by A. L. Knorr
"What's odd about that?"
"It's not that part that's odd. I realized something just now when he mentioned the figurehead and the crowsnest."
“Figurehead..." I jogged my memory. "That's the thing at the front of the ship, right? A seahorse, or a dragon, or a girl with big boobs?"
"Right. But until he mentioned it just now, no one has said a word about it in any of the briefings. I saw a shot of the crowsnest in one of the images, but the figurehead wasn't in any of the photographs. It’s not even on the list of assets that we're charged with finding. By the way, where have you been?" She switched topics smoothly and we moved into the sitting area. She cracked open a bottle of water and handed it to me, then opened one for herself.
"Oh, you know. Eating Martinius out of house and home. Seducing his staff. Having fights with myself. The usual." I chugged the water.
Mom just about spat her water out, laughing in mid-gulp. She swallowed and wiped the water off her mouth with her sleeve. "Let me guess, you found Antoni and you got a nice big whiff with your new mermaid nose."
"Something like that."
"You're purebred siren now, sweetheart." She gave me a sharp look. "You didn't," she gave me an emphatic look. "Did you?"
The old Targa would have squirmed if her mother asked her point blank whether she'd just had sex or not. I was a virgin, but I saw it differently now. All my teenage embarrassment was gone. It was just a normal urge now, like eating or sleeping.
I shook my head. "No, but I could have. I wanted to. It was really, really hard not to. Did I mention how hard it was not to? I only stopped myself because he said he could lose his job."
"He could," she nodded. "Sleeping with a contractor's daughter, especially one as young as you. It would be a scandal. Although, I overheard one of the guys saying that the age of consent in Poland is actually 15." She shuddered, "A woman knows when she's ready, mermaid or human, but somehow he sounded super creepy when he said it." She sighed, "I guess I should explain a few things to you."
"Yeah, like how all of a sudden I want to eat everything in sight, including Antoni? How I can push pheromones out of my skin and make my voice sound like an orchestra? And you never told me how confusing it is. How there's an inner battle going on all the time. How do you cope?"
"It gets easier, I promise."
I gave her a cynical look and she laughed. "Look. I'm overjoyed that you're a mermaid. I don't know why you had to die to get there, but you did. Your blessing and curse is that you now have powers and sharper senses. You're a primal creature. You are able to function as a human well enough to fool them but as soon as you're in salt water you're a siren. You operate almost entirely on instinct, and a big part of that instinct is to mate."
She pulled me down on the couch beside her. "You know why I drink so much water?"
"It helps you cope?" I understood that better than ever now.
"Yes. I need fresh water in my body to keep the siren instinct under control. As long as you have lots of clean water in your system, you'll be able to think like a human. Even while you're in salt water."
"What happens when the fresh water leaves your system?"
"Salt is fuel to your siren instinct, so if you're saturated with it, it takes over. Salt is why we always end up going back to the ocean. It calls to us until one day our relationships don't seem to matter enough anymore to stay on land." She put a hand on my face. "Except for this one. This relationship will always matter." Then a puzzled look crossed her face.
"What? What are you thinking?" I asked.
"Well, it is unusual that you're already getting the urge to find a mate. Typically, a mermaid needs to spend some time living at sea in the salt before the cycle begins. It appears you're breaking all the rules," she said, cocking an eyebrow.
"That's not really comforting," I said. How could Mom prepare me for life as a siren if I kept breaking rules? And what rule would I break next?
"So typically," I continued, wrapping my head around what she was saying, "you only ever leave the ocean when your instinct tells you to find a mate, right?"
"That's right. It's the only need that is powerful enough to drive us out of the ocean. Falling in love is a consuming experience for a mermaid. All the other stuff that matters to a human doesn't matter to us. Jobs, education, material possessions. None of it means anything. Only he matters. You've got a lot of gifts at your disposal. If there is a man alive who can resist the call of a siren when she's got her sights on him, I haven't met him. Even when you're not interested, they're still going to be drawn to you. It gets very annoying when you're not in the game for a mate anymore."
