I wanted to know him better. I wanted to know everything about him, good or bad.
Gordon came to check on Tracker early the next day. He sat on the edge of the bed and eyed me intensely.
“How’s he doing this morning?”
I sat up, nervously lowering my gaze. I sensed this was more than just a friendly check up on Tracker. “The same. He hasn’t woken yet. But Nate said it might be a few days before he does.”
Gordon nodded, glancing at Tracker briefly, then resting his gaze on me again. I looked away, uncomfortable with his scrutiny.
“You worry me, Jessica. Tracker hasn’t been himself since you showed up. He’s not one to invite women to stay over. Yet he’s letting you stay here. Why is that?”
“I’m cleaning and cooking for him.” I glanced up into Gordon’s eyes. “We have an arrangement.”
He let out a soft snort. “It’s more than that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He wants you. Yet he won’t touch you. Why?”
I swallowed hard. Good question. “I…he’s waiting for me to make the first move, I think.” My face burning, I glanced down at Tracker. Even in sleep, there was a harshness to his features. This man had suffered so much and yet I didn’t even know the half of what he’d gone through. Maybe Gordon would share some of Tracker’s story with me.
Gordon sighed. “Tracker’s kind of particular when it comes to women. He doesn’t screw around like the rest of us. He’s had plenty of chances to bring whores home, but he never does.” He paused a moment, lost in thought, his gaze on Tracker’s face. “Even after all the hell he’s been through, he’s still got decency in him. Oh, he’s always had a soft spot for women. While the rest of us will happily fuck any willing woman, Tracker keeps them at a distance.”
Silence stretched for a moment. I didn’t speak, just waited for Gordon to continue. Finally, he lifted his gaze to mine again. “Tracker’s my best friend, you know. I’m the only one who knows his real name. He won’t tell the others. Though he doesn’t remember his life before he was recruited with The Company, he keeps his real name, his reminder of a different life, separate from this life. He refuses to link the two in any way. I’m not even sure if he still remembers his real name.”
I stared into Gordon’s eyes, my curiosity getting the best of me. “Can you tell me his real name?”
Gordon shook his head. “That’s not for me to share. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you. For fourteen years, Tracker and I had only each other, stuck in that hell. We share a strong bond, a deep connection, as dreg brothers. But now you’re stealing him away from me, and I don’t like it.” He sighed again. “When we escaped last year, we had to adjust to the harsh reality of the real world, a world we’d never experienced before. As soldiers, we weren’t allowed to think for ourselves. Years of conditioning and brainwashing, mixed with who-knows-what-kind of drugs, turned us into obedient zombies. We did whatever we were told, without question, then returned to the facility to be locked back in our cage. Tracker was the one who orchestrated our escape. Did he tell you that?”
“Yes, he told me a little about it.” I was fascinated by the story and eager to hear more.
Gordon nodded. “I think he always harbored a secret desire to escape, to be free of The Company. I know I did. But to act on that desire meant certain death, so I never voiced those thoughts aloud. Tracker was the one who urged us all to fight for our freedom. By some miracle, we escaped that day.” His eyes glazed over as he grew lost in thought once again. I waited patiently, wanting to hear more. But he just sat there, staring off into space, lost in his memories.
Finally, I reached over and squeezed Gordon’s hand, reminding him I was still here. He gave a small start and jerked his gaze to mine. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, now here we are, surviving underground, hiding out like criminals. We’ll never have a normal life. We can never be normal. They will continue to hunt us all until we’re dead. They’ll find us eventually. They’ll kill every one of us. It’s no life for a woman, hiding out, living on the run. And Tracker knows that. If you’re smart, Jessica, you won’t fall for him. He can’t love you. He won’t let himself, because he knows he has nothing to offer you. Nothing but pain.”
I lowered my gaze, my heart pinching at his words. Tears welled in my eyes at the unfairness of their situation. Whatever they’d done in the past, the dregs didn’t deserve this. They deserved to be happy just like everyone else.
