Delaney spent a lot of time with her own thoughts; she knew exactly what she wanted to say.
I dreamed about you. Your tattoos came alive. I think you use them as a shield. You don’t want people to see what you’re really like.
Holy fuck.
“You’re right.” This girl had me turned inside out. “Because a lot of people aren’t worth the pain they cause you. I don’t have to tell you that. But you see through all the bullshit, don’t you?”
She nodded.
I picked up her hand and squeezed it. She laced her fingers between mine. That’s the picture she should’ve drawn. My busted knuckles intertwined with her feather soft fingers. She didn’t have calluses yet from the farm, and she never should. But I was too selfish to give up this time with her, it was the only way I could have her now. Not one person connected to us, Trina, Shadow, or my brother, wanted us together.
I’d never been one to do what other people wanted.
“What do you want to do about it?” I brushed my lips against her fingers. Delaney didn’t look away. She licked her lips, and I was dying to know how she tasted. Probably like spun sugar, one of those delicate Christmas candies that would melt on my tongue.
“Shea, what the fuck are you doing?” Shadow barged in, ruining everything.
To my surprise, Delaney didn’t let go. I hated to be the one to do it.
I adjusted my hat so he wouldn’t give me shit about my black eye, and grabbed the picture. I was keeping that. “The same thing you are, buddy.”
Chapter Six
Delaney
What did I want to do about it?
I clutched Shea’s hand as Shadow’s disapproval oozed over both of us. He was ruining it. His glare competed with the sensation of Shea’s lips against my skin. I was afraid Shadow could take that away from me, but my fingers still tingled, tattooed by Shea’s touch.
Shea let go. I was either too proud or afraid to take his hand back, and do the same thing Trina did to Shadow every night. I wanted to kiss Shea. Trina looked so peaceful in Shadow’s arms. Like the world stopped spinning for that instant. That’s what I wanted. But I wasn’t ready.
If he didn’t want the same thing....I wasn’t bold enough to write that in a note. Every single thing I wrote was a chance to ruin this.
Shea dismissed Shadow, turning back to me and rolling his eyes. But his expression turned serious, golden gaze locked on mine, waiting for my answer.
I could write down all the things I wanted, but we’d be here all day. The animals waited for us. They were happy to see us every morning when we entered the barn. Shea laughed when I suggested it, and said they liked us because we made them comfortable.
Comfort wasn’t something to be taken for granted.
I reached for Shea’s hand again.
He picked up each finger, running his own along each one. Like he was trying to figure out what I was made of. “I won’t push you to do anything you’re not ready for. I can come on like a ton of bricks—“
Shadow scoffed. “Understatement of the year.”
Shea shot a venomous side glance at him. “Don’t listen to that fucking guy. Don’t listen to any of them. Make up your own mind about me. If I’d walked away from you like Trina asked me to—and yes she did, Shadow—I would’ve quit this job already. You’re what’s keeping me here, Delaney. I like that you’re strong enough to make up your own mind. If you wind up thinking I’m a jackass, let me prove it to you. Don’t take their word for it.”
Nothing scared Shea. It was like a superpower.
I gripped his hand as hard as I could to see if I could get him to react. Blink. Anything.
Shea smiled, heat surging from our hands throughout my body, pooling and pulsing between my legs. “You’re brave, Delaney.”
Shadow watched the exchange with great interest, and maybe a little amusement. I didn’t know him well enough to tell.
“Come out with me tonight. Let’s go into town and look at the Christmas lights. Have you ever had a real Christmas?” Shea asked.
I’d had a lot of real bad Christmases, but that’s not what he meant. I shook my head.
“That’s it.” Shea stood, still holding my hand. I had to get up or he’d drag me across the desk in his excitement. “We’re going to have the best fucking Christmas ever. The biggest tree I can fit in the house, all the lights, colored of course, because only pussies get those icicle things, tons of ornaments. So much food we’ll all spontaneously combust. And you know what else? I want the Channings there. Everyone from Forever Home, too.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Shadow said. “I think we could all use a good Christmas, after the year we had. It will be a fresh start.”