"Are all mermaids heterosexual then?" I asked, curious. My generation had been raised to accept that not everyone was drawn to the opposite sex. I wondered if it was the same for sirens.
"As far as I know," she said. "There are so few of us and our drive to procreate is so strong."
"Did you use your siren abilities to entice dad into a relationship with you?"
A wistful expression crossed her face and a secret smile touched her lips. "Actually no, I made a resolution not to use my abilities. When I found your father, I wanted our love to be as genuine as possible."
"That's what I want, too."
"There is a biological reason for that," she said, giving me a sidelong glance. "There might be more to it than just wanting an authentic love."
"What's that?"
"My mother once told me that the strongest siren offspring are made from relationships where no siren wiles are used. Possibly even to the point of producing an elemental."
"What's an elemental?"
"According to her, its a mermaid who has power over the ocean. She can bend water to her will, and sometimes she even has the power to heal. I wanted to give my child those gifts if I could. So I wanted your dad and I to fall in love naturally, to the extent that we could. I think, with a siren, there will always be some level of supernatural appeal, but I tried very hard to keep it to a minimum when I met your dad."
There was silence while I digested what she'd said about siren offspring. "You must have thought your mom lied about that when I turned out to be a dud."
She chuckled, "I was pretty angry with her for a long time. But how incredible is it now to know that you were never a dud? And you have only just begun to learn what you are capable of."
"Try not to have too high of expectations, mom," I said wryly. "We've already spent too much time down that road. I can tell you right now that I don't have powers over water."
"I know, sunshine. I'm just thankful that you've finally had your rebirth."
I loved the idea of having a relationship free from siren deception, but how could I ever know if the attraction a man was feeling for me was genuine? I thought of what had happened with Antoni. I had thought maybe he was attracted to me before I became a siren, but how could I know for sure?
As a mermaid, I understood the desire to find the strongest and best mate. But as a girl who had been raised human all her life, I rebelled against the thought of luring a man with wiles that human women didn't have. At least I now understood the intense desire to be with Antoni, and thankfully had a tool to control it - fresh water.
"What about the sea here? Micah explained to me that it's brackish. Don't you think its weird that I finally had my change in water that has barely any salt in it?"
"Yes, I do find that odd. I've always been curious to swim in the Baltic because it’s so unique, and now we're here. Strange how things work out."
"Let's go, Mom. Today. It'll be our first swim together. Take me to the ship? You have to go before Monday right, to prep the site? I could help you." I don't know why I was bracing myself for an argument. I should have known her face would light up like a solar flare.
"I can't think of anything I'd like to do more. Today is Saturday, the team won't be expecting me at work." Then her crystal eyes swept over me with a look of motherly concern. "How's your head? Did you sleep we
ll?"
"I slept like the dead. My head is a little tender but it's already so much better than yesterday. I feel awesome, and really full." I rubbed my belly.
She laughed. "All right then. Let's go for a swim!"
As we made our way down to the beach together, I couldn't help but think of my future and what my mother might expect from me because of the change. After all, mermaids only left the ocean to find a mate and have a child, so didn't that mean that most of their lives were lived at sea? Away from humanity? I felt the shadow of a life-changing decision begin to fall over me and I pushed it out of my mind. I had enough on my plate; I'd deal with that later.
Chapter 20
Mom secured a vehicle from Martinius' staff. He had been generous enough to extend the use of company vehicles to us while we were here.
I kept thinking about what I could do to prepare for the journey, after all it was a 48 kilometre swim. I had been less than a kilometre off shore when the laser tipped. The thought of going so far out into the deep made me nervous and excited. But I wouldn't be alone, and Mom always said that she was the most powerful thing in the ocean, so there was nothing to be afraid of.