“I like you, Jessica. You’re a good girl. I honestly think you would be good for Tracker if his life had been different. But the smart thing for you to do would be to leave before you get any closer. It will be better for both of you if you don’t become too attached.”
I considered his words for a moment. He might speak the truth, and it was obvious he cared for Tracker. But if Tracker had a chance for happiness, even if it was just for a short time, I wasn’t about to deny him that. I liked Tracker. And the more I knew about him, the more I liked him. I could easily grow to love him in time.
“I’m not sure what, if anything, will happen between us.” I held Gordon’s gaze. “But I’m not going to abandon him. He’s injured. He needs me right now. And I need him to get well so he can help me find my sister. If our relationship evolves into something…more,” I broke off, my face heating, “well, then, I guess we’ll just see what happens.”
Gordon quirked a brow. Then he chuckled. “You’re definitely not a pushover. I like that about you.” He paused, studying me in silence. “You know, I came here to warn you away.” He rubbed a hand roughly over his face. “But now, I’m rethinking that decision. You might have what it takes to help him heal. So instead of warning you off, I’m going to give you some advice. If you’re going to get close to him, then stick around for the long haul. Don’t abandon him when times get tough. Because I guarantee if he lets you in, you’ll be the first. And if you hurt him…” he trailed off. “I won’t like that one bit. It affects me. And I sure as hell can’t deal with any more of his pain. I’ve got my own to deal with.”
I squeezed Gordon’s hand again. He was a good man. He was just looking out for Tracker. And he’d obviously suffered plenty of his own heartache.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked gently.
He flushed, his gaze darting away. “Yeah. Long ago. Her name was Ellen.”
“So, you remember your past?”
“Some of it. I started remembering things a few months ago. Some of the other dregs said they are regaining some of their memories now, too. Tracker should be having flashbacks soon, if he hasn’t already.” He paused. “I was sixteen. Young, I know. But God, I loved that girl.” He cleared his throat. “But she’s gone now. Gone forever.” There was so much sadness in his words that my heart hitched.
“I’m sorry.” I patted his hand. “I’ll bet she was beautiful.”
He jerked his gaze back to mine and smiled. He nodded. “She was.”
Silence stretched. Then I whispered, “I’m not going to hurt Tracker. It’s more likely he will hurt me. I care about him a lot.”
His lips twitched. “I can see that. You get all googly eyed whenever you look at him. I think you could help him be free of his demons. But it won’t be easy. You’ll have to take the good with the bad, and there’s plenty of bad. You’ll have to accept him for who he is and not run away when things get rough. It will take a strong woman to love a man like him, to deal with his issues.” He patted my hand, his gaze turning serious. “Don’t be fooled by his aloofness. Tracker does have feelings, even if he chooses to deny it. He’s not invincible. You could hurt him, Jessica. All too easily.”
You could hurt him, Jessica. All too easily.
I thought about Gordon’s words long after he’d gone.
Was I a fool to care about Tracker? If we grew closer, would we only bring each other pain? Was it possible Tracker might actually care for me as much as I was starting to care for him?
It gave me something to think about. If I was smart,
I wouldn’t let myself get any closer to Tracker. If I was smart, I’d leave sooner rather than later. But right now, I wasn’t smart. I was emotionally attached to Tracker. I didn’t want to leave him.
And I had to find Eliza.
So, I wasn’t going anywhere just yet.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Tracker
Dreams flowed into me, different than before. There was still blood and violence, death, but now something was different. Now my dreams contained a girl. A dark-haired girl with gorgeous hazel eyes that made my heart pound and awareness crackle through me whenever she was near. She had a soft voice with a southern drawl. She was slender, small-boned, perfectly feminine. She was purity and innocence. Everything good, while I was evil.
She was light to my darkness. Unblemished perfection to my damaged soul.
Who was she? Where had she come from? Why couldn’t I get her out of my head?
“Tracker?”
I blinked, the soft, feminine voice pulling me from my dream. Opening my eyes, I stared up into the face of the girl in my dreams.
