by Terina Adams
“Come.” Jax led me out from under the canopy. For one startling moment, I expected men with blood-red eyes to emerge from the parked cars or from behind the building and charge toward us in a death run. I clutched Jax’s hand. He stopped, looking down at me, an expression asking questions I ignored. The terrible bruising on his face was the first thing my eyes settled on before I forced them to his good eye. What was ahead for us? How many times would Jax suffer before this was over? How many times would I?
I shook my head. I would not voice my apprehension or give him any excuse to call it quits.
“Let’s go.” This time, I led the way, only to be yanked back by Jax’s strong grip.
“I’ve got an idea. Let me go first.”
“Why…? W-what?”
He silenced my awkward stuttering with a figure over my lips. “You’ve trusted me so far.”
“I can’t stay out here any longer.”
“I won’t be long.”
“Jax,” I groaned, but he was gone. Not gone, as in sprinting across the parking lot at top speed; gone, as in vanished. He crossed, leaving me alone. This was my world, but I backed up under the tree canopy like I was an alien and the world an unfamiliar and hostile place.
It took moments for Jax to return, but long enough for the tension to twist my muscles into tight knots. I jumped at his arrival, mainly because he appeared beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Jesus. A little warning next time.”
“Sorry. I’ve located your father.”
“Is he all right?”
“Yes. I’m not sure why that is.”
I was not going to ask him if he was disappointed. “You think Carter would’ve done something to him by now.”
“If Carter felt his plans were unraveling, he would act decisively and swift. The fact he’s left your father tells me he’s not bothered by what we’ve done.”
“Or he knows something we don’t.” I grasped his arm. “What if they have Holden? What if he never managed to escape, and my mum and Ajay?”
“The text he sent says otherwise. Holden’s smart. No one survives Dominus without cunning and tenacity. Holden planned for this to happen. Perhaps he wasn’t expecting the extra load, but he knew his escape route.”
The breath I held slowly seeped out, some of the tension along with it.
“I’ve got a better way in to see your father.”
“We’re going to shift to the in-between.”
“He was in the library. He wasn’t happy to see me. I’ve warned him you’re coming, so he’s returned to his cell. I’ll take you there, but I’m not hanging around. You’ve got ten minutes to talk; that’s all he can guarantee before they come and drag his ass back to the library. I’ll be back in that time to get you and your father, if that’s what you want.”
He took my hand. I tugged on it so he would look at me. “I know what he means to you. And yet you’re still willing to do this. Thank you.” So lame.
I stared at a blank expression, because even after everything, Jax could still hide. He wore a wall of granite, because it protected the vulnerability inside, and in his world, those weaknesses destroyed a person. He buried the depth of his pain deep, but I caught a fleeting glimpse when his defenses slipped.
“I’m not sure how far I can take this, so don’t thank me yet.”
Always the threat of deception. How could anyone live a life locked within themselves?
The warping tug of shifting to the in-between still made me woozy, but we didn’t hang around long in the one place that gave Jax and me peace. Jax pulled us through the bands, and I was spat out inside a small, stark room that smelled of bleach and stale air. At some point, Jax had let me go, choosing not to follow me through.
Dad stopped midpace and rumbled toward me. With no time for words, he swept me into a tight embrace, engulfing me within cheap lemon laundry powder and a strong astringent smell, like the feeling bleach leaves in your nose but accented by a tinge of rotten fruit.
This was the first time in… I couldn’t count when, that we touched. Because it was him, because it reminded me of my former life, because habits could be so strong they swept aside my intentions to keep Dad at arm’s reach, I hugged him back. The hug grew tighter, springing tears to my eyes. When I was young and the world a complicated place, Dad’s hug made me feel strong. I thought him a hero. I thought he made the world a better, safer place. I believed in him, because I didn’t realize how much people could lie.
We had ten minutes. I would give myself a little longer to be that naïve child before I pulled away and became the wounded, mistrusting adolescent.
“Jax has a few bruises,” Dad said.
“Things didn’t work out the way I planned. There was little chance I would succeed.”
Dad inched down onto his cot, locking his eyes to mine, waiting for the painful words he expected to come. His fear mirrored my own; Mum and Ajay sat heavy in both our minds.
The pull of his eyes drew me down beside him. “Tyren betrayed us. Carter wasn’t even there, but he returned when he found out. The grafter was locked in a drawer, so I never would’ve been able to touch it.”
“None of that matters.”
“You haven’t heard the worst of it. We got the grafter. I destroyed the top of the Amex in getting it, but Holden betrayed me. I gave the grafter to Ajay and told him to give it to Holden. He took it, Mum, and Ajay and disappeared. We have no idea where he is.”
He was on his feet, giving me his back. With each step he took, the fury seeped through his pores and bled into the air. Like a rapid drop in air pressure before an impending storm, his fury sucked the oxygen from the room. He hulked across the small space, strides decimating the distance to the metal chair. One swipe, and the chair impacted into the wall with a reverberating twang, followed by his fist, the sound a dull crunch of bone cracking against bone.
