by Colbie Kay
Copyright © 2018 by Colbie Kay
All rights reserved.
Names, characters, and incidents depicted in this book are the product of the authors’ imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author or the publisher. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical, including but not limited to printing, file sharing, email, information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the authors, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Photographer: Randy Rls Sewell
Cover Models: Me and KB Bennett
Cover Designer: T.E. Black
Editing: Maria Vickers
Formatting: Maria Vickers
Finding Hope
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
PLAYLIST
Tainted Souls
Excerpt Tainted Souls
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by Colbie Kay
To all the good in a world of bad
I’ve been super tired today, and this little one in my belly has been kicking nonstop. I swear she’s going to be a soccer player. Smiling to myself, I sit up further on the bed and lay my hand on my stomach. I rub up and down, following her path. Her movements make my swollen belly extend when she gives me a good kick or punch. I’m two weeks from my due date, and I can’t wait to meet our daughter. If only Richie felt the same.
Gazing at the ring Richie gave me, which sits beautifully on my ring finger, my beaming smile begins to fade. How’s he going to take the news? I guess I’ll find out soon enough because the bedroom door opens and my fiancé stands in the entrance, staring at me before he comes to sit beside me. He doesn’t touch my belly, doesn’t acknowledge his daughter, and has barely shown me any affection since I found out I was pregnant. It’s as if he’s changed overnight. I keep holding onto the wish that everything will be better after our daughter arrives, and I really pray it is.
“How are you feeling?” He asks as his hand lifts and his fingers push my hair away from my cheek. “It’s almost time.” I tilt my head into his touch.
My gaze drifts from my belly up to his dark eyes. “I’m not signing the papers, Richie.”
He sighs but keeps his calm demeanor. “We talked about this, Tinsley. You agreed to give her to a family who would love her and take care of her. There are things we wanted to do before we have children.”
Tears well in my eyes at the thought of not having her with us. “I did agree in the beginning, but I want her. I want our daughter. She’s been growing in my belly all this time. I feel her, Richie. Maybe if you would just feel her too…”
“No,” He deadpans.
“We’re getting married after she comes. Why can’t we love and take care of her?” I ask desperately and add, “We can still do all the things we wanted with our daughter.”
Richie’s lips lift into a small grin. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you pack an overnight bag, and we’ll go away for the night? Maybe that will relax you. We won’t talk anymore about the baby until we come back.”
I nod happily. “Okay.” Maybe getting away for the night will do us some good. Maybe, he will see what it could be like with the three of us as a family.
“I’ll be back, and when I return, we’ll head out.” He leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips.
“I love you, Richie.”
He stands from the bed and walks to the door, but turns, bringing his eyes to mine. “I love you too.”
I happily work myself out of the bed and begin to waddle around our bedroom, gathering my clothes and everything I’ll need for our little getaway. My spirits have definitely been lifted.
An hour later, and a few breaks, I get the last of my belongings in my bag on the bed, and I zip it up. Standing up straight, I put my hands on my lower back and try to stretch as best I can. All this added weight kills my back when I’m bent over.
Richie enters the room and comes up behind me. “Are you ready?” He moves my hair off my neck and touches his lips to my flesh. A zing of desire rushes through me, and I close my eyes.
“Yes.” I smile, but it disappears when I feel the sting of something in my neck. “Richie?” I question. Worry and fright seize me as I try to turn around, but my vision blurs.
“You should have just stuck with the plan.” His tone is cold and menacing.
I attempt to speak, but the words can’t escape my lips, and I begin to fall as the blackness engulfs me. I can’t fight against it, and my last thought is of our daughter.
The baby is a week overdue, or so they tell me. I’ve lost track of the days and how long I’ve been here, locked away. This room is set up just like a hospital, complete with machines that track the baby’s heartbeat, sterile sheets for me to lay on it the bed, and a woman who comes to check my vitals regularly. Once I’m alone, the door closes and locks, leaving me with no way out. My eyes haven’t seen a speck of daylight, my nose hasn’t smelled the fresh scent of the outdoors since the day Richie drugged me and I woke up in this place. I have no idea where I am, but what I do know, this is no hospital.
I pace around the square-shaped room until my hands slam against the brick wall as I double over in excruciating pain. The sudden jolt of a contraction forces me to freeze. With one hand on the brick, I place my other on my stomach, my eyes screwing shut, and I grimace as the contraction reaches its peak. Breathing through it, the pain begins to ease as I hit the downward drop.
“Help!” I scream. I yell over and over for someone, anyone, until I finally hear heavy footsteps outside my room.
