by Kitty Jones
I had been drunk off my ass, and I hadn’t been expecting anyone to kiss me at all that night. I’d just been having fun with my friends, and Mallory had surprised me. It had surprised me not only to be kissed, but to be kissed by one of the most perfect girls I’d ever met.
I’d imagined kissing her so many times before that. Fuck, I’d spent almost my entire high school career thinking about her when I jerked off. Not that I’d ever tell Matthew that, although I’m certain he knew how I felt.
But kissing her had been scary for me.
It had been the first time that kissing someone felt real.
She felt real.
She felt special.
And I...I was just a schmuck who didn’t deserve her adoration or her love, so I’d pushed her away. Apparently, that had stuck with her, and I had no idea she even remembered.
“What about the party?”
“Aaron, I...” She shakes her head and looks away, takes a deep breath, and then looks back at me. Now her eyes are burning with fierce determination and it makes me happy that she’s got that fire. “It took me so long to get the courage to talk to you, let alone kiss you. It felt like a slap in the face when you turned me down. You had every right to. You didn’t owe me anything. You still don’t, but I...I was a kid, Aaron. I was 15, and you were the first guy I ever kissed. I wanted to give you everything.”
She blurts it out, and I instantly know she didn’t mean to share what she just said.
“Everything?”
Her face turns bright red, and I realize that she wanted to give me her virginity. She wanted me, out of all of the guys in the world, to be her first, and I completely and utterly blew it.
Shit.
Mallory is quiet. She reaches for her fork and pokes at her food, but doesn’t take a bite. Then she looks up at me.
“Yeah,” she says. “Pretty dumb, huh?” She shakes her head. “I know I made you uncomfortable with my weird crush, and I’m sorry.”
“Mallory, your crush never made me uncomfortable.”
“You don’t have to be gentle. It’s fine. It was a million years ago.”
“I rejected you, but I was wrong. I was really drunk that night, and honestly, I just didn’t think it was a good idea.”
“Because you weren’t attracted to me.”
“Because I was crazy about you,” I correct her.
“What?”
“I was crazy about you,” I repeat. “I had a huge crush on you, and I didn’t think I was good enough for you.”
Mallory looks at me for a very long time, and then she looks down at her food and shakes her head.
“Funny,” she finally says.
“What is?”
She looks up at me, and there are tears in her eyes.
“It would have been nice if we’d talked about this, oh, about ten years ago,” she says sadly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t communicate with you.”
“Me too,” she tells me. “I didn’t know how to talk to people. I didn’t know how to talk to anyone, really. Things are different now. I’m...well, I’m still not perfect at communicating, but I think it’s fair to say that I’m better.”
“Because of the club?”
“Because of the lifestyle it entails,” she says. “Honestly and communication go hand-in-hand there, you know. You can’t exactly have,” she lowers her voice, “a submissive that you don’t talk to, or a Dom you don’t talk to. Talking is key.”
“Hey,” I say, suddenly no longer hungry. “What do you say we get out of here?”
“Yeah,” she agrees. She reaches for the lid and covers her burrito bowl. “But I’m taking my food. I’m not going to waste perfectly good Chipotle.”
Chapter Seven
Mallory
So Aaron liked me.
Apparently, quite a bit.
He liked me and I had no idea and...wow.
I’m guessing that Matthew knew. He had to, didn’t he? How could he not? But he never said anything. He respected both of us enough to let us keep our secrets to ourselves. Aaron and I leave the restaurant and start walking down the road, but we’re both quiet for a long time. I’m completely lost in my thoughts, and I realize that if I’m not careful, I’m going to make the same mistake I did last time.
If Aaron cared about me back then, is there a chance he cares about me now?
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn to him.
“Why did you come into Club Shadows?”
“Straight to the point,” he says. “To find you.”
“How’d you know I was there?”
“Everest Hampton.”
“Everest? The owner?” I’m a little surprised. Everest is an administrator at the school I work at, which is how we met. He’s also very, very discreet. In fact, he’s private almost to a fault. The fact that I discovered his interest in BDSM or his private club was, to be honest, a total shock. I was babysitting for him and his wife one night and while tidying up their kitchen, I happened to see a note about the club. I was brazen enough to ask about it, and I guess Everest thought I was worth trusting because he extended an invitation.
They have a new babysitter now, and I’m a full-fledged member of the club.
“The one and only.”
“How do you know Everest?”
“Everest and I went to college together,” he says. “We had the same Algebra class freshman year, and well, let’s just say we shared some of the same interests. When I came back to town, I had lunch with him and caught up. I asked about you and whether he’d been in touch. I was surprised to discover that you not only worked with him, but that you were a member at his club.”
“He told you all that?”
“Never underestimate the power of bonding over math problems,” he smiles gently.
“So you’re a Dominant.”
“Something like that.”
“And...when you were away...”