It was over. The violence expelled the fury, which released the taut twist of my muscles. Dad collapsed forward, forehead to the plaster, fist locked to the wall, knuckles white. I endured too much to feel pity for his pain. There was no righteousness in his feelings, for he’d driven it upon himself by betraying his own people, betraying Jax’s family, betraying his family.
“He left a text on Jax’s phone, saying Mum and Ajay were safe.”
He absorbed my words without releasing his fist from its vice or lowering it from the wall.
“What am I supposed to do, Dad? I don’t know where to start looking.”
“What’s Carter up to now?”
“I don’t know. Jax took me back to his place… the place in his… your world. We’ve only just returned. I don’t know—”
“You need to distance yourself from him.” He looked over his shoulder. Steel met my eyes, the sort of steel a person infused into their soul to survive. Instead of my father, I stared into the eyes of a senate member, the head of Persal.
I rose off the cot. “He saved my life.”
“This time.” His fist relaxed to his side as he turned to face me, the moment empowered by the silent force of wills personified in the rigidity of our bodies.
If I’d been in Dominus, I would see the digital clock ticking the seconds away from our conversation. I broke first. “Tell me, Dad. Who would you have allowed to survive if you would’ve won?”
He took a placating step toward me. “Your naivety places you in danger.”
“I’m not your little girl anymore. You’ve seen to that. Dominus has changed me in ways you would approve. But it has also changed me in ways you wouldn’t like. In my veins runs Persal, but in my heart, I’m none of you, and that’s what counts.”
Another step toward me, a desperate, pleading stride with arms thrown wide. “Baby, I never chose this for you. I would’ve shielded you from this.”
I backed up, avoiding his reach. “You can only be one thing in your heart. You can’t kill people and profess to feel deep love and compassion at the same time.”
An emotio
n wiped down over his face, washing my father away. “There is no black and white. That is the belief of the innocent, and I know you are no longer that innocent girl.”
The pounding in my chest thinned my breath.
“To survive Dominus, you have to become another person. It was designed for that purpose. You stand here before me a survivor with only months of training. And so I know, Sable, you have blood on your hands.”
I took another step back when my breath wouldn’t come at all. Covering my lips with my palms, I turned from him and breathed out the sting in my eyes.
“I know the goodness in your heart. You are not evil. But there is so much cruelty in both our worlds. We can’t push for justice when we are weaker than our enemy.”
I covered my ears as my only escape then slowly lowered my hands over my lips before dropping my arms to my sides. Clarity was a bitch. I didn’t want it. The understanding made the decision too painful. If I let Dad go, if I made Jax fulfill his promise, I would unleash him onto both worlds. Carter, we had to fight, but would I end up fighting Dad too?
“You can never trust another faction, especially Aris.”
It took courage to turn and face him, courage because I didn’t know what I should do. I could not focus on the decision my heart would make, only the right decision. “You only say that because Carter outsmarted you.”
“I say it, because it’s true.”
“Holden left me to die.”
“He knew Jax would save you.”
“But Holden didn’t save you.”
Dad exhaled the depth of his tension. It fled his body, taking with it the strength he needed to keep himself tall. He collapsed onto the cot, elbows to his knees, face buried in his hands. “Holden is an idealist. He’s also the last person I expected to betray me.”
At last we reached a point in the conversation I would readily engage in. “So, what happens now?”
“We need to find out what Carter is up to.”
“What about Mum and Ajay?”
“Holden will see them safe. He may have betrayed me, but he is not a murderer for no reason.”
Like you.
“You won’t succeed while you’re with Jax. He’s cunning and unpredictable. There is nothing about him you can trust.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“He won’t accept you, Sable. Not the way you hope he will.”
“What are you talking about? We’re allies. That’s all.”
“He will never forgive me. You know that. Every time he looks at you, he will remember what I did.”
Damn his perceptive eyes drilling into my heart. Exposed and raw, there was no point in looking away or armoring my emotions. To hear him say it exposed the truth from deep inside. The fear bled me dry. How could Jax ever look at me and not see what he lost? I would become the symbol of his pain. I would always be the daughter of the man who destroyed his life. I would always be Persal. Maybe once he returned to his world, back amongst his people and living with the daily reminder that he was alone, he would remember his torment, remember why the factions stayed apart. Perhaps in our darkest hour, he would decide forgiveness cost him too much. Perhaps then he would hate me.
Dad placed a hand on my shoulder. “I do not say these things to hurt you. I say them to keep you safe. Do not make the same mistakes I’ve made. The alliance with Aris is over. You’re on your own.”
Alone. The word rattled around in my heart. “I can’t do this on my own.”
“You have me. You will always have me.”
Not if you’re stuck in here.
“Outside the city of Califax, there are villages full of Persal, and they are waiting for my return.”
“They knew what you planned on doing?”
“Of course. They have been preparing. These are people you can put your faith in, not a kid from Aris. When we find out what Carter is doing, we will return to Persal HQ. I will make sure you are safely transferred to Uradra, our stronghold outside Califax. It is there Holden would’ve taken Lila and Ajay.”
“And what will you do?”
