by Ian Rodgers
After they passed, I squirmed down the side of the tree until I touched the bare soil. I then reached out with my magic and probed the ground before starting to shift the dirt around to make a tunnel Katherine could crawl through.
I wished Rosa was with me at the moment, as her ability to command the earth was vastly superior to my own clumsy attempts. But everyone involved in planning the theft had decided it would be safer, and less nerve wracking, if the scamp of a Carbuncle remained in the hotel room. It’s not that we thought she’d be a bad thief, it’s just that we all thought she would end up being distracted by something shiny, investigate it, break it, and ultimately alert the guards to our infiltration.
Rosa, rather than be angry at our assumption of the scenario, simply shrugged, agreed with the sentiment, and then flew off to annoy one of the other guests in the Wood Duck Inn. But I didn’t trust her lackadaisical attitude fully. I had a feeling the Carbuncle would be pranking Katherine and me in the near future as revenge.
My thoughts were interrupted by a loud grinding sound as my earth moving spell hit the cobblestones in the street outside the fence, and they shifted, rubbing up against one another. I winced, and hastily cast a muffling spell over the area.
‘I can’t believe I forgot to mask the noise! That’s such an elementary mistake!’ I griped.
~Cheer up, Jelly. To be honest, I think we all would have been worried if you managed to perfectly pull off this heist. We don’t want our favorite Ooze getting a taste for the dark side, now would we?~
I huffed at her opinion, and Tara laughed in response. Thankfully, no one came to investigate the source of the sound, so I breathed easier (metaphorically speaking) and soon had a dwarf-sized hole for my companion-in-crime to squeeze through.
A few minutes later Katherine emerged from the hole in the ground, covered in dirt but wearing a wide grin.
“Not bad. Aside from forgetting to silence the area you did alright for your first round of breaking and entering. Now, let’s see how you handle an actual infiltration!”
We waited for another patrol to walk past, during which I stealthily sealed up the hole in the ground, and then we were off, dashing towards the mansion across open ground. We made it without being spotted, praise Cynthia for small mercies, and I got to see first-hand how to pick a lock and open a window. After I removed the ward around it, of course.
“And that’s how you do it!” Katherine said proudly, giving me a theatrical bow before hoisting herself over the window sill and slipping into the building. I followed suit, hopping inside and making sure to close the window behind me.
“Now what?” I whispered urgently, desperate to finish this up quickly.
“Now we make our way to the third floor. The governor’s study is there, and he hid all sorts of documents within.”
“Won’t the investigators notice they’re missing while they audit him, or whatever it is they do?” I asked, concerned about being pursued by law enforcement while in town, but Katherine snorted dismissively.
“The documents and files we’re going after are the various secret contracts and deals with the black market and the Dark Guild the governor made while in power. Along with some blackmail material and a few hidden funds. It’s the sort of stuff that, if it gets found, would result in a much more painful and drawn out punishment from the colonial government,” the dwarf maiden assured me. “If he notices anything from that particular collection is missing when we’re done, he won’t dare raise a stink about it, because admitting he had such incriminating information on him would not help his case. So, no, this is the sort of stuff that won’t be missed. Guilt free, don’t worry about it sort of stuff.”
She patted me fondly before stealthily moving towards the door of the room we had broken into. I looked around as I slid after her. The room looked like a place used for holding tea parties.
The window we had entered through was only one of about five others of varying sizes to let natural light in. Potted plants lined the room, and the tables and chairs reminded me of the dainty furniture used in the royal garden back in Sanc Aldet.
Katherine ignored everything within, aiming straight for the door. She removed a grease-stained cloth from somewhere on her person and rubbed it on the hinges of the door. That done, she opened it, and thanks to the smeared grease, there was not a creak to be heard.
She shot me a stern look, and made a locking motion over her lips. I bobbed up and down in understanding. Now was the time for utter silence and focus. From that point, talking was forbidden.