My gaze drags to the woman and Richie as they enter the room. "It’s time," The woman tells Richie. Both of them have ear to ear smiles on their faces. I glance down as a gush of fluid streams down my legs. Another contraction takes hold, and I double over in pain as I try to breathe through it. “Come lay down, Tinsley.” She takes one of my arms and helps me to the bed. There’s no use fighting; I would never get away, and I don’t know what awaits me outside of that door. Plus, I don’t think I would make it far because the baby is coming fast. Complying, I lay down panting with labored breaths.
"Everything's in place?" Richie questions with excitement lacing his tone. It should be excitement for our baby, but it's not. It’s for what’s going to happen after the baby is here.
The woman nods. “Pull the tray in.” He follows her orders, pushing the tray to the end of my bed. The woman, already dressed in scrubs, covers her mouth and nose with a mask and puts gloves over her hands. "Tinsley, it's time to push." Her words are muffled by the mask, but clear enough for me to understand. The woman tugs me to the edge of the bed, and she kneels down, ready to deliver our baby.
Richie comes to stand on one side of me, and another man, whose face is covered, enters, taking the other side. Each of them hold my thighs wide open as another contraction rages through my body. Bearing down, I grit my teeth and push as hard as I can. She counts down and tells me to push again. I
do as I’m instructed, but as time goes on, I feel myself growing weaker and weaker.
"Richie, give her the sedative,” The woman instructs.
“No!” I cry and frantically shake my head, ready to push again. My begging and pleading do nothing to stop him from injecting the poison into my veins. He’s done it so many times since I’ve been here, I’m beginning to lose track of what’s real and what’s not. My eyes begin to grow heavy, but I have to stay awake long enough to see my baby.
“The head is out." I imagine her smiling behind the mask as my head lolls to the side. "Big push, Tinsley." I give it my all, the best I can in my drug-induced state. "Inject the rest," She orders Richie. The sting is minimal as more poison enters my bloodstream. I’m fading in and out as I’m commanded, "One more push." I push the final time with hardly any strength, and my eyes are nothing more than narrowed slits, but I feel a tiny bit of pressure as the baby is taken from my body. "It's a girl," The woman announces enthusiastically.
"My baby. I want my baby." I toss my weighted head back and forth on the bed. My words are incoherent. Through the fog, I see her pass my baby to the masked man. I fight to stay awake, but I'm losing the battle with each second that passes.
Her eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry, Tinsley, your baby is stillborn.”
No! That's not possible. She was kicking inside of me. "No!" I try to scream, but no words come out, and I can’t open my eyes any longer. Just as I’m pulled completely under by the drugs, I think I hear the faint sound of a tiny cry as she’s taken from the room, but I drown in the blackness that’s taken me away far too many times.
"How are you doing?" I ask my cousin, Lindy, as I stare down into my glass and swirl the straw. She came back home after being gone for years because her husband, Ripper, was killed. We were always close, more like sisters than cousins, so I'm happy she's home. Being able to catch up with her these last few months has been amazing, it feels as though I have my best friend back, and at the same time, it also feels like she never left.
"I'm doing okay. It's hard every day, and I'm waiting for the pain to lessen like people say it will, but it’s not getting any easier for me." She takes a deep breath as if she’s trying to swallow all of her emotions. “I’m not sure it ever will, T.”
Reaching over, I lay my hand on hers in support. "It takes time, Lindy. No one can expect you to just move on from your husband's death. There's a whole grieving process you have to go through, and you’re just not there yet. One day you will be though, and I'll be here for you."
"Thanks.” Her gaze meets mine before she looks around the same bar we used to try and sneak into as teenagers. “It's funny coming back home and having people call me by my name. For so long I've been Chatty, but it's comforting. Kansas was a whole different world than where we came from." From the stories she’s told me, I’d have to agree. From rich parents and sheltered lives to rough bikers, sex, and drugs. I don’t know how she adjusted to that life, but it suited her. We were always rebels and tried to defy our parents every chance we got. It didn’t surprise me at all when she just up and left one day.
"Hey, ladies," The bartender’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts as he sets a couple of drinks in front of us. "These are from the two gentlemen sitting at that table." He points in their direction.
"Thanks, but I'm not interested." Lindy pushes her glass back toward the bartender while my gaze drifts to the two men. One of them catches my eye. He’s cute with his messy dark hair and five o’clock shadow. He’s stylish in ripped jeans and a button-down shirt, but what really pulls me in are his green eyes.
Lindy nudges my shoulder. "Go talk to him. You two are staring at each other like clothes are about to go flying all over this bar." She laughs, but she’s right, it’s like a crazy instant chemistry.
My gaze darts to her. "Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone."
She chuckles. "Girl, I'm already alone, but I'm not gonna cockblock you from getting any dick."
My mouth drops open. "I'm not going to sleep with him, Lindy! I don't even know him!"