And then the memories crashed into me.
Jessica.
My slave.
She’d come begging for my help to find her sister. She’d had no money, so I’d made her my slave. We’d gone out to follow a lead. A roadblock had stopped us on the way back. I’d been shot. I’d passed out. What had happened after that?
Was she real? Or a figment of my imagination?
I reached up, cupping her face in my palm. So soft. I pulled her face down to mine and kissed her. Lips against lips. I gently brushed my mouth over hers, the simple touch sparking a flame deep inside me. It was more than just lust. The kiss was as much a need to connect, to bond with her as it was a desire for her. And that was completely new to me.
I’d never had this urge to bond with a woman before.
She gasped softly and drew back. “T-Tracker? Are you all right?”
Oh yes, she was real. And she was still here.
Mine.
A deep chuckle from behind her had me jerking my gaze to the hulking man who approached the bed.
Gordon.
“Good to have you back, man.” He grinned. He grabbed my hand and pumped it in a rough shake that made me groan. Gordon didn’t do anything gentle.
“Easy man,” I mumbled. “I’m still sore.”
He chuckled. “Pussy.”
Jessica moved back out of the way to stand near the foot of the bed. Then Nate was there, leaning over me. “Had to give you a blood transfusion. You can thank Gordon for that. He donated enough blood to keep you from dying on us. But Jessica’s the true hero. She was the one who brought us to you. She saved your life.” There was grudging respect in Nate’s words.
I glanced behind Nate to where Jessica hovered, her cheeks pink. She’d saved me? Unexpected emotion clogged my throat. No one had ever cared enough to save me before. No one except my dreg brothers.
I caught her gaze with mine and held it, a silent thank you. She blushed and looked away.
Nate cleared his throat. “Welcome back to the land of the living. Let me check your vitals, then I’ll leave you alone.” Everyone grew silent as Nate removed a blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, and thermometer. I endured his probing while he checked my heart rate, blood pressure, and body temperature.
Nate returned everything to his medical bag and stepped away from the bed. “All’s good.”
“Thanks,” I murmured.
Jessica grabbed Nate’s hand as he moved past her. “Thank you,” she whispered. He nodded. Moments later the apartment door closed behind him.
Gordon wrapped a thick arm around Jessica’s slender shoulders and dragged her against his side. She didn’t protest, but her eyes widened, her gaze jerking to mine. “This here is one fine woman.” Gordon’s gaze was as serious as I’d ever seen it. “You’re one lucky son-of-a-bitch. We’re all jealous, even Tony, though I doubt he’d ever admit it. If you’re smart, you won’t let her go.” He planted a loud kiss on her cheek, then released her and headed for the door. “All that blood I gave you has made me lightheaded these past few days. Now that you’re well, I can finally get some real sleep.”
“Bye Gordon,” Jessica called, blushing. “And thank you.”
Something had happened while I’d been unconscious. Jessica and Gordon had bonded in some way. I didn’t like him being so friendly with her. I didn’t like his lips on any part of her.
He turned and winked at her, then the door slammed behind him.
And I was alone with my slave.
She hesitated, clearly uncomfortable. Her gaze darted to mine. “Um, can I get you anything?”
I tried to sit up, but the pain in my lower abdomen forced me to lie back down. “Water.”
She disappeared and returned a few moments later with a glass of water. She held it to my lips while I drank. I leaned back and closed my eyes.
“You and Gordon are buddies now?”
The mattress dipped slightly as she sat next to me on the bed, grabbing my hand in hers. I jerked in surprise, my eyes flying open. Touching others—and being touched by others—with tenderness wasn’t something I was used to. My memory before my recruitment with The Company was still a blank. They’d wiped my mind like cleaning off a flash drive, leaving it an empty black void. If I thought back as far as my earliest childhood memory, I could recall only waking in that jail cell with Gordon. No gentle touching. Ever. I couldn’t even remember my mother, or if I had a mother. The only type of touch I knew was brutal. Violent. Painful. I didn’t know the meaning of tenderness.
