by Holly Rayner
I looked back at him. His face was pale except for the bright scarlet patches across his cheekbones. His long, brown eyelashes lay against them and his brown hair hung down across his forehead. He was beautiful and he had to be okay. Now that I had him back in my life, it might kill me to lose him. I thanked the doctor and turned back to Mark. I rubbed his hand in mine and I just started talking to him.
“Hey big guy! Enough of this, okay? You’re scaring your mom and me. Please wake up. You can finish your dreams later. We’ve got so much to do, Buddy. Remember? We have to teach you how to play baseball and soccer. You have to teach me to play those video games you love so much too.”
Mark’s eyes fluttered. Excitedly, I rubbed his hand a little harder. “I see you. I see you trying to wake up. Open your eyes, okay? I need to see you.” They fluttered again. I could see now that he was trying to wake up. “Your mom’s here too,” I said, looking at Cecile.
“Mama’s here, Mark,” she said, taking his other hand. “Please wake up, baby.”
Mark finally pulled his eyes open. His head was turned towards me so his glassy eyes focused on my face and he said, “Aiden?”
On the verge of tears of relief I said, “Yeah, it’s me. How are you feeling?”
“Ouch!” he said.
“What’s wrong? What’s hurting you?” He turned his head slowly like he was in pain and looked at his mom. His eyes traveled to where she held his hand in her own.
“You’re hurting my hand, Mom.”
“Oh baby I’m so sorry,” she said, letting go. “I was just so happy when you woke up I got over-excited.”
“It’s okay. Where are we?”
“We’re at the hospital, baby. You had a high fever and it made you have a seizure,” Cecile told him.
He looked confused and I said, “Do you know what that is, Mark? Do you know what a seizure is?”
“No,” he said.
“It’s a thing that happens when your brain gets too hot. It makes your body shake all over. That’s why you feel so cool now. They packed you with ice bags and brought your fever down.”
“Oh, okay,” he said. “I’m hungry.”
Cecile and I both laughed and I said, “I’ll go ask the doctor if you can eat. If he says yes I’ll go get you something from the cafeteria.”
“Thank you,” he said. Seven years old, sick in bed in a hospital and still polite. I was so proud.
“You’re welcome,” I told him with a smile. “Hey Buddy?”
“Yeah?”
I wanted to say, “I love you,” but that was probably too much too soon for him. He was still confused about who I was and about why his own father hadn’t been around. So instead, I said, “I’m so glad you’re going to be okay.”
“Me too,” he said with a weak smile. He had his eyes closed again. The medication was likely still making him sleepy. But he knew who he was, who his mother was and who I was. He could talk fine and he was hungry. They were all good signs.
~
Chapter Three
~
HOLLY
Aiden and I had come to an agreement about him seeing Mark…sort of. Two days after the night that Aiden had to rush to the hospital because Mark was having a seizure, we finally had time to sit down and finish our talk.
“How’s Mark doing today,” I asked him.
“He’s great. I talked to him on the phone this morning before he left for school. He sounded good. No more fever. It’s a little scary that they never figured out where it came from though.”
“I’ve read a lot of baby books since we had Eric. They say that kids spike fevers sometimes for no reason, or reasons that no one ever figures out. I’m glad he’s okay. I hate to bring this all up again, but we never finished our talk the other night.”
“It’s okay, I know. I just want to see Mark. I’ll go along with whatever you’re comfortable with, as long as that happens.”
“Good,” I said. “I have no problems with you seeing Mark. I still don’t trust his mother. I’d like for you to work out a schedule with her where you can see him here, or take him places just you and him, or you and him and Eric and me. I’d like for him to feel comfortable here, like we’re all a family. But I can’t handle Cecile always there on the periphery.”
“I understand. I really do. I have thought a lot about how I would feel if the roles were reversed and I think you actually handled this a lot better than I would have. Just the mention of Jake’s name the other day made me furious and that all happened so long ago.”
“Thank you for that,” I told him. It was nice to know that he was thinking about it that way rather than just thinking I was being a jealous ninny.
“You don’t have to thank me, it’s the truth,” he said.
He called Cecile that afternoon and put it on speakerphone. That wasn’t at my request, but I did appreciate it. I think he just wanted me to be sure that he wasn’t hiding things any longer.
“Hi Aiden,” she said in a gooey voice.
“Hey Cecile, I need to talk to you about seeing Mark.”
“You can see him whenever you like,” she said. “Do you have me on speaker? I hear an echo.”
“Yeah, Holly’s here.”
