn’t move; she felt terrified.
Tom motioned for her to slow down, was signalling his hands in the water, slowly pressing down with his palm: slow down, slow down. She could see the concern in his eyes, his brows furrowed; he reached out and held her wrist with one hand. With her other she gave him the ‘all is not OK’ sign with her hand moving back and forth. He looked at her air. His eyes flickered, then he stared at her and pointed up. He’s looking me right in the eye, making sure I understand, thought Katie, suddenly feeling exhausted. I know what he means; we have to surface early.
Tom signalled to Blake that they were ascending. They had already been down for twenty minutes; Blake gave them the OK sign. They were over thirty metres from where the dive boat was anchored and from where they should have been surfacing. We have to ascend with me sharing his air, thought Katie. I have to use Tom’s spare octopus. OK, we did this in the pool; I can do this. We came up from the deep end sharing air, holding on to each other. When we got to the top, we inflated our BCDs. I remember what to do, she thought, nodding to Tom.
Slowly, the two of them held on to each other’s arms, gently kicking their fins as they started their ascent. Katie fixed her eyes on Tom and his gaze burrowed into her. She kept staring at the octopus, where it fitted into the jacket. My lifeline. Where I have NO AIR. She shuddered. They gradually started ascending. Tom was checking his dive watch, then he stopped to do a five-metre safety stop. Katie clutched on to his arm, terrified. If we have to do a safety stop my air will run out sooner, she thought, panicking. But she knew they had to do one safety stop on the way up so they didn’t risk ‘the bends’ – bubbles forming in any part of your body from surfacing too quickly.