She shrugged. “I guess. We talked a bit. He cares about you. He’s a good guy.”
That was true. Gordon was a good guy. My jealousy dissipated. If Jessica had won Gordon’s approval, then that was saying something. Gordon didn’t like very many people.
“What did you two talk about?”
She hesitated, her gaze locking on mine. “You, mostly.”
“Me?” I lowered my gaze. Damn Gordon and his big mouth. He had no business telling Jessica anything about me.
She nodded. “But also about him, just a little. He was in love once. Did you know that? Her name was Ellen.”
No, I hadn’t known that. Gordon had told me he’d had several flashbacks, memories of his time before his recruitment with The Company, but he’d never mentioned a woman.
“No.” It seemed Jessica was winning my best friend’s trust. Gordon was a good judge of character. If he trusted her, I should probably learn to trust her as well.
I stared down at my hand in hers, deciding I liked her soft touch. Her gentleness.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to know what gentleness was like. I wanted Jessica to teach me how to be gentle.
What the hell? I continued to stare at our hands, unspeaking. She was messing with my mind. Making me weak. I needed to get rid of her. But I couldn’t do that until I’d found her sister. It might already be too late for that. By the time I healed and was ready to track her again, the trail would probably be cold. I might not be able to pick up another vision from that building.
I needed to remove Jessica from my presence before she destroyed me. Maybe I could lie to her. Say I’d found her sister’s body. Then she’d have no reason to stick around and I could be rid of her.
The thought of her leaving filled my already cold heart with ice.
“I met some of the other dregs.” Her soft voice pulled me from my thoughts. “I like all of them. Except for Tony. He’s a jerk.”
I snorted out a laugh. “That’s just the way he is. He doesn’t like women. Don’t let it get to you.”
She nodded. The silence stretched. “Will you tell me your real name now?”
Out of nowhere, a fleeting memory flashed through my mind—a dark-haired woman with blue eyes pulling a shirt over my head, slipping my small arms through the sleeves, then gently tucking the shirt into my pants. “There you go, Liam, my handsome little boy. All rea
dy for your first day of school.” She kissed my cheek and the scent of her flowery perfume filled my nostrils.
I blinked and the memory faded away, yet the scent of her perfume lingered, as if she’d just left my room moments ago. Stunned, I lay there, staring at nothing, trying to chase the memory and bring it back. But it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Like dust in the wind.
It was the first memory of my time before my recruitment.
Who was she? My mother? Why had the memory suddenly come back now when I hadn’t been able to remember anything before? Had Jessica’s presence, her gentleness, prompted the memory to leak free? Or were the memory suppressing drugs that had been pumped into my system for years finally beginning to wear off?
Something tightened in my chest. What had happened to my mother? How had I ended up being snatched by The Company? Had they killed her? Stolen me from her? Had she handed me over to them?
Was it truly the drugs wearing off that had triggered that memory? Or was it Jessica pulling the truth out of the deep recesses of my screwed-up mind?
It had been nearly a year since I’d been discharged from my employment and we had narrowly escaped with our lives. Would more memories return?
It’s not the drugs. It’s Jessica. It has to be.
I didn’t want to believe that. Because it would mean she was getting to me far more than I was willing to admit.
“Tracker?”
I stared into Jessica’s gorgeous eyes and found myself caving. “Liam,” I admitted at last. I had no idea what my last name was, or if I even had a last name. The only memory I’d been able to retain all these years, the only one I’d desperately clung to was my first name.
Her eyes widened. “Liam?” she repeated softly. “That’s…nice.”
I grunted. “I don’t like to be called that. My name is Tracker now.”
Her eyes widened. “Why not? What’s wrong with Liam? It’s a beautiful name.”
I pulled my hand from her grasp, uncomfortable that I’d revealed something about myself that no one else except Gordon knew. I’d never told the other dregs my real name. They’d all only known me as “Tracker”. I hadn’t been “Liam” for fifteen years.
The Tracker Page 14