"Do you think we should bring lots of water with us?" I asked, "for when we get back?"
She nodded. "It's always a good idea. I doubt it will be a problem, but there is no down side," she said, so we brought several litres with us and threw them in the back of the Jeep.
Mom told the staff we were going to Gdańsk for the day. Going to the beach wasn't a good excuse because no rational human would want to go swimming today. The aftermath of the storm was evident on the beaches and the sky was jammed with grey clouds. A chilly wind tugged at our hair as we got into the truck.
As we turned out of the estate, I said, "Go this way, Mom," and directed her north along the coast. "There is a secluded beach in between two rock outcroppings that I found yesterday when I came out of the water. We can park there and enter the water without being seen."
As we drove, I was reminded of the discomfort in my neck from yesterday. I rolled my head side to side but was happy to feel that there was no pain left at all. "My neck was so sore yesterday, and I had a burning sensation where my gills came out.”
Mom nodded. "Your gills had never been used before. It makes sense they might burn for a little while. They'll be fine this time."
She parked the Jeep along a dirt road that ran parallel to the water. We chugged some water and stashed our clothes and towels in a sheltered area between two rocks. Then we ran naked and giggling into the sea, diving in headfirst.
The sweeping change down my body was instant and there was no pain anywhere, not like the first time. The temperature went from frigid to perfectly comfortable in a moment.
The marine floor dropped away from us rapidly as we swam out into the vast, open sea. Mom slowed and turned to look at me, taking in her mermaid daughter for the first time. Her eyes widened. "You're silver!" she exclaimed with surprise. "Wow, you're incredible. I don't know if you seem so beautiful because you're my daughter and I never thought this day would come, or if you really are just that gorgeous."
"Thanks, Mom." I looked down at myself. "I didn't expect silver either, well I didn't expect to be a siren at all, so... everything is a surprise," I said, twisting my tail in the water to watch it move.
"It's not like I've met a ton of mermaids in my lifetime," Mom said as she watched my scales glimmering in the light, "but I've never seen a mercurial one before. They've always been coloured, even sometimes with pinks and oranges or with distinct markings, like tropical fish."
"Does that mean I'm boring? Like vanilla ice cream?" I asked, laughing. I didn't care if I was as dull as a tuna, I was just so thankful to be a siren.
She laughed with the orchestra in her throat. "Nah," she winked at me. "You're classic, rather than trendy. It suits you." She peered closer. "Look at this." She pointed to a barely visible marking that ran down along either side of my hips. The back of my tail was a pearly white colour, while on the front my scales were bright silver. The transition was subtle but now that she had pointed it out it was unmistakeable. "Stunning," she said, admiring my markings.
She looked at my hands and the webbings in between, and my skin, which looked just like hers did underwater. "You'll have to be careful though," she said as she took in my overall appearance.
"Why?" I asked.
"You're the most visible colour you could possibly be. Light colours show up better in the water than darker ones, and you're bright and reflective. Just be aware that when you're swimming you need to be extra cautious. Steer clear of boats and people."
I promised I would and we continued to swim on. I admired my mother through my new eyes, seeing her more clearly than I ever had. I had seen her in mermaid form many times before during our night swims, but it was always dark and we were always in the shallows so I never really got a good view of her in her full glory.
She was remarkable. I stayed a little behind so I could watch her. Her long black hair flowed freely. She kept her arms by her side, not bothering to use her webbed hands. Her skin was pale and iridescent in the light, and the skin at her waist transitioned smoothly into scales. Her tail went from an incredible teal colour at her waist to a dark emerald green at the tips of her long, elegant fins. Her tail was much longer and fuller than mine. I supposed that made sense, she swam a lot and I figured that size equalled strength.
She saw that I was watching her. "Everything ok?" she asked. Her voice was a hundred violins coming from everywhere at once.
"Never better," I replied with my own strings. Mine was a thinner orchestra, but music all the same. "I forgot to ask you," I said as we swam, "why did my eyes hurt so much after I changed?"