My eyes burned. I’d wanted that more than anything. I didn’t care about presents, but I wanted Christmas. A day of family, love, and all the things I’d never had. Shea had no idea what he was giving me by doing this.
“We do it in the forest. At our house. Show all the other packs that we’re working together and they better not screw with us.” Shea and Shadow looked at each other, mouths open. “Fuck. The full moon is on Christmas.”
“Shit.” Shadow looked over at me. “She doesn’t know, does she?”
“I don’t think so. But she needs to.”
I tossed my hands in the air, then ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook. Know what?
Shea sighed, anchoring himself on the desk by one leg. He took his hat off and raked his fingers through his hair. He had one hell of a black eye.
What happened to your face? I added.
“Trina will kill you if you fuck this up, Shea. You’ll have a matching set of shiners. Choose your words wisely,” Shadow warned.
Shea motioned for me to come over to him. My heart pounded. I’d only been here a week, but already I was so attached to Shea. Who would want to hurt him? And why? I knew the others were keeping something from me. There was always that look bouncing around, like someone needed to say something, but no one was sure what.
I stepped toward him, close enough that his body heat chased away the chill of anticipation. I picked up the notebook again. I spent seven years in a crate. Whatever you have to tell me can’t be worse than that.
“No, but it won’t seem any less fucked up.” Shea sighed.
I wasn’t scared. That was the thing that stood out the most. When Shea was around, I knew no one would hurt me. I brought my fingers up to his face. I’d only touched his hands before. His energy flowed into me, even though he held his breath. The skin on his cheek was so much softer than his fingers, and I ran my fingers down to the stubble on his jaw before tracing the outline of the bruise under his eye. The lid was swollen too, I hadn’t noticed that before.
“I fight,” he said softly. “I’m an amateur boxer. That’s how I make money.”
“That’s not the only time you fight,” Shadow added.
Shea glared at him, turning away from my touch. “You have blood on your hands too, buddy. We did the same fucking thing. You took out the right guy. Mine was a mistake.”
I backed away from Shea. This was much more than boxing. The room seemed small, full of these two massive men and their secrets. And it was about to swallow me.
“You’re scaring her.” Shadow approached me. I shrugged away from his touch. He’d meant to comfort me, but the blood they were talking about, it would stain. “Have a seat, Delaney. I know it sounds scary, but no one’s going to hurt you.”
My body tensed painfully. This was the first time since I’d come here I felt real fear. The kind when there’s no way out, and fighting made it worse. I learned that the hard way.
Shadow didn’t try to diminish what Shea said. Here it was, the catch. The thing that ruined the too good to be true. The niggling little feeling I had all along in the back of my brain was coming out to play.
I didn’t sit.
Shadow handed me the notebook. “What kind of books do you like to read? As soon as you get home, yo
u curl up on the couch and you don’t put your tablet down until you fall asleep. It’s got to be something good.”
I wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but I wasn’t going to argue. Romance.
Shea peeked at the paper and grinned. “The dirty ones?”
Shadow rolled his eyes. I shrugged but I couldn’t fight my smile. The dirtier the better.
“Yes.” Shea put his hand up to high five me, closing his fingers over mine. Things felt right again when I was holding his hand. “I’m going to ask you all about those. See if there’s anything I missing.”
A different kind of tension twisted with the fear in the pit of my stomach.
Shea’s expression softened. “Relax, Delaney. You’re safe with us.”
The more he said it, the less I believed it.
“Do you ever read about werewolves, or any other shape shifters?” Shadow asked.
Weird question. Sometimes.
Shea’s eyes widened. “They write dirty books about us? Holy shit. I don’t read, but I’ll laugh my ass off if they screw up the wolf fucking.”
I was just about to write that they never had sex as wolves when I froze, realizing what he meant. I dropped the pen, looking between him and Shadow, waiting for the punchline to the joke.
It had to be coming. But it was taking too long and it wouldn’t be funny anymore.
