by Terina Adams
“None of this is your fault.”
“I feel trapped within my body. I can’t stand to be the half of me they allowed free.”
“Weren’t you the one who said it didn’t have to define us, that we could choose?”
“That was before.”
I didn’t know how to deal with this Jax, only the Jax that had all the answers. All I could ask was, “What do we do now?”
“What we planned. We head back to central. I need to reach Aris HQ. Find out if anyone knows of Carter. You’ll want to hear word of Holden or your family.”
“Will that be easy?”
“No. Holden’s not going to alert anyone to his hideout.”
“What about Uradra, the Persal village Dad told me about?”
Again, Jax rolled his head sideways to face me. “According to your tattoo, you’re Aris, Sable. You won’t get within miles of Uradra.”
Oh, sweet Jesus. What had I done? I bowed forward, burying my face in my palms. Stupid, stupid, foolish girl. But instead of another dose of self-pity, destruction washed through, sluicing any doubt and replacing it with some mega volts of electricity. Instead of digging my nails in deep, I sat up, separating my hands, palms facing each other, then inch by inch allowed destruction to flow from one hand to the other. The air between heated with the exchange, warming the skin. But the more destruction flowed its invisible web, the hotter my palms became. They should’ve glowed red with the heat, but they remained a dull pink in the trylite. When the heat became unbearable, I channeled it around and around my body in a dizzy swirl that felt like I was in a whirlpool. There was no outlet for the buildup, which grew with the race around my body. Soon, my body felt like it was pulsating like a living heart.
“Sable.” Jax touched my arm.
My eyes flew open. Concentration gone, destruction shot forward like a blade, splicing the rock wall adjacent us. Shards of rock exploded toward us. A second ticked as I lurched on top of Jax. The wind of the shards passing sliced the ends of my hair.
I peeled up, glaring down at him. “Dammit, Jax. Don’t do that.” Then remembering he was injured, I leaped off of him. Destruction simmered.
The silence between us smacked me back. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?”
Dust hung in the air, climbing into the back of my throat as I inhaled. Behind us, a small piece of loosened rock fell to the dirt floor with a soft thud.
At first, Jax didn’t respond, which made me think I hurt him enough he couldn’t speak. Then I saw his shoulders quiver and heard the chuckle. This was followed by a groan as he gently lowered a hand over his chest. “God, my insides don’t like it.” He wiped at his eyes with his other hand. “But my soul does. I needed a laugh.”
“I’m glad I could provide it.” I sat back, not bothering to hide my stupid grin.
He huffed another small laugh. “You’re lethal. You know that? It may not seem like a compliment given… well, you know. But I mean it as one.”
“I don’t have control, not enough.”
“The roof is still over our heads, not on them. I’d say that’s good progress from someone who only gained their factional nature a few months ago. For many, it can take years. You make me believe there is hope.”
“Me? Hardly.”
“You and the people here in the fringe.”
The door at the top of the stairs clanked open.
“Looks like my renovations were detected.”
We both smiled at each other, listening to the feet slap down the stairs. I looked over my shoulder as Alithia appeared around the corner.
“What’s going on? Jax?” Seeing him awake, she forgot what dragged her down here, thank God, and hurried across to him.
“I’m fine.”
She pulled up short like he’d just sworn at her. Becoming all business-like, she said, “Maybe you should take another tablet.”
“I don’t want to use up anymore of your supply. You need them more than I do.”
“Don’t be a hero.” Her tone was dismissive as she headed across to the box of medical supplies I left on the small table. The atmosphere in the dank room transformed into jagged pieces of glass. This was the first time I’d seen Alithia since her dismissal of me on the rooftop last night—or had more time elapsed—and even now, the prickly heat radiated off her. The swelling hatred for me transferred into her feet, into the way she held her body, erect, rigid as she moved toward the small table of supplies. She would love to see me gone, the enemy, but had yet to toss me out, because of Jax.