“Was I involved in the lifestyle?”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“Does that scare you?” He asks, and I start walking again. He matches my pace, staying with me, and I think about the question, but then I shake my head.
“No.”
I knew he moved away after college. He probably needed to clear his damn head. Who could blame him? My mom kept tabs on Aaron throughout the years and even though I made it clear I didn’t want to talk about him, she’d occasionally let me know that he was living in such-and-such town, and would I ever want to go out and visit him?
The answer was always no, and she always dropped it after that.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“How long have you been in the lifestyle, Mallory?”
“Since my brother let it slip one time that you were into Daddy Domming,” I tell him bluntly. It’s a bold move. I don’t like talking about Matthew. I definitely don’t want to talk about him with Aaron, but there’s not a better time to bring it up, is there?
“He told you that, did he?”
“Yes.”
“And why, oh why, would my college roommate and very best friend tell his little sister that I’m a Daddy Dom?”
He stops walking now, and he turns me to face him. He places his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. There’s no room for lying here. We’re alone on the sidewalk. Everyone is busy: at work or eating lunch. We’re alone in the middle of the sidewalk with the occasional passing car, and this is my chance.
“Because he caught me reading a Daddy Dom book,” I blush, remembering the conversation. “And he told me that I should probably talk to you about that sometime because we had a shared interest.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes.”
Suddenly, the world seems to shrink all around us. Everything else disappears. Is Aaron still a Daddy Dom? Does he have someone special in his life? And why, oh why, is he looking at me like he wants to eat me alive
?
“He never told me,” Aaron smiles gently. “Your brother had many secrets.”
“Apparently.”
Aaron looks around and then back to me.
“My house is two blocks from here,” he says. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but would you like to come over?”
Somehow, I believe him. I don’t think he’s being presumptuous. I don’t think he’s going to be upset if I say no thank you, or if I decline him altogether. He’s not that type of man, and I don’t just think that because he’s in the lifestyle.
Some Doms don’t really care about consent. It’s a sad reality that not everyone gives the world of BDSM a good name. Aaron isn’t like that, though. I don’t want to say he’s not like all the other boys, but, well, he’s not.
“Yeah,” I tell him. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“You could fall madly in love with me and let me spank your sweet little bottom,” he says, smirking, and heat covers my entire body instantly.
Oh shit.
I’m in so much damn trouble right now.
Instantly, I’m wet, aching, and needing. I shouldn’t be feeling this way right now: especially not with someone like him. I shouldn’t be feeling aroused for someone I have a history with: a past, but Aaron...
Well, it’s Aaron.
“I’m not going to fall in love with you,” I tell him.
“We’ll see,” he says confidently. “I can be quite charming.” Then, whether it’s a joke or not, I can’t tell, but he offers me his arm and I take it happily. We walk to his home. As promised, it’s two blocks away and it’s a cute little brick home. It’s two stories high with lots of windows and a beautiful wrap-around porch.
“I like it,” I say.
“I got lucky. It had just been put on the market when I started looking. I was the first one to get an offer in. Otherwise, I’d be stuck living in an apartment, I’m sure.”
“Lucky or not, it’s a lovely place,” I tell him.
“Come on in.”
Aaron and I walk up the porch steps and he unlocks the door. We go inside and he’s instantly attacked by a ball of black fur.
“What the hell?” I ask, jumping back.
“Don’t worry,” he says, hugging the fur ball. “It’s only Jiji.”
“Jiji?” I ask, looking over.
“My cat,” he holds up perhaps the world’s cutest, tiniest little black kitten that I’ve ever seen. It meows loudly at me, and Aaron hands the kitty over to me. Instantly, I take the cat.
“Hi Jiji,” I say, petting the little one’s soft fur. “What an unusual name.”
“I named him after the cat in my favorite anime,” Aaron tells me.
“Kiki’s Delivery Service. You don’t have to explain it. It’s a cute name, and I’ve seen that movie so many times,” I admit, blushing. I always secretly wanted to be a witch. It was something I daydreamed about so many times, but somehow, it never actually happened. I never actually got to become a witch, which is rather unfortunate because I think I’d be great at it.
“I didn’t know you liked anime.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of a nerd,” I shrug, looking up. “What can I say?”
Jiji starts purring and I pull the little guy closer to me. He’s a sweet kitten, to be sure. I find myself wondering if I should get a cat. Would I be a good cat owner? Would I like having a pet to play with and love?
“I guess there are a lot of things I don’t know about you,” he says carefully.
“Like what?”
“That you’re into the kink life, for starters,” he says, laughing. He reaches for my Chipotle. “Here, I’ll put this in the fridge.” I release my burrito bowl, and he takes it away. I carry Jiji with me, following Aaron deeper into his house.
Why do I feel like I’m getting involved in something I shouldn’t be?
Why do I feel like I’m about to do something I’m going to regret?
And why, oh why, does it have to be with Aaron Winters?