“Oh,” she did a poor job of hiding her annoyance, but then she suddenly had her sappy voice back on as she said, “Hi Holly.”
I made a face at Aiden and he looked like he wanted to laugh. “Hi Cecile,” I said.
“So, I don’t understand, Aiden. What do you mean you need to talk to me about seeing Mark? You’ve been seeing him.”
“I want to set up a schedule with you. One that works for both of us. That way you can make plans to do things you don’t otherwise have time to do while Holly and I have Mark…”
“Whoa, what do you mean when you and Holly have him?”
“Just what I said. Cecile, Holly is my wife. I want Mark to get to know her and Eric.”
“That’s fine, but I’ll bring him over to see them. Mark doesn’t do well with strangers.”
“I’m not a stranger and soon Holly and Eric won’t be either. We don’t need you to be here every single time that we see Mark. You know I love him. We don’t need a chaperone. He will be in good hands with us,” Aiden said as I rolled my eyes.
There was a long pause and then she said, “Are you sure about that? Are you positive that he’d be in good hands there?” I stood up and threw up my hands. She was impossible.
“Yes, I’m sure,” Aiden said. “I don’t know why you would ask me that. What are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry Aiden, and you too Holly. But where my son is concerned, I would rather err on the side of safety. I’ve seen Holly with her own son. I worry that Mark wouldn’t be watched appropriately.”
I was really trying not to say anything but when she said that, I think I actually growled. I opened my mouth and I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say. It probably started with a “B” though and described Cecile. Luckily, Aiden cut me off.
“That’s the other thing, Cecile. I don’t want to hear you disparage Holly again.”
“That’s fine, be protective of your little wifey,” she said. That time it was dripping with sarcasm. Then she said, “It should make you understand even more why I’m so protective of my son. Holly’s an adult; I suppose…but he’s not.”
“So what are you saying?” Aiden asked her.
“I’m saying that if you want to see Mark, I’m his mother and you’ll have to do it my way.”
“And your way is?”
“I don’t leave my son. It’s not just with you and Holly, okay? I don’t leave him with anyone. If you want to see him, you can see him here at my house or at your apartment with me present, or places like the zoo…you know.”
Aiden sighed and he ran a hand through his hair. I could tell he was frustrated and afraid that she was on the verge of telling him that he couldn’t see Mark at all. It made me want to punch her in the face that much more.
“So no compromises?” Aiden asked her.
“Not where my son is concerned,” she said. “The fact that you would expect that from me speaks to why I would worry about not being with him all the time.”
“Oh Jesus, Cecile!”
“Listen to me, Aiden. My son and I were both abused by his own father. I have no doubts that you would never do that, and I’m sure Holly wouldn’t either,” she said. I would never do it to Mark, but I had some pretty strong fantasies about being violent towards his mother sometimes. She went on to say, “But what’s happened to us in the past has made me a little skittish I hope you can understand that.”
Aiden looked up at me then. He was holding his head like it ached and he looked like he was at a loss for what to do. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted my input on this. I shrugged then and mouthed, “That’s fine, but tell her I’ll be here too.”
Aiden smiled at me and then grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. Into the phone he said, “Okay Cecile. We’ll do it your way but you have to remember that my wife and these boys are the centers of my universe. That’s not ever going to change.”
In her fake, sweet voice Cecile said, “Of course, Aiden. I would never want it to.”
AIDEN
Although Cecile hadn’t agreed to the terms that Holly had been hoping for, I think Holly at least felt better that I wasn’t hiding anything from her any longer. The whole thing was less stressful and I planned on going out of my way for all our activities to take place in public. The Saturday after that conversation, we made arrangements to meet at a park in Scarsdale. Holly and I packed a picnic basket and we packed up Eric too. It was going to be a fun family day.
It was a cool, fall day but we had Eric dressed warm. I’d brought some whiffle balls and a couple of plastic bats I’d bought for Mark. I promised to teach him how to play baseball. Cecile and Mark were already there when we arrived and Cecile had brought a picnic basket as well. Mark and I started out hitting a few balls around while Holly and Eric sat on a blanket in the grass and the baby played with his toys. Cecile had brought a lawn chair that she sat facing Mark and I and she watched us play.
After we finished that, Mark wanted to go to the playground. I asked Holly, “Do you want to bring Eric? We can swing him on our laps, I’m sure he’d love it.”
“I’d love to, but what about all of our stuff?”
I looked at Cecile and said, “You won’t mind staying with the stuff for just a bit, would you?”