“Is it all right to take so many of those pills? Back home, you take the dose prescribed, no more, or you may suffer something worse than your initial ailment.” I didn’t want to question her judgment; God knew she hated me enough already, but what if it were possible to OD?
“Our medicine is obviously far more advanced than your own.” The prickly heat made it up into her voice.
I glanced at Jax. The swelling subsided enough for me to see his eyebrow rise. Anyone, sick or not, would feel the tension in the room.
Alithia stopped before she reached the box. I followed her gaze to the lump of rock that had made it this far across the floor. She looked back over her shoulder to the hole in her wall and the debris littering the floor.
I was about to say the lamest word invented—sorry—when Jax spoke up. “It was my fault.”
Alithia swiveled back to the box and rummaged through the contents until she found the pills. Her lack of response hitched the tension up a couple notches.
She tapped out a dose and held out her open palm.
“Alithia,” Jax said, looking up into her eyes.
“Shut up and take them.”
He did as she demanded, swallowing them down dry, which was how he’d been taking them since we first gave them to him.
Once he got them down, he said, “We have to get going.”
“You’re not strong enough yet. Have something to eat first. And you need a change of clothes. Besides, it’s too early in the morning. No good moving around just now.”
“She’s right.” I didn’t say it just to get on Alithia’s good side. I couldn’t help but swivel my head toward her . She refused to meet my eyes. I still wanted us to be friends, despite everything, but that didn’t look likely.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“Twenty-four hours,” she said.
Jax shook his head. “That’s too long. We have to go.”
“You can eat first.”
“I’m not taking any more of your supplies.”
“We won’t get far if you look like that,” I said. “Give yourself a few more hours. It won’t hurt.”
“Every hour counts.” God, he was stubborn.
Alithia’s mouth pinched tight enough her lips were disappearing. This is what Jax meant to her. A stranger to her, she hated me, because I was the daughter of the man who killed Jax’s family. She was outraged for him.
“What is it?” Jax asked, his perceptive gaze darting between the two of us.
I shook my head to dismiss his question. He pushed himself up to his elbows, smoother than he would’ve when he first woke. “Relax.” I pushed him gently by the shoulder. “Lie down again.”
“I’m not an invalid,” he snapped at me then hoisted himself up to sitting. “I want to know what’s going on here. Has something happened I need to know about? Have you heard from Elva?”
“I would’ve told you as soon as you woke up.” The defense in my voice pulled destruction out of slumber.
“Then why do I feel like the temperature in the room has dropped below freezing? And what’s with the furtive glances between you?”
“It’s nothing—” I started.
“Why, Jax?”
He turned to Alithia while I heaved a silent breath and closed my eyes.
“Why what?” he said.
“She’s Nixon’s daughter.” I swear the venom in her voice was more lethal than a cobra.
Jax hung his head, his br
eath trailing out, hunching him forward.
“How could you bring her here?” Her words rose at the end, and she palmed her mouth, turning her head away.
Jax shuffled around, forcing me to get up while he fumbled himself off the bed. I clamped my mouth shut from telling him to stay put. Something was going on here. Since I was already a pariah in her eyes, no way should I intervene.
Jax swayed a little once he was on his feet. My arms jerked toward him, an instinctual grab to help him, but he shot me a sidelong look that let me know what he thought of that. Without words, he still managed to inflict barbs upon any who treated him like an invalid. With her head turned, Alithia did not see, or I’m sure she would’ve barked at him to get back in bed.
Once steady, Jax crossed the room and pulled Alithia into his arms. She went into him, her body sagging into his, her face finding his chest. I never thought I would see her collapse. The strength within her made her emotional crumble too sad to witness.
I swung away, giving them space and what privacy I could. I walked across to the pockmark I’d made in the wall, crunching on the debris. An ugly emotion stirred inside me, beyond destruction, and possibly just as destructive. Hands akimbo, I stretched my neck back and stared at the ceiling while I turned my concentration inward to the constant vibration of my factional nature as it migrated around my body. Jealousy was a sickness.
