by Nicole Thorn
Verin came out swinging as he turned fast. His fist collided with the man’s jaw… and I heard something break. Not his jawbone, but his neck. The man dropped instantly, going still, eyes open and locked on the sky.
The world slowed down around me as I realized it was over. Verin killed that man. He lost. Verin realized it too, staring hard like he thought it would make the man stand up again. It didn’t, and he laid there as still as he had been three seconds before.
The things attacking Verin stopped, the audience gasping as the rest of us stared blankly. The trials were over. That was it. The knowledge slowly sank into Callie, her shaking hand barely able to hold her mic as she watched with her jaw dropped open. Verin had been doing so well. He always did well.
I watched my brother as he looked around the field. His chest pumped with breaths that didn’t even out. Though he was far away, I could feel it all settling into his brain. He knew. He knew what this meant. He knew what it said as the gray skies opened up to show the natural blue the day should have had.
Verin took a deep breath, turning to the doors that opened for him.
Then he started running in the other direction.
I had no idea what the hell he was doing, but as soon as he started heading toward the caduceus, the monsters attacked again. They all came at him this time, not waiting for their turn like they had been doing before. He still took them down one by one, not killing anyone else. He closed the space between him and the hill even faster than before, mowing down anything in his way. Verin moved weaponless, nothing but determination in his eyes.
The last of the monsters were on his heels as he reached the gazebo. His hand touched the caduceus. When it did, the lights above us flashed, and then Verin stood in the studio again.
The audience was silent, unsure of how to react. Even Callie didn’t have anything to say, but Verin stood with the caduceus in his hands, eyes on us.
“I… I’m so sorry,” he said. I couldn’t help but notice how his gaze lingered on Jasmine for a beat. Juniper went to him, her arms wrapping around his body as she tried to breathe. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…”
“It’s okay,” Juniper breathed.
Verin nodded. “We’ll be fine,” he said, his voice trembling. “We, we lost here, but it’s fine.”
“How is it fine?” I made myself ask, my own breath short. “How is this fine?” I needed to know.
The man looked up at me. “We don’t have the weapon, but that doesn’t mean all is lost. It can’t be.”
“Can’t it?” I asked.
He slowly shook his head, staring weakly at me. “We can’t let it be. There are people who are going to die, and we’re the only things standing between them and danger. I’m not going to wait on the sidelines and let them die because I fucked up. I won’t fuck up twice.”
Kizzy rubbed her face, taking deep breaths. “We… we’re done? Is it done? Did this happen?”
Verin apologized again but stayed with Juniper. “We only lose if we let ourselves lose. And we get to decide what a loss is. Since when do we need a weapon to do our jobs?”
“Since a war,” I said.
Verin’s expression was grim, but he held his head up high. “When something goes wrong, we figure out a new way to win. How many times have we lost something, and how many times have we let it lie?”
The screen still played the scene, monsters, and demigods on the ground. I didn’t know why I looked up then, but I did. The image lingered on the person Verin had killed. My stomach felt like rot on the inside. But then the body stirred.
Eyes blinked, and I saw the dead demigod as he pushed his body off the ground. We all watched as he rose to his feet, rolling his neck to get the kinks out. Verin’s insides exploded with fiery hope I didn’t dare to touch.
The dead man cleared his throat, turning toward the door to the stage.
Jasmine
E verything in the world came crashing down, at least inside my head. I thought of all the people that would suffer now because we had lost the trials. Because I hadn’t been smart enough, because Verin hadn’t been gentle enough, because we hadn’t been good enough. The gods wanted us to fail, and then we did. We gave them everything that they could have hoped for. In a thousand years, we would be another story, another way the gods made sure that their subjects didn’t get above their stations.
And it would be my fault. Sure, Verin lost the second trial. He had been the one that brought everything down on our heads, but I had been the one that set it up. If I hadn’t taken a drink, like I knew I shouldn’t have, then none of this would’ve been a problem. We would be preparing for the last three trials, knowing that Zander, Jasper, and Kizzy had to bring it.
But nope. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut.
At least, before the dead man stood up. When Verin had kept going, even though his trial had technically ended, I had been equal parts confused and proud of him. I didn’t think a single word he said was true, though, when he went on about how we would figure it out. It didn’t feel like we had anything to figure out at that point. We had fucked everything up. The gods would gloat, the crowd would boo and throw things just like they had when I failed, and then we’d go home empty-handed.
And then the dead man rose.
The crowd went still, me included. I held my breath, too afraid to hope. Trying to be positive didn’t get us anywhere, but I felt the rise of it in my chest. The dreaded feeling of maybe. Maybe we hadn’t screwed everything hope. Maybe we had a chance to survive this. Maybe the weapon would actually help us win this war. Maybe we wouldn’t have to live our entire lives knowing that we had gotten people killed by fucking up.
The dead man rolled his head around, I assumed because his neck hurt. I didn’t know how I felt about that.
