by Deja Voss
“Figured she wandered off,” Lenny says. “Thought I’d return her to her rightful owner.”
“She don’t belong to anybody, Lenny,” I say. “She’s a free woman.”
The punches stop, and she cranes her neck and stares right through me.
“I don’t even know her name,” I say with a shrug. I know the tighter I squeeze the harder it’s gonna be for me to hold her. I know she doesn’t trust me, why would she? She doesn’t know me from Lenny. To her, we are probably just like the people I freed her from. I don’t know what’s going on in her mind, but I’m guessing it’s a bad place to be.
She’s probably even more traumatized after taking a ride in Lenny’s trunk. I don’t normally give bitches so much patience, but for some reason, with her, I can’t stop acting like she’s a baby deer and I’m standing there with a bottle of formula trying to lure her in so she doesn’t get hit by a car.
“If she wants to come inside and get some food and make a phone call, that’s fine by me, if not, she’s all yours,” I say, as I turn back to the clubhouse, hating the lies coming out of my mouth. I don’t even look over my shoulder at her, even though my heart is sinking into my stomach thinking about Lenny trying to pawn her off on somebody else. If she’s going to come inside, it has to be on her own accord. I don’t have time to play games and chase her all over the city.
“Hell no,” Lenny says. “I don’t want to catch a charge because you and your girlfriend are playing some fucked up game. I don’t got any use for her. Come on, girl. Can’t you say something?”
I hear footsteps in the gravel, and turn to look as she approaches me. Her feet are all bloody, and her shoulders hunched over. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about how she got that way. Makes me want to burn that whole mansion down and cut Lenny from ear to ear.
“What are you gonna give me?” Lenny asks. “I brought her all the way from downtown. Gas alone is at least fifteen bucks.”
“I’m not giving you shit, you jagoff,” I say. “Now get out of here before I toss you in your trunk and see how you like it.”
He’s running at the mouth all the way back to his car, cursing me out as he slams the door. I watch as he drives off. She stands at a distance, eyeing up the clubhouse.
“It’s no mansion,” I say, pulling a cigarette out of my pocket and lighting it up, “but if anybody here lays a finger on you, I’ll fuck em up.”
I sit down on the porch step, taking her in in the moonlight. I can tell by the way she moves like she’s walking through air she was probably a dancer at some point. Not like the kind of bitches at the club, but a real dancer. The kind that does ballet and shit. I wonder how she got tangled up with those dirtbags.
“You seriously don’t talk?” I blow out a thick cloud of smoke into the air, watching it drift off into the cool night. “I don’t even know what to call you. Girl?”
She sits down next to me on the step, and I want nothing more than to scoop her up and take her to my room, barricade her in there while I take care of her wounds, and never let anybody else lay a finger on her again. Can’t do it though. She’s obviously skeptical and Lenny didn’t help matters any.
I never had to gain the trust of a woman before. It was always just given, and if it wasn’t, I didn’t give a fuck. My reputation is what it is. No bitch in their right mind would look at my criminal record, my history of drug use, or the patch I wear on my chest and assume I’m a nice guy. But anybody who knows anything about the RBMC knows at the end of the day we are loyal fuckers.
Staring at this girl, it’s obvious she has no clue who I am or what I do. It’s like a clean slate. I can be whoever I want to be.
She pulls the wad of cash I gave her earlier and the business card out of her pocket and sets it on my lap.
“I can’t keep calling you girl. Sounds like a dog or something. It ain’t respectful. Tell me your name and I’ll take you wherever you need to go. We’ll pretend like none of this ever happened.”
She hangs her head in her hands. I stub out my cigarette and groan in frustration. I’m a man of few words myself, but this is next level. I can’t help her if she doesn’t at least help me a little bit. I stand up and head for the door.
“Mani,” she says, lifting her head. “My name is Mani, and I really need to get back home.”
“Mani,” I repeat, liking the way it sounds. It’s different. It’s easy. It’s a little mysterious. “Where’s home?”