Shadow pinched between his eyes. “Well, there it is. Leave it to Shea to tell you what we are in the same breath as fucking. And for the record, humans have absolutely no idea how good sex can be for a werewolf. I spend most of my time as a man, and there are feelings that don’t translate into words.”
I couldn’t breathe. Shadow never joked with Shea about anything. He never even took his side. I should’ve been running again, but my brain couldn’t get the message to my feet to get moving.
These two just told me they weren’t human. Either they were crazy, or I was.
“Preach it, brother.” Shea high-fived Shadow, then put his hand on my arm. I flinched. He frowned. “Are you okay? Lean back against the desk. Get her some water, Shadow. She’s in shock.”
I couldn’t swallow the drink. My body malfunctioned and nothing seemed right. At any moment, one of these men could turn into an animal. And then what?
Shea rubbed my back. That stayed the same, no matter how this ridiculous claim was. I put down the cup and looked at him, silently begging him to take it all back.
“It’s better that we tell you the truth, because you’ve been fed enough lies. We’re not fucking with you. I can see it all over your face. On the full moon, we shift into wolves. Usually it only lasts a day or two. We run in the forest. You never have to see us that way, unless you want to. But since Christmas is the full moon this year, you need to know why we’ll celebrate early.”
“You probably have a ton of questions,” Shadow said. Understatement of the year. “Nothing is off-limits. Ask anything. Most humans don’t know about us anymore. We hide it well. In human form we’re stronger and faster than regular men. Our senses are heightened. What else, Shea?”
“We’re naked when we shift back.” Shea wiggled his eyebrows, and he actually got me to laugh. “Thank God. I thought I might never hear you do that again. And we mate for life.”
He swallowed hard and averted his gaze.
“If we find a mate.” Shadow sighed. “All she-wolves our age and younger were sold to the highest bidders. That wasn’t us.”
I looked at Shea, who for the first time ever, seemed sad. When he met my gaze, there was something else there. A longing for what he couldn’t have. I put my hand on his leg, and he covered my hand with his. I understood.
All along I knew we had a connection. We were both outsiders, looking in at the rest of the world. I’d be lying if I said this revelation didn’t terrify me, but so many things terrified me I’d lost count of them all. Everyone at Forever Home had promised to keep me safe, and so far, they’d made good on that promise.
I wasn’t like everyone else either. Of all people, I should understand. And these people who weren’t even human treated me more like a person than anyone else ever had.
All my daydreams of Shea and his tattoos were for nothing. I couldn’t have him. Who was I kidding? I never could. A powerful man like that, a wolf in all forms, would never want a mute little mouse like me. He was being nice to me because he’d lose his job if he wasn’t.
I picked up the notebook. The pen shook in my hand. Is Trina a wolf?
“No, she’s human. All the ladies at the shelter are.” Now it was Shadow’s turn to look uncomfortable. “Not having a mate taught me something. When you find love, you don’t let go.”
Chapter Seven
Shea
“Pick out the biggest tree you can,” I said. “We’ll make the bitch fit. Make sure it doesn’t have any fucked up branches.”
Delaney circled the lot, considering her options carefully. I did my best to act normal, now that she knew everything about me. It was the same feeling as when I had to borrow a suit from Major and go to court. It didn’t quite fit.
All day she’d kept her distance, watching me when she didn’t think I was paying attention. She didn’t know what it meant to be a wolf. I always knew when I was being watched.
But she was still here, and that meant everything. Those two big reveals could’ve scared her away, but she hadn’t left my side, stopping to inhale the pine scent of the trees, giggling at my jokes.
The Christmas tree farm was owned by an old Sawtooth wolf. This thing had been cut today. My wolf rumbled, barely. The scent woke the animal inside me, making it peel one lazy eye open and immediately go back to sleep. The new moon was a wolf’s Achilles heel. Without the lunar pull, everything was dull.