He had tried to make it clear that we weren’t doomed just because of this, but I couldn’t have been the only one who felt like he had been reaching when he said that. Verin stumbled back a step, surprised to see the dead man rise.
Then the supposed demigod started to change right before our eyes. His hair got lighter, his build taller, his face distinctly more Verin-like. Even the way he held himself seemed more Verin-like to me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what about it, even though I knew who he was almost instantly.
Hades smiled at his son, his expression bright and happy. “Well done, son,” he said. “You’ve passed this trial.”
While my family and I stood in stunned silence, the crowd erupted in applause, stomping their feet and screaming their praises. I blinked as the burden of defeat lifted off my shoulders somewhat. It would still be my fault if any of the others failed and we lost the weapon. No matter what, if I hadn’t been so stupid, then we wouldn’t feel the pressure of such a small margin of error.
And while that burden lifted, another one fell back squarely on me. One that whispered, you were the only one to fail. You are the only one not strong enough to handle what the gods dished out. You are the weak link.
I swallowed past my dry throat as guilt pushed through me.
The crowd started to die down as Hades stepped from the screen onto the stage to clap his son on the shoulder again.
“I hate you,” Verin said.
Hades smiled. “Then I’ve done my job right.” His Australian accent seemed pronounced today like he wanted everyone to hear and be awed by the Lord of the Underworld.
“You are the worst,” Verin went on.
“Well, I couldn’t let another god play the dead body in your trial. What kind of father would I be?”
“A good one,” Verin suggested. “One that doesn’t make their kid feel like they’re the reason the entire world is going to fall apart.”
“Pish,” Hades said, waving his hand. “Don’t you worry about it.”
Callie put the microphone to her mouth and shouted, “And that’s another trial the demigods and seers have won!”
I winced. One of the seers hadn’t pulled her weight.
“Thank you!” Hades said, waving his hands at the crowd. “But really, it’s my son that should be getting all the praise.”
I felt like I floated right out of my body for the rest of the filming. They interviewed Verin so that they could get his reactions to finding out that he had lost the trial and then that he had actually won. It didn’t go the way they thought it would since Verin just wanted to get away from them and back to Juniper.
I heard some of his scathing commentary, but it felt like I’d I had cotton stuffed into my ears.
When Verin made it back to us, Zander slapped him on the shoulder, congratulating him. Jasper said some quiet words of encouragement, while Kizzy nodded along. Juniper jumped into his arms, saying something about knowing that he wouldn’t fail. I wondered what my sister had thought during those brief moments when it seemed like he had failed. Did she believe it, or did she think that the gods had given us another fake out?
They had done that so many times. For all we knew, Kizzy, Jasper, or Zander could have been getting tested right then, and none of them would know it. None of them would know anything.
The thought of drinking popped into the back of my head, but I shoved it down so hard and violently that it disappeared. I didn’t want to ever take another sip of alcohol in my life. The thought of it made my stomach twist and turn like it would give up everything I’d eaten that day.
Eventually, we made it back to the green room.
I collapsed onto a chair with Zander. He had his arms around my middle.
The cameras disappeared after a few minutes, and then Callie, Aster, and Micha came back in. They all looked exhausted as if they had been through the trials with us. Callie slumped onto the couch, covering her face.
“It’s almost over,” Aster said, rubbing her knee. Then he looked at the rest of us, crestfallen. “Not that I mean that any of you are going to lose the rest of the trials. I just meant that because there are only three left, we can go home soon and not have to deal with this insanity. Which isn’t to say that I think we’ve had it worse than any of you, either. Obviously, things have been a lot worse for you guys lately.” He looked panicked as he whipped around to Callie. “Which also doesn’t mean you haven’t been through some shit.”
Micha grabbed Aster by the shoulders, bringing his tirade to a stop. Or his anxiety loop, as I liked to call it. “Dude. It’s fine. Stop.”
Aster breathed out, staring at the middle ground in front of him. He looked exhausted all of a sudden.
I rubbed my eyes. “You’re right, though. It’s almost over. We’ll be in our own beds, soon, in our own house… I miss Nemo.”
My hydra probably had no idea what the hell was going on. He had a gorgon and a goddess watching over him, which had to have made him wonder if I would come back. And I missed my bed. My clothes. My shower. This had all be fun for the first day before things started getting real. Now, I just wanted it to be over.
“I miss him too,” Zander said, rubbing the back of his head. “I bet Medusa isn’t giving him enough Cheetos.”
“You give him too many,” Juniper said. “He’s going to get fat. What are we going to do with a fat hydra?”
“Love him more?” Verin asked.
“I wouldn’t worry about the Cheetos so much as the whole pies that Jasmine gives him,” Kizzy said.
My eyes widened.
Juniper stared at me with betrayal. “You. Feed him. Whole pies?”
“He likes apples and cinnamon!” I shouted, flailing. “Am I supposed to not feed him treats? He’s a hydra! I have to take care of his needs!”