She stands up and looks at me, and for one slight second, I feel like I’m making progress. She gets me. I can see it in her eye. She knows I’m not the bad guy. She’s going to let me help her.
Before she says another word, her feet fall out from underneath her and she falls to the ground.
Chapter Seven
Mani:
“She sure passes out a lot.” My ears are ringing, and the man’s voice is familiar, but a little muffled. The bed underneath me feels soft, and even though my head is spinning, for the first time all day, I feel comfortable.
“Laz, she was locked in a closet and thrown in the trunk of a car. What do you expect?”
It’s Lean. I have no idea where I am, and I try to open my eyes, but everything is spinning. Last thing I remember I told him my name because he promised he’d take me home. Judging by the fact that I still have all my clothes on and I’m not on a cement floor, I’m assuming he didn’t make good on his promise.
I feel hands on my arm, and something sharp being jabbed into my flesh. My hand twitches involuntarily.
“She’s severely dehydrated. Get a couple bags of juice in her, and she’ll be feeling a lot better. I want to take care of these fingers while she’s out, though. If I don’t splint em now, she’s gonna have to have em broken to get em back to normal.”
“Whatever you gotta do, Rowdy. Just make sure my girl’s alright. Don’t hurt her.”
His girl. I’ve been called girl so long, stripped of my birth name, every time I hear that word I feel like a part of me is being cut away, and yet, coming from his mouth, it doesn’t sound all that bad.
I must’ve hit my head real good on the way down.
The tingling sensation of the IV pushing fluid into my veins isn’t exactly unpleasant but it feels unnatural.
“I’m gonna be as gentle as possible, Mani,” the man says. “I don’t know what happened to your hand, but you’re gonna feel so much better when we get you fixed up.”
My face grows wet with tears. It’s been so long since anyone cared for me. Ever since my mom and step dad died, and Catarina and Stefano took over the family business, my body has been nothing but a punching bag for them and for whatever clients they wanted to throw me to.
I earned every bit of it.
My fingers throb as this man wraps them, almost as bad as the night Catarina took a hammer to them because one of the clients accused me of trying to push him off.
“I don’t know how you didn’t kill those sons of bitches,” he says. “I don’t know how she’s still alive.”
“She’s a fighter,” Lean says. “I don’t know what for, but I’m gonna make damn sure she gets it.”
“I’m worried about you, Lean. This ain’t the kind of shit I expect out of your mouth,” the man who I remember from earlier says. “Rowdy, definitely, but you?”
“Shut up, asshole. You sure she’s gonna be alright? You need me to do anything? I gotta go do my rounds.”
“I’ll make sure she’s alright. Couple bags of fluid and a good night’s sleep and she should be feeling like a champion. I’ll have the girls fix her something to eat.”
“No,” Lean says. “If she wakes up, you call me. I want to be the first person to talk to her. I don’t want your hairy asses traumatizing her.”
His voice is so deep and powerful. It’s obvious by the way everyone listens when he talks, he is well respected. He’s more than just some low level thug. I have no idea what motorcycle clubs do, but whatever it is, Lean is running the show. It makes me
feel safe. I try and fight back a smile and hope nobody notices. Nobody like Lean ever took interest me in me before.
“See, she thinks I’m hilarious,” he says, and I feel his hand brush the hair off my forehead before planting a kiss on it. “Smart woman.”
“Get over yourself, dude,” Rowdy says.
The door slams behind him. I drift off to sleep, praying that when I wake up I have the strength to figure out my next move. I need to get back to Ella. I need to make sure she’s safe. Every minute I let myself go into the outside world is another minute her life could be in grave danger.
Chapter Eight
Mani:
I wake up in total darkness, the blanket draped over me not enough to keep me from shivering. The room is silent, and I sit bolt upright. I am amazed at how good I feel. I have no idea how long I’ve been out, but I slept better than I have in the last seven years.
I wiggle my fingers and they throb a little bit from the splints rowdy taped around them, and the place where they stuck the needle to give me fluids is taped over with a piece of gauze.