Gesturing towards the opened door, we both exited the tea party room and wound up in a silent corridor, layered in thick plush carpets. A wicked grin spilled across Katherine’s face, and I couldn’t help but feel pleased as well. The carpet would muffle the sounds of our movement, and we could navigate the place easier.
Better yet, while this would be a double-edged sword for other thieves since they wouldn’t hear a guard coming, Katherine had me. And I had the ability to ‘see’ and ‘hear’ beyond what mere bipeds could. I could sense living things approaching long before they found us.
‘Where to?’ I asked Katherine using gestures she had taught me beforehand. I had to from a pair of hands to do so, but it was worth it.
‘Upstairs. Duh.’
‘Dishes are fruit.’ I signed back in annoyance.
‘What?’ Katherine inquired.
‘I meant, where are the stairs,’ I said, embarrassed with my clumsy fingers. Katherine held back a snicker, then gestured for me to follow.
Sneaking through the mansion was a lot easier than I thought it would be. There were hardly any people inside, just an elderly butler and chef, and the governor himself. We would have to sneak past him to get to his study though. Katherine assured me she had a plan for that, and I chose to trust her. She did have more experience in this particular activity.
‘There, do you see that?’ she asked as we got to the third floor in under twenty minutes.
‘I see several doors,’ I replied, not sure what she was getting at.
‘Remember when we were planning the heist, and I told you there are two ways to get into the study? One through a door, the other through the governor’s bedroom?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Well, there is actually a third way to enter, and it’s one that doesn’t involve disabling numerous traps or risking waking up the owner of the place,’ Katherine said glibly. She led me to a bathroom, before pointing to the window, then at the wall which I knew separated this room from the study.
Had I possessed a jaw, it would have hit the floor and smashed all the way to the basement.
‘Seriously? You want us to have a dance off? I mean, climb through the study window?’ I said, giving my fake fingers a glare. I swear, they refused to listen to me at times.
‘Yes. Easy to do. Come on, it’ll be quick. In and out!’ Katherine cajoled. I bit back a scathing retort and a sigh, and gestured feebly at her to go ahead with her plan. She grinned, shot me a wink, and opened the window before climbing out of it.
There was a very thin ledge outside, decorated with ornamental gargoyles and stone work that provided Katherine’s footing. Had she been a human or elf, she would have been too large to fit onto that small of a space, and fallen to her death. But she was much smaller than that, and was the perfect size to make her way across the ledge all the way to a window that belonged to the study.
After opening it and entering the study, she leaned out the window and beckoned me over. I hesitated, nervous of making a wrong move, but was comforted by Tara’s gentle reassurances, and her reminder that I could just use my sticky slime to make sure I didn’t fall.
Boy, did I feel like a moron for forgetting I could do that! I’d just used it earlier in the night, too!
‘You made it!’ Katherine praised as I slipped into the study.
‘Yup. Piece of cake,’ I signed back. ‘Where are the documents?’
‘Hidden. Don’t know
where, exactly. Help me search,’ the diminutive thief instructed me, and I turned on my magic sense. Immediately I found three spots using magic to hide, and two of which that used some sort of magic-based trap to alert the mansion’s residents and paralyze any would-be robbers.
‘Three safes. Two with magical traps,’ I informed, pointing them out to Katherine. She immediately went over to check on the one without magical defenses, and started to fiddle around with a few things before stepping away with a smile.
‘Mundane traps disabled. Can you get the two magical ones?’
‘I can try,’ I mused.
~That one there can be bypassed with a simple Antidote spell to disable the paralytic poison and a Magic Bane hex to temporarily cancel out the Alarm spell,~ Tara informed me as I examined the first of them. ~As for the other trap, I believe it is a more advanced petrification curse, rather than a paralysis effect. Be careful with it.~
‘Got it, thanks for the advice,’ I said, mentally thanking the smartest person I knew. A hint of smugness rolled off of the Spirit of Knowledge, and I knew she’d ‘heard’ that last bit of praise.