One small glance over my shoulder only stabbed the stake in deeper.
Was that a lover’s embrace?
“Mum wouldn’t let me keep it,” Azrael babbled on happily as if we hadn’t just spent more than twenty-four hours hiding in the escape room because sweepers had moved through the fringe causing chaos.
“Your mother’s wise,” Jax said, gently cuffing her under the chin.
I forced my eyes away on seeing the playful gesture. Besides, I’d been scrutinizing Azrael’s young face all this time, looking for signs of similarity between her and Jax, which was bad of me, because it twisted the knife and spewed out the jealousy, something I’d spent the last hours trying to pack away.
Alithia said Azrael’s father was buried. But what did that really mean? Buried for real or in her heart? Something she would have to do if he disappeared into another world, lost to a cause greater than their love.
The eyes were the same, as was the dark hair. And her defiant and courageous nature, but that was also her mum. When I caught my eyes straying to Jax with all the wrong questions in my mind, I rose and headed for the next room.
None of this made sense. Jax had always been passionate about factions staying apart. He was adamant any love between them would never last.
“Where are you going?” Jax asked.
“Do I need to tell you?” Let him think I was heading to the bathroom.
He pulled a dramatic face, an oops, I’m in trouble as he turned back to Azrael, then tickled her, which made her curl up in giggles and roll to the floor. My heart twisted up into a tight knot, gripped in this horrible vice that spread through to my stomach, pouring the acid through until I felt sick. But I found myself lingering in the doorway, captivated by this side of Jax I never knew existed. All I’d ever seen were hard lines, sharp eyes, ruled lips, never this lightness, which had swept all the dark broodiness from his features. Less than thirty-six hours ago, Jax nearly died. He crossed a line no one should be forced to cross. Azrael’s gift was to take that memory away. Maybe it was only a temporary gift, but it was a gift all the same. I had no one to give me such a gift.
With him busy, I stole a look at him, mapping every crease and line—of which there weren’t many—every inch of skin down to what I could see of his collarbone. How old was he? I’d always assumed he was around Holden’s age, twenty-two. But he could pass as older. But not old enough to…. I swiveled away, heading anywhere that wasn’t where they were and ran into Alithia coming through with a tray of drinks.
She’d already plied Jax with more food than I’m sure she could afford. The spicy smells started the saliva in my mouth, but I swallowed it all and sat back on the couch while Jax refused to eat her supplies. The argument ended with him eating most of what was in front of him, offering me plenty, but with Alithia in the room, I couldn’t accept. She rose from her seat, saying, “Don’t martyr yourself,” directed at me then left the room. Even with my mouth watering, my stomach churning acid, I couldn’t eat a lot, but Alithia was right. I needed to be strong to succeed, so I forced chunks of spicy meat into my mouth. And despite the way I felt, I closed my eyes and floated on the strong, delicious flavor.
I stood aside to let her pass then eased myself into the passage, far enough I could still see them, the three of them. Jax took the offered mug, his eyes lingering a moment on her face. But I couldn’t read the silent words they spoke. Flicking a look to her face, neither could I read her expression as she’d already turned to hand Azrael her mug.
I focused on the rough plaster rather than them. Don’t be so stupid. What they had, if there was anything at all, was none of my business. I had no right to sneak around like this, fostering suspicion, letting it color my heart all shades of gray. And the pretense I used to get away was childish. Instead, I headed back into the room. An extra mug sat on the tray, now placed on the floor beside Azrael. She was gracious enough to bring me a drink despite her feelings toward me, and all I could do was twist myself up in ugly feelings.
I took the floor next to Azrael, who in child-like innocence slid herself closer to me so that our arms pressed against each other. She rested her knee across the top of my thigh once I folded my legs. Ajay wasn’t even this cuddly with his own family. It would be easy to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her closer. Alithia would likely prickle. And what would Jax think?