If these guys wanted to hurt me, or sell me, or do anything, they had a million opportunities, and they didn’t take them. I’m very confused.
I get up from the bed and try and find a light switch on the wall, but I can’t. I feel around until I reach a doorknob and I click the lock over and swing the door open ever so slightly. I peek out into the long hallway, not quite sure what I’m looking for. My stomach is growling and my brain is telling me I need to find a way back to the mansion, back to Ella, but my heart is telling me I need to find Lean.
I step out into the hallway cautiously. There’s loud music coming from one end and the sound of lots of mens’ voices. I want to believe these guys aren’t like the people who hang around the mansion, but it still makes my heart race. I walk the opposite direction, looking over my shoulder ever few seconds.
I hear the sound of heavy footsteps coming from the end of the hall, and without even thinking, I push open the first door I see, shutting it behind me as quietly as possible.
I curl up in a little ball on the floor in the darkness.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous.” I can hear Rowdy’s voice from across the room over the country music coming through the speakers in the wall. “Gin, I don’t know what the hell I gotta do to convince you to get off that pole.”
“What, and get on your pole?” a woman says with a laugh.
“Hey, we can just cuddle,” Rowdy says.
I really don’t think I should be in here. They seem distracted enough with each other not to notice me, and I watch in the dim light as he picks her up and she squeals with joy, wrapping her legs around his waist.
It’s fucked up, but it brings a smile to my face. The only kind of love I’ve ever seen is the kind that’s bought and paid for. The kind that’s contractual. The only kind of sex I see is the kind that doesn’t involve kissing or hugging or sweet words. These two are like something I’ve only seen in movies.
She’s a beautiful woman with this long red curly hair, and he’s grinning at her like he worships the ground she walks on. I have to slap my hand over my mouth to stifle my sigh when he pushes her hair back and softly kisses her neck. Rowdy’s a beautiful man himself, much shorter than Lean, but stalky with big muscles. To think those hands that are running over the curves are her breasts are the same ones that fixed my fingers makes me jealous inside in a weird way, because I know how magical those hands are that they can heal me so tenderly.
He’s a good guy, and I can tell she’s a good girl by the way he softly moans every time she touches his skin. I am certain this is what true love looks like, something I’ve never believed occurred in real life until right this moment.
I watch, wrapt, as she peels off his shirt. He takes off her pants. Soon they are naked, and the sight of their bodies coming together is more beautiful than any ballet I’ve ever seen.
“Rowdy, what the fuck?” she shrieks, pushing herself out from underneath him. She’s staring me straight in the eye. I don’t know what to do, so I slowly stand up from the floor, hanging my head. “What the hell, Rowdy? Who is this and what is she doing in your room?”
I walk over to them slowly, holding my hands out in front of me so they know I’m not trying to do them any harm.
“Mani, what’s up babe?” Rowdy asks, grabbing a sheet and pulling it up over their bodies. “What are you doing awake?”
“So this is the woman I’ve heard so much about.” She smiles at me with those loving eyes, and I take a few steps closer. “I can totally see it. You’re gorgeous, Mani.” I feel my skin blushing as she pats the bed next to her for me to sit down. “Sorry you had to walk in on that, you probably got an eyeful.”
I sit down in between the two of them and Rowdy laughs. “If my balls fall off, I’m coming for your boy, Lean.”
“Oh, quit being a dog,” Gin says. “This poor woman is probably confused as hell right now. Do you need anything? You hungry? Thirsty? You want to sleep in here tonight?”
“I’ve never seen two people in love,” I say, to my own surprise. I slap my hand over my mouth, my eyes growing wide.
“She speaks!” Rowdy says.
Gin rolls her eyes. “Two people in love, huh?” She starts laughing, and Rowdy tosses a pillow at her.
“I’m gonna go try and track down Lean and get us some food. I’ll let you two get to know each other,” he says. He stands up from the bed and tugs his jeans on quickly, and I try not to look, but Gin stares the whole time, licking her lips and blowing him a kiss as he walks out of the room.