“Make Carter pay. Then finish this.”
I couldn’t do this. I pulled away from his hand. “I can’t shift. I have no choice but to be with Jax.”
My revelation froze Dad, froze time. “There was only the slightest hope,” Dad said as he patted my knee, but his weak smile and the way he avoided my eyes told me the truth.
Dad’s fate was mine to decide, so too the fate of both our worlds if I set him free.
The sound of movement on the other side of the door was Dad’s signal to stand.
“He’s returned.” I glanced over my shoulder to see Jax’s face through the small slot in Dad’s door.
Jax would free Dad if I asked. He’d do it, because we put our trust in each other. But if I told him not to, he’d gladly do that too.
What if Carter returned to finish this, finish Dad as he would do Carter—without thought or remorse?
“Jax will help me, but he won’t help you.” My voice broke at the end. I couldn’t be faithful to everyone, not when they all insisted on choosing sides. I could only be faithful to my heart.
“I can understand that.” He swept me into a fierce embrace and whispered in my ear. “Remember what I told you. Persal HQ. They will see you free.” The hug was over with my next inhale. He pushed me away toward the exit. “Don’t trust your faction if you choose, but you can trust me. I want you to believe that. I would risk my life to keep you, your mother, and Ajay safe. If anything happens to any of you, then my life is over.”
No, Dad, don’t say that. Don’t say that when I just betrayed you.
I couldn’t swallow the pain in my throat nor wipe the sting from my eyes. I had to make a choice that was above my fear and beyond my own self-interests.
I stared at Dad as I backed toward the door, writing the memory of him as it was now, the tight clench in his jaw and broad expanse of his chest, imposing defiance, and yet the soft, loving pull of his eyes asking my forgiveness.
This felt like the penultimate moment, the final outcome at the end of the war, the time to remember those sacrificed.
I was sure I would never see him again.
Chapter 3
Jax told me to stay put, which I did for a whole three minutes before I spied someone mounting the steps to the front door of the warehouse. I left my hiding place on the other side of the road and sprinted across, hoping to catch the door. The guy carried a bag of groceries in each hand and was having a hard time keeping his bundle while backing through the doorway.
I raced up the steps. “Here, let me help you.”
“Thanks. I’d curse if my bottle of red ended on the pavement.”
Once inside, he juggled the bags to one hand and offered me the other. “Ned. I don’t think I’ve seen you around.”
I scooted around him and dashed for the elevator. “I’m not around much,” I yelled over my shoulder.
I first rode this elevator with Jax a couple months ago. A lifetime of experiences spanned the distance of that first moment to now. I shed the naïve girl the moment I crossed the threshold into Jax’s apartment. Time would not unwind. I’d seen, done, and knew too much. But I would not rewind if the choice was mine. Innocence was a hidden cage. The truth was no greater pain than the entrapment of Dad’s lies.
This is the moment your life began. Jax’s words the second before he jumped from the Amex Tower. He was right. And I was glad, because I was no longer a victim. I could fight.
The lift doors slid aside. Jax turned to look at me, the brow above his good eye furrowing. I slowed at the sight of Elva, but my heart was bathed in relief. I prayed she would be here, free of Carter’s hold, because I needed people to believe in. Trust was an illusion in their world. But I needed it as much as I needed the air to breathe. Despite growing up believing strangers were a threat, there were always three people, my family, I trusted unequivocally in this world. And even now, after it all, I
still trusted Dad with my life. But perhaps not with my heart, because I knew what he was capable of; his family were the only people who weren’t expendable.
“I told you to wait until I came for you.”
I shrugged as I moved closer. “I don’t know why you wasted your breath.”
Elva’s Icelandic glare chilled the air between us, the silence saying this was all my fault, which I accepted. “You’re not welcome.”
“Elva.” Jax let off a warning grumble, but his heart wasn’t in it.
“Have you looked in the mirror?”
“Who needs a mirror?” He slumped down in the closest couch. “I can feel it.”
Elva stomped past Jax, who was resting his head in the crook of his thumb and forefinger. “You’ve ruined everything. We had our plans.” She pointed behind her at Jax. “He looks like the walking dead. Carter’s disappeared, taking his followers with him.” She jabbed me in the chest. “You started it.”
“We weren’t getting anywhere.” We both turned to Jax as he spoke. “We were no further in making a successful plan. Perhaps this is for the best.”
Elva stomped back to stand in front of Jax. “It’s going too fast.”
“Wait… you were planning to betray Carter?”
She spun around to face me. “But he’s likely to win, thanks to you.”
“Holden betrayed us all,” I said.
Elva joined Jax on the couch, arms folded across her chest. “He wasn’t part of our plan.” She looked away, shutting herself up tight behind her pain. Maybe he didn’t want to be part of their plan, because he had plans of his own, or his prejudice prevented him from working with them.
“Holden’s not our concern. We need to finish what we started,” Jax said.
Elva snapped out of her gloom in seconds. She pushed up from the couch. “I’ll call Striker and Nuke. They’ve been waiting to hear from me.”
“What have you told them so far?”