I took a sip of the warm, sweet drink when Alithia spoke. “I know you will not listen to me.”
“You know the danger if we stay longer.”
“The danger is no more now than it was when this first began. Another twenty-four hours will make no difference.”
“It’s not just the senate’s reaction I’m thinking about.”
Along with Alithia’s sigh, her body collapsed back into her seat. For this moment, she looked defeated. How much sleep did she get last night? Before I could stop myself, my eyes roved over her face, scrutinizing her anew, reassessing her age. I first thought she looked closer to Mum’s age, but if she and Jax were an item, she couldn’t be as old as that. Living on the fringe would not be kind. It’s not like she could pop out to the local health spa for a treatment. It could be she was much younger than her lines would have me believe.
“I don’t want you to go.” In the stretch between conversation, Azrael decided it was time to have her say.
“I have to, Az.”
I inhaled, hearing the pet name, the sort of thing close friends would use with each other, close friends, family, Mum and Dad.
Azrael made a show of folding her arms with great force across her chest. It worked. Jax slid off his seat to land in front of her. “Our being here will only bring you more trouble.”
She shook her head. “No, it won’t. We have the escape room.”
“How long do you expect us to stay down there? The sweepers presence will increase.”
“But they already do, even when you’re not here.”
Although no one was saying it, this conversation was really about me. I was the alien with the lie tattooed behind my ear. I was the risk. Jax was a registered citizen within this world. If he was caught, they’d send him back to his sector of Califax with a wrist slap. If I was caught, they would pull the fringe apart in their violent search for who was responsible for my presence in this world.
“Come here.” Jax patted the floor beside him.
As Azrael shuffled on her ass to where he indicated, I glanced at Alithia, but she was staring into her mug. Her expression told me she was in another place. Another time. Just not here right now. What memories haunted her? Because her features were definitely not a
t peace. Was she steeling herself for Jax’s departure yet again? Waiting, fearing he’d never come back?
“You know my promise,” Jax said, leaning closer to Azrael.
She nodded.
“I will keep it. I always have.”
Her bottom lip tightened in defiance. I could perhaps respond for her, even though I didn’t know what the promise was, but I could guess. Not all promises could be kept, especially not forever. How many promises had I made to Ajay in the last year since our life spiraled into the gutter? And how many of those did I manage to keep, no matter how hard I tried?
Jax kissed her on the head then pushed up from the floor. The energy in which he did it, the sort that signaled departure, dragged me up as well. The other two joined us standing. Without preamble—easier that way—Jax disappeared down the passage to the front door.
Azrael grabbed my hand. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want to go either.” I bent down to her level. “But I have a family I have to find. I have a brother a little older than you, and my mum.”
I fought to keep my eyes on Azrael and not allow them to wander to Alithia, who stayed standing close by.
“They’re lost?”
“They are. And I have to go find them. Just like your mum would do anything she could to find you. I’m sure I’ll see you again.”
“That doesn’t always happen.”
Jesus, what could I say to oppose such wisdom? “You’re right, but I never forget a friend. Even if I don’t see them, I never forget them.”
Her face remained a scowl at my clumsy and stupid attempt to make this easier. There was no removing her mood, so I squeezed her shoulder and followed Jax down the passage and out into the street. Behind me, Azrael’s thumping bare feet followed as far as the door, but she was pulled from the threshold by her mum. “But I want to say goodbye.”
“You can do it from the doorway.”
Azrael yanked her arm out of her mum’s grip, but she obeyed and stayed in the safety of the dim passage. Jax gave her a wink before marching off down the alley, keeping the goodbye short, always the best when it was hard to leave. I lingered, because I was terrible at saying farewell. Azrael stayed with her arms folded, face a scrunched wall of refusal at our departure. Alithia disappeared the moment Jax left.