She laughed, the melody ascending and harmonizing. "You have two sets of eyelids."
I pulled up short. "Excuse me? I have what now?"
She had shot forward when I stopped. She zipped back to me so quickly it was startling.
"Come on.” She took my hand and we went to the surface.
We broke through the gentle waves and I took the opportunity to look around. The shore was a distant line of brown and green.
"So, what is this about two sets of eyelids?"
She came closer. "Yes, look. You've got these," she blinked with her regular eyelids, "and then you've got these." Quick as a flash I saw a transparent lid blink across her eye from the inner corner to the outer and then back again, while her outer lid didn't move at all.
"Sweet mother of crap!" I jerked back, startled.
The under-lid was completely transparent. When it was closed, you wouldn't even know it was there.
"It protects your eyes while you're swimming, especially at high speed. Also during storms, if you have to deal with intense waves and rain."
I put my fingertips into the corners of my own eyes. I held my eyelid still and felt the blinking of my transparent under-lid on its own. That explained why the rain hadn't bothered me yesterday. "Amazing!" I sang.
She laughed. "Yes, you have siren eyes now and everything that goes along with them. In the same way the salt made your gills burn, your eyes are taking in light and dealing with water in a way they've never had to before. Just the fact that your under-lids had to separate themselves from your eyelids for the first time would account for the pain. I don't know if you've had the under-lid all along, or if it grew in when the rest of you changed."
"Incredible," I said, blinking. It was hard to move the under-lid separately from my eyelid at first, but it got easier. My vision changed a lot when the under-lid was across my eye, everything was sharp and clear, sort of like a human wearing a diving mask only a thousand times better.
Mom dove again and I chased her and tried to keep up. The bubbles from her tail tickled my face and down my body. We played like a couple of dolphins. I hadn't felt such a sense of freedom or joy before, or such a unity with the world around me. I belonged here.
The world unde
r the water was vast and beautiful and went off in every direction as far as my mermaid eyes could see. There was life everywhere. Schools of fish could be seen at every distance. I could also see garbage scattered along the floor. Every once in a while I'd see something that shouldn't be there – part of an antique truck, an anchor, an old tire, a rubber boot. It was amazing the amount of crap that had been dumped into the sea.
We swam for what must have been quite a while but I had no sense of time. We went through occasional clouds of plain-looking fish, and then passed a school of porpoises, and then a mother humpback whale with a calf. I was distracted by all of them and fought the urge to go and see if I could interact with these creatures.
All thoughts of playing with the ocean's residents vanished when we started to go deeper. Soon we were descending very quickly. I felt the pressure change around me, and my body adjusting in various ways. My ears made a succession of tiny squeaks as they worked to relieve the compression.
The landscape below us changed dramatically and became almost like a mountainscape that we were flying over like birds. There were ravines and huge crevices, boulders and spindle shaped rocks reaching up from the ocean floor. I realized that the marine floor was really just like land, with its varied terrain and distinct landmarks. A mermaid could actually get to know the sea in this way; the territory below her would become familiar in the same way the landscape around Saltford had become well known to me.
"I understand better now how you can always find a wreck once you've been there," I said to Mom as I watched the terrain going by underneath us.
"It seemed like magic to you before, did it?"
“Yes. But it's not magic, its just knowing your environment."
"That's right." I could hear the smile in her voice as she swam ahead of me. "It's as easy to navigate the ocean as it is to navigate the land once you get to know it. There's just a lot more of it."
A shape materialized ahead of us in the gloom.
"And, there she is," Mom said. She turned her face back towards mine and I had another shock as I saw that her pupils had dilated noticeably. The bright blue of her iris was gone and her pupil had enlarged beyond the size of her iris. The whites of her eyes were visible but the effect was still startling. I wondered just how big our pupils could get. I guessed my eyes looked like that too.