Slowly, with extreme care and caution, I disabled the spell-traps around the two safes. Once I was sure they were okay to handle, I popped the second of them open. It was the hiding spot with the very nasty petrification curse on it. It didn’t look like much, little more than a hollowed-out book, used to hide a variety of contracts and fancy pieces of paper that I knew were worth more than mere gold.
‘Evidence of embezzling among the merchants, proof of several adulterous affairs, and a pledge to support the Viletide should any of their members need a safe haven?’ I exclaimed in my head.
~This governor sure knew how to dig up dirt and get his hands dirty for profit,~ Tara said, disgust warring with awe in her tone as she looked over the information we’d found. Most of her revulsion was due to the collaboration with the Viletide.
If the Dark Guild believed in organized crime and tried to give thieves and assassins rules of conduct, the Viletide were the exact opposite. No job was too dirty. No crime too heinous. No person above being cut down if the price was right. The worst of the worst infested the Viletide.
I banished the nasty thoughts I had towards the governor out of my head and continued to rifle through the files. After a bit more digging, I discovered the deed to the Soul Ooze’s village in the pile of paperwork I’d looted and made sure to slip it into my Dimensional Pocket for safekeeping. There. With that, our mission was done. Only a few more things to grab.
I then opened up the other safe, this one being a more traditional iron box with a lock on the front. Inside was a bunch of gold and platinum coins, a few jewels, a pair of gilded daggers designed to be hidden up sleeves, and a promissory note for a hefty sum of gold from a local money lender. Although, based on the notes I’d found earlier, said person was more of a money launderer.
Any reservations I’d had about stealing for the governor had flown out the window after I’d seen his dirty secrets. Some of them were disgusting, horrific deeds no good person would tolerate, and I was content with doing what I could to hurt the man. I was still leery about the Dark Guild, but in this case, I was willing to make an exception.
I swiped all the contents of the safe, leaving it bare. More funds were never a bad thing. Plus, Katherine might like the fancy little hidden knives. I had no idea when her birthday was, but better late, or early, then never!
Looking around, I spotted Katherine trying to look through the bookshelf where the safe with the non-magical traps had been, rooting around for anything interesting. I reached out and tapped her shoulder with a tendril.
She jerked in surprise from the touch and spun around, a dagger raised to deal some damage. Thankfully, she halted mid-swing and did not slice off my limb. Not that it would have mattered, but it was nice to see she considered me enough of a friend not to cut me up all the same.
‘I found the deed and some more items. We can leave,’ I said, considerate enough to ignore the near stabbing.
‘Not yet. Need to check a few more things.’
I tilted to the side, emulating a confused look. ‘What do you need to look for?’
‘One of the books in the governor’s collection is none other than an exploration journal, written by a cartographer who went far out west. This journal contains geographical data about the area we need to travel to,’ Katherine explained, flashing me a large number of signs before turning her attention back to the shelf.
‘Tara, can you help?’ I asked, and my friendly spiritual bibliophile agreed happily, always eager to read and compile more books for her insatiable word-lust.
~Over there, two shelves up from the right, four books across. That’s the one Katherine wants,~ Tara informed me. ~Oh, and while you’re at it, can you grab a few more books for me?~
‘Why do you want them?’ I asked her even as I reached out and plucked the tomes she directed me towards. I glanced at the titles of the book, confused. What on earth could a book called ‘Hot spring Holidays with my Handsome Butler’ possibly be used for?
~While the Academy has one of the largest collections of magical related knowledge in Orria, and a very impressive number of other academic materials, there are some books I cannot find there, and that I have taken a liking to,~ Tara said.
Curious, I flipped through one of the book. I immediately slammed it shut. ‘Th-this is just like Orleen’s romance novels! But saucier!’ I cried, horrified by what I had just read.
The resident Spirit of Knowledge coughed awkwardly. ~Um, sorry for not warning you. Here, let me just…~
After a bit of fiddling with the insides of my mind, I sighed in relief as the memories of what I’d read faded.