Her glass slams on the counter. "You'll be in bed with him before the nights over. Get you some and have fun! You have my number, call me if you need anything.” She grins at me and adds, “If you get any vibes coming off of him that make you think he might be a crazy psycho ax murderer, then run. Love you." She reaches over and pulls me into a hug.
I shake my head at her, but my own grin widens. "I love you too. Try to get some rest, and I'll call you tomorrow."
Walking over to his table, I hold my glass in front of me. "Thanks for the drink." His friend gets up and leaves us alone.
Dark and handsome smirks. "Not a problem. What's your name, beautiful?" He tilts his head toward the now empty seat, and I happily take it.
Setting the glass on the table, I respond, "Tinsley Ryan, and yours?"
His smile lights up. "Richie Warren. It's nice to meet you, Tinsley."
My head dips in shyness, and I push some strands of my brown hair behind my ear. “You too.”
"Tell me why a beautiful woman like you is in a bar on a Saturday night without a man?"
The cheesy line makes me giggle. "I don't have a man. I was just out with my cousin. Why are you single?"
"I'm looking for someone special."
My eyes drift up to his, and my brow cocks. "And buying me a drink, you think I'm special?"
"I do." He orders us another round, and the conversation between us flows easily for the next few hours. I don't get the killer vibe from him.
Lindy was right, before the night was over, I did in fact, end up in his bed. What I didn't expect was that one chance encounter would change my entire life. But was it really a chance encounter at all?
My eyelids slowly begin to open. I expected to be in the cell that I was held hostage in for weeks, but as I try to get my vision to focus, I realize nothing is familiar to me. I'm outside in the cool night air between two buildings with the stench of trash close by. A gust of air blows over me, my flesh rises with goosebumps, but a new scent invades my sense of smell. Food. Food is cooking near me. Maybe I'm by a restaurant?
I try to push myself up off the rough ground, but my arms are too weak, and my legs are too heavy. My ass hits the cold concrete and gravel as pebbles of rock poke into my backside. My head pounds like the worst migraine you can imagine, making me slam my eyes shut as my face twists in pain. Lifting one of my hands, I put pressure on my forehead.
What the hell happened to me? Why am I here? What about my baby? They told me she was stillborn, but I heard her cry. I swear I did, but why would they take her from me? Why would Richie let them take her? Richie, he drugged me. Where is he now? Why would he leave me here? I have too many questions, and my mind is swirling with confusion.
I need to get up. Using all the strength I have, I try one more time to get myself standing, but I only make it halfway before I drop once again. My breaths are coming out short and labored while my body shakes from the exertion. An aching feeling overtakes me from having my baby, but I don’t even know how long it’s been since I had her. Shit, how long I was out? Was it hours? Days? It was long enough for them to dump me here in this alley. My heart pounds with fear at not knowing where I am, or what they did with her.
Slowly, I try to crawl to the back door of one of the buildings. I bang on the door. "Help me!" I scream loudly over and over until the little bit of energy I had evaporates. Falling back onto the hard ground, I wait for someone, anyone, to save me.
"Miss? Miss, are you okay?" My eyes pop open at the sound of a man's voice. I stare into the kind eyes of an older gentleman with salt and pepper hair and a matching beard.
"Help me," I beg as tears pool in my eyes.
He steps the rest of the way out of the door and bends down. "I will,” he vows, “I'm going to help you up." He does and is able to get me on my feet, but I have to lean on him for support. He walks me inside, through a large restaurant kitchen, and into an office, w
here he sits me down in a chair.
"I need a phone," I tell him breathlessly.
"You can use the office phone." He pushes it closer to me. "I'll get you something to eat and drink."
My teary gaze travels up to his. "Thank you."
He leaves me alone, and by memory, I dial Lindy's number.
"Hello?" She answers with confusion clear in her voice.
The first tear trails down my cheek. “Lindy, I need you to come and get me.” My lip quivers as I try to keep it together.
"Oh my God! T, where are you?" She sounds frantic.
Sobbing into the phone, I reply, "I don't know."
"Okay, you have to still be in Arizona because of the area code that popped up on my caller ID. What do you see around you?"
"I'm inside of a restaurant. They took my baby." I sob harder.
"What do you mean? Who took your baby? Where's Richie? I thought you were going somewhere overnight, but it’s been three weeks, T." She fires off her questions, but I can barely keep up.
The man brings me a plate of fries and a turkey sandwich with a big glass of ice water. My eyes snap to his. "Where am I?"
"You're in Phoenix at Gregory's Deli." Repeating what he said, I tell Lindy, and she's already in the car. We hang up so I can eat, but my stomach turns with every small bite I take. I continue pressing forward to try and gain some of my strength back. He pushes the tall glass closer to me. “Drink, but take small sips.” His brows pull down when he glances at my lap. "Miss, should we call the police?"