“What’s your story, girl? You really just wandered in here or you got some weird fetish for watching other people get it on? I don’t judge. I’m a stripper for Christ sake.”
Something about her makes me feel comfortable, like in another life, the two of us would’ve been friends. How good it would feel to be able to pour my soul out to another person, someone my age, someone who could sympathize with me.
“I don’t talk much,” I say, grabbing her hand. “I will listen, though.”
“You really are something else, huh?” she asks. “You know you’re safe here. Whatever happened back at that house, that’s all over. You don’t ever have to go back there again. These guys, they might be a little rough around the edges, but as long as you are loyal, you don’t ever have to worry a day in your life. They will treat you like a queen.”
“I can’t stay,” I mutter.
“Well Slick’s real good at making people disappear. Pretty girl like you, you could probably go wherever you wanted in this whole world and be a success. I’d love to be able to get out of this dirty city and start all over.”
“What about Rowdy?” I ask.
Now she’s blushing. “Rowdy is a good man. Very kind. He brought me back to life when nobody else gave a shit. It’s just… he knows I dance for money. He knows I’ve done more than that. It’s something I’ll always have to live with. It’s the only thing I’m good at. What kind of self respecting man could look at me every day and not see that? Maybe not now, but one day, years from now, it’ll come up, and it will kill me for real.”
“You’ll die of a broken heart,” I say.
She closes her eyes, and tears start to fall down her face. I feel like complete trash. The first time I have an actual conversation with a real human in who knows how long, and I’ve already fucked it up. My sadness is contagious. I run my fingers over the tears on her face, and kiss her forehead in that tender way Lean did to me, the way he showed me everything was going to be alright.
The bedroom door swings open.
“Brother, calm the fuck down. See? She’s fine,” Rowdy says.
Lean pushes past him, a scowl on his face that makes my heart stop pumping. I brace myself in fear, hanging my head and cowering.
Chapter Nine
Lean:
“Get off her!” I shout at Gin. “Don’t fucking touch her. What the fuck is wrong with
you people?”
I don’t even want to hear Rowdy’s explanation about why Mani is in bed with his woman. It turns my fucking stomach. He knows better. They all know better. She’s here so I can protect her, not so she can get taken advantage of by some stripper and a hornball. My stomach turns when I see them sitting there together.
“You’re way out of line, brother,” Rowdy shouts, grabbing me by the arm as I lunge towards the bed. “You have no idea what’s going on here.”
“We were just talking!” Gin says. “This woman is scared shitless in a strange place. Don’t you think she deserves someone to talk to while you’re off doing whatever the hell it is you needed to do?”
“Talking?” I ask, feeling the anger burning in my chest. “She doesn’t fucking talk to anybody. You think she’s gonna open up to some whore?”
Gin’s eyes cut right through me, and she jumps up from the bed and lunges at me.
“I know you think women are your property, Lean, but this isn’t the strip club, and you can’t treat her like one of your dancers. She needs help. Real help.”
“You don’t know what she needs. You weren’t there. She needs somebody to protect her and keep her safe, not some pervert who wants to take advantage of her.”
Mani takes off running past the two of us, her face in her hands, sobbing so loud, it stops me in my tracks.
“I scared her,” I say.
“You scare everyone, Lean,” Gin says, reaching out and touching my arm. “We all know you’re good deep down, but she doesn’t. All she sees is you flying off the handle. What part of that would make any sane woman want to stay? She’s scared out of her mind, and you’re just stoking the fire.”
“I’m a monster.”
“You’re a man on a mission,” Rowdy says. “I get it. Gin gets it. We all get it. Mani doesn’t know you like we do. She doesn’t know this life. You took her out of one violent situation and put her in another one. I know you think you’re doing right by her, but you really need to take a step back and reconsider your approach. All the woman wants is some kindness. You can say whatever you want, but until you can show her everything is going to be alright, until you can make her feel it in her soul, you’re not gonna get anywhere.”