‘Thanks, Tara. But never do that again.’ I paused, struck by a thought. ‘Wait, how are you going to read them if you don’t have me to do it?’
~I’m a Spirit of Knowledge, bestowed power and life by both you, the only sapient Royal Ooze in existence, and the goddess of knowledge and magic herself, Akasha. I’ve inherited a little bit from both of you, and can read anything via a sort of osmosis. Just keep the books in your Dimensional Pocket and I can read them at my leisure.~
‘Huh. Alright, then.’ I swiped a few more books for Tara before turning to Katherine.
‘Found the journal. All done here.’
‘Excellent!’ Katherine signed happily. ‘Now let’s ditch this place!’
I was happy to oblige that request, and we made our way to the window. However, I was not interested in sneaking out through the house and going through all that trouble again. Instead, I wrapped some tentacles around Katherine to keep her secured, and leapt up onto the windowsill.
“Jellik, what are you doing?!” Katherine squeaked in surprise, breaking the silence in her shock, before slapping her hands over her mouth.
‘We’re taking the fast way out,’ I replied, growing two extra ‘hands’ solely so I could sign a response. The dwarven thief growled at me under her breath, but was unable to do anything.
What happened next would be forever etched into my memories. I jumped off the ledge, and plummeted towards the garden below.
Before Katherine could even open her mouth to scream, I shot out two thick tendrils and latched onto the side of a horizontally jutting flagpole, currently bare. Using it as a pole to swing around on, I hurled myself and the dwarf in my clutches through the air, before lashing out with the tendrils once more and wrapping them around the branches of the tree that overlooked the fence.
I descended from the tree, swinging from branch to branch before flipping up into the air, doing a summersault, and landing back in the city on the opposite side of the fence.
“Ta-da!” I said quietly, giving my tendrils a jaunty little shake to celebrate. Katherine was too busy hyperventilating to retort, which was a good thing for me. Had she possessed any of her mental faculties, she would have been trying to retaliate. Likely with lethal force.
Not giv
ing her a chance to recover, I shot off down through the streets, before ducking down into an alleyway a few blocks from our inn. I let Katherine down, careful to prop her up against the side of a building to recover.
“That was fun, wasn’t it?” I asked cheekily. Recovering faster than I’d anticipated, she lunged at me, vengeance in her eyes. After trying – and failing - to strangle or beat me up, she gave up after exhausting herself.
As she slumped on the ground next to me, I chuckled as I patted her fondly on the head. “That’s what you get for making me into a thief! Now I have a taste for danger that can only be sated with high-flying acrobatics!”
She swatted my tendril away with a grumpy expression. “I will get you back for this. Someway. Somehow. And someday.”
“I’m sure you will,” I said with a laugh, while taking note that when in extreme bouts of emotional stress, her dwarfish accent came out in full strength. How adorable!
“Now, let’s return to the inn. I want to check and Rosa and make sure she hasn’t done any damage while we were gone.”
She grumbled but complied, and we slid through the night back to our room. Rosa was waiting for us with a wide smile and she delivered a vicious tackle-hug to me as I entered through the window.
(You’re back! Glad to see you! Did you get what you need?)
“Yes, everything went according to plan. No guards chasing us, no traps being sprung, and we got what we came for,” I said, pulling out the deed from my Dimensional Pocket and waving it about like a papery flag. I also spilled the rest of the loot I had swiped from the mansion, and Katherine’s eyes lit up as she examined it all.
“This is great! Most of these jewels are unmarked, so we can sell them if we want,” Katherine exclaimed giddily. “And all this blackmail material! Ooo, the Dark Guild is gonna have a field day!”
“Unmarked?” I asked, picking up one of the gems. It was a sapphire, and on closer inspection there was a collection of scratches along one side of it. I inspected another, an amethyst this time, and found it lacked those marks.