Everything but Delaney. She glowed in the nighttime chill with strings of Christmas lights hanging overhead. She grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the tree she wanted. I’d follow her anywhere. That would never go away, even if the moon got knocked out of the sky. I had a deep primal need for her I’d never felt before. Countless fights and more blood on my paws than I cared to think about, and she was the one thing that scared the living shit out of me.
“Let’s go to Walmart and buy every ornament they have,” I suggested when we got in the truck. The tree hung over the windshield. X would kick my ass when he saw his truck. Sap and needle scratches everywhere. “Clean the place out. The only good trees are gaudy trees.”
Delaney nodded, frowning, and twisted her hands in her lap.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. She looked away from me. “I’m still me, no matter what I am. Don’t let that scare you.”
She shook her head and picked up the notebook, tapping the pen against it before writing.
The wolf thing won’t be real until I see it. It’s not that. I have so much I want to tell you, but I’m sick of writing. I want to say it, and I don’t know how. You told me your secrets, and I can’t tell you anything.
“That’s not true. Remember, we pick up on stuff that humans can’t. It’s such a fucking relief to be able to talk about this with you.”
I took my hat off, running my hand through my hair. Instead of putting it back on, I dropped it on her head. It slipped down over her eyes and she pushed it back. Fuck, she was adorable.
“I have an idea.”
I took a deep breath, and she waited for me to continue.
“Shhhh.” I blew a hard breath out between my teeth. “You do it.”
She wrinkled her brow, sending the hat back down on her nose. She giggled as she picked it up. I knew she could make noise. I just had to teach her how. I showed her how to milk a cow. I could do this.
“Shhhh.” Hers was much softer than mine.
“Perfect.” Time for the next step. “Now try ‘A’.”
I extended the sound. I was pushing her, and I was being selfish. But hearing her same my name would be everything.
She shook her head and quickly turned to the window. Her bod
y tensed like she wanted to crawl out of it.
“You won’t try?” I wasn’t letting her off the hook. She wanted this, she just told me. She’d been so brave, but she’d let her fear swallow her. “It’s okay if it doesn’t sound right. Wait until I shift. Everything I’ll say with sound like this.”
I howled, hoping she would laugh, but she bowed her head, her shoulders shaking with sobs.
I climbed over the console, sliding beside her on the seat. I picked her up easily and positioned her in my lap. Delaney tensed, and my heart dropped, realizing she had expected the exact opposite of what I’d intended. Fuck.
She surprised me again, grabbing me harder than I expected. I wished we were closer to the full moon. I wanted to give her all the strength she didn’t realize was bubbling just beneath the surface of her own skin. Everyone else could see it. She glimmered with promise. I took my hat off her and stroked her hair while she cried on my shoulder.
Usually I couldn’t stand it when ladies cried. Shove that shit down, that’s what I’d tell them. Suck it up. But Delaney needed to get this out to give all the good stuff room to grow.
She curled her fingers in my hair. I held back a groan. If she had any idea how much I loved a good yank on my hair in the heat of the moment...No. Cut the shit, stop thinking like that.
That was the problem. Maybe I should be thinking like that. Why deny my feelings for this woman because she had to write everything down? Because some asshole locked her up and threw away the key? It was a piss-poor reason to follow suit with everyone else who’d wronged her.
I wanted to kiss the hell out of her. Make all the bad shit go away.
Delaney stopped crying, and took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She only looked at me for a second before picking up her glasses to wipe her tears away.
“Let me do it,” I said softly, moving her fingers away before she had a chance to protest. I swept my thumb across each cheekbone, then brushed along her chin, catching the moisture there. She gasped when I ran my finger upon her bottom lip.
Delaney jumped back when my lips met hers, but only for a second before pressing against me. I knew she’d taste like sugar. I skimmed her bottom lip, gently, giving her a chance to pull away. But she wanted this. Even more badly than I did. I took her lip between mine, nipping softly. She stilled, and I did it again. After working with her at the farm, I knew all I had to do was show her what to do and she’d follow my lead. A couple more times, then she caught me, complete with that giggle that was fast becoming my biggest weakness. If only she knew how beautiful she sounded.
Her Christmas Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 4) Page 4