My heart is freaking out as I move through the quiet, tidy little home to the kitchen.
“Can I offer you a drink?” He asks.
“No, I’m okay.”
“Then put Jiji down and come with me.”
It’s a command.
I’m submissive enough to recognize a command from a Dom when I see one.
I’m also experienced enough to know that this is a test. Am I going to listen to what he says? Am I going to be obedient? Or am I going to push him away?
I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with Aaron. Even though, apparently, he’s always had a thing for me, too. That desire isn’t really enough to mean that we’d be a good match in life or in bed.
But there’s something stirring deep inside of me, something I’ve been pushing down for a long time, and there’s a part of me that wants to know more. There’s a part of me that wants to try more.
Am I willing to try?
It doesn’t have to be anything serious. I’m not making any promises, right? It’s just a command.
One simple, easy command.
Put the cat down.
Go with him.
Somehow, I manage to lower myself to the ground and gently set Jiji down. Then I stand back up, take Aaron’s hand, and I look up at him. I let out a deep breath. Yeah, I was holding my breath. I know he saw me wrestling with that decision, but he waited patiently.
“Good girl,” he says, and the worst shoot right to my pussy.
Fuck.
Me.
Silly.
Those are the words I love to hear. They’re the words that will make me do just about anything. I’m like some sort of enchanted princess who is cursed to obey anyone who calls her a good girl because oh, I really, really crave those words.
Aaron leads me into his living room and we sit down on the couch. We’re sitting side-by-side, and he’s still holding my hand. I’m holding hands with Aaron Winters, and I really can’t believe this at all.
“What are you looking for at the club?” He asks me.
“Uh...”
Okay, so that question caught me off guard.
“Do you know what you’re looking for?” He asks instead.
“Yes, I know.”
“What is it?”
“I’m just there to have a good time,” I shrug.
To forget.
I’m there because I can’t stand thinking about my brother or my guilt.
I can’t get over the fact that I feel like I should have been the one in the car.
“Do you often sleep with your partners at the club?” He asks.
“No.”
Never, but I don’t say that part.
I’m not ready to reveal that little secret to Aaron. Not just yet.
“You looked beautiful on stage the other night,” he continues.
“When I was with Taylor?”
“Yes. He did a great job with you. You looked like you were really enjoying yourself.”
“I was,” I say finally. “We have a sort of arrangement.”
“What kind of arrangement?”
Aaron’s words hold curiosity, but no judgment. Good. I don’t know what I’d do if he judged me right now. I don’t know that I could handle it.
“Well, Hank got hurt. They’re...limited in what they can do together. Hank is Taylor’s partner,” I add, in case that wasn’t clear.
“So you’re a fill-in.”
“Pretty much. I like to be hit, and Taylor likes doing it. He dominates me at the club and then I go home alone. He takes Hank home and...well, they do their things and I do my thing.”
“And what’s your thing?” He asks, leaning in closer to me.
“I don’t have a boyfriend, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend, either.”
“Still not what I asked.”
“What is it you want to know, Aaron?”
/> Oh, he’s so close I could kiss him, but that’s a road I’m definitely not ready to go down. Am I? Do I want to try that again with Aaron? But I’ve spent so long avoiding him. I’ve spent so much time trying to escape from him. I’ve been running for years just trying to get over him and everything that happened and here I am, right back where I started.
“Do you touch yourself, Mallory?”
There it is.
I gasp, just a little, and he reaches for my leg. He places his hand on my thigh, just above my knee. It’s the perfect spot because it’s not so high that I feel uncomfortable, but it’s not so low that I misread his intentions.
Aaron is not a good boy here. He’s not being sweet or gentle. He couldn’t be. He’s a Dom, after all, and he knows what he likes. He wants a girl he can take care of.
I don’t know if I’m that girl, and I don’t know if we can handle anything like that after everything we’ve been through together.
“Yes,” I tell him.
Honesty, right?
It’s always best to be honest.
“What do you think about when you touch yourself?”
“That’s a very personal question, Aaron.”
“I know.”
He doesn’t apologize for it. He doesn’t back down. He just waits, patiently, and he lets me take my time. Perhaps that’s the reason I find the courage to tell him.
“Lots of different things. Sometimes I watch porn and I come to that. Sometimes I close my eyes and think about different experiences I’ve had.”
“Do you ever think about me?”
“All the time,” I say, and there’s no hesitation. If nothing else has surprised him tonight, that comment certainly does.
“Is that true?”
“Yes.”
“Then why haven’t you talked to me?” He asks. “If you’ve had a thing about me, then why haven’t you reached out? I haven’t exactly been hidden away or difficult to reach. I’ve kept in touch with your mom, after all. She knows exactly how to reach me. If you wanted to...”
“I know, and I don’t have a good explanation.”
“Do you have any explanation?” He asks, pushing me.
Again, he doesn’t sound irritated or mad. He just sounds curious, and maybe even a little sad.