“Whole pies?” Juniper said. “We don’t know what that does to him. He needs meat and veggies. You can give him Cheetos as a special treat, but not whole pies! What is wrong with you?”
“He likes them!”
“I like ice cream, but you don’t see me eating an entire pint in one sitting, do you?” Juniper threw out there.
“I do that,” Kizzy said.
Jasper smiled at her with all the affection in the world. And things didn’t feel quite as bad for that second. For that brief moment where it could just be the nine of us, and the world didn’t have to feel like it had been closing in on us.
Then the door opened, and Ellie stood there, ready to take us back to our rooms. They always escorted us back, even though we had been wandering around on our own for long enough to know where everything was. We had to say goodbye to Callie and the boys. They watched us go with worry in their eyes.
I wondered what it felt like to them, to know that the fate of the war rested in our hands. Callie had never been much for fighting since she had been a mortal human until very recently. Aster, I didn’t think he had gotten into too many fights either. But what about Micha? How did it feel to someone who had been raised to hunt his entire life, to know that he had to sit on the sidelines and let someone who might not have been able to handle it take care of the fight? I couldn’t imagine it felt great.
When we reached our rooms, I felt too jittery to stay locked up. I told Zander as much, and he offered to walk around with me. “No, that’s okay,” I said, touching his arm. “I’ll be back briefly. I just need to get my head sorted out, okay?”
He watched me, examining my face. I wondered if he worried that I’d take a drink.
The world tilted for a second.
“All right,” Zander said, kissing my forehead.
And the world righted itself again. Zander walked back to our room and closed the door behind him. I started pacing the halls, breathing through my mouth to keep my tight chest from making it impossible to breathe. Around the third or fourth circuit, the elevator dinged, bringing my attention up.
Heracles pushed off the wall as the doors opened and stepped out into the hallway. He offered me a smile as he approached. “Feeling like a caged tiger?”
“Yes,” I said, stopping and stretching. “I’m getting sick of these hallways.”
He nodded as if he understood that feeling. “I just thought I’d come and congratulate Verin on beating his trial. That would’ve been an easy one to fail since he basically just had to keep going. Most people wouldn’t have thought like that.”
I frowned. “Yeah.”
Heracles cocked his head. “Something wrong?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I’m trying to get my thoughts together so that I can figure out what’s bothering me.” So that I could then tell Zander. I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us. I kind of felt bad for this, but he understood emotions better than I did. If I could figure out the way I felt and why I had a pinch to my stomach, then Zander could tell me that he understood why I felt this way. I wanted to be absolved of my guilt, which just made me feel guiltier.
“It’s been a highly emotional journey for all of you,” Heracles said. “I’m not surprised that you’re having trouble sorting it all out in your head.”
“Yeah…” I said, kicking at the ground. “How often do you work with the gods?”
This question seemed to throw him off for a second, but Heracles answered without hesitation. “Not often, if you want me to be honest. I’ve made my peace with what they are and who they are, but that doesn’t mean I like spending time with them. They’re… hard to be around, even now. Hera especially.”
“She said that you guys got along now.”
Heracles’ face changed so dramatically that it wasn’t until he wiped the expression off completely that I understood what I had seen. Rage had flashed across his eyes, his mouth twisted in a snarl, and I’d seen hatred. It vanished so quickly that it startled me.
The big man rubbed the back of his neck, breathing out. “No,” he said. “We don’t get along. I’m sorry. It’s just…”
“I get it,” I said. “Well, I
don’t, actually. But I understand why you find it hard to get along with her, considering what she did to you.”
“Yes,” Heracles said. “It’s weird to think about it in the context of a mortal mind. They read my story in schools, you know. They read about my trials and the things that I did, and it means nothing to most of them. They hear about what Hera did to me, the time she tried to kill me, and some of them are bored by it. That’s what time does. It turns tales of horror and pain into a textbook that’ll put fourteen-year-old kids to sleep. Time wipes the visceral emotions of now away, leaving only cold facts that don’t touch anyone.”
“Because you’re not real to them,” I said.
Heracles nodded after a moment. “Because I’m not real to them. But it’s still so real to me. Everything that happened all those centuries ago, it still feels like it’s real. I can still feel…” He stared down at his hands. I waited for him to say something brutal, something about how he had killed his kids, what it felt like to have their dead bodies in his hands when he finally came down from the rage. And he said, “I can still feel how small they were when they were born.”
My heart cracked in two.
Heracles turned away from me, blinking. “So, yes, I don’t work with the gods too often. They usually leave me to my own endeavors, Hera included. When I do see her, I try not to say anything. I don’t think she would care about the way that I still feel. Even if she did, it wouldn’t matter. It’s in the past.”
I didn’t know what to say to him, but thoughts zipped through my head rapidly. Amongst those thoughts, was that I didn’t think I could’ve been so lenient with the gods if I had been Heracles. How much could a single person forgive before it became too much? Even knowing the gods the way that I did, even knowing that they wouldn’t care about my wants and thoughts, how much could I forgive?
